A Reason To Breathe

by Smith, C. P.

  I couldn’t see Jack in the dark, but I could feel him tense and then he reached forward and turned the water off. He helped me to my feet, kissed me once and said, “Don’t move I’ll get you a towel.” In the dark, he somehow opened the door, found us each a towel, and wrapped me up tight in it. “Stay here,” was all he said, and then I heard him exit the room.

  There was no light coming under the door, so I figured a fuse had blown. I dried off and found the shirt I’d worn and threw it over my head, then moved to the door, feeling my way. Turning in the direction of the living room, I kept my hand on the wall for balance and was getting ready to call out to Jack when I heard a loud crash. Startled, I moved quickly in the direction of the sound, calling out “Jack,” when I heard struggling in the living room. I could see two figures battling in the dark and ran towards them, the only thing on my mind was helping Jack.

  “Jack,” I screamed as I reached the struggling forms.

  In filtering light, I saw an arm raise high and what looked like a knife, glinted from the rays of the moon.

  “Jenn, get back.” Jack shouted, and I heard a whispered voice say, “You’re corrupting her, I have to kill you.” A chill ran through me, and I knew this was the killer. I reached around for anything to use as a weapon, but only met dead air. I need something, a fireplace tool, anything I could hit this man with. Then it hit me; Jack was a sheriff; he carried a gun.

  “Jack where’s your gun?”

  “Goddammit, get the fuck out,” Jack bellowed. I turned when he shouted and watched as the knife came down and heard someone grunt. “JACK,” I screamed, then saw an arm swing and connect, forcing someone’s head back and down they went. Frozen in place, not knowing which man had gone down, I started to move back in fear, when the man still standing turned, and ran towards me. When he reached me, he stopped briefly, and I felt his hand brush against my arm, running down the length of it in a caress, then he turned and ran out the open door in the kitchen.

  I don’t know what possessed me, but I ran to the door and looked outside. I heard an engine start, and saw taillights, at what looked to be a truck, speed off down the street. “Jack.” I shouted then turned and ran back into the living room, falling to my knees, reaching around the floor searching for him.

  “Where are you, Jack,” I started crying and then mumbling “Don’t die, please don’t die.” My hand felt a bare leg, and I ran my hand up to his stomach and felt it moving up and down. Needing him to wake up, I started shaking him. “Jack,” I sobbed. “Jack, wake up,” really ugly sob. “Please don’t die, Jack, please come back to me.”

  Over a year ago, I lost my husband to a drunk driver and I was there when he died at the hospital. That feeling of helplessness was maddening. It broke my daughter and left me empty missing my best friend. Now with Jack on the floor, not responding, I was reliving all those emotions again, and I started to panic. I couldn’t see what I was doing; I couldn’t see how bad he was hurt, so I stood and moved my way back down the hall to the bathroom where I’d left my phone and searched the countertop. Finding it among the towels, my fingers wrapped around the phone and I mashed buttons, so it lit up. Using the light, I ran back down the hall till I found Jack on the floor, with a huge slice in his shoulder and blood pooling on the floor. I looked him over for other wounds, and couldn’t see any, but with all the blood I couldn’t tell.

  Jack eyes started fluttering, and then they opened wide and looked around. Relieved, I threw myself on him unable to stop the tears from coming, and started bawling. Great huge sobs came from my body, and all I could think was I couldn’t lose him too. Burying Doug had been excruciating, and losing Jack the same way, would have killed me.

  I felt his arm wrap around my shoulders and a soft, “Shhh, I got you Baby, I’m not going anywhere.” I let out a cry and nodded my head in his neck. Then bossy Jack came back.

  “When I fuckin’ tell you stay, you fuckin’ stay.” My headed snapped back at that, and I narrowed my eyes.

  “What?”

  “I was too damn busy worrying where you were to concentrate, Jesus, Jenn, when you got too close, I almost let him go to get you away.” That deflated me, of course he was right, dammit, I hadn’t thought about that when I rushed in.

  “Sorry,” was all I could say.

  “What am I gonna do with you?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Jesus, you’re a walking, talking, danger to me.” Hurt by his words I tensed and tried to move back. Struggling to stand up, he wrapped me up and buried his head in my neck, then started laughing.

  Seriously?

  “What’s so funny?” I hissed, but he kept laughing, and my ego took an even bigger hit. For some reason, instead of being pissed, I got choked up at him thinking I was a walking disaster, and the tears started coming again.

  “Le…let me…up,” I cried, and Jack pulled his head back and even though he couldn’t see my face, he could hear the tears in my voice.

  “Jesus, Jenn…You’ve got me turned inside out…. You’re a danger to me because the thought of anyone touching you or hurting you, brings me to my knees.”

  “What?” I whispered, and he continued.

  “Twenty years, not once in twenty years have I ever met a woman who tied my stomach in knots, and you stomped into my life four days ago, and just the thought of you, Christ… you’re my kryptonite, Jenn… You’re a danger to me, because when you’re around, I can’t see anything else,” he answered hoarsely.

  “Jack.”

  “So, please, in the future, don’t be Lois Lane, just be my sweet Jenn and stay, yeah?”

  I stared at his dark face and felt the warmth of his words run through me…I was his sweet Jenn? So I answered him the only way I knew how. I threw my mouth to his and kissed him and then whispered in his ear, “Ok, Jack; I’ll stay next time.”

  “That’s my girl,” he whispered back…then he grunted, and cursed in pain.

  “Baby, I need to call the station, and get some clothes on.” I jerked out of my warm fuzzy haze and remembered he’d been stabbed, and then I moved into nurse mode.

  “Lie still, and I’ll get a towel, we need to call an ambulance and have you checked out. He hit you, and you could have a neck injury, so don’t move, I’ll be right back.”

  Using my phone for light, I ran back to the bathroom and looked for towels and first aid kit. While I was digging, I felt a hand wrap around my waist and pull me back. Jack took the phone from my hand, hit 911 and started talking to dispatch about the break-in, the fight, and the knife, all while holding me to his chest, then he leaned and whispered in my ear, “Babe, clothes, deputies are on the way.” I don’t know how he thought I’d find my clothes in the dark, but I reached down on the floor of the bathroom and searched till I found his and mine. A little wet from the shower, but better wet than naked, I pulled them on and with the light from my phone; Jack managed to get dressed as well, before the sirens in the distance were right outside. Jack grabbed my hand and pulled me up to his still shirtless body, and put his head to my forehead.

  “Jenn, did you recognize this guy?”

  “No,” I shook my head, “It was too dark.”

  “There was something about him that was familiar, Jenn, I’ll figure it out, but until I do, you can’t be alone.”

  “What? Why?”

  “Babe, I know the link to these women, why he’s killing brunettes.” Confused how he figured that out fighting with the killer, I asked him.

  “How do you know?” He paused before answering taking a deep breath.

  “Because it’s you.”

  My head spun when I heard that, and the words of the killer came back to me, “You’re corrupting her, I have to kill you.” Shaking my head, I took a step back, but Jack grabbed me and held me close, as denial turned to fear, and I started shaking. “No, no, no, that’s not true.” I shouted, but I knew, I knew he was right. I pushed hard against him trying to get away, but he didn’t budge, panicking, I st
arted breathing too fast.

  “Jenn, stop, Baby listen to me, I’ll find him, I promise you.”

  “No, it’s not true, it’s not true.”

  “Jenn?” Was all I heard before my brain shut him out, and then lights went out… Not the house lights, no, I passed clean out like some Victorian heroine in a cheesy romance novel, and in the back of my mind as I slipped into darkness, I wondered if Jack thought I worth this trouble, or was rethinking his stance on kryptonite.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Don't Say You're Sorry

  “Goddammit, get the fuck out.” “You’re corrupting her, I have to kill you.” “Jaaaack” “Babe, I know the link to these women, why he’s killing brunettes.” ”Because it’s you.” ”No, no, no.” “Nooo, no, no.” I shot up, looking around and finding myself in Jack’s bedroom. The lights were back on, and the door to the room was closed. A feeling of dread ran through my exhausted body. Jack thinks the killer knows me; he’s killing because of me? Why? I’ve been here four months, who have I angered so much they would kill women to punish me? Why not kill just me if he hates me so much?

  Needing to move, adrenaline coursing through my body, causing my heart rate to increase, I knew the signs of an anxiety attack. Right after Doug died, and my life was uncertain, I would get them at night. With Bailey off at school and Mom, Dad, and my brother, Ted, all living so far away, I just felt alone, unsure and weirdly, forgotten. I need to run, burn this off.

  In bare feet and not giving at fuck, I ran to the bedroom door, threw it open and hightailed it down the hall. When I hit the living room, Jack was there in a discussion with Barry, Grady and Phil. Without a word to any of them, I headed straight to the kitchen door, threw it open, and took off. Cold air hit my face, the shock of it clearing my head. I was surprised the temperature had dropped so much, but I didn’t really feel it, so I kept right on running. I heard shouting behind me; surprised it was Barry. I couldn’t stop; I had to get this adrenaline burnt off or an anxiety attack the likes I’d never had, would cripple me. Jack lived on a dead end street, and I’d headed towards the dead end and when I reached it, I turned around and headed back the way I came. As I got closer to Jack’s house, I could see him standing at the end of his driveway, arms crossed over his chest just watching me. I looked at him and shook my head; I needed to keep running to get this out, and I needed him not to stop me. Like he understood, he gave me a chin lift and left me to it.

  Twenty minutes and two bruised and bleeding feet later, I came to a stop about hundred feet from Jack’s house. Still standing, watching me, the lights from an old-time, gas street lamp, glowing down on me as his guide, he walked towards me then stopped in front of me, looking down.

  “You get it out?”

  “Yeah, I think so.” Without another word, he bent at the waist and picked me up, carrying me back to his house. We entered through the front door, and three sets of eyes were on me. All had a look of concern, but a secondary look of, “is she gonna freak out again.” I was too tired to care. Jack placed me on his couch, and then bent down to look at my feet.

  “You need to soak these, I’ll run a bath.” Was all Jack said before he moved down the hall. I turned back to the guys and smiled weakly, then fell against the couch and closed my eyes. I heard a cough, and I turned my head to see Barry ready to ask me something. I raised my hand to stop him.

  “I’m fine, I needed a moment to sort through what’s happened.”

  “About that, we need to ask you some questions since Jack was the victim, he can’t be involved in the investigation.”

  “Fine, ask away, I won’t break.” At least I didn’t think I would, but I’d already passed clean out, and my new independent womanhood had taken a bruise to her ego.

  “Did you notice anything about the guy that would help in identifying him? His height, hair color, build, a tattoo, anything, even a smell that might be distinct.”

  Closing my eyes, the fight clear in my head, I saw the knife, the height of the men struggling and started listing everything I remembered to Barry while keeping my eyes closed and in the memory.

  “He was shorter than Jack, maybe six foot two, he had a knit cap on his head, the kind with the eyes and mouth cut out, like bank robbers wear. The knife had lots of those sharp ridges on them like Rambo carried, and if I had to guess his size, I would say a lot leaner than Jack. I didn’t get close enough to smell him, except when he touched me as he ran past, but all I smelt was fresh air, like he’d been standing outside a long time.”

  “Jenn.” My eyes flew open when I heard Jack call my name; he was crouched down in front of me again, watching me.

  “He touched you when he ran past?”

  “His hand, his fingers, they ran down my arm when he passed me.” Jack turned to Barry, and the boys, and something silent passed between them.

  “Jack? Are you sure, 100 percent sure this about me?” I knew the answer; it made sense once you looked at it rationally, women who looked like me died, I met Jack and now women he dated were dying. He’d said, “You’re corrupting her,” to Jack. This man, whoever he was, seemed to think I needed to be protected from Jack, but why was he killing?

  “Jenn, it’s like puzzles pieces, separately they made no sense, but together they form a picture, and that picture is you.”

  I looked away from his face and nodded my understanding. Without looking at any of them, I thought about the loss of life because some lunatic had an obsession with me. Me, simple Jennifer, from simple Kansas, who wanted a simple life in the beautiful mountains and possibly have some adventures while living a childhood dream, was the obsession of a killer. For those women who were dead, I wished I’d never come here. For the women who could die because of me, I knew in my gut I’d have to leave. If I slipped away when no one was watching, I could get out without the killer knowing, and save the life of whoever was next. I thought about all of my options, and this was the only one that made sense. Leave and save lives, or stay and endanger everyone, no choice really? My mind made up; I just needed to get away from Jack…

  * * *

  Jack gave me clothes to wear after my bath, a huge, soft t-shirt that smelled like him, and sweat pants I rolled at the waist to keep up. Luckily, I’d had time while soaking in the tub, to come up with an excuse to get to my car and get out of town. I’m going to ask Barry to drive me to my car under the premise I needed it for work. Hopefully Jack will agree to let me get my car since he insisted I had to stay with him till the killer was caught, and can’t expect me to be stuck here without transportation. Jack needed stitches on his shoulder, and Phil was going to drive him to the hospital. I figured that would give me enough time to get home, pack a bag and hit the road. To where? I’d figure that out on the road, but first I had to get to my car. I was sitting on his couch thinking about what I needed to do, where I could go, should I get cash, call Bailey, and a million other things when his voice broke my concentration.

  “Babe, worrying about something you have no control over will accomplish nothing... Except frown lines you women are always complaining about.” Looking at Jack and seeing his blue eyes twinkle at me, I tried for a smile I wasn’t feeling and then nodded my head. Thinking now would be a good time to bring up the subject of my car; I took a deep breath and went for it.

  “Jack while you’re getting stitched up, I need to get my car. Can Barry drive me to it?” Jack watched me for a moment then looked over at Barry, studied him, then said “Stand up.” Barry stood with a confused look on his face as Jack walked up to him and looked down. He looked Barry over, and then spoke over his shoulder to me.

  “Barry isn’t tall enough to be the killer,” Jack explained, and I jerked my head back, shocked, he’d even considered Barry. Barry got angry of course, then crossed his arms over his chest and glared.

  “What the fuck, Jack, you thought I was the killer?”

  “No, but whoever this fuck is has an obsession with Jenn, and you’ve been obvious about your feelings
for her, so I had to be sure.”

  Barry’s face turned red, and he looked away. I got embarrassed for him and felt the heat come up my face. Jack was right, of course, but Jack being Jack didn’t even try to soften his remarks, and that had to sting no matter who you were. Barry turned back and looked at me, and then with a grin said, “Man would have to be blind not to notice you.” I bit my lips to keep from laughing and crying at the same time. My life was a nightmare.

  God, how had it come to this? Barry was a great guy, but he wasn’t Jack, no man was, but it didn’t matter that Jack was wonderful, and I was falling hard for him, because, after tonight, I didn’t know if I would see him again.

  “You done flirting with my woman? If so, take her to her car and make sure she gets back here in one piece.” Barry nodded wiping the smile from his face and then turned to me.

  “You ready?”

  “Yeah, give me a second will you?”

  “I’ll just wait by the door, take your time.” Nodding, I turned to Jack and tried to keep my heart rate from racing. Jack didn’t know it, but this could be the last time he saw me, and the thought I might never come back to this man was cutting me deep. Jack started talking first, so I bit my lips and listened, determined I wouldn’t cry.