by Katie Ginger
They stood not looking at each other in the oppressive silence. Lottie didn’t know what to say or how to move on from this moment. They were at a stalemate. And to give in was unthinkable but there was no way back from what they had said to the other.
A muscle twitched in Sid’s neck. He threw down his notebook and, without saying a word, walked away. When he’d gone, Lottie stepped forwards, her legs unsteady and shaking beneath her and she picked it up. Underneath the title, ‘Much Ado, First Performance,’ were written two simple words in block capitals. Tears blotted the paper as she read them and collapsed dramatically to her knees. ‘Oh fuck’ indeed, Sid.
Chapter 24
Sid walked for more than an hour after seeing Lottie, hoping that each step would ease the anger in the pit of his stomach and the stabbing in his heart. He’d always been able to control his emotions but this evening they’d got the better of him. In the harbour the boats gently bobbed up and down on the calm quiet sea. The moon reflected off the smooth surface and without the cawing of the gulls everything was eerily silent. Sid caught his foot on the uneven cobbles and stumbled.
How could Lottie say things like that about his career, let alone about Selena? Selena was sweet and kind, and she cared about him more than Lottie did. Lottie had always had such low self-esteem, she took everything the wrong way. He’d learned to live with it over the years but she was clearly doing the same thing with Selena. Well, she’d have to get over that herself. He’d tried to help before but she hadn’t changed. He didn’t mind her deep insecurities, he’d loved her despite them. They were part of who she was, but Selena had always been sweet and kind to Lottie. She was obviously intimidated by her self-confidence and there was nothing he could do about that. And the thought of Jeremy passing comment on his relationship made him squeeze his fists tightly and want to punch something.
Sid pushed his hands further into his jacket pockets. When he thought of where he wanted to be right now he was surprised that, for the first time, he wanted to be with Selena, not Lottie. He’d finally moved on but at what cost? Their friendship was ruined forever now. It wasn’t how he wanted things to be, but what could he do? There was no going back. Lottie had made it clear she blamed him for everything. And he didn’t feel he could ever forgive her for mentioning his parents like that.
Now his anger was subsiding, he felt an overwhelming sadness. Grief for the life he and Lottie had had. The one that was gone. He didn’t know this version of Lottie. She was a stranger to him. The fierce pain in his chest started again and he clenched his fists willing it to stop.
No matter how hard he tried, Sid couldn’t just pretend the play was great and write a glowing review. He’d spent the entire performance trying to phrase things in his mind so they were hopeful, but it was useless. The only thing he could think to do was be honest and hope people understood.
Sid found himself walking home, glad Selena had asked for a key to his flat. He wanted to be in the arms of someone who cared about him, who loved him. It was almost one o’clock in the morning but when he saw the living room light on he was happy she’d waited up for him. As he unlocked the door and walked in, Selena met him in the hallway. She was in a short silky dressing gown, the thin straps of a vest top poked out from the neckline and her legs were bare. A hint of lacy shorts peeked from under her gown. He didn’t speak at first as he enjoyed the comfort of being home, and of having Selena wrapped around him.
They walked through to the living room and where she turned around, her smooth forehead wrinkled in concern. ‘Honey, what’s wrong?’
Sid told her about the argument but didn’t mention what Lottie had said about her. Selena sat on the sofa and pulled her legs under her. ‘Lottie said what? I can’t believe it.’
Sid perched on the edge of the armchair leaning forwards, his shoulders tense. ‘And the thing is, I can’t lie to the town, can I? I can’t just pretend it was all okay. People talk, they know the truth. No one would read the paper again. They’d think we’re completely biased and then we’ll be a laughing stock. And they’ll think I’m a joke too.’
‘You’re not a joke and I’m sure Lottie will realise you can’t lie about the play. I bet she’s just embarrassed and lashing out.’
Sid looked into her deep brown eyes. Her long hair was down and without make-up he could really see who she was. Lottie was wrong. What Selena had just said proved it. Lottie was the one with the problem.
‘I think that Jeremy is a bad influence,’ said Selena, matter-of-factly. ‘I mean, think about it, you haven’t seen her at all since he came on the scene, have you? I’ve had friends do that before when they’ve got new boyfriends and it’s really bad. You can’t just dump people.’
Selena’s words rang in his ears. That was exactly what Lottie had done – dumped him. He’d been a great friend all this time and then as soon as things started to change and a man came along, she chucked him aside. That showed how much he meant to her. Bile rose in his throat and he fought back the sting of tears. He’d been so right to move on with Selena and the relief that thought brought loosened his tight muscles.
Selena ran her hands through her hair. ‘And now she’s dressing and acting differently too. I have no idea why some women feel the need to do that. To change who they are for the new men in their lives. It’s sad.’
Sid looked up to see her worried face watching him. He’d been unfair to Selena, he realised now, never fully committing to their relationship. He’d had one foot in and one foot out, ready to run to Lottie all the while a glimmer of hope remained. He’d been a fool and Selena deserved better.
‘And,’ Selena continued, ‘Jeremy seems the type to think you can just buy everything and everyone. I’ve never liked him. But money doesn’t always get you what you want.’ Her voice softened as she said, ‘Lottie will learn that eventually.’
She was being sweet taking his side, trying to make him feel better, letting him know he wasn’t to blame for this mess. It was just what he needed to hear right now. He’d never have hurt Lottie how she’d hurt him tonight. Not intentionally.
Sid opened his mouth to speak then closed it. He hadn’t talked about his parents for years but now he wanted to tell Selena. He wanted her soft voice to soothe over the old wounds that had opened up at Lottie’s words. ‘Lottie said I’ve wanted nothing but an easy life since my parents died.’ His voice was small and unable to mask the pain. ‘But I’ve always had professional integrity. I’ve never lied or embellished a story, she—’
‘She used your parents against you?’ Selena came over and kneeled in front of him, taking his hands in hers. ‘I’m sorry, Sid. I know she’s your friend but that’s completely out of order.’
Sid stayed silent and Selena stroked his face. ‘Listen, maybe you and Lottie need some space from each other for a while? She’s really caught up in Jeremy and this theatre business, and even though I try and be friendly I don’t think she really likes me. I think she just needs a bit of time to get used to us being together?’
He nodded, she was right. The things Lottie said tonight showed that she was struggling with all these changes. Maybe some space would do them both good.
Selena cupped the back of his head, leading him towards her. She put his head on her shoulder and hugged him tightly. ‘You have to write the story truthfully and the truth is, it was rubbish. There isn’t anything else you can do and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it. She shouldn’t have even asked you to do something like this. Maybe you need to give her space to realise that?’
Sid breathed in the sweet honey scent of her hair and lifted his head so he was looking straight at her. He kissed her and felt all his troubles slide away in her warm and tender embrace. The only thought that flickered across his brain was, ‘goodbye Lottie’.
Chapter 25
Lottie entered the marquee for the second night to see the Greenley Players sitting around doing absolutely nothing. The previous night’s fussing and primping had been replaced by a
lethargic depression in which nobody raced to get to the make-up stand or fiddled with their costumes. After her row with Sid, Lottie felt the same – tired and depressed.
When Jeremy had picked her up from the marquee the night before and taken her home she’d said goodnight and closed the door, wanting to be left alone to cry. Picking up her nan’s old shawl and pulling it tightly around her, Lottie climbed the stairs and got into bed still fully clothed. She reached into the drawer of her bedside table and pulled out her nan’s letter. ‘I’m so sorry, Nan. I’ve really let you down this time.’ She’d then curled up into the foetal position and cried herself to sleep.
Looking around now, Lottie had no idea what to say. Debbie leaned against a wall and stared into space, toying with the waistband of her skirt. Lee sat on the floor, his hands resting on his knees, head down, and Sarah was hiding behind the costume rail. Even Mrs Andrews sat with her legs crossed, dejectedly sipping a bottle of water. It was a terrible sight and Lottie felt her heart break for them. It was horrible to think that they had to go through it all again tonight. She put on a smile and adopted a cheerful tone. Perhaps pretending last night didn’t matter would help them focus now. ‘Hi, everyone.’
Heads turned to her, but no one bothered to speak.
‘So, I know last night was—’
‘Ghastly?’ asked Gregory.
‘Embarrassing?’ said Mrs Andrews, for once nodding in agreement with Gregory.
‘Difficult,’ replied Lottie. ‘But we need to learn from our mistakes and move on.’
‘Has anyone even bothered turning up for tonight’s performance?’ Debbie asked.
Lottie went to the marquee door and popped her head out. ‘There’s quite a few people here already.’ Lottie feigned excitement. ‘And it’s still half an hour till we start.’
‘Oh God,’ said Sarah, raising a hand to her mouth.
‘Please, everyone,’ began Lottie, knowing she needed to lift their spirits. ‘Last night didn’t go according to plan, we have to be honest about that. But we’ve got a lot we can take from it too, and it’s all good experience. I really think tonight will be different.’
Amongst the quiet murmurs she could make out the words ‘mad’ and ‘naïve’. ‘Conner, did you want to say anything?’
He shook his head and tapped on his phone. Everyone kept their eyes averted and Lottie decided it was probably best to leave them alone. She headed out into the crowd and looked for Sid, but he was yet to arrive, if he even came at all. Surely he would watch the second performance before writing his article? He owed them that much.
‘How is everyone?’ asked Jeremy when she joined him on the grass. He’d brought a picnic to try and cheer her up but as the champagne bubbles fizzed on her tongue her mood didn’t improve.
‘Totally depressed. I don’t know what we’re going to do. They’ve lost all confidence and I’m really worried they’re going to quit after this.’
‘Don’t worry, we won’t let that happen.’
Lottie’s eyes widened in sudden panic. ‘What if they leave halfway through the performance? Just walk out? What will we do then? Or what if they refuse to go on?’
‘They won’t. Listen.’ He took her hand, his voice a calm, reassuring balm. ‘We’ll sort this out. I promise.’
‘But how?’
‘I’m a problem solver, Lottie. That’s what I do.’ He lifted her head and stared into her eyes. ‘Trust me.’
‘Okay,’ she said, and with mounting fear, snuggled into his arm.
The second performance was, in fact, marginally better than the first. The wonky column was left out and Mrs Andrews managed not to hit anyone. Some cast members still forgot their lines, and others forgot where to stand, but the embarrassment of the first night had scared them into trying harder. Scripts had been re-learned, voices were projected with actual feeling, rather than recited like a robot, and gestures were more natural and less awkward. Clearly no one wanted to go through that again.
At the intermission, very few people left and those that stayed, whilst not entirely enjoying themselves, were at least sticking it out in the evening sunshine. The only thing that had gone wrong so far was when a member of the public did such an enormous sneeze it sounded like his face exploded and Sarah and Lee were momentarily thrown off during a tense scene.
As the players left the stage, Lottie took a sip of her drink and turned to Jeremy. His face and the gold flecks in his eyes were illuminated by the deep golden glow of the evening sun. ‘Why don’t you go and give them some words of encouragement?’
Lottie nodded and headed back to the marquee. Conner was talking to Lee and pointing to the script. Lee nodded and gave Conner a pat on the shoulder.
‘Well done, everyone,’ said Lottie. ‘I think we’re doing much better tonight. You’re doing really well.’
‘We could hardly do any worse, dear, could we?’ said Gregory.
Lottie ignored him. ‘I just wanted to say keep going, you’re doing great.’ She gave them a double thumbs-up, then felt like a cheesy TV presenter, so dropped her hands.
‘The woman’s delusional,’ said Gregory to the rest of the players, then turned back to Lottie. ‘But thank you, dear.’
Lottie left and found her spot next to Jeremy. He looked like a movie star in his sunglasses. ‘I’m not sure it did any good, but I tried.’ She checked again for Sid and spied him sat at the back with Selena. When Selena spotted Lottie she looped her arm through Sid’s, a smug smile on her perfectly glossed lips, and Lottie flinched. Through the second half Sid gazed adoringly at Selena, and wrote notes in a new notebook – Lottie still had his old one. Lottie’s heart ached watching them together.
‘Everything alright?’ asked Jeremy. He turned and saw Sid. ‘I can’t believe he’s let you down like this.’
It hurt to hear Jeremy say it but he was right. And the mayor had left her several messages telling her an urgent committee meeting had been called for the following night. Lottie feared the worst.
Jeremy’s cool, confident demeanour was ruffled. ‘Did you want me to talk to him for you, try and find out what he’s going to write? He didn’t answer my calls this morning.’
‘No, it’s okay.’ Lottie gave Jeremy a half smile. ‘He’ll write whatever he wants no matter what anyone says. Let’s just watch the end and get out of here.’
‘Sid can’t just go ruining all the hard work you’ve put into the theatre. I won’t let him.’
‘There’s nothing you can do. Freedom of the press and all that.’ Ironic how something she’d always believed in was going to ruin her new life.
Jeremy scoffed. ‘There is. It’s all because he’s jealous.’
‘Jealous?’ asked Lottie. ‘Of what?’
‘Of you and me, of course.’ He was normally calm but knowing he was upset on her behalf made her feel better. It was good to know someone was on her side. ‘Haven’t you ever noticed? I saw it that night at dinner. I know you’re only friends but he’s jealous of how you’re making something of your life and he’s just treading water as a local reporter.’
Lottie sat in silence. She remembered what she’d said to Sid about working on the paper and her skin prickled with shame.
Jeremy topped up their champagne. ‘There is one thing that will cheer you up. I’ve organised for the roof repairs to start next week.’
‘Really?’
‘Yeah.’ His voice bubbled with excitement. ‘We’ll soon be getting the theatre back to its former glory.’
Lottie tried to smile but knew that it would be someone else acting as chairman soon. There was no way she could carry on after this. Her head pulled to the side to look at Sid and as he gave Selena another kiss, Lottie turned quickly away.
Jeremy wrapped his arm around her shoulder and moved in closer. It was clear that, as far as Sid was concerned, she didn’t exist anymore. And what was worse was that her only hope for staying as chairman was to convince the committee that they could somehow come back from thi
s. But how on earth could they do that?
Chapter 26
A week later, Lottie wandered to the theatre feeling glum. She was on her way to face the Greenley Players for the first time since the shambles that was Much Ado About Nothing and she wasn’t looking forward to it.
Unable to face Sid, Lottie had taken some last-minute holiday from work. She never took any. Even after the funeral, despite being heartbroken, she’d had a few days off and come back to work as soon as possible. But this time she couldn’t bear to see Sid or anyone in the office and have to work on the paper that was going to tear apart everything she’d worked so hard to achieve. Lottie’s eyes stung with tears as she relived the same sense of dread and impending loneliness that had consumed her after her nan had died. Now here it was again and without Sid she was totally alone.
The sun had come out for the school holidays and as Lottie walked she watched little red lobster people with sunburnt faces and odd white patches eat ice creams and moan about the weather. Normally it would have made her smile but she couldn’t bring her face to form anything other than a frown.
Poor old Shakespeare was probably still spinning in his grave and, as if that wasn’t stressful enough, Mrs Andrews had, for some unknown reason, brought a picnic. Mini scones with jam and clotted cream, an array of finger sandwiches and other picnic foods had all been laid out on shiny white platters on the stage, and tall plastic glasses of Pimm’s stood beside them.
Lottie’s head pounded from the stress of the last few days. She had so much to tell them and no idea how she was going to do it. To make matters worse, the Greenley Players were at full blown war.
How had she managed to put up with their bickering for so long? The din was bouncing off the insides of her skull and battering the backs of her eyes. She began to feel a twitch in her stomach – anger rising up again, or perhaps it hadn’t fully evaporated since the last time.