Divine and Dateless

by Tara West

  "My power?" I looked back at Basil to see her eyeing me intently.

  "Your supernatural gift," she said accusingly, as if I'd been hiding my ability to shoot laser beams out of my ass.

  "I don’t know." I shrugged. "I didn’t realize we were supposed to have them." Well, shit. Nobody told me I'd joined The International Justice League of Superhero Supernaturals. I figured we were just supposed to spook people, not fly faster than speeding bullets and leap over tall buildings.

  She turned up her chin and spread her hands before her. "I’m a clairvoyant."

  I scrunched my features before calling for Jack. "What’s that?"

  "I see dead people."

  I gave her a long, hard look, trying to determine if she really was that crazy, or if she was just yanking my chain. "Uh, don’t we all see dead people?"

  She held up a finger and paused, "I can also see the future and glow like a ghoul."

  "Oh, that’s cool." I scanned the forest for Jack, hoping he'd be finished with his business soon so I could go back to bed. Relief flooded through me when I spotted a wagging tail from behind a nearby bush. I excused myself and got the hell out of Dodge, racing through the grass with Jack by my side, taking the stairs two at a time, and then double-locking the patio door behind me.

  Once I was safely inside my room, I decided I might as well do my business, too, so I headed for the bathroom I supposedly shared with Basil, though Boner said in the five years he'd been ghosting, he'd never seen her go into a bathroom. I really didn't want to know the sordid details of her personal hygiene, but I suspected Jack wasn't the only one taking craps behind the bushes.

  Flashlight in hand, I padded down the darkened hallway, trying not to get spooked by the creaky floorboards or the really strange antique portraits on the wall. I assumed some of these people were former ghosters, especially the guy missing the whole topside of his head. I imagined people on Earth pretty much shit their pants for the next month after meeting up with him in their attics.

  When I finally reached my bathroom at the end of the hall, I saw light spilling from beneath the heavy oak door. I tensed when I heard the sound of running water. Hey! Boner had said this was the girls' bathroom. Whoever was in there was trespassing! Just as I was about to bang on the door and give the violator a piece of my mind, it swung open, light and steam pouring out.

  And then, sweet mercy, I'd found a secret portal to Heaven! The muscular and tattooed male standing before me, wearing nothing but a small bath towel draped low across his hips, had to have been a valet. He was too sexy to be anything other than a fantasy fuck. I couldn't help but let my gaze travel the length of his glistening, bronzed body. If at all possible, the metallic, prosthetic leg attached to his knee made him even more attractive.

  I knew this had to be Sarge, the Afghanistan war hero Boner told me about. I squeezed my thighs tight as a trill of desire swept through me. I used to think there was nothing hotter than a man in uniform. But seeing this particular soldier out of his uniform set a new standard for stud.

  My gaze traveled back up the length of his body, lingering on his corded abs and thick chest before I looked into his large Latin eyes, which were a rich, golden brown framed by thick lashes. It was the intensity beneath those eyes that had my heart going thumpity thump thump.

  "What's up?" He ran a hand across his closely shaven head. "You must be the new recruit. MacLeod, right?"

  My mouth hung open so low, I could have caught a fist-full of flies. Good thing Basil said there weren't any in Purgatory. "Yeah."

  He went rigid as he spoke with a deep, rhythmical baritone. "Sergeant Santiago Sanchez. You can call me Sarge. They say your aura projects thirteen levels and you just died." He frowned as his gaze fell to the hem of my old lady nightgown and back up to my frizzy roots. Oh, what I wouldn't have given for my silk Victoria's Secret nightie and a bottle of hair gel.

  "I guess so," I answered and then mentally kicked myself in the ass. What a lame answer. Why did cute guys always bring out my stupid?

  "Hope you don't mind sharing a bathroom with me." He nodded at the shower behind him, the shower where he was just lathering up that glorious naked body. "The men's bathroom always smells like Crow’s hemorrhoid cream. You know how old men are," he said with a wink.

  Yeah. I just fucked one last night, I wanted to answer, and then felt like a ten-pound bucket of dog shit for even thinking it. Grim may have died a long time ago, but he sure as hell didn't have the body, or the stamina, of an old man.

  Rather than laugh at Sarge's joke, or do anything remotely flirty or attractive, I gaped at his gleaming muscles, wondering what those few errant water droplets suspended above his naval tasted like.

  "Cat got your tongue, MacLeod?"

  I sucked in a sharp breath as I forced myself to snap out of my trance. He'd softened his stance and was leaning against the door frame with a mischievous gleam in his eyes.

  "No." I bit my bottom lip and shook my head. "It's just, you're naked."

  His deep, throaty chuckle reverberated through me like a gong, banging loud and clear on that sweet little bundle of nerves between my thighs.

  "Naked? I’m not naked." He peered down at his fingers clutching one bunched-up side of fabric. "Now if I let go of this towel, then I'd be naked."

  I watched with fascination as he released two fingers, and then another.

  "Please don't let it go."

  I knew I should have bolted when I saw the predatory gleam in his eyes, but he’d already placed me under his seductive spell. Taking a step forward, he leaned so close I could feel the heat from his skin. The woodsy scent of his masculine body wash was enough to make me want to rip that towel from him myself.

  "What's the matter?" he purred. "Haven't you seen a nude man before?"

  "Not one as beautiful as you." Oh, crap! I said that thought aloud.

  I gasped and clamped a hand over my mouth, but it was too late. The words had been spoken. Though my poor achy girl parts were screaming in protest, I took a step back, needing to put some distance between us. Fool that I was, I cared too much about Grim to risk cheating on him, even if we were technically broken up. Too bad, because I was fairly certain my military hero knew some awesome tactical maneuvers in the sack.

  But, oh boy! Mr. Hot Stud followed me, the clank of his leg ringing out across the hollow floorboards like a blaring warning siren for me to turn and run. If he thought I was up for a late night romp, he had another thing coming. I only fondled and fucked one sexy immortal at a time.

  I took another step back, gasping as he followed. The guy clearly wasn't paying any attention to my body language. Then again, my legs had turned to jelly and my nipples were perky enough to cut diamonds, so maybe he was listening to my body language.

  By the time he'd backed me up against the wall, I realized resistance was futile. Okay, now was the time to tell him I sort of had a boyfriend. I could hardly manage chewing gum and walking at the same time. There was no way I was about to try juggling two guys.

  We were merely a breath apart, close enough that the only things between us were his skimpy towel and the thin fabric of my gown. My heart was beating so rapidly, I feared he could hear it pounding against my ribcage.

  "Wait until after PT tomorrow." His heated breath was a low growl in my ear. "We'll see if you still think I'm beautiful." He pulled back and cupped my jaw in his hand before unceremoniously snapping it shut. "Hit the sack, recruit. You've got a long day ahead of you."

  And with that he turned and walked back down the hall, his body as rigid as if he was in a military drill. Okay, what the hell was that all about? Did he intentionally make me as horny as hell and then walk away?

  Asshole!

  He and Grim must have gone to the same Dickwad School For Breaking Girls' Hearts. Why did all the hot guys have to be such jerks, and why did I still want to sleep with them?

  After tossing and turning in bed, sorely missing my vibrator and wishing I could have turned ba
ck time, pissed outside with Jack and Basil, and steered clear of the bathroom, with the nearly naked, hunky asshole, I finally fell asleep for all of about ten minutes.

  And then a blaring siren shot me from my bed so fast, I rolled to the floor in a twist of sheets.

  Ouch!

  Pain winced up my arm as I came to my knees.

  Jack was beside me, whimpering and then licking my cheek. I shielded my eyes against the pulsating red strobe light that just about burned out my corneas. Where had that come from? I didn't remember seeing it yesterday.

  Stumbling out my door, I tried to ignore the shouting and pounding of feet down the hall. Though Boner had warned me we occasionally had ghosting drills, I didn't realize they'd have one on my first night. How rude! I hadn't even had any ghosting lessons yet. I made my way to the bathroom and shut the door behind me. After last night's encounter with Sarge, I'd made the mistake of forgoing my bathroom visit and rushing back to my bedroom. Now my bladder felt like it was about to explode.

  It was really hard to focus on peeing with Jack whimpering beside me and those damn strobe lights and alarm bells pulsating inside my head. Did every room in the house have to have them? I made a mental note to disconnect the ones in my bedroom. The ten thousand other alarms going off in the house were sufficient.

  I washed my hands and face, and attempted to tamp down my ball of frizz with some water and a bottle of hair gel I found in the cabinet. The alarms kept blaring as Jack and I trudged down the creaky staircase.

  I found the rest of my squad lined up in front of the elevator in the common room. I chuckled under my breath at the look of panic in Boner's eyes when he saw me coming. I tried not to look in Sarge's direction, even though I could feel his dark gaze boring into me.

  "Fall in line, recruit!" he boomed.

  I rolled my eyes as I stood beside Basil at the end of the line with Jack by my side. Basil was completely transfixed by a spot on the wall in front of her, gawking at it as if it was her favorite soap opera.

  Thankfully, the sirens finally stopped blaring, but it was followed by a disconcerting silence. I peered down the other ghosters. Everyone stood at attention as Sarge, dressed in starched military camos, walked down the line, giving slow nods of approval. Boner's shirt was tucked into pants that were practically pulled waist high, and his shoulder-length hair was slicked back into a knot. Even Crow had abandoned his cane and was standing somewhat erect.

  Sarge's silver leg scraped the floor, the sound slicing through my nerves like a blade as he worked his way toward me. A ball of tension imploded in my chest, the fallout trickling down, forcing me to clutch my gut. I had no idea why I was suddenly worried over being inspected by a pompous asshole. Jack's low whine did little to soothe me. Even my big, snarling protector was afraid of the jerk. What chance did I have?

  By the time he finished commending everyone else in line, his sharp gaze finally settled on me. "What took you so long to get your ass down here, recruit?" he said with a stiff jaw.

  I reminded myself if Sarge was too much of a dick, Shadow had said I could go live at Alpha house. Anything had to be better than being mentally tortured by a guy I wanted to fuck, right? Except that Alpha house had felt cold and unwelcoming, not to mention totally dog-unfriendly.

  "I was getting ready." I spoke through a disinterested sigh while focusing my gaze on a spec of grime beneath my fingernail. I refused to let this asshole know how much he got to me.

  "Getting ready?" His scowl deepened as he leaned into me, forcing me to arch back.

  I caught scent of his woodsy cologne, which should have been named Horny in a Bottle, because his scent had all my pheromone alarm bells ringing.

  I shrugged, looking away again, not wanting him to see how his nearness affected me. "I had to pee, and my hair was frizzy."

  Without asking, he invaded my personal space and brushed a hand through my hair. He brought his fingers to his nose and inhaled before flashing an accusatory glare. "Is that my hair gel?"

  "It was in my bathroom," I snapped, annoyed at the gasps down the line. They might have thought it was okay to let Sarge push them around, but I'd been intimidated enough by guys like him in my first life. I wasn't going to take any of their shit in this one.

  "So let me get this straight. Your hair made you late." His deep baritone rose an octave with each syllable, in contrast to the needle on his stud-o-meter, which was dropping by the second. He waved a hand at his feet while rolling his eyes. "All I had to do was slap on a leg and my uniform in under a minute. I could see why something so debilitating as frizzy hair would prevent you from reporting to a major supernatural catastrophe."

  Swallowing the venom in his sarcasm was like digesting a carton of sour lemons. "Okay, I get it. I’ll be on time next time."

  He leaned so close we were practically nose-to-nose. The heat from his virile body set my hormones on fire and my mind into a rage. I didn't know if I wanted to kiss or smack him.

  Jack's low growl brought me back to reality. There was no doubting my dog wanted to bite the sergeant. Somehow, I didn't think that would work out so well for any of us. I stroked the top of his head in an effort to soothe him.

  Luckily, Sarge was too busy chewing my ass to acknowledge my dog. "You will be on time every time, Ms. MacLeod, or you will find yourself a new ghosting squad. I will not let you put a blemish on this squad’s perfect thirteen-year record. Do I make myself clear?" His voice boomed louder and rattled my nerves harder than a thousand blaring sirens.

  I crossed my arms and flashed a broad smile, willing him to read the meaning behind my cool glare. "Perfectly."

  After we were dismissed, Basil spun around me in a swish of skirts. "Next time, flutter like a butterfly or soar like a rocket ship," she said, waving her hands above her and waltzing into the other room.

  "Or next time I clean the toilet with Sarge's toothbrush," I mumbled.

  Boner walked a wide circle around me as he hastened toward the exit. I had to chase him into the hallway and grab onto the side of his Tshirt before he'd face me.

  "Now what?" I asked, not even bothering to mask my annoyance. At no time during my tour had anyone warned me our leader was the commando from Hell.

  "Now we all go back to sleep," he mumbled as he tried to scoot away.

  Great. I guess I was the squad pariah because I'd actually had the guts to stand up to the tyrant.

  "Do we get these freaking drills every night?" I hissed.

  "We get them whenever Alpha House decides to set off the alarm," he said sheepishly as he tried to scoot away again.

  He could play the defenseless little lamb all he wanted. He wasn't leaving until all my questions were answered. "How do I know when it’s the real thing?"

  "The elevator would have opened."

  "And then we just go scare people?"

  "Something like that." He shrugged, his gaze dropping to my bare feet. "You know, you shouldn't talk to Sarge that way. It's gonna make it hard for all of us."

  Wow. I had no idea this Sarge guy had such a hold on these people. Too bad, because I thought Boner and I could be friends, but maybe not if they expected me to join the lemming parade. I’d never been good at conforming. Sad, because if they expected me to kiss Sarge's ass, I might not be a good fit for the Delta Squad after all.

  "PT’s at five thirty." Sarge's rumbling voice echoed in my ear as he passed by. "I suggest you show up on time."

  My jaw practically hit the floor as I stared after that tight ass in camouflage for maybe a bit longer than was necessary. Jerk or not, the guy still had nice buns.

  But wait. Had he said PT? As in exercise? At the freaking crack of dawn? Oh, hell no! Me and exercise weren't compatible until way after coffee-thirty and right before margarita o'clock. I was starting to understand why Grim hadn't wanted me taking this job. It wasn't just dangerous. It was a downright health hazard!

  No sooner had I fallen back to sleep, than a blaring whistle forced me to shoot up in bed.
/>   “Rise and shine, recruit,” Sarge’s booming voice reverberated in my skull like a million banging drums. “Shit, shower, and shave and report in thirty.”

  I frowned, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. “Huh?”

  He whistled directly into my eardrum.

  I scrambled to the other side of the bed. “Okay, okay. I’m up already.”

  After my tormentor marched out of my room, and I’d soothed my whining dog, I stumbled out of bed and headed for the shower. Today was going to be a long freaking day.

  I finished in the bathroom in record time and was sitting alongside Boner and Crow at the kitchen counter, scarfing down rice cereal and slurping strong coffee while Jack ate a bowl of leftovers. I had no idea why I felt the need to rush when I should have just gone back to bed… after I’d told Sarge to go fuck himself.

  I was afraid Sarge would make good on his promise and assign me to a new ghosting squad. Though I knew following Major Dickhead’s orders was going to be hard, really hard, what choice did I have? Go back to my apartment and work in the slums? Transfer to Alpha House? What if their sergeant was worse? Shadow already creeped the socks off me, and he didn’t seem to care for Jack. At least Sarge hadn’t told me my dog wasn’t allowed. That, I decided, would be the final straw. As long as Jack was welcome, I was going to put on my big girl panties and tough it out.

  After breakfast, Jack and I followed Crow and Boner into the common room and got in line. I stood stiff as a board, just like Boner did. I’d even tucked my SIA T-shirt into my gym shorts and tied a double knot in my shoelaces. I was fairly certain that’s how they did things in the military. I tilted my chin, repressing a grin when Sarge walked into the room with a purposeful stride.

  Let’s see you complain about me now, asshole.

  Basil whirled into the room with her arms extended, spinning circles around us while pretending to be an airplane.

  I cringed when Sarge glared at her. I hoped she didn’t blow it for the rest of us.

  “Nice work, Ms. Basil.” Sarge bellowed. “You may go back to bed.”