by C. A. Harms
It was that moment, those words, that made me realize just how amazing this man was. I was instantly grateful that he chose me to harass until I agreed to give this thing with us a shot.
Brock was so much more than a handsome face to look at. He had an amazingly loving heart, even though he hid it behind the façade of the bad boy image he had perfected. He was caring and so kind, yet he was silly, frustrating at times, and he tormented others each and every chance he got, including me.
Would I have ever guessed it would be Brock who held me together during this time? Absolutely not.
Because in my mind, all I needed was me and my father. But I’d realized that allowing myself to lean on Brock, to falter and even fall a time or two, did in no way make me weak.
My biggest fear was being as weak as I was that day. The day I lost so much.
I was sitting at the kitchen table, with a fresh cup of coffee in hand as I looked out the back solid glass door.
Just on the other side I could see Brock running around in the back yard with both Romeo and Roxy. It was weird to think that only a week ago he was petrified of the two of them, yet now I think half the time the reasons for him coming here so often was for them.
The three of them were actually adorable.
I lifted my cup to my lips to take a drink just as the doorbell rang.
I hadn’t been expecting anyone, and the fact that it was just barely eight in the morning made it odd. Brock or my father were honestly the only two people that ever visited. Unless I counted my mail carrier who greeted me daily.
When I looked through the peephole to find Adam on the other side, I was shocked. But the look on his face was what I found alarming.
I quickly began to undo the locks after I disarmed my alarm. The moment I opened the door, he almost instantly looked over my shoulder. “Is he here?”
“Yeah,” I said, stepping to the side. “Come in.”
Something was obviously wrong; I could sense it.
“I’ll get him.” I moved toward the back door. “He was just outside with his new best friends.”
I tried to lighten the heavy air between us, only in no way did it phase Adam. I’d always found him to be so intense; this just assured me my observations were correct.
Adam was slightly intimidating.
“Brock,” I hollered out and waved my arm for him to come in.
Within minutes, he was at the door, using his hands as shield to keep Romeo and Roxy from following. Lately they barely allowed him out of their sight.
Almost instantly, Brock’s smile turned to a frown as he looked up to see his brother standing in my kitchen. It was obvious my early observation was correct when Adam spoke.
“What happened?” he asked as he moved toward his brother.
“I’ve been trying to call you.” Adam began. “It’s Keith.” My heart sank. That was Kate’s husband.
“What?” Brock grew anxious, placing his hands on the bar top.
“He was shot,” Adam said.
Brock looked as surprised as I was.
“Is he okay?” Brock finally asked.
“Mom called about an hour ago and told me what happened,” Adam explained. “He’s in surgery now, so we don’t know much. Kole took the first flight out with Hanna and Lexi; they left about ten minutes ago.”
“How’s Kate?” Brock asked. “And the boys?”
“I don’t know much, man,” Adam confessed. “I just know that Keith was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and some asshole fired a gun.”
I didn’t know Adam much; in fact, I barely knew any of the people that made up Brock’s family, blood related and not. But I’ve gotten a few glimpses of Adam over the weeks at the gym, and I did know that he was one of those men that was hard to read.
He had the best poker face I’d ever witnessed. I swear the guy should have been an actor. He could play out so many different emotions or roles without ever breaking character.
But right now, as these two brothers stood in my kitchen staring at each other without actually talking, I finally saw the similarities in the two.
And they were both so passionate.
“So what do we do?” Brock finally asked.
“We go to our sister,” Adam stated, and Brock nodded his head in agreement. As if they would have stayed here in North Carolina even if they were told to.
Something I’d noticed about Brock was that he was a determined man. If he wanted something, he didn’t give a shit what anyone around him had to say about it. Now sometimes that wasn’t always the best thing, but in this case, it was.
Being with his family was exactly where he and Adam needed to be.
He finally took the time to glance in my direction, and I could sense that he was torn. I knew that he wanted to be here for me, yet I was fine. Two days ago, maybe not, but he helped me get my head on straight, and now it was time for me to be supportive of him.
I gave him a reassuring nod and a caring smile.
He turned back to Adam. “Can you give a few minutes to gather my things? I’ll just leave my car here and ride with you.”
“Yeah,” Adam said, taking a seat at the bar that separated my kitchen and dining area.
He moved toward me and took my hand in his, leading me down the hall to my bedroom.
Once we were inside, he closed the door behind us and positioned his body in front of mine. “I don’t want to leave you but…” I didn’t give him a chance to feel bad about this.
I placed my finger against his lips, and almost instantly his kissed my fingertip.
It was such a simple gesture, but it gave me a fluttering feeling in my stomach.
“You need to go,” I told him, and he reached out to place his hands on my hips. I lowered my hand from his mouth just before he placed his forehead gently against mine.
“I feel like I need to stay here with you,” he confessed.
I knew the moment they decided they would be making a trip to St. Louis that he would feel as if he was abandoning me. But that wasn’t the case.
“I’m fine,” I whispered. “We’ll talk on the phone every chance we get so you can be sure, but I promise you I’m good. I have you to thank for that.”
He leaned back enough that he could look in my eyes and just stared at me. It was one of those intense moments that made my heart race. Because I knew how I felt, but I was scared to admit it for fear of him not feeling the same.
So instead of speaking the words, I wrapped my hands around his neck and pulled him closer. He came without hesitation.
Our lips connected and shared a message of love. The way his lips moved against mine was so much different than most of our kisses.
Soft gentle movements, and the way his hand lifted to cup my cheek, sent a rush of emotions through me before I had time to prepare for them.
It was a beautiful moment, full of hidden messages we were both trying to convey without words.
When we broke free again, he held me close. “I better go,” he said in a hoarse whisper.
I only nodded my head that was now resting against his chest. If I was being honest, I would have said, “No, I need a few more minutes of you holding me,” but I knew I couldn’t.
Because a few minutes still wouldn’t be enough.
I wanted so much more.
Chapter
Twenty-Four
Brock
“It hit him in the shoulder, but he was lucky.” Kate sounded exhausted, and she looked like she’d been going for hours with no relief. “He just went inside the gas station to pay,” she said with a shrug. “It could have been…” Tears welled in her eyes, and without another thought, I reached out to pull her close.
“He’s gonna be okay,” I told her. “You can’t play the ‘what if’ game. Don’t do that to yourself.”
She nodded against my chest as I continued to hold her close.
Kole and Lexi were sitting in the waiting area as Hanna played with a doll at a small table only
a few feet before them.
Adam was pacing in front of the windows that lined the waiting area with his phone pressed to his ear. I knew he was updating Natalie on Keith’s condition, and I hoped she would pass the message on to Charlie. I still hadn’t gotten a chance to call her even though I sent a text at the airport when I crawled into the taxi that brought us straight to the hospital.
This place brought back some not-so-great memories of my past and those choices I made that weren’t so great.
How my brother could look at me knowing that I was stupid enough to get wrapped up with his ex was beyond me.
I was drunk, cocky, and Breann and two of her friends came at me with all these ideas of what it would be like to share a guy. I stupidly went along with it, using the wrong head to think it through, and in the end I got my ass beat.
I was caught with my pants down, so to speak, by the guys who belonged with those girls. One was the guy who, with Breann by his side, completely broke my brother’s heart until Natalie came along and healed it.
The last time I was here at this hospital was a breaking point in my life.
Did I stop making stupid ass mistakes? No, but it did lead me to North Carolina where I might have finally met the one person who understood me, and accepted me, flaws and all.
“Hey, sis.” Both Kate and I turned to face Adam, who now stood at our side. “Why don’t you let me and Brock take you home?” She immediately started shaking her head no.
“Hey.” He placed his hand against her chin and forced her to look at him. “Take a shower, get a bite to eat, and let the boys get out of here for a little bit.”
“Adam.” The way she said his name as tears rolled over her cheeks made my chest tighten.
I decided that a woman crying, especially one I cared deeply about, was something I had a hard time seeing, or hearing for that matter.
“Mom and Dad just arrived, and they said to bring all the kids to them,” Adam continued. “So if you get home and decide that after you take a shower you want to come right back, we’ll bring ya.”
“I’ll stay.” It was Lexi who spoke up this time. She and Kole had joined our little circle. She looked toward Adam and me. “If you don’t mind taking Hanna with you?”
“We can drive my van,” Kate whispered, and I felt relieved that she was going to take a little break. She looked so stressed, which was understandable, but being worn out wasn’t making any of this any easier for her to deal with.
“Thank you,” Lexi said, and Kate reached out and wrapped Lex in her arms. The two of them shared a private conversation by exchanging whispers only they could hear.
When Kate stepped back, she appeared as if she had finally calmed a little, and I was instantly grateful to Lexi. The two of them had this crazy bond that I admired.
For years she heard so many stories from Keith regarding his daughter he felt he wronged. She watched him suffer in guilt over the loss of their relationship. And when Lexi reappeared in Keith’s life years later, Kate sort of adopted her as well. Though Lexi had her own mother, that relationship was a strained one. She turned to Kate for a lot of things, as we all did.
Kate was an amazing woman with a heart of gold.
I hated seeing her so lost.
***
“You sound tired.” I smiled as I leaned back in the recliner, holding my phone to my ear. Charlie was lecturing me on taking time to relax.
It was cute the way she was worrying about me. Never until then did I take the time to care so much about any girl and whether I was on their mind when I was out of sight.
“I am, but I’m good,” I assured her and chuckled when she sighed in defeat.
“Don’t hmmph at me, woman,” I told her, still smiling.
She laughed, and that sound made all the sadness and stress of the last twelve hours fade.
“I miss you,” I confessed, not giving a shit if it made me seem like a pussy.
“I miss you too,” she said. “Romeo and Roxy waited by the front door for close to an hour after you left. Then they started whining, and I had to take them back outside to wear off some of their nervous energy.”
“Are you serious?” The dogs who had once wanted to kill me now loved me. Who would’ve thought that could ever happen?
“Yeah, I think they’ve really grown quite attached to you for some reason,” she said, following it with humored laughter.
“They know a good thing when they see it,” I added arrogantly.
There was a silence on the other end of the line that left me with a hollow feeling in my stomach. I sat forward in the chair and placed my elbows to my knees, wondering if in some way I had said something wrong.
Then she spoke.
“Brock.” She paused, and I could hear her letting out a deep breath. “I should have said something to you before you left. Something that seems crazy because I feel like it may be too soon, but I regretted keeping it to myself the moment you walked out the door.”
My heart was racing.
“Brock, I lo…” I cut her off before she could say anything more.
“No, Charlie, don’t.” After I stopped her, I understood how my words may have come across, and I had to back track before she thought the worst. “If you’re about to say what I think you are, then I need you to stop. Something like that shouldn’t be shared for the first time over a phone call when we have hundreds of miles between us.”
She still remained quiet.
“I know that when I tell you those words, I want you right in front of me. I want to be able to look in your eyes and see that moment you realize that you are the girl who has changed my world.”
I may not have said the words I love you, but I hoped that she understood that was what I meant.
After another moment of silence, she whispered, “Okay,” and I suddenly felt a rush of relief.
Chapter
Twenty-Five
Charlotte
“Do you think you could hold him just for a few minutes?” I instantly froze, my caramel macchiato suspended midair only a few inches from my lips. “I’ve had to pee for the last thirty minutes, and drinking this coffee is only adding to the problem.”
Natalie sat at my side, holding a sleeping Luke in her arms as we waited for our flight to be announced.
“Please.” She must have picked up on my discomfort. “He sleeps like a hibernating bear; I promise you he’ll be no trouble.”
She was now wiggling in her seat, looking at me with a pleading stare.
It was time to swallow my fear. How bad could it be? The little guy had barely made a peep since she picked me up from my condo over an hour and a half ago.
The two of us had come up with a plan to secretly surprise our guys. After I talked to Brock, I knew I had to see him. I was ready to confess my love for him, but he stopped me.
At first I might have allowed myself to believe it was because he didn’t harbor the same feeling. That doubt faded fast when he pretty much shared his love for me, yet never actually said those three words.
I took in a deep breath, placed my drink on the table to my side, and wiped my sweaty palms on my pant legs.
I didn’t miss the knowing smile on Natalie’s lips as she placed her sleeping son in my arms. It made me wonder if this wasn’t all part of her plan to get me over my fear of tiny babies.
I’d realized that once they reached a certain age I was truly fine with them; it was the breakable stage that terrified me. It was more a fear of the unknown. I just had no idea what to do if they cried, and then I grew nervous, which only meant they grew more agitated. It was a never ending battle that truly was best if I avoided it in every way.
I watched with my stomach in knots as Natalie walked away, without a backwards glance.
For some reason, she seemed to have a confidence in me that I didn’t feel myself.
It made me wonder if she had lost her senses. If the roles were reversed, I’d never leave my child with me.
The
tiny little guy lifted his hand above his head and stretched, suddenly gaining my full attention. I remained perfectly still, watching his every move. He puckered his lips, just before he began sucking on something imaginary. The little suckle noises made me smile. The arm that had just been above his head was brought back toward his body in search of something.
I still remained perfectly still, yet completely hypnotized by Luke’s movements.
When his eyes came open and he began to blink up at me as if attempting to focus, I could feel panic rising in my chest.
Only I didn’t a chance to freak out, because he smiled up at me, making all the anxiousness inside me fade.
I was convinced that very second that Lucas Nelson carried the same powers his uncle and father did. That soothing ability to make you feel as if there was no need to fret, they would make it better.
I placed my finger into Luke’s palm, and he closed his hand around it, squeezing. I smiled in return at this sweet little boy who without even knowing it helped me conquer my fear.
It was a beautiful moment that, to be honest, I didn’t quite believe myself.
A shadow covered my lap, and I looked up to see Natalie standing just a few feet away, smiling with her arms crossed over her chest.
I knew there had been talk of my fears among all of them. So I understood that her smile meant she noticed it too.
“He’s magical,” she said, her smile growing even wider.
“I agree,” I told her, looking back toward her son.
Maybe that was all it took, a baby being thrust into my arms, giving me no choice but to deal with my fear. Granted he was sleeping, and that screaming baby in my arms was still something I would have to face, but I thought maybe I could handle it.
Maybe.
***
After Natalie and I landed, we picked up our rental that we’d reserved before leaving home.
I was anxious as we pulled up to the front entrance of the hospital, passing the doors in search of the nearest empty space.
Neither of us had given warning to Brock or Adam that we even were considering this trip.