by C. A. Harms
“I heard my sister’s scream first, followed by a pained cry from my mother,” she began again. “My first instinct was to run to them and see what was wrong, but then the words of my mother had me skidding to a stop in the hallway just before entering the kitchen. She said, ‘Please don’t hurt us. There is no one else in the house. You can take whatever it is you want. Just don’t hurt us.’”
She looked up at me, and the tears that were rolling along her cheeks broke my heart.
Never had I ever felt such an ache.
“I was such a coward,” she whispered. “I should have helped them, but instead I slipped into the closet just as two men rounded the corner. One had my sister by the arm; the other was leading my mother around by a tight grip on her neck.”
She went silent as she bowed her head, and her body began to shake.
“Charlie,” I whispered hoarsely.
My intention was to soothe her, but the vibration in my voice caught me off guard.
Before I could speak again, she looked back up at me and broke my heart all over again. “I watched them through the slotted wood plating of a linen closet door. I saw my mother take her very last breath and my sister’s eyes go dim.” She shook her head as if it would clear the image from her mind. “They died for less than five hundred dollars. That was all those animals got.”
“Oh baby,” I said as I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her body to mine. Her trembling shook me to my very core.
“And now the third man, the one who got the least time, is up for parole.” I leaned back and looked at her, thinking maybe I heard her wrong.
“I know, right,” she said, shrugging. “Because he didn’t actually commit murder, or in any way touch my mother or Corinne, so they say, he got a lesser sentence. Apparently he had a really great lawyer.”
“Did you get that news today?” I asked, and she nodded. “And that’s why you had to go see your dad?” Another nod.
“How’s he doing?” I asked after a small pause.
“He says he’s doing okay, but I don’t know. He’s always been great at hiding his fears and sadness from me. I think I kept him from grieving the way he needed to.”
“You can’t blame yourself for that,” I told her.
“I fell apart after that night, and my father was left with a shell of a daughter while he buried his wife and other daughter. It wasn’t fair.”
“Charlie, how can you judge yourself over those events?” I pushed her body away from mine because I needed her to look at me. When her gaze was locked on mine, I put everything I was feeling at that moment into words.
“The trauma you went through, there is no wrong way to deal with that. You had to come to terms with that day in your own way. And I have a feeling your father is a hell of a lot tougher than most people think.”
Her lower lip trembled, and my chest felt hollow.
I had no idea how to fix this, and I wanted to so badly.
“What can I do to help you through this?” Whatever she needed, it was hers. I already made up my mind I would move mountains to give her the peace she needed.
“Can I stay here tonight?” she asked, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t shocked. I never expected that, and I think she saw the surprise in my expression. “Romeo and Roxy are at my dad’s. I sorta just wanted to come over here and fall asleep in your arms tonight, but I wasn’t sure you’d want me to after the way I left you earlier.”
“These arms right here.” I held them out between us. “They’re always here when you need them, no matter what.”
I gathered her up and moved her up the bed and crawled in beside her. Once she was tucked in close to my body, she tilted her head to look up at me.
Her eyes were swollen, puffy, red, and tear stained. But never had she been more beautiful.
“You’re pretty amazing, you know that?” she said, and I closed my eyes for just a moment to steady my own emotions. This girl was killing me.
Charlie continued to burrow just a little deeper inside my heart with each day that passed. I’d never felt the things I felt when I was with her.
“You’re the amazing one, sweet girl,” I assured her as I kissed her forehead and squeezed her a little tighter.
I knew then that what I was feeling for Charlie was so much more than I had bargained for.
I knew I was falling in love, and I knew I never wanted it to end.
Charlie had quickly become the best part of my days, and I’d do whatever I had to do to bring back her happiness. But right now while she was sad and lost, I’d be the one to hold her and keep her above water.
Because there was no way in hell I’d let her fall.
Chapter
Twenty-One
Charlotte
I tried to drown out that heavy feeling that had been inside me since I opened that letter a few days ago. I was almost robotic, though, as if I was there in body but not mind.
I would smile when I felt I had to or thought those around me expected it. As for laughing, well, that was much more difficult.
The concerned looks I got from Brock irritated me in a way I knew they shouldn’t, but I was so on edge it was almost as if I couldn’t control it. Keeping my distance was the best option.
He didn’t deserve my mood shifts.
At this point, they were so rough even I noticed them; I tried to stop them, but I just couldn’t.
It was always one of those act now, realize your wrongs later moments. I spoke out before thinking it through, and in the end I was left feeling like an ass, and he was agitated that I wouldn’t let him in.
But I had.
I shared my darkest times with him in great detail. Now I felt like maybe I should have only given him the Cliff Notes version instead; that exposed feeling was something I didn’t feel comfortable with.
I had tried to work out the things in my head, but on most days, it was a battle I lost quickly.
The letter just unrooted a lot of memories and fears I had tucked away long ago. It was easier that way. Out of sight, out of mind.
Only that mantra was no longer working for me.
I had nightmares for years after I lost my mother and Corrine, their screams echoing in my mind as I hid in the closet crying silently.
Those night terrors had returned, only this time they seemed as if they had become worse. More detailed, more vivid.
It was terrifying.
“Hey.” A pair of strong arms came around me from behind, and I jumped on contact. Brock had caught me off guard.
That had happened a lot over the last few days. I was always so alert and conscious of my surroundings. Hell, that was part of what I taught my classes daily; only I couldn’t do the same.
I was continuously getting lost in my own head, and that irritated me.
“You okay?” he asked as he squeezed me tighter. Something about that question at that time just irked me, and I turned to face him.
“Do I look okay?” I asked him, and I could see the surprise in his eyes. “Because I feel anything but okay. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep.” I began backing away from him, gaining some distance. “I can’t stand to be touched or even to have someone look at me for long periods of time. It’s all making me nervous and uncomfortable. So no, Brock,” I said, locking my eyes on his. “I am not okay.”
“Tell me—what I can do?” he asked.
And suddenly one of those act now regret it later moments hit me.
“You can stop pushing me, stop hovering. I don’t need this now. I just need you to leave me alone.” The moment the words left my mouth, I could already feel the regret. I had meant for now I just needed space, but it came out as so much more.
Brock had been nothing but supportive, sweet and understanding.
But I had been a bitch.
With the exception of that first night when I showed up at his place and slept tucked close to his chest, I had been withdrawn.
After that night, I put up those walls and made a c
hoice to keep everyone outside them. Maybe not my best choice, but it was how I worked.
Before I had a chance to back track or attempt to clarify my words, Brock held his hands up in the air and stepped back. “You want me to fucking leave you alone, then fine.” He left the room without a glance back, and I remained in the same spot with an emptiness inside my stomach that I knew I caused.
***
Brock and I just needed some time to cool off before I attempted to grovel. It was up to me to make this right; I knew that.
None of this was his fault, and he didn’t deserve to be treated such.
My chest ached each time I remembered the way I acted only a few hours ago. Or even the way I’d pushed him away every single time he attempted to comfort me since the morning I woke in his arms.
For one night, I let myself be weak and needy, but that was all I allowed.
Chapter
Twenty-Two
Brock
Sweat beaded on my forehead as I continued to move with quick actions. One jab after another, I took all my frustrations out on the weighted bag in the corner.
I had lost track of the time, but I knew my muscles ached, which was an indication that it had been long enough. Only I didn’t let that stop me; I needed this.
I needed to punch something and get some of this aggression out of me.
I was hurt, and that pissed me off.
For the last few hours, I had lectured myself on my choice to finally give a relationship a try. After the events of today, or the last few days combined, I was reminded as to why I avoided that shit prior to Charlie.
But now I was in too deep.
And again that pissed me off.
“I know that look.” I didn’t even turn around to look at Radley. I wasn’t in the mood to be hassled. “But the bag didn’t do shit, man. Take it easy on Ol’ Blue here.”
I always thought it was stupid that these assholes named the equipment in the gym. They even had clients calling them all the same things.
“Right now Ol’ Blue here is keeping me held together. It was this or my car. I chose this.” I still continued to jab away at the vinyl even though it was a lot less aggressive then it had been moments ago.
“Wanna talk about it?” Radley asked as he leaned his shoulder against the wall at my side.
“Nope,” I replied, still looking forward. “Didn’t sign up for a therapy session.”
The last thing I wanted to do was give him ammo to run back and feed to the others. They would love to rub my heartache in my face.
Maybe not then, but later when things faded, they’d run with that shit. It was what we did; we hassled one another. It kept things entertaining.
I was the first to admit I did it too. I had also gotten smarter over the months and knew when to keep shit bottled up inside.
This was one of those times.
“Kole said that Charlie left here earlier looking upset.” This was the point when I steadied the swinging bag and turned to face Radley.
Somehow even in the mist of my anger, her sadness still hit me low in the gut.
“So given your current mood and the fact that you both obviously have things on your mind, it leads me to believe that it’s all related.” I still stared at him without giving him confirmation.
But he didn’t need it.
“Relationships are harder some days than others,” he stated, and I laughed it off.
“Is this session gonna set me back, or do you give your therapeutic advice away for free?” I knew I was being an asshole, but I also knew that these guys could take it.
To an extent.
“It’s free,” he said, completely unaffected by my mood, “but just this once.”
“Even if I don’t want it?” I arched a brow, hoping that he would save his breath, because he had no fucking clue, and I just wanted this to end.
“You should know by now, Brock, none of us truly give a fuck whether you wanna hear what we gotta say,” Radley stated smugly.
I bent down, grabbed my water from the floor, moved toward the bench only a few feet away, and took a seat.
He didn’t join me, but he didn’t leave either.
“I may not know the details you do, but I know what’s going on with Charlie. I know a small part of the events she went through.” This surprised me, and I think he noticed.
“She told Kole about the parole hearing coming up, just in case she decided to take some time off. I was there when she gave a rough draft version of what led her and her father to leave Ohio and move here.” It was then that Radley moved closer and sat on the weight bench just opposite mine.
“It didn’t take more than one look to see that the Charlie standing in that office wasn’t the same girl who taught others strength and power. She was sad, quiet, and withdrawn. And all of that was completely understandable.”
I remained silent as all Charlie’s words came rushing back from the other night. That broken girl wasn’t the same woman who gave me sass that I accepted delightfully.
“I know it’s the last thing you wanna hear, but the girl needs to deal with this in her own way.”
“You don’t think I know that?” I said sharply. “Because I do, but I sure as fuck don’t have to stand there and take shit I didn’t ask for. I’m trying to be there for her, trying to offer her support, but she just keeps pushing.”
“I know,” Radley said.
I expected more, but he remained silent.
“She told me to leave her alone, so that’s what I’m doing. She wants to do this shit without me by her side, then fine. She’s got it.” It was the last thing I wanted.
“And here is where the advice comes into play.” I looked over at Radley with my face wrinkled in confusion.
He chuckled.
“I’m about to lecture you now, Brock, a guy who is married to the most stubborn woman I think we all know. I’ve been there.” He had a point; Megan was stubborn. That girl set her mind to something, there was no one—and I do mean no one—that was changing it.
Radley was obviously a patient man.
“I’ve butted heads with Megan more times than I can count. We’ve fought to the point of slamming doors and squealing tires. She’s told me to leave her alone, but I don’t.” Again he chuckled as if lost in a memory. “She’s pushed me away, or tried, and I just hold on tighter. And that pisses her off even more, but I take it. You wanna know why?”
I think we all wanted to know why this guy put up with half the shit that woman threw his way.
I nodded.
“Because I love her,” he stated without hesitation. “Because no one has ever made me feel the way Megan does. I knew it when I first met her all those years ago, that she was it for me. That’s never changed. Not after all the fights and making up. Not after all the hurtful things I know we’ve both said over the years that neither of us truly meant. She is the one person I believe was created just so that I could one day feel whole.”
Who knew Radley was so sappy?
“There have been times over the years I’ve questioned myself in regards to Megan, I’ll admit that.” His words surprised me once again, and I’m sure that showed in my expression. “But all it takes is one smile or one kiss from Megan to remind me that everything is worth it when it comes to her.”
His words hit home.
And I understood.
“Is Charlie worth holding on to?” Radley asked the question I was just asking myself. Immediately, I nodded because yes, she was.
“Then you need to take a shower, because you fucking stink.” I shouldn’t have been surprised with the change in attitude. “Then you need to go find the woman and tell her that.”
Radley didn’t wait for me to argue, as if I would. The guy was right.
He got up and walked toward the exit before disappearing through the door.
***
I had been sitting in my car outside Charlie’s condo for over forty-five minutes now. Somehow being only wal
king distance from her made me feel just a little better. Knowing that if she called, I was already here. Or maybe if I got the nerve up to say what the hell and go to her myself, I didn’t have the drive over to talk myself out of it.
It was a weird way to look at things, but at this point in my mind, it somehow made sense.
I mindlessly twisted my phone in my hands, almost willing it to ring, but it never did. A few times I even pulled up her number, ready to hit send, only to shut it off before following through.
I jumped in surprised at the sound of tapping on my window and was shocked to find Charlie standing just outside, wrapped in her robe.
I took a deep breath and began rolling the window down as she leaned closer. “You planning on sleeping out here in your car all night?”
She didn’t smile, yet somehow her face looked more relaxed than it had earlier.
“You wanted me to leave you alone,” I said with a shrug. “I tried, but…” My words faded because I was sure she didn’t need more.
“I didn’t mean it the way it sounded,” she said reassuringly. “Will you just come inside?”
Chapter
Twenty-Three
Charlotte
Two days ago, I made a choice.
I made a decision to no longer allow those animals to destroy me. They had already been given too much. It was time to be the strong one.
I could see my father was hanging on by a string, so it was his turn to come to terms with the hauntings of our past. And it was my turn to stand by his side and hold him up.
I had Brock to thank for that.
Because he helped me see things more clearly.
He didn’t really give me any other choice but to accept it.
In his words, “I’m here whether you push me away or hold me close. That is your choice, Charlie, but I can assure you that my choice is to stand by you even when you tell me to leave.”