“Which meant they’d planned it out. They’d known for a long time that they were moving. I called my father and had it out over the phone with him. He told me it was better this way. That he had moved on with a new life. That it wasn’t me. It was just easier to have a new life without any complications and questions. I didn’t know what to do or say. I tried talking to his wife and she pushed me away. So I started writing letters to Charlie. I wanted to send them, and I did with some, but I knew he’d never read them. I had to face it then that my father was a piece of shit. But… he’s a good father now. To Charlie. I found them online. Social media of all things, right? I’m friends with his wife and we don’t talk, but I appreciate being able to see Charlie. The last thing I said to my father was be a good father to Charlie. Don’t treat him like garbage like he did to me. So as long as he does that…”
I touched Trev’s face. “It doesn’t make it right.”
“Hell no, sweetheart.”
“You wrote all those letters for him.”
“Maybe someday he’ll read them. Who knows?”
I inched closer to Trev. “I can’t believe this. Everything we’ve been through.”
“But yet here we are. Together.”
“Not through fate though, right?”
I smiled and Trev did too. “No, Sera, not through fate. We’re doing this together. Our hearts together. The way you make me feel is-”
I hurried to kiss him. I didn’t want him to finish his sentence. I knew it was too late and we had already started to fall for each other. But I didn’t want to hear it. Not until Trev knew everything.
I broke the kiss and stared at him.
“We’d better get some sleep,” he whispered.
“Yeah.”
He kissed my forehead. “Serafina… there’s more, isn’t there? There’s stuff that can tear us apart with ease…”
I buried my face into his hard chest. I fought back tears. “I know there is…”
Chapter 26
Trev
Waking up with Serafina in my bed was interesting. The first time, it was fun and flirty. But after that it was serious. I didn’t exactly keep track of the nights she spent at my place, but the nights she wasn’t there, I didn’t sleep all that great. I tossed and turned, touching the spot in my bed where she had made herself comfortable.
To admit I was falling in love with her was old news.
I loved her.
I loved her for her beauty, her flaws, her aching heart, and because her heart had so much more to give than she believed. But who the hell was I to feel that way about her? I was as messed up as anyone could possibly be. Talking about Charlie and my father was one thing. Talking about Heath and John was another. I still hadn’t talked to Sera about the situation with Becca. The deepest and darkest secret I had.
Jerry decided to close up the shop early and send us all home. That wasn’t a good thing for me. I craved the distraction away from reality, which did include Serafina.
“Want to go and get a drink?” Nick asked me as I stood outside my truck. “Or are you going to pussy out again?”
“I didn’t pussy out of anything,” I said. “I had something else lined up that night.”
“I had something lined up for you. Easiest score of your life.”
“You’re just bitter that you didn’t have the balls to take both of them on yourself.”
“Fuck you, man.”
I laughed.
“Drink?” Nick asked.
“No. If I go down that road this early in the day…”
“So you’d be drinking for a purpose then. What purpose, Trev?”
“What?”
“I plan on drinking to enjoy the day. You’re hiding shit. I know we don’t exactly hang out outside of work all that much… but, you know, as a friend here… if you ever need to talk about shit…”
“Are you asking me out on a date or something, Nick?”
“Fuck you again,” Nick said. “You look like shit. One day you show up and look like you just got laid for the first time. The next day you show up and look like death. What’s going on with you?”
I sucked in a breath. “Women. That’s what’s going on. Women.”
“Shit,” Nick said. “That’s why I don’t fall in love.”
“Smart man,” I said. “Can’t believe I just said that to you.”
“So if I’m so smart, then you should join me for an afternoon beer. Celebrate the fact that Jerry’s mother is sick and he’s trying to spread good vibes by shutting this place down.”
“That’s a dick thing to say, man,” I said. “I hope his mother is okay. And we didn’t have much work anyway.”
“Whatever. It’s a reason to drink.”
“Then go and drink.”
“You’re going to make me drink alone?”
“Like it matters to you,” I said.
“Okay. You know where to find me if you change your mind. And whatever this is… turning you into a pussy right now… figure it out.”
I raised an eyebrow and watched Nick leave.
That left me alone in the parking lot. Just standing there, leaning against my truck, thinking. The problem with thinking was that it did nothing good. I preferred taking action.
The real action I wanted to take was simple. Go and get Sera and spend the day in bed together. Confess the rest of our secrets and repent with wicked lust. I could take my hands and my mouth and do things that would make her blush.
I gritted my teeth.
That felt right. That felt good.
I turned and opened my truck and got inside.
Right and good never worked for me.
I knew what I had to do next.
Even if it was wrong.
* * *
Becca opened the door and looked like she had been hit by a car.
“Shit,” I said. “What happened to you?”
“You really want that answer?” she asked me.
“You could have called me if you were having a bad night.”
Becca rolled her eyes. “Why? So you could belittle me before you fuck me?”
I swallowed hard. “Mind if I come in?”
“Can I at least shower first?”
I stepped forward and touched her arm. “I’m not here for that, Becca. We need to seriously talk about all of that.”
“Oh. Great.”
She turned and walked away from the open door and through her apartment. I followed and shut the door behind me. To my left was the living room. There were two empty wine bottles on the coffee table. Leftover pizza boxes and containers of Chinese food. The apartment smelled of the food plus a mix of whatever girlie candles Becca had placed around the apartment.
“Coffee?” she yelled from the kitchen.
“Yeah, sure,” I said.
She shuffled her way from the kitchen a minute later with two mugs. They didn’t match. She wore a long, black t-shirt and nothing else. Temptation had always been written all over Becca. Same with me for her. And we let things spiral after Heath’s death. But it had to stop. No matter what.
“Take a seat,” Becca said.
I pulled a chair out and spun it around and straddled it. I touched the warm coffee mug and frowned.
Becca sat on her chair with one leg up, forever looking sad. Not that I could blame her. She still wore the engagement ring Heath had given her. I bet she didn’t know that I’d forked out over five hundred bucks toward that ring because Heath was desperate and broke. He was supposed to pay me back, but never did.
“Whatever you have to say, say it,” she whispered.
I reached over the table and touched her hand. “I love you, Becca. But not in the way all of this seems. Or should be. We know doing all of this is crazy. And it’s wrong. I don’t regret it though. I’m not sure what kind of person that makes me.”
“Join the club.”
“You’re so heartbroken and I want to fix it. But I know I can’t. What I give you is just t
emporary and where’s that going to get you?”
“I get it. You don’t want to do this anymore. Fine.”
Becca hurried to stand up.
I had to damn near chase her halfway down the hallway.
I stopped her and put her against the wall. She jumped at me and tried to kiss me.
“Whoa, wait a second,” I said.
Her hand slapped me across my face and tears filled her eyes.
“Jesus, Becca,” I said.
“You think I don’t know what this all is?” she asked. “We got what we wanted from each other. Oh well.”
“It’s not oh well. There was so much that happened that night, Becca. Stuff you don’t know about.”
She shook her head. “No… no way, Trev. I don’t…”
“Just listen for a second. He insisted on seeing you. I’d never in my life doubted that he loved you. The way he fell for you and the two of you just… it was intense. But Heath…”
Becca laughed. Tears running down her cheeks.
“What’s so funny here?” I asked.
“You’re going to tell me about him cheating on me, aren’t you?”
“What?”
“As if I didn’t know then. I knew who he was. I knew he had things on the side.”
I was frozen. “You did?”
“Yeah. I didn’t know how to handle it. I was going to talk to him about everything. I was going to put the engagement ring on the table. I was going to threaten to leave him. But he never came home.”
I touched my jaw. “The night…”
“Yes,” Becca whispered. “That night. I sat there and waited and waited and waited. And then I got the phone call. I put the ring back on and rushed to the hospital. I never took the ring off again. Even though I know I need to.”
“Shit,” I said. “I’m so sorry, Becca. I never meant for any of this to happen. To you. To him. To me. To us.”
She touched my face. “Trust me, Trev, I know. I love you the way you love me. Because of the bullshit tragedy we had to live through.”
“This can’t happen anymore though,” I said. “It’s time to let go and move on. I’ll be here for you, Becca. Just not in that other way.”
She nodded. “Yeah. I get it.”
She turned and I grabbed her by the waist. “Becca… you should get help. You should talk to someone. You should get it all off your chest and find a way to heal.”
“I am healing,” she said. “I’m sorry, Trev”
“Sorry for what?”
“Nothing. I guess.”
Becca walked away again and went into her bedroom.
I couldn’t follow her. I refused to follow her. It was over. The whole wrong was done.
When I left the apartment, I felt as shitty as I normally did.
I got back into my truck and didn’t feel good at all. Maybe I had squared things away with Becca, but I still had to talk to Sera about it.
And once that shit was off my chest, I could tell her that I loved her. Whatever happened from there… I didn’t exactly know.
I tried to play it all out in my head as I drove home and was met with a surprise.
Sera was there, waiting for me.
And she was crying.
Chapter 27
Serafina
My plan had been to talk to Max and make sure that it was clear that things were over. Whatever we had done was done and that was it. There was no shame. No regret. No worries about anything. The problem was that when I sent him a text, he never replied. Now, I would never just show up at his house unannounced and cause issues, but I wanted to have a chance to actually talk to him. To make sure we were on the same page with things. No more late night texts. No more random texts. No more code word texts. No expensive wine and fancy music. No more comfort and then get out in thirty minutes or less.
It was done.
When I finished my only class for the day, I tried to text Max again.
He finally responded.
not here - please stop
I read the message a few times and wondered what the heck that meant.
My answer came five minutes later.
I was walking down the sidewalk and turned a corner and spotted Max’s car. He drove a really fancy car. Long and black. The back windows tinted. A really nice car. I had never been in it, of course, but I had seen it countless times.
This time, however, Max was behind the wheel and someone sat in the passenger seat. It was a woman. She looked, maybe, to be around his age. She had blonde hair and they stared at each other, both smiling. I took a couple of steps and watched as Max lifted her right hand and kissed it.
I told myself that maybe it was just a quick kiss on the hand goodbye. A nice gesture or something. But then the woman reached for his face and tickled at the scruff he was letting grow in, almost looking like a full beard.
I swallowed hard, not wanting to put two and two together here.
They both leaned in and shared a kiss.
I felt my heart sting a little.
The kiss was quick but that wasn’t the worst part of it all.
I stood there and watched Max lift the woman’s left hand. Even from my distance I could see the diamond ring glistening on her finger. A massive diamond that looked too big for her hand. Max played with the ring, smiling big.
They looked like a couple that had just got engaged.
And there was no way in hell that they met a week ago and got engaged that fast.
No fucking way in hell.
Which meant…
I touched my stomach and felt sick.
I quickly walked in the opposite direction. A few seconds later, I heard the slam of a car door. I wasn’t sure if it was Max or not, so I started to run. Running. Again. Like a fool. Running from the truth. Running from what I always knew was possible. I didn’t feel sick because of what I just saw. I felt sick because I let it all happen. Over and over. I let it happen, because I believed in some messed up way, that Karie could come back to life and save me. That she would find me having this stupid affair with a professor and smack me right across the face and yell at me.
Was that so much to ask?
I never got to say goodbye to her. I never understood what really happened to her.
I gasped for air and crossed a busy street to the sounds of car horns honking.
I ran to my apartment and threw my bag into the back seat of my car. I got into my car and drove away.
There was only one place I felt comfortable. The only place that I could trust myself, and the only place where the world felt right.
I drove to Trev’s.
* * *
I didn’t mean to cry as he got out of his truck. But seeing him just put me over the edge. The story he told me of his father, half-brother, and the life he lived with his stepfather and Heath, it was heartbreaking.
“Sera?” he asked as I stood there, hugging myself. “Sera, what’s wrong?”
I looked up at him. His dark eyes were worried for me. Worried about me. Nobody had ever worried about me. Except Karie.
I didn’t respond, but instead just hugged him so he would hug me.
In case it was the last hug we ever had together.
“Sweetheart, say something to me,” he whispered.
“I want you, Trev,” I said. “I want you in a way that scares me. And you were right when you said there was more to tell.”
“Okay,” he said. “Then spill it. Tell me whatever you need to. I’m right here. You came to me, sweetheart. That means you trust me, right? So, if you trust me, then what’s there to hide?”
His eyes were as dark as ever, but I did trust him. I came here to be in the comfort and protection of Trev. I pulled at him, even though he couldn’t get any closer to me. I convinced myself to take a break from crying for a little while. My nose tingled for a second and I swallowed hard. Thinking about what just happened to me.
How could I have been so blind and stupid…?
“Trev,
you’re home early,” I whispered.
“What?”
“You’re home early today. Right?”
He raised an eyebrow. “Yeah… and…?”
“It’s early in the day and you’re home,” I whispered.
Trev curled his lip a little. “Are you really questioning me right now, sweetheart? If you want to know that badly, fine. The shop closed up early today. The owner’s mother is having some medical issues. Okay? And what were you planning on doing? Just sitting here until I came home? You didn’t even text or call me.”
“I didn’t know what else to do,” I said. “Everything is wrong. Everything is a mess.”
“I know it is. Why don’t we try to fix it?”
Trev broke the hug and kept a firm grip on my arms.
I slowly nodded and my heart started to race even faster.
He turned and walked toward the apartment building door. He opened it and I paused next to him. I reached up and touched the scruff on his face. He was all man. Everything about him was all man. I just didn’t know about his heart though. And what would happen next.
“I want you to know something, Trev.”
“What’s that, Sera?”
“I’ve fallen for you. Really hard. And I hope that whatever happens next… I don’t know. I just hope you’ll understand.”
Trev nodded. “Come on, sweetheart, one step and breath at a time.”
He took my hand and led the way.
He was going to be the first person to know my darkest secret.
* * *
I asked for tea. Hot tea. The last time I drank hot tea was last year when I got this nasty cold and was glued to the couch watching shows about flipping houses and then switching over to a channel of old gameshows.
I curled up in a chair and held the mug of hot tea. Trev sat on the coffee table with a beer in his hand. He was brilliantly gorgeous as he sat there. So rough around the edges, but honest in his heart. I knew he didn’t believe in fate, but what else could explain what happened the night I met him? I had a good reason why I decided not to go into that party, and he got thrown out. I refused to enter through the front, and he got kicked out of the back. And we met in the darkness of night, at the side of the house, two forces coming close, but being careful not to collide. But the collision was inevitable though.
EVERYTHING WRONG WITH US_a novel by: Page 16