Because it was us.
Trev took a drink and stared at me.
I stared back, my gut doing flips. “Right.”
“Right,” he said. He leaned forward on his knees. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want, Sera. I just can’t stand to see you cry. So maybe I should just keep talking here. Tell you everything I can think of about me.”
“No,” I said. “Sorry, Trev, but no.”
“Okay,” he said, putting a hand to his knee and pushing back and sitting up.
“I’ve been doing something stupid. Really stupid.”
“Stupid…”
“Yeah. Stupid.”
“Drugs?”
“No,” I said. “No. Nothing like that.” I touched my forehead. “Shoot. This is crazy. Trev, I’ve been having an affair with someone.”
I saw the way he stiffened. “Oh?”
“Someone I shouldn’t be having an affair with.”
“Right. Hence the word affair.”
“Yeah. Right. Um… I’ve been with one of my professors.”
The words slipped from my mouth, and maybe they should have made me feel better, but they didn’t. I didn’t feel better at all.
“A professor,” he said. “Wow.”
“The rest of this is going to sound crazy,” I whispered.
Trev pushed from the coffee table and stepped toward me. Towering over me as he stood and I sat. He was a giant, a massive giant. He reached down and with just his middle finger, he touched my jaw.
“Crazy? I don’t think we’ve even begun to deal with crazy yet, Serafina.”
I swallowed hard. I wasn’t sure whether to be scared, turned on or both.
Trev playfully bopped the tip of my nose and stepped back and sat down where he had just been.
“I’ve got the rest of today and the rest of the night, sweetheart,” he said. Then he added something else that made my heart almost launch out of my chest at him. “Hell, I’ve got the rest of my life.
Chapter 28
Trev
It actually wasn’t crazy at all. What was crazy was that I chewed on my tongue, waiting for the right time to talk to Sera about Becca. Not that it really was anyone else’s business in the world, but I wanted her to know. I wanted her to know everything about me. I wanted her to understand the way my heart and mind had been mixed up. How I had been trying to help Becca and the way we both let things get way out of control. But it was over now. I would always check on Becca and make sure she wasn’t going to hurt herself. Anything beyond that was done.
I couldn’t just cut Sera off when she was finally talking to me.
Huddled up in the chair in my living room, telling me the story about her torrid affair. And I had to admit, every time she used the word affair or the words sleep together, it made my blood boil with jealousy. To think about another man touching her… it drove me insane. I couldn’t imagine anyone touching her the way I touched her.
“And it was just… that,” Sera said. “I think it was because we both knew it was wrong. But beyond that, we just understood each other. I wasn’t interested in anything that resembled a party and all that stuff. It was supposed to be me and Karie together. Now, don’t get me wrong, Hailey is a great roommate and friend. She really is. Okay? But she’s not my best friend. I ended up looking for something deeper and that had more purpose than just some college party hook up. Max was never bad to me though. Nothing was ever forced or anything like that. In some way, it was fun because it was wrong.”
I gritted my teeth and stood up. I kept myself cool because I didn’t want Sera to hold back.
“Are you mad at me?” she asked.
“No,” I said. “No. It’s not that.”
“What is it?”
“It’s you,” I said. “The thought of you with someone else. It’s… it’s pissing me off, Sera. I never get like this. But it’s really pissing me off. I want to punch a wall right now.”
“You’re jealous?”
“Yeah,” I said. “And I don’t do that game.”
A smile crept across her face.
She liked it.
It made me smile for a second as I looked down and pinched the bridge of my nose.
She’d got me. She’d got me good. I didn’t even see it coming either. Maybe because it was dark the night I met her. Maybe because I was foolish enough to invite her to sit in my truck to warm up. Whatever it was, she’d changed everything about me.
Sera stood up and put her mug of barely sipped tea on the table and touched my arm. “Trev…”
“It’s good,” I whispered. “Finish your story so I can say something.”
“Right. Um… Max and I met when I took his class. I started to help with the materials and we got to know each other. It didn’t matter to me that he was twice my age. Things just moved forward. When he was home and had time, he would text me. If I replied, I would go over. If I didn’t, that was that. I never sent him a text… well… I wasn’t supposed to. In a crazy way, Trev, I thought that doing this would make Karie find me.”
“What?”
“I know. I know. It’s insane. But I knew that if Karie was alive, she would be the one to slap me. She would tell me how dumb I was. And maybe that’s what I wanted. But nobody was there for it. So things just spiraled.”
“Spiraled,” I whispered. “Meaning what?”
“Meaning it just kept happening. We had rules for each other and it finally got to a point where… I don’t know. It was just normal. It was like someone who has a secret drinking problem. It’s just normal to hide the bottle and sip when nobody is looking. That’s what it became. The night I met you, you instantly challenged me.”
“That’s who texted you,” I said. “And the night you left and I followed you.”
“Yes,” she said. “That’s who it was.”
“Jesus, Serafina.”
“I know. I’m a-”
I turned and faced her. Eyes wide. “Hey. Don’t you ever think anything bad about yourself. You needed comfort and found it. Was it wrong? Who the hell knows? Who makes the rules for right and wrong? You did what you wanted. Nothing else matters but that.”
“He’s engaged,” Sera said.
“What?”
“Max… is engaged.”
“Oh. So you were…”
Sera blinked fast, tears filling her eyes. “I was having an affair with an engaged man.”
* * *
I hugged her. Because the guilt she probably felt right then, I understood. Oh, shit, did I understand it. I understood it so much that it almost relieved me. Which was messed up in itself.
“I didn’t know the entire time,” she said.
“You didn’t?”
“No. I found out today. Once things with you started…” Sera looked up at me. “You know, things have been growing between us, Trev. The night you followed me there, I went there with the intention of… being with him. In some way, I thought if I hurt you enough, you’d stop talking to me. Because I didn’t want you pulled into this mess. I didn’t want you to know about Karie. And the letters. And the situation with Max. And the reason why I let it all happen. I mean, what guy would hear that and not run?”
“Me,” I said.
“I know. And that scares me, Trev. Because it means that everything you’ve ever said about me is true. Whether we were just meeting or being friends or becoming something serious, everything you said was true.”
“Yes it was,” I said.
“Anyway, I texted him. Why? I don’t know. I’m confused. I’m lost. I’m…”
I inched away from Sera. “You contacted him today?”
“Yeah. But for good reason.”
“What’s that?”
“I wanted to make sure he understood what I meant the night I ended everything. That I was being serious. That there was no going back. He replied with something stupid and then I saw him in his car. With another woman. Kissing her. Kissing her hand. And I saw the ring
on her finger. A giant diamond, Trev. I felt empty. Instantly empty. And sick. That’s why I came here. That’s why I was crying. That’s why I wanted you to hug me.”
“Because you felt empty? Why? Because he’s engaged? Because you want that to be you?”
The words fell from my mouth before my brain and my heart could have that quick conversation to remind myself that Sera wasn’t the only one with a dirty secret. And saying that would probably hurt her.
She gasped and then slapped me right across the face. “You asshole.”
The slap hurt and echoed through the apartment. Sera quickly clutched her hand. Tears filled her eyes again.
“It’s an honest question,” I said.
“No it’s not. I would never want that with him. I’m a whore, Trev. I didn’t know he was with, let alone serious like that with someone else. That’s why I felt empty. Because I realized right then what I had become. And I realized that I had nobody to go to about it. Karie was supposed to be there with me. To talk to me. To help me. To tell me when I was crazy. To hold me. To let me cry.”
“That’s why you came here,” I said.
“I’m leaving,” she said. “I’m sorry I said anything to you.”
Sera slipped by me and walked toward the door.
This was the moment. I could let her go. Let her and her exposed secrets go. I would never do anything to hurt her because of those secrets. But it meant that I could hold my secret to my chest.
She put her hand to the door and paused.
She looked at me.
Now was my chance to admit something to her. To show her she wasn’t the only one in a huge fucking mess. And I needed to apologize for letting my stupid jealousy win the battle.
I could say anything. So I said the first thing that came to mind.
“Serafina, I’m in love with you.”
* * *
I hated myself with each passing second that we kissed. I hated myself as I stripped her clothes off her body as though they were on fire. I hated myself as she touched my body, her nails scratching my skin, her fingertips sliding along my hardness, bringing me to life even more, flirting in a way that threatened to waste the moment in seconds.
My hands grabbed her bare ass and I pulled her close as I stepped toward the bed. I felt the swell of her breasts against my chest. I could smell her hair as it bounced around as I moved. Her lips were sweet and her tongue was vicious with the way it flirted with mine. My cock nestled itself between her legs, feeling her wetness against me.
I grit my teeth as she groaned. I loved when she would close her eyes and put her head back, exposing her neck. I loved kissing her neck and feeling the soft rumble in her throat as my mouth, hands, and dick all hit the right spots on her.
I kept her right on top of me, my hands at her hips, lifting her and letting her guide me against her tender slit. She put a hand forward and slapped it against the bedroom wall. Hovering over me, her hair falling wherever it wanted, her eyes staring down at me, the look on her face as her mouth made an o shape as she began to lower herself down on me. The warmth that sheathed me made me growl and I held her hips tighter.
I was encompassed by her. The smell of her hair, her skin, her breath. The look of her perfect body, her wild curves. The taste of her skin. All of her skin… from her chest to her neck to her mouth.
When she lowered herself halfway down, she lifted back up. I let her repeat the motion a few more times, easing her body into welcoming me. But then I took control. My hands slid to the small of her back, just above her ass, and I fucking pulled her down. I thrust up, taking myself to the hilt, making sure there wasn’t an inch of my body to spare.
Sera let out a cry and then had both hands against the wall.
I stayed right there, thrusting up, making sure she felt everything, my hands pulling her down tightly. And I refused to let up. Each thrust of my body against hers made everything about her jump and bounce. She scratched down my wall and took a firm hold of my shoulders and squeezed them tightly. My hands made lines up the sides of and around her body so I could cup her breasts.
“Now,” I ordered her.
Sera moaned and began to rock her hips. She leaned down and kissed me. A bouncing and sloppy kiss, but exactly what I fucking needed.
I didn’t exactly mean to tell her I loved her the way I did, but it just came out. And when I said it, she stared at me in disbelief. So I walked to her and repeated it again. I touched her face and kissed her. She dropped her bag. She dropped her keys. She turned and put her back against the door. And the rest…
“Fuck,” I groaned as Sera pumped her curvy hips harder at me.
Using me to make herself climax was the greatest feeling in the world. Her hands pulling at my shoulders, throwing her head back, speeding up until she reached her breaking point. When she did, every muscle in her beautiful body tensed up and she held there, gasping for air.
But I wasn’t done yet with her.
I eased my hands down and cupped under her ass and lifted. She pulsed against me, wanting me to finish too.
I looked at up her as I started to thrust again.
She groaned and that turned into a helpless whimper. I felt her body going more and more limp by the second. Her tight grip on my shoulders lessened and she lowered herself down to me, trying to kiss me, but basically she just planted her lips onto mine.
I had to make a quick move as I turned, taking full control of her.
With her back to the bed, Sera put her arms around my neck. My left hand touched her hip as I felt her gently trying to keep up with me. My other hand was flat against the bed as I had her. All of her. From the taste of her skin, to the smell of her sweet passion, to the feel of the depths of her body.
When I reached my own climax, I kissed her.
Not a deep and crazy passionate kiss either. Just my lips to hers. My heart racing while her heart was racing. And then down, down, down, our bodies together in a way that could have a lot of meanings.
For us, it was all messed up.
I fucked her. I loved her. I wanted more of her.
When I broke the kiss, I was still inside her. Our bodies now pulsing, coming down from a high better than any drug could give.
I went to kiss Sera and she quickly put a finger between our mouths. She smiled.
“What are you…?”
“Trev, I’m in love with you too.”
Chapter 29
Serafina
He held me all night and when I woke up, I was holding his pillow. There was a note on the nightstand and I smiled as I smelled him all over the pillow. I smelled him on the sheets. Truthfully, I smelled both of us. Skin, sweat, sex. I grabbed the pillow and the sheets and pulled them even closer to me.
I actually felt relieved to have everything off my chest. Finally. Trev knew it all. When I challenged him by trying to leave, he told me that he loved me. He pounced at me, taking me to bed. It was everything that I didn’t have with Max. Or with any other guy that I had been with.
I kept the sheet against my body as I reached for the note on the nightstand.
I unfolded the piece of paper and butterflies were rampant in my belly.
A guy like Trev… so big, strong, and rough. Yet he liked to write letters. Was there anything hotter?
Serafina,
You looked too beautiful to wake up. I hope that when you read this, you’ll go back to sleep. I couldn’t sleep last night. I couldn’t stop looking at you. Watching you sleep. Watching the way your hair fell across your face and against the pillow. The way it feels so right and so comfortable with you in my bed. Having you with me. It makes so much sense that it doesn’t make sense.
A part of me wants to say something stupid and cliché like ‘I wish there was something I could do about your best friend’ … but I know there’s nothing we can do. I only hope that someday you’ll let me in on that part of your world even more. I want to know all the stories. The good. The bad. Everything. I will do the same f
or you, Sera. I promise. My heart and life are an open book. I hope you’ll be there when I get home. I had to take care of some personal stuff.
You’ve changed me, Sera. You’ve changed the way I act, think, and who I am right now. I don’t know how I feel about that, but if I get to wake up next to you, then I’m okay with it all. Change is part of life and there’s no fighting it. We just keep moving along the thin rope of time, unable to turn and go back. You either go forward or you fall off. The good news for you, sweetheart, is that I won’t let you fall off. I’ll be holding your hand and keeping you from falling.
I think that’s as cliché as I’m going to get here. I want you to remember how beautiful you look right now. Your hair is messy. Your breath isn’t all that hot. You’re naked in my bed. The covers are all wrapped up around you as you are around them. The bed smells of all the sweet sins we committed last night. And the air lingers with a flirting temptation to do the same tonight. That’s why I love it. That’s why I love you. What you shared with me was raw. I won’t speak of it because I wasn’t there to live it and feel it. But I trust your heart. I trust your decisions. I hope you trust mine the same. There were more words to share last night, but they were stolen by our kisses. I’m okay with that, but we have words to share. I want you to know that. Coffee and breakfast is waiting for you. I put both in the microwave to keep them a little warm. I guess that depends on what time you wake up. And just so you know, I’m not some fancy ass college professor with matching curtains and sheets with the smell of expensive cologne who would flip his shit if someone nibbled a greasy bagel sandwich in bed.
In other words… you’d better eat your breakfast and drink your coffee in bed, naked, thinking about me.
This is what we do, Sera… we make messes. Together.
Trev
I folded the letter and felt my heart jumping all around my chest. I touched the letter to my chest and took a very shaky breath. Trev still scared me. He scared me because his words did what they did to me. He scared me because he did love me. He scared me because he challenged me the way he did. And it wouldn’t stop. Being with Trev wasn’t going to be the end of finding love or whatever. It was going to be a constant adventure.
EVERYTHING WRONG WITH US_a novel by: Page 17