I threw the heavy comforter off my body but kept hold of the sheet. I stood from the bed and wrapped the sheet around me. I took two steps and paused, looking to my right. I noticed the bag on the floor. The bag where Trev had hidden all the letters to his little brother, Charlie. The bag looked empty.
Hmm…
I walked out to the kitchen and found a cup of coffee and a sandwich in the microwave. The coffee was warm enough to sip and the sandwich only needed thirty seconds to warm back up. I snooped a little through the kitchen until I found his junk drawer and grabbed a pen and a small notebook.
I went back to the bed just as Trev told me to do in his letter. I sat there wearing nothing but the sheet. I ate the perfect, greasy, unhealthy sandwich and didn’t regret it one bit. I drank the coffee and smiled at the way Trev somehow knew how to make it perfect for me. The right amount of half and half and the right amount of sugar.
When I put the coffee down on the nightstand, I bent my knees and put the notebook against my legs and bit my lip as I held the pen in my right hand.
I had a letter to write.
A very important letter to write.
* * *
Dear Karie,
I used to write and have it say Dear YOU because of how angry I was. The first few letters were written right to you. I used to get angry when I thought your parents were playing a mean game on me. I never understood why everyone kept you from me at the end. Maybe there was a good reason in their hearts, but not for us. I never got to say goodbye to you, Karie. And it always hurt me to imagine someone thinking that I would… what… be scared of you? Or maybe you were really just that sick. My mind plays bad tricks on me when I think about it all.
All I’ve ever wanted was us to be best friends through life. That was the plan and the plan got ruined. I guess it’s my job now to think about all the times we had together. The great times together. Our stupid fights over toys, hair, and when we both liked Connor. OMG, remember that? We argued over who saw him first. We used to write our names with his last name and a big heart around it. Then you scribbled my name out on my notebook and put yours. So I took a black permanent marker and did the same to yours. We were about to not be best friends anymore when we found out that Connor asked Angela to the dance.
Then we cried and laughed and never let a boy get between us again.
I wish you were here so badly. I’ve made some pretty stupid decisions these last few years. I skipped a couple of years after high school and traveled. My mother got married to some guy she met online, and I was homeless. I don’t know how I survived, but I did. I finally decided to go to college because that was our plan. I’m lost here in this place though. I have been since day one. But I think I’ve found something. You’re going to think I’m crazy here, but I’ve fallen in love with someone. I know, you’d probably roll your eyes at me, but you know me. I don’t fall in love easily. Well, except that one time with Danny. But he was my first everything. I couldn’t help myself then. Right now, it’s different. This guy gets me in a way that I can barely find words to explain it. I really think that if you were here to meet him, you’d like him. Maybe we’d even end up fighting over him. But guess what? I saw him first. Totally.
I keep writing you letters and I don’t know when I should stop, if ever. I never got my goodbye. But I don’t even know what that actually means. Maybe we watched too many goofy romance movies when we were teenagers. They always showed sick and dying people as normal and beautiful. You’ll forever be beautiful to me, Karie. I’m sorry I wasn’t there when everything went wrong again. I don’t exactly know what I believe when it comes to dying, but if you are able to creep around and spy on me, I hope you can be happy for me. Especially right now.
I’m actually happy. Really happy.
Love,
Serafina
I tore the piece of paper from the notebook and folded it in half. I wrote the letter to Karie, but to be fair, Karie would never read it. And maybe the letter wasn’t exactly meant for Karie at all.
I wrote Trev’s name in big letters and put it on the nightstand.
Then I did something I hadn’t done in a long time.
I forgot about the world and went back to sleep.
Chapter 30
Trev
I had all the letters for Charlie with me on the passenger seat of my truck. My night was restless as I thought about too much at once. When Sera broke the seal to my heart, she also broke the seal to my mind, memories, and everything that had been playing back like a scratched record. Just bouncing around in my head for years.
There was lots to handle with my mother and John. I was hurting over the loss of Heath, but that was okay for now. The one thing that forever stuck with me was Charlie. The answer wasn’t clear and it never would be. My father felt that he had a good reason to take off and leave me behind. To start a new family and become the father that my heart always promised he would be, but he never was.
I stopped at the shop on my day off to get a box. Nick asked me if the box was for my balls because I was tied down to Serafina. All I needed to do was ask him if he got laid last night… not including his right hand. He told me to fuck off and said he used his left hand.
I put all the letters in the box and needed to make a bigger decision.
Burn them or send them?
I sent them.
I sat outside the post office parking lot and wrote on the back of an envelope to my father.
This is everything I’ve wanted to say to him for years now. You left without a good enough reason not to talk to me about it. If my existence destroyed your life that much, then I guess you’re expecting me to apologize. But I never will. I can only hope that what it appears to be with you, your wife, and Charlie is real. If it is, then I can forget and move on. If it isn’t, then you really are the biggest piece of shit in the world. At the very least, I would hope that you read these letters and understand what you did to me. What it could have been like for me. For me and Charlie. For you and me. For you, me, and Charlie. There are too many memories that you let slip by and waste. But what use is there worrying about that now? I can’t change things. You will never change who you are or what you did. I wish I had an answer, but I’ll never get one. Just be the father to Charlie that you were supposed to be for me.
I made sure that the note was on top of the letters I had written to Charlie. There was a part of me that wanted to just drive to his house and do this in person. It would have taken me a lot of hours to drive there, but the look on his face would have made it worth it. The real reason why I didn’t do that was for Charlie. My heart felt ripped into two pieces. I didn’t want Charlie to get confused or scared. I didn’t want to show up and start a fight with Charlie around.
So, there’d be a surprise waiting in a different way for my father. One day a random package would show up. Then he could see exactly how I felt about Charlie and the entire situation.
When I paid and got back into my truck, I saw that Becca had called me. I gritted my teeth and wondered what to do. That was another loose end here. I needed to talk to Serafina about Becca. And then I needed a better plan with Becca. She needed to get help and find comfort and peace in what had happened. It rattled me a little that she knew about Heath cheating on her. And that she was planning on breaking it off with him the night of the accident.
I skipped replying to Becca because I still had one more stop on my travels. I wanted to get all of this shit off my chest. Then I wanted to go back to my apartment and waste the rest of the day with Serafina. My hands wanted to explore every inch of her body. My tongue the same. My eyes wanted to explore every inch of her. I wanted to feel my heart race when I looked at her and when she touched me. Shit, she made me feel alive in a world that quite literally wished I was dead.
I pulled up to the house and purposely blocked the driveway.
My final stop of the day.
To finally give John a piece of my mind.
* * *
<
br /> “Oh, Trev!” Mom yelled as she opened the door.
She dove at me for a hug and I laughed.
“What’s so funny?”
“You always do this. You act like you haven’t seen me in years.”
“I love you, Trev. I love when you just pop in.”
I touched Mom’s sandpapery hair (thanks to all the hairspray). “I love you too, Mom. Thanks for being there for me.”
“Of course. Is something wrong?”
“No. I actually came to talk to John.”
“Oh?”
“I need to take care of something.”
“Trev. Is that a good idea?”
I put my hands out. “You can check me all you want. No weapons. No intentions.”
“Stop that,” Mom said. She grabbed my arm. “I just…”
“Mom, I’ll ask again. Do you love him?”
“Yes. Of course I do.”
“Then let me talk to him. This isn’t fair to you. You walk on eggshells around us. You always have.”
“What is this?” she asked. “You never talk like this.”
“I’m a changed man.”
“You met someone,” she said, her eyes going wide. “You met a woman. Didn’t you?”
“Easy now,” I said. “I’m not giving credit to anyone.”
Even though she was right. Serafina ripped out the leftover pieces of my heart and glued them together to make a new one.
“Okay,” Mom said. “When do I get to meet her?”
“Mom, stop.”
She backed up. “He’s in the den. I don’t like this.”
“I know you don’t. I don’t like it either.”
I walked to the den to find John sitting on a black leather couch with a glass of scotch in his hand. I didn’t even try to figure out how early it was to be drinking.
John looked like hell with his feet up and across the couch.
He had some sports show on with two guys arguing over who was the best college quarterback.
“John,” I said.
“Trev,” he said. “What do you want?”
“I think it’s time we talked.”
“Why’s that?”
I approached and stood in front of a long coffee table with a glass center. I stuck my hands into my pockets and stared down at him. He slowly swung his feet off the couch sat up straighter, but didn’t stand.
“This thing that has been between us for years is bullshit,” I said. “On both ends.”
John laughed. “You feel better now?”
“No. You may not have realized it, John, but there was a time when Heath and I were actually close. A time when I thought for a second that we were going to end up as brothers. He told me a lot about his mother. Your first wife. I told him stories about my father. It was one of the only times I could remember when sports didn’t fill his damn head. But you ruined that. You twisted things to put me against him. You twisted things to make my mother feel like she had to choose. And in some messed up way, she managed to choose you and this life without losing me. I don’t know what anyone wants me to say about the night of the accident. I didn’t want to go to that party, but I did. I wrongfully had a few drinks. Okay? I wasn’t in any condition to drive at that moment. But the plan was to hang out until it was okay to drive. I stopped drinking. I was taking care of Matt, who was dead drunk. Heath was upstairs fooling around with some girl. He always did that to Becca. Don’t worry, she knew about it. That night he opened his heart to me and it caught me off guard. He wanted to see Becca and fix things. For a second, I saw the Heath I saw once before. I should have never let him get into that car. I should have fought him. Fists and all. But you know what, John?” I leaned forward a little. “I was tired of it all. Tired of the constant bullshit. Tired of you and everyone making him out to be something he wasn’t. So he made a decision. Should I have stopped that decision? Yeah. I tried. I fucking tried, John. And I used to think you were right. That it should have been me. But it wasn’t me who died that night. And I don’t think I can apologize for that.”
I stopped talking and swallowed hard.
John just stared up at me. He sipped the scotch from the glass and smacked his lips together as he put the glass on the table.
“Well,” he said, “That’s quite the conversation starter. It doesn’t bring my son back to life though. Now, whether you like it or not, he was my blood son. I never intended for my life to end up with another kid to take care of. A kid that wasn’t mine. A kid that insisted that his father was going to save him. And you were so good at baseball, Trev. I thought that maybe that was our opening to get to know each other better.”
“Until you made it me versus Heath,” I said. “Like one of us was going to win your love.”
John made a grumbling sound. “What do you want me to say to that, Trev? At the end of every single day, no matter what I do, my son is gone.”
“Your son,” I said. “Your only son, huh?”
“Yeah. My only son. Now, that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you, Trev. You came with your mother. I love your mother. I accept you.”
I laughed. “So you’ll forever be a dick then?”
“I am who I am,” John said. “I don’t pull punches. I don’t act fake. What you see in me is what you get.”
“Well, let me explain who I am,” I said. “That woman out there is my mother. Our relationship has been fucked from the day I was born. My father did shit to us that forever threatened the mother and son bond. Yet, somehow, things aren’t all that bad. I’ve asked her many times if she’s happy with you. And she is. So I’ll tell you what I told my father. If you take care of her, I can be happy for you both. I told my father that as long as he takes care of my little brother, I can be happy for them. Simple as that. But know this, John, if you hurt her, you’re done.” I crouched and my knees popped. I was eye level with him. “Eyes on me, stepdaddy. You hurt her and you’re fucked. And if you ever drink and drive and I find out again, I’m going to break your legs. With my bare hands. And then I’m going to drive you out to the spot where Heath died and leave you there to talk to his ghost. If you want to heal from this shit, John, why don’t you start by looking in the damn mirror. Understand?”
He swallowed hard and slowly nodded. “Noted.”
“No, John, not noted. Don’t fucking note it. Tattoo it on your goddamn brain.”
I stood up and walked away.
When I stepped up to exit the den, John called my name.
I looked over my shoulder to see that he was now standing.
He put a hand out and licked his lips. For the first time ever, he looked a little weak.
“Look, Trev,” he said. “I’m sorry for what I said. About your father. That day I came home from the golf club. The shape I was in. The words…”
“You know, I’ve heard that what you say when you’re drunk is what you really think. Meaning when you’re sober, you’re able to hush up.”
“No,” John said. “That’s a lie. When you’re drunk, it’s easier to attack because you have no filter. What your father did to you - and your mother - was wrong. I should have never made that comment. I’m sorry.”
I nodded.
I gave John a few more seconds to see if he had anything else to add, but he didn’t. Instead, he plopped back down on the couch, grabbed his glass of scotch, and put his feet up. His attention went right back to the TV. He even had the nerve to pick up the remote and rewind to where I had interrupted him. What an asshole.
Mom was pacing the hallway in the foyer when I walked toward her.
“Everything okay?” she asked.
“Perfect,” I said. I touched her shoulder. “Why don’t we set up something for dinner soon, huh? I’ll bring Serafina over.”
“That’s her name? Oh, that’s a beautiful name, Trev. Do you really like her?”
I leaned in and kissed the top of Mom’s head. “I’ll let you know when we’re free.”
“Oh, Trev, this is exc
iting. Maybe I can have some grandkids soon, huh?”
“Jesus, Mom,” I said. “Slow down.”
“Sorry. Right. Sorry.”
It was good to see Mom happy. It was good to see her excited for once.
I couldn’t believe that I left the house without my blood boiling. That was a first.
Now it was time to go back to my place and… well… break Serafina’s beautiful heart.
Chapter 31
Serafina
I was dreaming, but couldn’t remember what was happening. The second I felt someone kiss my bare shoulder, the dream dissolved and my heart raced, wanting me to wake up. I stirred and moved to my back to find Trev hovering over me. I blinked a few times, trying to figure out where I was. Who I was. What was happening.
For all I knew, this was just another dream.
Trev leaned down and kissed my shoulder again. He then inched down with kiss after kiss, moving the sheets down my body. I was barely awake, trying to catch my breath. I swallowed and sighed, arching my back, thrusting my chest at him as I felt the sheet scrape against my nipple, making me shiver.
I sighed as his lips moved over my nipple. He kissed and growled, pulling away.
Our eyes then met and he smiled.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing. It’s been a crazy day so far.”
“What time is it?”
“Who cares?”
“I never do this.”
“Wake up to a man kissing your beautiful body?” Trev asked.
“No. Well, yeah, that too. But I never wake up and then go back to sleep.”
“Well, you do now,” he said.
EVERYTHING WRONG WITH US_a novel by: Page 18