“So talking led to…” I said.
“Yeah,” Becca said. “There was this one night we were both drinking a little. And it just happened.”
“And you kept calling me then?”
“It was different,” she said. “You have to know that, Trev.”
“I have to know that it was different? Holy shit. Do you even hear yourself? Do you realize how fucked up this sounds?”
“As fucked up as you sleeping with your stepbrother’s fiancée,” Matt said.
That’s when I lunged at him.
I grabbed his shirt and threw him back. He took the first swing, hitting me in the jaw. I threw my head forward and smashed it against his mouth, feeling his teeth hit my forehead.
I didn’t even know why we were fighting. I didn’t love Becca. What started as a grieving and comforting thing turned into a guilty thing. And we both ended it with an agreement that we’d never do it again.
Even still… I got ahold of Matt’s shirt and drove him back to a wall. The thud echoed as Matt gasped for air. That’s when I smelled booze on his breath. He’d been drinking.
That’s when Becca caught my arm. “Stop! Please, Trev!”
I released my hold on Matt and backed away.
“Fuck, man,” Matt said. “You don’t get it.”
“I don’t get it? Where were you when she wanted to kill herself? Huh? Where were you when she couldn’t stop crying and was having fucking panic attacks?”
“Trev, stop,” Becca said. She got between us. She touched my face. “Thank you for everything you did. We were both grieving because of him. That’s why I trusted you the way I did. But we didn’t love each other. Right?”
“No,” I said. “Not in the way…”
“Not in the way I love Matt,” Becca said.
I looked at Matt.
“It wasn’t supposed to happen like this,” Matt said. “Finding out this way.”
“Right,” I said. I backed away even more. “So, you’re pregnant, Becca. And you’re one hundred percent sure it’s not mine.”
“Nobody can say that,” Becca said. “But you and I were never unprotected.”
“But you two were?” I asked.
“Every time,” Matt said.
“I’m sorry, Trev,” Becca said. “I feel dirty right now.”
She reached for me again and I wouldn’t let her touch me.
“You know what, I’m good here,” I said. “I’m good. The only thing I ever wanted, Becca, was for you to figure out how to get through this. To stop hating yourself. To stop wanting to die. To stop saying that you were going to hurt yourself. And if-”
She lifted her left hand and showed it to me.
She wasn’t wearing the engagement ring anymore.
“Wow,” I whispered.
“Hey, Trev,” Matt said. “I’m sorry. If you had feelings…”
“No, don’t do that, man,” I said. “Don’t.”
“I hope everything is okay,” I said. “The baby. Your life together. At least this way, it won’t be a big disaster for my family.”
Matt slid an arm around Becca and pulled her close. His lip was bleeding from where I’d got him. My jaw throbbed from where he’d got me.
I looked at the bottle of vodka again and nodded.
I should have known. Matt loved his vodka. And when Becca told him she was pregnant he started to drink. Maybe to celebrate. Maybe with regret. Whatever it was, it wasn’t my business.
Shock rippled through me as I got back into my truck. I stared at the apartment building for the last time and clenched my teeth. Everything was such a mess. So wrong. So fucking wrong.
Which made me want only one thing in the world.
I wanted Serafina’s love more than ever.
* * *
Her roommate told me that she said she had to go to a class or something. I never thought I would be walking a campus, but there I was. Casually walking, realizing that I probably wasn’t going to find her. I didn’t want to text her. I wanted to find her. I wanted to grab her, hug her, kiss her, and damn me… I just wanted to feel her. I wanted her to feel me. I wanted to let my guard down and collapse into her.
I made one final pass and kept walking. I needed to walk. I needed to think. I needed to clear my damn mind. It was all so much to take in at once. Everything that happened though, I welcomed. I chose the path and had to face what waited along the way and at the end. If the end got me to Serafina, then everything else was worth it.
Funny thing… the path did take me to Serafina.
I turned the corner and I suddenly felt like I was in one of her stories that she told me. Because sitting there, in a car, was Serafina and some guy. A man much older than her. I knew exactly who it was too. That professor she was having an affair with.
Anger flowed through me freely. I was mixing emotions together like some freak science project, waiting for the big explosion.
My gut told me to just walk away. My heart refused it.
I couldn’t believe that just because something happened with me, Serafina would go running right back to him.
I could stomach losing my stepbrother. I could stomach the years of hell living with John. I could stomach my mother being forever distant. Hell, I could even stomach what my father did to me and losing Becca in whatever way I had her.
But losing Serafina?
I wasn’t going down without a fight.
And I meant that… literally…
Chapter 35
Serafina
I gasped when I realized it was Trev standing in the road, at the front of the car.
My heart started to throb and quickly fluttered into racing. Normally I would just start thinking of excuses and filter through them to find the best one to prevent anything from happening.
But looking at Trev… there was no excuse. He was the man I loved. The one I wanted. And the look on his face told me that something was going to happen.
I opened the car door and hurried to climb out.
“Trev,” I said. “What are you doing here?”
“Looking for you,” he said.
“Serafina, come here,” Max called as I slammed the door shut.
I ran around the car and into the road.
Trev put his hands out. “What the fuck is this?”
“I had something to say to him,” I said. “That’s it. I wasn’t going to have it end without me saying what I wanted.”
I heard Max open his door.
Shit.
Trev’s eyes darted right to Max.
I opened my mouth to say something, but Trev was already on the move. He walked around me and I spun to see what was going to happen.
“Hey there,” Max said. “Are you a friend…”
Trev grabbed Max’s expensive shirt and pushed him against the car.
“Whoa, man,” Max said, his voice crackling. “We were discussing economics.”
“Economics,” Trev said. “Here’s one for you… supply and demand… your cocky ass face is demanding that I supply a clear warning to you to stay the fuck away from my love.”
“Hey…”
Trev threw one punch and hit Max in the face.
Max turned and rolled to the trunk of the car, holding his face, his knees bending.
“You come near her again and I’ll make it so you never see again,” Trev yelled.
I caught Trev’s arm and pulled. “Stop.”
He turned to face me and I saw the look in his eyes.
He wasn’t angry.
He was hurt.
I quickly touched his face. “Trev…”
He shook his head. “She was with someone else… the baby isn’t mine.”
“Oh, shit,” I whispered. “Trev. I’m sorry.”
“I don’t know what I am right now, Sera. But without you, I feel empty. I feel lost. I feel like I have nothing to care about and look forward to. For a long time I could hide all that shit inside me. I could pretend and just float along. Bu
t the second you showed me what it’s like to be loved, and showed me how vulnerable you can be… I’m addicted to it. I can’t lose you, Serafina. Especially to this asshole…”
“Trev,” I said. I gently slapped his face. “I wasn’t here for anything but to tell him he was an asshole for what he did. I swear.”
“I hit him, Sera.”
“Yeah, you did. He deserved it. The economics thing was pretty hot too.”
“Yeah?”
“Definitely,” I said with a smile.
Behind Trev, Max was still groaning.
I looked at him as he held his face with one hand. He’s eyes looked pathetic.
“You’d better stay away,” I said to Max. “Or else.”
Trev looked back and Max stood tall and showed his hands in defeat. He then slid along his fancy car and hurried to climb inside and start it. Both myself and Trev moved to the sidewalk and we watched Max peel out and speed away.
“Sit,” Trev whispered.
We both sat right there on the curb, our feet in the road.
We both sat right there in silence. I felt like Trev was a second away from crying or jumping up and running away for good.
“I mailed all the letters to my father,” he said. “I don’t think he’ll ever give them to Charlie. Which leaves me with nothing to do until Charlie is old enough to understand. I talked to John and made it very clear what happened the night Heath died. Bottom line is that if he and my mother are happy together, then I’m happy for them. I did all of that to clear my head to offer my heart to you, Serafina. I didn’t know Becca was pregnant.”
“I shouldn’t have run,” I whispered. “It’s my thing. It’s my security blanket.”
“I know that,” Trev said.
“I ran so you would go to her. Because being a father is more important than dealing with my life.”
Trev looked at her. “No. That’s where you’re wrong. If you think I don’t want to deal with anything in your life and my life, you’re crazy. I went to your apartment and Hailey said you had a class. So I went to look for you. Don’t think I’m into this crazy stalker shit.”
“Says the guy who showed up out of nowhere and had me get into his truck. Says the guy who followed me one night to see where I was going. Says the guy who showed up just now.”
“Really?”
I reached for his hand. “Thanks for that, Trev. You’ve shown me that there’s a way to find something new and something real.”
He turned his hand so our palms touched. Our fingers interlocked.
“He’s not engaged,” I said. “He’s fooling around with a woman who is engaged.”
“Piece of shit.”
“Basically.”
“Becca was sleeping with Heath’s best friend, Matt. The other guy in the car that night.”
“Oh, damn.”
“I think in some messed up way, she got close to me and Matt as a way to get close to Heath.”
“And you’re sure that…” I didn’t know how to ask the rest, so I bit my lip.
“There’s always a chance, sweetheart. But I took care of myself with her. Matt didn’t. What they have looks real. They connected on an emotional and heartfelt level. What Becca and I had was simply grief. If she’s happy now, then I’m happy for her.”
“So much happiness you’re giving out, Trev,” I said. “Doesn’t seem like you, does it?”
He laughed. “See what you did to me?”
I reached across my body with my other hand and touched his face. He leaned toward me and I leaned toward him. We met halfway, our foreheads touching, heads turning, and we kissed.
Trev broke the kiss after a few seconds. “Hey, Serafina… are you okay?”
“No,” I whispered. “Are you?”
“No,” he said.
We kissed again.
* * *
We were in my shower.
I had planned on giving Trev a tour of the apartment, but when we got to the bathroom, he stopped me, pushed me inside, and shut the door. What I didn’t know was that he didn’t lock the door.
We tore at each other’s clothes like they were on fire. We were naked, kissing, hands exploring all the right places, even before the water was turned on.
Trev picked me up, my legs wrapping around his body as he walked to the shower and turned the water on. Then he took me to the bathroom sink and sat me there. Kissing and leaning against me, my back against the mirror. Everything in the apartment was so old and worn, I waited for the mirror to fall and shatter. Then again, if that happened I would have just laughed because that whole seven years thing was nothing compared to the way my life had always seemed to go.
When the steam started to float through the bathroom, Trev walked me to the shower and stepped right inside. The water hit my leg and I let out a yell at the hot temperature. He put me down and stepped right into the blazing hot water like he wasn’t human. He adjusted the temperature and I hurried to step up behind him. My hands touched his sides and moved around and down. I kissed his strong back as my hands played with the thickness between his legs. My breasts pressed against his back as I put my head back, groaning at the feel of his growing length. He was like steel and I was the one who was supposed to be in control, but I quickly found my hips gently thrusting at him, wanting him inside me.
Trev fixed that a second later.
He turned around, towering over me, his full cock between us, pressing against my belly. His hands touched my face as his body shielded me from the water. It left me cold, shivery, my skin tight and my nipples achingly hard.
When he kissed me, it was instant warmth, head to toe. My toes and knees turned into mush and I started to fall. He moved his hands to my sides to keep me steady as he drove me back against the back wall of the shower. It was freezing when I collided with the tiles, letting out a yell that was slightly muffled by his mouth attached to mine. With his right hand, he cut between my legs, inched up and plunged two fingers inside me. But as fast as he entered me he was gone. His fingers were replaced by him. That first thrust stole my breath like the first drop of a roller coaster.
I regained a sense of consciousness and held his arms and matched his speed with my hips.
The feel of him. The sounds of our bodies. The look in his eyes.
My hands worked their way up to the back of his neck and I pulled, needing him to kiss me again and never stop.
Instead, Trev tortured me by placing his hands to my hips and kept a short distance between us, making sure we both could watch as our bodies came together… over and over and over…
I lost track of the pleasure, but I knew I had never before finished so many times at once.
When the final thrust happened, I crunched forward and sank my teeth into his shoulder and shut my eyes, bracing myself. Once again, Trev held me, turning and shutting off the water. He opened the shower curtain and walked me to the sink again. Placing me down, he reached for a towel and draped it over my shoulders and touched my jaw with two fingers.
We kissed, slow and soft, but deep.
“I love you,” he whispered.
“I love you back,” I said.
Trev wrapped a towel around his body and opened the door.
Hailey stood there, her eyes wide.
“Hailey,” I said.
She started to slowly clap. “Bravo. I didn’t know you had it in you, Sera.”
I felt my cheeks burn red.
“Oh, she had plenty in her,” Trev said without hesitation.
“I see that,” Hailey said. Her eyes moved down and up Trev’s body.
Jealousy hit me and I jumped from the sink, pulling the towel around my body and stepping next to Trev.
“Wow,” Hailey said. “Good for you, Sera.”
“Thanks for your help, by the way,” Trev said to Hailey.
“Oh, not a problem. Glad you two found each other and worked things out.”
“To be fair, we’re still working things out,” Trev said.
>
“Yeah,” I said. “We have a lot to talk about still.”
I grabbed the bathroom door and shut it.
This time, I locked it.
Trev lifted me and spun me so my back hit the bathroom door. One swipe of his hand and the towel fell to my feet.
“It’s all so fucked up, Serafina,” he whispered as he inched closer to me.
“Yes it is,” I said. “But I wouldn’t want it any other way. Or with any other person.”
I threw my arms around him and he kissed me. “You keep playing this dangerous game with me, sweetheart.”
“Please, what dangerous game is that? I already fell for you. I love you. I know your secrets. There’s nothing else you can scare me with, Trev.”
He smirked with that bad boy grin that made my body react in a way that stole my breath. He gently kissed my lips and inched down to my neck and worked his way to my ear.
And then he whispered the one last dangerous game we were going to play.
“For falling for me… and don’t forget loving me… sweetheart, now you get forever with me.”
ONE YEAR LATER
Epilogue
Trev
“Have more to eat,” Mom said as she stood up and reached across the table.
I met her and touched her hand. “I’m good, Mom. Thanks.”
“Serafina?” she asked.
“Oh, thank you, but I’m really full. This was amazing.”
Mom smiled and sat back down. “Okay. Anyone need wine? Soda? A beer?” She looked at John. “Scotch?”
John reached for Mom’s hand. “Take a breather, Donna. We’re good here.”
I sat next to Serafina who sat next to an empty chair. That chair would forever be Heath’s chair, which was just something we all got used to. There wasn’t anything really to say about John, other than he seemed to smile a little bit more and showed his love for my mother in a way he’d never done before. As for he and I, we could respect each other and tolerate each other. Which was fine by me. At that point, I wasn’t looking for someone to pretend to be a father.
Our weekly dinner at Mom and John’s had been going strong for almost the entire year.
EVERYTHING WRONG WITH US_a novel by: Page 21