“I guess I’ll see you in November.” She looked out the window again.
“Where are you?”
“We don’t have to figure this out right now.”
Ben took a couple of deep breaths, trying not to let her see him do it. He needed to learn to let go. He didn’t need to know right this minute when the next time he’d see Liv would be. It would be hard, but if he wanted this thing to work between them, he had to get used to them being apart more than together. At least for the time being.
“I think I will try to sleep for a little while, if you don’t mind.”
“No, go ahead.” He needed time to think anyway.
They’d been lovers for almost five months. When they were together, it was so intense, it threatened to rob him of his sanity. Ben wondered why his lust for her hadn’t cooled because they’d been apart more than together. It hadn’t diminished at all. Not even close.
Every time Ben thought he had a handle on wanting to pull the truck over and bend her over the tailgate, she’d make a soft, sexy noise. Or she’d turn, trying to get more comfortable, and the buttons on her shirt would strain enough that he got a glimpse of her skin. He got to the point where he thought he’d be better off if he didn’t look at her. It was only an hour into the drive. Five more until they hit Walsenburg, where he’d get in his truck and drive west, and she’d head north.
This morning was the last time he’d be with her for…he didn’t know how long. Skin on skin, that’s what he thought about now. He needed her again.
Ben’s hands gripped the steering wheel tighter. He took off his hat and started fiddling with the air conditioner. Man, it had gotten hot in here all of a sudden.
“Ben?” The way she said his name, the perfect little lilt in her voice, made him crazy.
“Need a break, baby? I can stop at the next exit.”
“Okay.” There it was again, that melodic voice that made his jeans more uncomfortable with every word she spoke. How in the hell would he be able to say goodbye to her in a couple of hours? He needed her underneath him. He wondered what she’d say if he said so.
“What’re you thinkin’ about, Ben?”
Oh God, his mouth went dry. Bone dry. “When you say my name that way…it burns me up.”
Liv knew what Ben meant. She hadn’t slept, but instead imagined him stopping the truck and taking her up against her pickup—fast and hard.
The expression on his face was…dangerous. “Tell me what you want.”
“I can’t wait.” Her body was on fire.
“Lick your lips, the way you did when I told you I loved you.”
Her tongue ran over her top lip, twice, as she had then.
“Do it again.”
She did, and the sound that came from deep in his throat made her eyes close.
“Stay here.” Ben had drove into a service station and parked. Bill pulled Ben’s truck behind them. Paige and Mark drove in behind him in their car.
“I have to talk to Bill,” Ben opened the door of the truck.
“Why? Ben, what are you doing?”
Liv tried to see where he went, but the trailer blocked her view. She started to jump out, and remembered he told her to stay in the truck, and right this minute, she’d do whatever Ben told her to do. That was how badly she wanted him. If he came back and told her to take off her clothes in broad daylight, she doubted she’d be able to deny him.
Ben got back in the truck and slammed his door closed.
“What’s going on?”
“They’re goin’ on ahead.”
“Ben—”
“Not now, Liv. Listen to me. Please. And I’m begging you, please don’t fight me on this.”
She nodded.
“We’ll meet them back at your place. I told them I wasn’t sure when we’d be there.”
Ben’s eyes were fiery, there was no sign of his sweet smile. In its place, he was almost scowling.
She launched herself at him, throwing herself across his lap. Her mouth crushed down on his as her hands fisted in his shirt.
“I want you right now, Liv.”
She didn’t answer, but she hoped he had a plan. Her need for him bordered on primal. She wanted to be taken by this man—in every way he wanted to take her.
He scrubbed his hand over his face. “God, I can’t even think.”
Liv pointed across the road, to a chain hotel.
“You make me crazy. What I want to do to you.”
“Anything you want, Ben…hurry.”
“Wait here,” he said for the second time.
Ben walked up to the desk and tossed his credit card on the counter. “Need a room.”
“Sure. Only one night for you?”
“Yep, that works.”
“Would you prefer a king-size bed or two queens?”
What was that? What was she doing with her eyes? Oh no, was she flirting with him? He didn’t have time for this.
“Whichever one would be ready first.”
“Either one.” Ben saw it again, the eye thing. He recognized it, but it was the last thing he wanted to see right now.
“I’ll take the king. Listen, I’m in a hurry here.”
The girl all but jammed his credit card through the machine. Yep, he recognized that look too. He didn’t care how pissed off she got, as long as she hurried.
“Around the back, number one twelve.”
The door had almost closed behind him before he remembered to say thanks.
Ben opened the door to the room, and let Liv go in before him. Once inside, he plastered his body to hers. One of his hands slipped into her hair, threading his fingers through it and pulling her head to one side, so he had full access to her throat. His lips followed the curve of it up to her ear. “Driving me crazy.”
He stepped back, grabbed her hand, and led her with him to the bed.
Liv fisted her hands in his shirt, ripped it open and ran her hands over his chest. He crushed his mouth into hers.
“I can’t stop, Liv. I can’t even slow down.”
“Don’t. God, don’t slow down.”
“Remember you said that.”
His hands pulled off her shirt. Then her bra, jeans and panties.
In an instant, he was inside her. His lips moved to her neck and lit it on fire. The calloused fingers of his strong hands rubbed across her wrists. He went still, his eyes boring into hers—his look so intense her eyes closed.
“Open them, baby. Look at me.”
When she did, he started moving again, slowly. “I love you, Liv.”
“Ben, I—” she closed her eyes, unable to bring herself to say the words he wanted to hear.
“Your skin on mine, where it’s meant to be. This is where we’re meant to be, Liv. You and me, together forever.”
Ben’s truck was in her driveway when they got home six hours later.
“When do you have to leave?” Liv asked, beginning to hate the question.
“I’m not leaving until tomorrow morning. I’m trying to get in touch with my dad. I’m hoping he can fly over and get me. I can get the truck when we’re back for the next show in Denver. If you don’t mind me leaving it here.”
“You can park your car in my garage anytime you want to.”
“You’ve been spending too much time with Mark. And, by the way, you don’t have a garage, baby.”
“Minor detail. By the way, if you’re hungry, I don’t have much food in the house.”
Liv had enough food in her freezer to feed every one of the hands who worked the Patterson Ranch. He’d never seen so much food in one person’s house. “I think we’ll be able to find something.”
She unlocked the back of the trailer, and chattered to Micah all the while. “You must be so tired of being on the road, boy. Mama got a little distracted on the way home. I’m sorry for that. I mean, I’m sorry for you, not so much for me.”
Was she not the purest thing that ever lived? Ben would miss her so much. Laughing with
her. Talking with her. Sitting in silence with her. Touching her. It hadn’t been six hours since he touched her, all of her, and he craved her all over again.
“Hey, are you sure you aren’t gonna need your truck? I mean, it’s sweet and all of you to stay with me tonight, but you won’t be back here until when? Six weeks from now?”
“I’ll be on tour, no need for the truck.”
Tour. God. How in the hell was he going to get through it without her with him?
19
Liv dropped Ben off at the airport in Centennial, but stayed in the car. They’d stayed up all night, talking, having sex, talking more. She was tired, but she wouldn’t have traded the time with him for anything in the world.
“This is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done,” he said to her before he got out of the car. “Every bit of me wants to ask you to go with me.”
“I’m not full yet, Ben.”
“I get it, Liv. I really do.”
Part of what they talked about last night how important barrel racing was to her. For the first time in her life, she was doing something for herself, and she had to do it. If she didn’t, she wasn’t sure what would become of her. It wasn’t as though they hadn’t talked about it before, but it was something Liv believed they needed to continue reminding each other of. Not just her dreams, but his too. She didn’t expect him to give her space alone, she had to do the same for him. That’s why she hadn’t asked him to come to Woodward. It wasn’t that she didn’t want or need him there. She had.
All of it resonated with Ben. He’d been there, more than once, he told her, when he knew that if he didn’t do something, he’d be lost. True with his music, and his sobriety, once he’d decided to own it.
It was also the way he felt the week he showed up at her place unannounced. And again when he threw a bag in his truck and drove to Oklahoma, not understanding why, but knowing he had to do it anyway. He was powerless not to.
“Olivia Fairchild, I’m gonna miss you like crazy.”
“Me, too.”
“I like knowing you will. Anything else you need to say to me before I go get on a plane and fly west?”
“I don’t want to let go of this, Ben.”
Liv cried the entire way home. She pulled off the highway in Castle Rock because she was sobbing. But it was good crying, not end of the world sobbing. It was I’ll miss him so much.
Jolene was due to arrive at her place in the morning to coach her, but only for a couple days. The next two events were in Colorado, then she’d head up to Idaho. She’d do these events on her own, and that’s the way she wanted it.
When she pulled into the driveway and saw Ben’s truck, she thought she might start crying again, but she didn’t. Seeing it there soothed her. She went in the house, climbed into bed and fell asleep, clothes and all.
When Liv went to change clothes the next morning, she found another shirt of Ben’s hanging on the knob of her closet door. She loved that he did that, and wondered what he took of hers this time.
She went out to get Micah ready and take care of the rest of the horses when Jolene pulled in. She parked next to Ben’s truck and pointed at it. “He’s here?”
“No. He’s not. His truck is here. Okay?”
Jolene grumbled. “Good” was the only word Liv could understand.
Jolene stayed for the planned two days, and then told Liv she was ready. They’d see what her times were at the next three events, and Jolene would review the videos she arranged to have taken of Liv’s rides. Then they’d get together to work out whatever kinks crept up.
The first event was three nights at the Douglas County Fairgrounds in Castle Rock. Since it was only a forty-five minute drive from the ranch, she didn’t bother getting an overnight stall for Micah.
She did well all three nights, ended up in the top two, and won seven hundred and fifty dollars.
In Pueblo, she placed second at the State Fair rodeo, which meant she had enough winnings to get her full membership in the Women’s Professional Rodeo Association. Next up was Idaho.
The tour bus pulled out of Chicago, headed for the show in Cleveland the next night.
“Go to sleep,” Jimmy said to Ben, “and try not to be as much of an asshole tomorrow.”
Ben wanted to tell Jimmy to go fuck himself, but his friend was right, he was an asshole. They’d been on the road nine days, and every part of his body ached for Liv.
After Cleveland, they had one night off, and then they’d play four nights in a row, ending in Philadelphia.
He had two days between then and the next show, in New York. He planned to see Liv no matter what. And his kids, he needed to see them too. He missed all three of them so much his heart hurt.
As much as Ben hated being away from Liv and his boys, he loved touring and interacting with the audiences every night. These were by far the biggest venues and biggest crowds CB Rice had ever seen. On stage, he was fine. The rest of the time he was miserable.
It was Sunday night, which meant Liv would be finishing up at the Magic Valley Stampede in Filer, Idaho. It would be her first event as a full member rider. She’d been worried about making enough to qualify in two months, yet she did it in two events. He was so proud of her he thought his heart would burst.
He checked his phone for the hundredth time, wishing he’d hear from her, but still nothing.
At two in the morning, something jarred him awake, and he checked his phone. There were no calls from Liv, but there was one from Renie. It had come in around midnight, followed by a text from her asking him to call her as soon as he got the message, no matter what time it was. Fuck.
“Ben?”
“Yeah, Renie—”
“There’s been an accident.”
Every muscle in Ben’s body seized, and all the air left his lungs. He felt like he was about to have a heart attack. “Tell me.”
“She’s in a coma.”
Ben’s cry woke everyone on the bus. Jimmy slept in the bunk closest to Ben. “What’s going on?”
“Oh no, Jesus. What are they saying?” Pause. “Okay, I’m on my way. I’ll get there as fast as I can.”
“What is it? Come on, Ben, tell me what it is, so I can help you.”
“It’s Liv. An accident.”
“On it.”
“Call my dad.”
They were still three hours outside of Cleveland, and by the time the bus got there, Ben’s dad would be waiting with the plane. From Cleveland, it would take another six hours to get Ben to Twin Falls, Idaho.
Ben talked to Renie again, and then to Paige. Jimmy got on the phone with Frank, the band’s manager, and asked him to cancel the Cleveland show.
At one in the afternoon, Ben walked into St. Luke’s Hospital in Idaho’s Magic Valley. Mark was waiting for him inside the front entrance, his eyes bloodshot, and his hands in his pockets.
No, no, no. Ben went dizzy and leaned against his father. “Tell me,” he managed to say.
“She’s critical.”
Liv was in the intensive care unit, and Renie was with her when he walked in. There were tubes and machines hooked up to her everywhere. Ben put his head in his hands and cried.
“Stop that,” Paige barked at him, then softened her tone. “She’s going to get through this.”
Ben’s arms ached with the need to hold her. Renie’s head came up when she saw him, and she came out.
“Go ahead and go in,” she murmured. “I’ll tell you more after you’ve seen her.”
Ben put one foot in front of the other. He saw himself moving forward, but the walk to her bedside was the longest of his life.
She had a metal device on her head, with screws going into her skull. Her face had scrapes and cuts on the side of it, and a machine did her breathing for her. Ben kissed her forehead, sat down, and started to talk.
He talked, and talked, and talked. He told her every detail about the show the night before, in Chicago. He told her which songs had been crowd favorites and
which ones he’d chosen to do for encores. He asked her about her race, and about what happened. He had the same conversation he would’ve if they had talked last night. Except she couldn’t answer.
Ben told her he wanted to play “Fall for Me” last night, but had decided that the first time he played her song, he wanted her in the audience, so he hadn’t. And then he broke down.
Paige came in and put her arms around his shoulder. “Come with me, Ben.” She ushered him out of the room, and Mark stepped forward, put his hand on Ben’s arm, and walked him away from the ICU.
Ben sat, head in his hands, and cried. He’d found her, his reason for living. What would he do if he lost her now?
“She’s gonna be okay.” That simple statement from Mark brought him back. Ben turned to him.
“No one else is letting go of Liv. If you are, then you shouldn’t be here.”
“What do you mean?”
“When you’re with her, you need to tell her you believe she’s going to be okay. She lived. She’s gonna be okay.”
Mark was right. He’d only been thinking of himself. Liv herself would say, “This is about me, not about you.”
“Paige can tell you what the doctors said, if you’re ready.”
Ben nodded.
Paige explained that the doctors had two treatment options. Liv could stay in traction for twelve weeks, to see if her neck injury healed on its own. Or, they could try surgery. With surgery, the risk was significant, with a chance Liv wouldn’t survive it.
They wouldn’t do anything, however, until they determined the reason for her coma. Nothing on the MRI indicated why she wasn’t conscious.
“They want us to keep talking to her, just like you were, Ben.” Paige said. “She may be able to hear us. Before you go back in, I want to talk to you about the tour,” said Paige.
“What about it?”
“You need to get back to it.”
“You’ve gotta be kidding.”
“If there is a change in her condition, we’ll get in touch with you. But Ben, you’ve got sold out shows, a band, and a crew depending on you.”
Fall for Me (Cowboys of Crested Butte Book 1) Page 18