Let’s start with your personal heroes and heroes in general.
CHAPTER TWELVE
SCREW YOUR HEROES
WHO ARE THESE HEROES?
Think of the individuals whose approval means everything to you. These are celebrated beings who occupy a place of unquestioned authority in your mind. These are the individuals you do not want to disappoint. You get excited when you see them; their every word is wisdom to you; their actions are the right actions; and their achievements and knowledge are what makes you follow them.
In all likelihood, you want to be them. They are basically perfect humans in your eyes.
This is a figure of authority—could be a professor, head of department, mentor or some high achiever you know personally. You get the idea.
You observe how they talk, how they walk, their hand movements, little gestures, and how they conduct themselves in different situations. You are always pretty amazed by whatever the fuck they do, so much so that you try to bring what you learn from them into your behaviour. Your theory is: However they act must be the right thing to do. After all, they are perfect beings.
Soon enough, their views become your views, their favourite order in a restaurant is the thing you prefer too, their slang is the ones you use too, their dress sense becomes the right way or the cool way to dress up. Think about it, when you’re impressed by someone, you try to copy them; now imagine when you are impressed by someone so much that you think there’s nobody better than them. You give them complete authority of yourself. You become their follower.
In this process, there are strong chances that their way of seeing life becomes yours too. The problem is that this doesn’t change even when you find something about them that may bother you. It happens because your faith in following them is so strong that you convince yourself of this: That’s how winners think or That’s what winners do.
Well, these are the first type of people you need to detach yourself from in your mind if you want to be your own person.
WHY DO WE LOVE HEROES?
If I asked you to say, fuck your heroes; fuck whomever you think is your role model. Would it make sense to you, even if it is necessary for your personal growth? Even if it doesn’t mean that They are dead to me, I don’t respect them, all their ideas are bullshit, all their knowledge is bullshit. Even if it only meant: Fuck their authority and nothing else; to you, it may seem as a very offensive idea. It would be offensive because, somewhere along the line, you were taught two very powerful words—‘heroes’ and ‘role-models’, which meant people who are above normal humans. And when you called somebody that word, they became untouchable and awesome to you.
It happened because that word is absolute; there is no debate about the meaning of this word. And that is how your mind is manipulated by language. You probably would have had strong doubts about who they are as a person until the title ‘hero’ was assigned to them by you or by society. That word answered who they are as a person—they are a hero or a role-model. Does that actually answer that question? Fuck no. But this word has that power. And that’s why you’d be offended, not because it is about that particular person, but because it’s about somebody you think is your hero.
Such a simple word, right? Well, that’s how you manipulate people—through the simplest of things. No wonder humans are generations of cattle led by wolves.
So, we need to first understand how we bought into this bullshit idea of heroes in the first place.
FROM WHERE DID WE BUY THE IDEA OF HEROES
In general, you have a tendency to mindlessly believe that there are heroes in this world; you see people who do good things as ‘heroes’.
And personally, you call people your heroes if you think they are capable and awesome.
This infection in our thought process has been spread from movies, TV shows and the dramatic retelling of historical accounts of people with heroic perspectives. Even though you know the idea of a ‘hero’ comes from fiction, what you fail to acknowledge is that it ends with fiction as well. We love to bring it into reality.
The truth is, the idea of a hero and villain is very interesting and too damn simple. Even a four-year-old gets it and is gripped by it. A highly intelligent person once wrote, ‘Truth is rarely pure and never simple’. This idea is both.
One would think that as we grow older and mature, we would outgrow such simple ideas, but apparently most of us don’t. So, this idea develops further into the monochromatic perception of ‘good’ and ‘bad’. And without a hint of scepticism, we consider all manner of things from this stupid point of view, such as:
Political issues: They are the bad guys, we are the good guys, vote for us because we will keep you safe from the bad guys.
Personal opinions on people you meet: He looks like a good guy. It is actually the foundation of our first impressions—somebody is either good or bad.
Your perception of structures of power, fame and money: The government is bad. Scientists are good. People who work on Wall Street are bad. Teachers are good. Famous actors are good because they play nice people in movies and TV shows and because they support causes.
When asked about heroes and role-models, our answers always concern themselves with the image of being ‘good’, without realising that an image can be created—it doesn’t necessarily have to be true.
The problem with ‘good’ and ‘bad’ is it blinds you to the aspects of being human. People are many, many things, but never wholly good or entirely bad. That would be just like the characters we saw in movies as children.
But we still believe in that and function on that basis because:
It is a popular idea. So the logic is: everybody thinks like that so it must be right.
You learned as a child that people who are good cannot be bad, and bad people cannot be good. Sadly, as a grown-up, it still continues to make sense to you.
You still think like that because you are never taught how to think, question and investigate.
A SOCIETY THAT FUNCTIONS ON ‘GOOD AND BAD’ IS DUMB
What happens when we continue with the childish perspective of seeing people as either good or bad? The consequences are:
Because we are self-important beings, we presume that we are ourselves good. Since we all presume that we are good, the only acceptable qualification in public discourse, behaviour and ideology becomes ‘being good’. When we do that, we unknowingly become a mob which judges anything that doesn’t look good, doesn’t feel good or ‘seems’ anything but good. So we start judging appearances that we don’t like, things that hurt our feelings or things that feel bad. If you think we live in an outrage culture, this is one of its causes. Everything is viewed from the lenses of either good or bad. The nuances are lost. The deeper meanings are lost. The story from both sides is lost. Just feeling bad is enough for people to start judging. Also, we force ourselves and others into corners of privacy to do things that aren’t considered ‘good’ in the eyes of the public. Lastly, we become susceptible to being manipulated by clever people who can easily pose as ‘good’.
We label people as our heroes and role models without any scepticism, scrutiny or real data. All they have to do is sell us the image of being good successfully and consistently. This happens on television almost every day, through movies, and happens an insane amount on social media platforms.
The perception of being good is used to build public perception by brands, people, politicians, leaders to gather a following, profit and power for themselves.
We even label people around us as heroes and role models even though it is based on limited interactions and we have no real data about them. The thing that tends to win them such titles in your mind is impressive achievements, which you have been programmed to worship. And just like that, you become a follower and they are your heroes.
A PERSON WHO FUNCTIONS ON GOOD AND BAD IS DUMB
One of the worst things you can do to your ‘self’ is call someone your hero or role model. The momen
t you do, they fit into your childish fantasy of being wholly perfect. They stop being people but become something bigger in your eyes. This is dangerous because that’s exactly what they are—people.
The concept of good and bad also prevents you from fully empowering yourself and fully accepting others. How do you fully empower yourself?
You do that by finding out and recognising your virtues, as well as tendencies that can do harm to you and others. Then you employ self-control to beat those tendencies into submission. We have talked about this before.
Self-empowerment begins with accepting that you knowingly and unknowingly can cause great damage to yourself and others in the simplest of ways. You have the power to cause great hurt—it could be to your parents, your friends, partner or yourself. You cannot accept this as long as you believe that you are good. And the great majority of us believe that, including you, my friend, whether you would like to admit it or not. You’re the protagonist of your story, why would you not assume you are good!
Because we believe that, we start blaming, rationalising, living in denial as much as we can, very believably so, to escape accountability. And why wouldn’t we? Doing bad things means inviting shame, humiliation and judgements from people. Who the fuck wants that? And since you have the mental faculties to bullshit yourself, why wouldn’t you use them to blame and justify?
The biggest problem is: We know what to expect when doing good. We get to feel positive and find acceptance and love from people.
We have no idea what to do when we see ourselves as ‘bad’. You have nowhere to go because you were never taught how to process this. You hardly ever consider that you might have done something bad by putting yourself in the other person’s shoes.
No, you instantly go on the defensive, because ‘you are good’, which you have to prove now. And what comes as the first impulse is deflection:
I didn’t do anything bad, they deserved it. I didn’t do anything bad, it’s because they stopped treating me the way they used to in the past. I didn’t go anything bad, it’s how the world works—nature, baby. I didn’t do anything bad, they didn’t care about me either. I didn’t do anything bad, I am only looking out for myself, my people, my nation, it’s for the greater good of future generations.
It’s because of the clusterfuck explained above that we shut the possibility of discovering our self. Instead, we want to be as fake as possible for the sake of seeming good, to be accepted by others and society. In doing so, we also close the possibility for others to fully open themselves to us. It happens because we become judging assholes whose standards are no less than what society approves.
THERE ARE NO HEROES, ONLY PEOPLE
There are no heroes, no good people, no bad people—these are foolish, oversimplified perceptions. We are fully capable of doing acts of various nature, ranging from ethical to evil in different situations at different times with different risk involvement for different personal motivations. You have to accept that people are flawed beings; we are a mix of selfish tendencies, biological urges, our impulses and ego-driven inclinations. In the words of the mighty philosopher of our age, Mike Tyson, ‘We are animals trying to become humans.’ It’s a gradual struggle—for all of us. If, on the same day, you do one good thing and one bad thing, what does that make you? It makes you human.
When you stop seeing people as either good or bad, you expect everybody to be human. This means you are not shocked at learning that a particular somebody who appeared to be all nice, gentle and kind has done some bad shit to people. You might find out that a man you thought is great and wise is unfaithful to his wife, his ambitions are not noble but fuelled by greed, or that he uses his power to seduce younger women by offering them false hopes and promises—it happens all around the world.
Nor are you shocked at learning that some completely unknown person has been committing acts of kindness quite generously without broadcasting how amazing he/she is. And doing that doesn’t make them heroes either.
You start seeing people as people and expect the unexpected from them. Once you develop this healthy scepticism, you become aware of the fact that you live and work amongst people—neither wholly good, nor wholly bad. You learn to appreciate acts of charity and kindness without awarding titles of goodness to them. You do so because you recognise the same person might have the tendency to act in ways that may not be acceptable, appropriate, or sensitive to others.
Here is an example: You have a colleague in office who goes out of their way to help you with your work. For this, they have your appreciation and gratitude. The choice now could be:
To see them as a completely ‘good’ person, which means they are overall generous and good in your eyes. Now remember, the word ‘good’ implies they are trustworthy. (Assumption.)
Or to simply see them as a person who is helping you out, for which you are more than thankful. But your trust in them is limited to the fact that they will help you without expecting anything in return from you, since this has been your experience with them so far. (Data.)
When you see them as someone who is only helping you out, you recognise that you don’t fully know them as a person. You recognise they may have ulterior motives and you don’t form your opinions about them until further knowledge about them is gained. Meanwhile, what you do have is the choice of rewarding their help in words, with a present or by helping them out when they need it.
Now let’s say that they do have ulterior motives, if you thought of them as a good person you can trust, not only will you be shocked, but they can have the power to make you feel guilty for having taken their help. When something like this happens, the only choice left with you is to now see them as a bad person—which is again stupid as fuck. Bad is a strongly negative word in your mind. And if you are sharing your work environment with a person you think is bad, it becomes a negative environment because they are right fucking there.
But if you saw them as a human from the start, you wouldn’t be surprised at learning about their motives because, at the back of the head, that possibility always existed. Therefore, you would have prepared yourself for any scenario. You were prepared for any situation in which they made it weird or tried some shady shit with you. That clarity can only come when you remove the perception of bad and good, and start seeing people as people only—all of them. When you think like that, not only are you more aware of what motives people can have, your reasoning is carefully regulating your naive assumptions, and you keep yourself in a position which doesn’t give anybody’s motives a chance to work on you.
When you stop seeing people as good or bad, you start paying attention to them with respect to what you want.
Let’s take the example of role models. Say you have met a person who is experienced, an achiever who has the power to help and influence your career. You want their guidance; actually, you want as much help as you can get.
When you realise there are no heroes, only humans, they remain just people in your eyes. The process of idealising them, idolising them, or romanticising them as heroes stops. And with it, you stop granting them the armour of ethics. They are impressive at what they do, hence they are my heroes, hence they are good. That doesn’t make any sense, but we think like this a lot.
When you stop this, they become like every other person. You start seeing them as flawed people instead of perfect beings. Therefore, your focus stays on the relationship between their capabilities and what you can gain from them. You don’t become their follower. Your behaviour is guided by expectations of what they can offer with no compromises to your principles, self-control and self-respect. As a result, they don’t become the authority in your mind—your self retains that position.
Lastly, when you see people as people, you rely on data to find out who they are. You don’t care about the impressions they create or how people behave around them. For example, if you find out something you don’t like, it is based on real data about that person—they have exhibited behaviour you don’
t want to associate yourself with. The problem with flatly labelling them as ‘good’ is that you close all the possibilities of them having any ulterior motives for which they might be helping you. When you see them as a person, you recognise you don’t fully know them. Therefore, you don’t form any opinions until real data on them is gained. To quote Mike Tyson again: Everyone that you fight is not your enemy and everyone who helps you is not your friend.
THERE ARE NO HEROES, ONLY HEROIC ACTIONS
There are no heroes. There are heroic actions though. This expectation of being a hero is projected on people by you.
It’s an expectation any sane person would rarely choose for themselves. The title of being a hero can very easily ruin a person’s life, because it comes with the expectation that all their actions, all their decisions and relationships and every single behaviour in their past and present must be pure and good.
Any instance from their past that reflects the action of a greedy, selfish, ignorant, prejudiced or lustful person—characteristics that people are known to have—can not only dismantle their title of hero, but defame them for the rest of their lives. Once you call a person a hero, they are disqualified from being human anymore.
We should admire heroic actions, encourage them and celebrate them; we should aspire towards incorporating them into our lives. But we should leave those people to be people, and to act like people—that’s a great thing they are doing, I really admire it—and spare the person from your dumb expectations and assumptions regarding things you have no data about.
Hopefully, you will no longer hand over your authority to people because they have the capacity to impress you with power and knowledge. Keep your authority to your own nation.
Now, what about those people who you believe are heroes and saviours of humanity? Let’s talk about them as well.
The Rudest Book Ever Page 10