CHAPTER THIRTEEN
ADMIRE, NEVER FOLLOW
WHAT ABOUT THE PERFECT PEOPLE YOU FOLLOW?
Your heroes are people. This means no matter how glamorous, impressive, commanding, rich, celebrated, famous and respected they are, they too have feelings and flaws just like you do.
They too cry, bitch and moan like everybody else. They too struggle to do many things and face disappointments. They too have inner demons. They also wonder: what’s the point of everything? And question their achievements. They too have regrets, wish they could have done some things differently, and make mistakes. They are humans after all, aren’t they?
They are either imagined as perfect beings by you or are advertised to you as perfect beings by self-promotion, what is written about them and by people who follow them. You know, a lot of these supposedly ‘perfect people’ have companies and foundations that focus only on recruiting more and more followers. And this is how we create enlightened perfect beings. Their perfection could be based on either the stories you have heard about them, the huge number of their following, or the impact their speeches have had on you.
So, how many of these do you follow? Here’s the truth: Nobody’s perfect.
But, of course, you have heard this before from one of these ‘enlightened’ beings. And when you heard this, you excluded them from the statement, because if they were like everybody, they wouldn’t have told you that nobody’s perfect; therefore, it doesn’t apply to them, yaay, I am so smart, I should totally follow them.
NOBODY’S PERFECT.
But what about those people who seem to have solutions for all your problems? Problems which to them are ordinary, mundane bullshit that only ordinary people have to deal with every day? NOBODY’S PERFECT! Not them either.
All right, but what about our forefathers, freedom fighters, authors, scientists, inventors, philosophers, and great historical figures who paved the way for freedom, equality and justice for future generations? Those who annulled harmful practices, fought ignorance, prejudice and oppression? Are we to believe they were not great, perfect men and women? Are the pioneers of new-age inventions, technology and advancement not worthy of being followed as perfect examples? Even the ones who lead with principles of non-violence and total inclusiveness?
No, none of them was perfect. They were all people with plenty of flaws. And you should never get the idea of following them or anybody, because in the word ‘follow’ comes the wish of emulating and becoming like them. And you cannot change and become who they are just because you would like to. It doesn’t work like that. You will remain who you are, so it’s better you get in touch with that and work on it. What you can do is take what you admire about them and try to bring that into your behaviour and thinking as well. You can try that with the help of self-control.
What you should strive for is to be a mix of:
Who you are, which comes by giving your ‘self’ the authority.
And what you admire about them.
Although the need to follow somebody comes from admiration, there is a huge difference between saying: I admire them and I follow them.
WHAT IT MEANS TO ADMIRE SOMEONE
When you say you admire something about somebody, you point exactly towards what appeals to your mind. Your focus stays on the source of your admiration, which could be their actions, beliefs, creativity, or their intelligence.
Admiration could also mean that you take inspiration from that source, which means their work is a point of reference for you, not something you want to copy. You can be inspired by somebody’s work and go on to create something of your own. People do that more often than not.
Lastly, when you admire something about somebody, you are free to distance yourself from everything else but those aspects that cause the admiration. You do not have to become their followers.
WHAT IT MEANS TO FOLLOW SOMEONE
When somebody is your hero, you take on the mantle of being their follower. With that mantle now comes the responsibility of proving why they are worthy of being followed and defending them when somebody disagrees with you or attacks them. You might think, I don’t have to defend anybody, it’s my choice, I will follow whoever I want.
That’s bullshit. The truth is that your choice to follow them now represents your intelligence. And failing to defend them makes you look like an idiot.
Think of all the people you call your role models. When anybody criticises them, you get all salty and feel the need to defend them. But the moment they pull out some information about them indicating a lack in moral character, these figures become harder to defend. The truth is, you yourself at some point questioned your heroes upon learning certain details about them which were very human-esque and not very hero-like. But because the aura of the hero-figure loomed so large in your head, you chose either complete denial or some cockamamie bullshit explanation to shut down the doubt once and for all.
The same applies to historical figures. They are your heroes for having had a strong impact. But what happens when you learn unsavoury facts about their lives? Perhaps they had multiple affairs with much younger women; perhaps they cheated on their wives; or they plagiarised an idea; or they were prejudiced towards a group of people; or they were violent.
Do any of these facts negate their acts of heroism or unbridled creativity? Do they contradict the idea of a perfect moral hero you learned as a child? What it most certainly does is put a question mark after hero in your mind, because even with your admiration for them still intact, those facts do fuck with you—facts that make them human. And anytime you are discussing their greatness and someone brings them up, you become quiet, your narrative falls apart.
You want to prove they are heroes, when all they are is human, with slightly more conviction in their beliefs and a drive that lead them to commit those great actions.
YOU DON’T HAVE TO FOLLOW ANYBODY
You are a fan of their extraordinary acts and the products of their talents, not their lives. Learn to differentiate. What you have is a fascination for their lives. Without their achievements, you wouldn’t have even known their names. Why not admire them for those acts alone! If we only looked at the acts objectively, almost everybody would unanimously agree that they are worth admiring. Why not leave it at that? As previously discussed, the entire system of calling people heroes or role models is childish.
Should we subjectively decide based on how much we like them whether the wrongs they did matter to us or not? Or should we compare the impact of their bad decisions to their acts of greatness? Or maybe, it’s not our responsibility. It was theirs. It was their life. Your responsibility lies to your life. They never appointed you as their spokesperson to defend them. The only thing you can do is learn from them. You don’t have to follow anybody.
Admire whatever it is that appeals to you and aspire to learn and incorporate that in your actions by beginning to try. You have your own self, which you should build into something you can be proud of and be satisfied with. And to do that, you learn from everybody.
There are three facts of life:
There is no person on this planet with whom you would agree on everything one hundred per cent.
There is no person on this planet with whom you would disagree on every single thing.
There is no person on this planet from whom you cannot learn something new.
So, learn from everybody. Maybe that is why we label people as heroes—because we are flawed. We need heroes to believe in our hearts that we can be better, so there is hope for us too. Well, the fact that you want to be better is the hope. But for that, you don’t have to be like anybody, you already have your ‘self’. There is only one person who should give you approval, acceptance and self-worth, and that is you. You are a nation, my friend. Build a self-reliant one.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
THE PIECES OF SHIT ONLINE
Now, it is not entirely your fault that you follow people. Two major drivers are assumptions and
advertisement. Basically, there are a lot of pieces of shit who leech onto your fascinations, naivety and vulnerabilities and get you to become their followers—a lot of them on the internet right now. Let’s broadly look at people that we tend to follow.
In terms of their impact on people, we would have four categories:
Those with less impact and more entertainment.
Those with high impact and high entertainment.
Those with high impact and entertainment and knowledge.
Those with high impact and perfection.
Now, not all of these are pieces of shit, only a lot of them are—it’s important to differentiate.
THE TRUTH ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA INFLUENCERS
Before we get deeper, let’s set a few things straight about the internet and these social media influencers.
We live in a world where it has always been the norm to gather a following. This means that, throughout history, a few people have always tried to gain a following for themselves for several reasons: to acquire power, wealth, influence, popularity and control. All right?
People by nature are aspirational beings. Aspirational content means selling you things that you don’t have but would like to have. We have these wants as we live under the impression that these things will make us happy. The truth is, we think this way because we have no fucking idea what would make our ‘self’ happy. So we chase after bullshit ideas of happiness being sold to us by YouTubers and vloggers.
Since you are shown only what they want you to see, you assume it is real. This is where you develop the why am I not like them syndrome.
Now, here’s the most important point: The element of honesty is what separates blind following and admiration.
The more honest the person you follow is, the less you would feel like emulating them and becoming them. The more dishonest a person is, the more you want to become like them.
Honesty removes the cloak of perfection from your eyes. What you see are normal, approachable people with flaws and struggles, just like yourself. Therefore, you admire them for their realness.
With dishonesty, the narrative of whatever they want to sell you remains in their control. And they sell you perfection—it could be a perfect life, perfect happiness, perfect intelligence or whatever you might dream about having. Since you have no real data about who they really are behind the screen, you assume they are perfect from what they show you—which is bullshit.
Therefore, the more honest a person, the more you admire them. The less honest a person, the more you follow them.
The focus boils down to real data and honesty. Everything else is advertisement and assumption. Now, let’s talk about the four types of influencers.
THE INFLUENCERS YOU DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT
1. Those with less impact and more entertainment.
You have watched their stuff, you know their names, but don’t really give a shit about them. And you would think it remains like that, but it doesn’t. You see, these people, once upon a time, were just like you. They too followed a bunch of cool, aspirational influencers and wished they could be like them one day.
Now, when they are able to accrue a large enough following, they believe they are ready to be a part of that group. Therefore, spreading stereotypes of perfection seems exciting to them. To them, it’s finally living out their own fantasies and choosing to spread the same lies that they once bought themselves.
Think of any influencer who in the beginning of their career appeared humble, sincere and relatable to you. But after fame and money, they became more and more fancy, their pictures became more professional, their flaws started to vanish, their clothes became more expensive, their relationships seemed more for camera and status, and their attitude became more self-absorbed.
You may think it is fame and money that changed them, but the truth is they were this person all along. It’s just that, without the fame, they couldn’t show it.
Now, not all influencers make this choice. Those who do embrace the persona of celebrities and start selling you unattainable types of perfection.
FAMOUS PEOPLE YOU GIVE A SHIT ABOUT A LOT
2. Those with high impact and high entertainment.
These are people about whom you say: I care about them very much. Not only do they provide high doses of entertainment, their personal life is of equal importance to you. You are fascinated by them, call them your role models, heroes, and identify yourself as their faithful follower.
You are either in love with a persona created by them for you, or a persona you created of them as a follower. I know who they are because I am their true fan. You have assumed a thousand things about them, making them fictional characters. The truth is: you don’t know shit. You haven’t lived with them.
They control the narrative of what is being shown to you at all times. You hardly ever get true stories about them from people around them, or people who have worked with them. When they talk about each other, it’s the same script about how great it was working with that person, and how great that fucking person is. It’s the same circle-jerk, even though they may privately hate each other.
You have no idea how they really think, what their actual wants are, and how they really behave with that much power. Now, you can get some idea by applying common sense. For example, how do you think people would behave if they got millions of dollars and a lot of fame—basically a pill that gave them insane, unimaginable power? If you can’t imagine that, just take the people you know, like your friends; how do you think they would behave? They would lose their fucking minds. I am not saying all of them; maybe 10 per cent won’t, but the rest of them, only god knows.
And you think you know these famous people. Here’s the thing: if you like them because they are great artists, that’s cool. But when you say they are your role-models or heroes without knowing shit about them, that’s a tendency of a follower which is making you dumber.
Why can’t we be a society that admires somebody’s talent or message, and not make assumptions about them because we don’t fucking know them at all?
Now, sometimes, these famous people shine a light on mental health issues and causes, which is great. They are powerful people, so their message has a huge audience. Whether they are doing it to build their public image or not, it doesn’t matter. It helps the issue.
But when they talk about personal issues, like break-ups or hardships of any type, we lose our minds. If being aspirational didn’t have such a ridiculous market value, you would have known they go through exactly the same problems as you do, with the exception of money-related ones. You are surprised because your perception of them is they are perfect beings from outer space.
Now, here’s something very interesting: An opposite reaction is created when the same people have private information leaked about them. They get involved in scandals, are found hiding money, cheating on their partners, mistreating people around them, or doing something that shatters that image of perfect beings.
As a result, you get mad at them. I am so disappointed with them. I never expected this from them. You feel betrayed, as if you knew them personally. The only thing you knew about them was the bullshit persona they were selling you through movies or YouTube videos. How many times are you going to fall for the same trick?
It reveals the intensity of your emotional involvement in their personal life—about which you know absolutely nothing, but have assumed everything. Why don’t you ignore the persona they are selling and screw the assumptions your mind is creating, and only admire what made you notice them—entertainment, art, intelligence, skills. They are people. Their skill in a few things doesn’t preclude them from having flaws, desires, urges, as all people do. Screw the aspirational value, I wish I could be like them; they are just people, so are you. Be who you are.
THOSE WORTH GIVING A SHIT ABOUT
3. Those with high impact and knowledge.
These are people you love to watch, but don’t follow in life. They have won
your admiration several times, but don’t quite appeal to your aspirational ambitions. They are too real, relatable and rebellious.
Take the example of stand-up comedians. Their status of being aspirational is ruined by their occasional self-deprecating honesty. They don’t shy away from talking about the pathetic aspects of being human, struggling with them, and at the same time being a part of them. They are honest. And any person who talks honestly about themselves becomes human in your eyes—even though they are famous. An example of this is Mike Tyson—I don’t know why I keep going back to him.
You aren’t shocked when you find out that they may have abused drugs in their past, or used to be self-destructive in many ways. You actually half expect them to have done those things and made many mistakes. There is an element of seeing them as people, unlike those perfect beings.
Such people mock and criticise these perfect aspirational beings from time to time, by pointing out the obvious strangeness in the way they live, in how they advertise themselves, and the image they portray. In these moments, you too are able to see the bullshit which is so far removed from the experiences of normal people. But this clarity goes away in a few moments. It happens because clarity appeals to your reasoning; perfection appeals to your emotions.
That is why even though you may theoretically say: it’s all bullshit. On a deeper, emotional level, you desire and are affected by it nonetheless.
From this broad group of people, you take entertainment as well as intellectual value. You admire them, not follow.
THOSE DEFINITELY NOT WORTH GIVING A SHIT ABOUT
4. Those with high impact and perfection.
This is advertising at its finest. PR firms create public personas and manage public perception to basically sell you the idea of perfect people. It’s a highly developed system, involving psychological models and studies, manipulation of information, the creation of personas, the running of campaigns, planting news stories, scripted interviews, preservation of a narrative, social media utilisation, analysing the responses of people to different behaviours, and changing perceptions when required.
The Rudest Book Ever Page 11