A Loving Scoundrel

by Johanna Lindsey

  It took another hour to find a landmark she actually recognized so she could stop walking around in circles as she’d been doing and start heading in the right direction from there. It took yet another hour and a half to finally reach home at the slow pace she could manage, as tired and sore as she was by then.

  And she still had the feeling someone was following her. She knew bloody well she’d lost Malory, so it wasn’t him. But every time she glanced behind her, she merely saw other people going about their business. There were too many alleys along the way though that someone intent on following her could slip into and just peak out of to keep sight of her. She finally concluded she was being silly, that her exhaustion and overactive imagination were just playing tricks on her.

  And she was worried. That was probably the main reason why she was getting jumpy and imagining things. It was getting worse and worse, the closer she got to home, because she wasn’t sure if she’d have a home after today.

  Tyrus Dyer had been unable to believe his eyes. He was either losing his mind, because he knew the woman couldn’t have regressed in years to look that young again, or he was seeing the girl who was supposed to be dead. It was one or the other, had to be, and he’d rather not think he was losing his mind, so obviously the girl wasn’t dead. And she’d grown up to look just like her mother.

  Tyrus was the one who’d been hired to kill her—her and her father. Getting rid of the man had been no problem. The child should have been even less trouble. But she’d had a nurse guarding her, and that woman had fought like a banshee. Though he was sure he’d mortally wounded her, she’d even managed to knock him out with his own club! He wasn’t out long, just long enough for the nurse to drag the girl out of the house and hide her somewhere.

  When he’d been unable to find her, he thought she’d curled up in a hole somewhere to die, her body just never discovered. That had not satisfied his employer, however. Money was involved, a lot of it, and the fellow had been so livid over Tyrus’s incompetence, he hadn’t just refused to pay him, he’d tried to shoot him. But Tyrus had seen it coming and had managed to dodge the bullets and make his escape.

  Tyrus had been livid himself for quite a few years after. He’d done half the job. But after that his luck had turned so rotten, it was as if that unfinished job had jinxed him. No matter what he did, he bungled it now. As a result, he’d been fired so many times he’d lost count.

  But his bad luck had just showed up. It wasn’t illusive anymore. It was tangible. And he’d just been given the means to actually get rid of it. This required some thought. He didn’t want to be hasty and mess up again. But he knew where she lived. Hiding in the slums all these years, who would have figured! He’d be back….

  Chapter 8

  IT WAS TOO MUCH to hope Dagger wouldn’t be awake. The sun had been up for a while now. And he was sitting at the kitchen table, drinking a cup of tea Nan had made him. Six of the children were in the main room, not counting a couple still sleeping there. They all took one look at Dagger staring at her through the arched opening to the kitchen and started vacating the house.

  Danny entered the kitchen and dropped down in the seat across from Dagger.

  He was a plain-looking man, but the long scar on his chin and the short one under his left eye gave him a mean look. His long brown hair was mussed, his eyes bloodshot. He looked haggard at the moment. Actually, he looked about as tired as she was. She guessed then that he hadn’t slept at all, that he’d stayed up waiting for her to get home. It wouldn’t be because he’d worried about her. No, when she hadn’t returned when she should have, he would have realized she’d given him the excuse he’d been looking for to get rid of her. He wasn’t a stupid man. She could have talked circles around him if he was.

  She was too tired to lie about what had happened. She’d trip herself up if she tried. Before he said a word though, she took out the wad of money from her pocket and tossed it on the table between them. None of them had ever brought home so much. A hundred pounds was a bleedin’ fortune to them. She was hoping it might make a difference. It didn’t. He barely glanced at it. And too late she realized it made her look as if she’d willingly broken the rules.

  “Will ye ’ear me out, Dagger?” she asked. “I’ve not ’ad many choices since leaving ’ere last night.”

  “I know ye were caught, but I also know ye weren’t taken to jail.”

  “It were still a trap. They wanted a thief to do some stealing for them.”

  “Ye know better, so why didn’t ye refuse?”

  “Why do ye think I was carted out o’ there tied up?” she countered.

  “But ye didn’t stay tied up, did ye?” he said with a pointed glance at the money on the table. “Ye could ’ave escaped them sooner.”

  That was true. Tiredly she explained, “That would’ve stranded me in the countryside wi’ no telling when I would’ve found me way back to London.”

  “Ye left London!”

  She flinched at the shout. “That’s why I didn’t try to escape sooner. I’ve never been out o’ London before. It probably would’ve taken me a week to get ’ome. But they swore they’d bring me back soon as I robbed the lord for them.”

  “A lord!” That shout was even louder than the last one. “I s’pose in ’is own bleedin’ ’ouse, too?”

  She could have lied at that point, should have. That was the number one rule, after all. But she knew, could tell by the very questions he’d been asking, that her answer wasn’t going to make a bit of difference.

  “Pack up yer things and get out. Ye’ve broken the last rule ye’ll be breaking ’ere.”

  Danny didn’t move a muscle. She’d known she was going to hear that, that no matter what she said, she was going to hear it. But still she wasn’t prepared for the tightness filling her chest or the emotion clogging up her throat. Dagger had been “family” to her for fifteen years. That he wanted her gone was what hurt the most.

  She wasn’t going to cry. She wasn’t supposed to be a female who would. She was no longer a child who would. She was supposed to be a man who wouldn’t, so she couldn’t. It wasn’t something she could stop though, so she stumbled quickly away from the table before Dagger could notice the moisture filling her eyes.

  She went straight to her pallet on the floor in the main room. It was hers. She’d roll it up and take it with her, though she couldn’t imagine where she’d lay it down next. Her sack of clothes was beside it, not a very big sack. The outfit she was wearing was her favorite so she wore it daily, changed to her only other outfit just to wash it. Her pet was there in his little box. She managed to stuff it into the sack for ease of carrying.

  The two children who had still been sleeping were sitting up on their pallets now openly crying. She stopped by each to give them a hug. Ordinarily she would have tried to cheer them, but she still couldn’t get any words out past the lump in her throat, so she didn’t try.

  Opening the door, though, she found the rest of the children lined up outside it, most of them crying, too. They’d listened at the door, knew they wouldn’t be seeing her again. It was breaking her heart. She’d been their hero for the longest time. They’d probably follow her if she gave the word. But she couldn’t do that to Dagger, despite how callously he’d treated her. They were all Dagger had. She tore herself away from them and headed down the street.

  Ironically, she’d wanted to leave for years, to find a real job, a respectable job, so she’d never have to steal again. Dagger was just forcing her to realize that dream sooner than she’d expected. She hoped she could be grateful to him someday for that, that the hurt wouldn’t last too long.

  Reminding herself that this was something she had wanted to achieve wasn’t helping to ease the pain. She’d wanted to leave on good terms, to be able to come back and visit, to maybe help the other children find respectable jobs, too.

  “Danny!”

  She swung around with a gasp, saw Dagger marching determinedly down the street toward her. T
he hurt eased up immediately. She’d known, deep down, that he couldn’t do this to her. He’d only wanted to scare her is all, so she’d stop breaking the rules and set a good example for the other children.

  He reached her and she saw that his expression wasn’t conciliatory at all. Her brief burst of hope was dashed. He was still angry. In fact, she’d never seen him quite this angry before.

  “Ye want to know why, Danny?” he hissed at her. “Yer too bleedin’ pretty for a man. I’ve found m’self wanting ye, and that makes me so disgusted wi’ m’self I can’t think sometimes. But I’d as soon kill ye as touch ye, so the better choice was to get rid o’ ye, now weren’t it? Ye’ll make do. I’ve no doubt o’ that. I taught ye well. But ye’ll make do somewhere else. Now be gone wi’ ye ’fore I change me mind and we both end up regrettin’ it.”

  She could have told him right then that he didn’t need to be disgusted with himself for wanting her. She was a girl after all. But that confession would probably produce a serious rage the likes of which she’d never seen, because she’d deliberately deceived them all these years. And besides, he’d just admitted he wanted her. If he knew she really was a woman, he’d want her in his bed for a time, then probably set her to whoring—or both. And why had she hidden her sex for fifteen years if not to avoid that very fate?

  She turned away and walked on before she said something that she would regret—and ran into Lucy around the next corner.

  “Cor, where’ve ye been, Danny? I’ve been looking every— wot’s wrong?”

  It was her undoing. The tears started rolling down her cheeks. She could have controlled it, gotten away without having it all ripped out of her, if she hadn’t run into Lucy. Anyone but dear Lucy, her sister, her mother, her only true friend…

  “He did it, didn’t ’e?” Lucy guessed immediately. “Kicked ye out?” At Danny’s nod, she added, “Ah, luv, don’t take it so ’ard. This is yer chance, ye know, to do something wi’ yer life that ’as some meaning. Ye talked o’ gettin’ yerself a husband, raisin’ some kids, teachin’ them proper. Ye’ve wanted to do that, but ye couldn’t begin while ye were still ’ere.”

  “I know,” Danny replied, barely able to get the words out past the lump in her throat.

  “Then buck up, eh?” Even as she said it, Lucy’s own tears were starting. She turned her back on Danny, as if that could hide the emotion welling up in her.

  “I’ll send word, once I’m settled,” Danny promised.

  “Ye better. I’ll worry m’self sick till you do. Now go. This is a good day for ye, luv. Ye ’ave to believe that.”

  Danny tried, she really did, to dredge up that optimism, but she couldn’t. She started to hurry past Lucy. This good-bye was much more painful than she could have imagined. But the other woman’s hand caught her shoulder, stopped her for one last minute.

  “Be yerself, Danny lass,” Lucy whispered through her tears, as she put her arms around Danny and hugged her tightly. “It’s finally time. Just be yerself, and it will all turn out right for ye.”

  Chapter 9

  “I’VE A PACKAGE TO DELIVER to a Lord Malory. Would ye ’appen to know where ’e might be found?”

  “Heard tell there’s a Malory family lives over in Grosvenor Square.”

  “And where would that be?”

  “New to town, are ye?”

  “It’s that obvious?”

  A chuckle. “You’ll find Grosvenor north o’ here. Head down the block, then turn right and just keep going that way till you come to the rich houses.”

  An address would have helped, but then again, probably not. Danny would need a map for that and didn’t know where to get one, wouldn’t be able to read one either, for that matter. An address would have helped only if she could afford to hire a hack, which she couldn’t.

  She was so out of her element it was beyond pathetic. She was keenly feeling the disadvantage of her lack of education, too. She would have given up by now if her anger weren’t goading her on.

  She had found a nice quiet alley to sleep the day away in, but didn’t actually sleep that long. Her hunger woke her much sooner than she would have liked, and the headache it was causing lent desperation to her situation.

  She had to find a job fast. If she had to resort to stealing just to eat, then she’d be no better off than she had been. This was an opportunity to better herself, not slip back into the gutter and old habits. But it wasn’t going to be easy. She knew, because she’d tried before.

  Lucy used to cover for her absence when Danny would go out to look for a respectable job. The problem had always been her appearance, and her lack of even a basic education. To apply for a man’s job that didn’t require being able to read and write did require muscle, which she couldn’t muster. To apply for a woman’s job she’d need some female clothes first, which she didn’t own. And no matter what job she could talk her way into getting, she’d need a roof over her head and some coins in her pocket to last her till her first pay.

  She’d thought she’d had that solved at one point. The job of a maid often came with room and board, which was ideal for someone starting out completely broke. She’d borrowed one of Lucy’s dresses for the interview and had been so thrilled to get hired—for all of two hours. The butler had given her the job, and only because he’d been fascinated by her looks. As soon as she met the housekeeper though, she was fired. They were a middle-class household trying to move up the social ladder, which meant they wanted only a better class of servant, at least none that sounded like gutter trash or looked like whores.

  Danny had been so disappointed and discouraged by that experience, she’d stopped looking for decent work for a long time. Then when she did start looking again, she simply had no luck.

  Recalling her many failures, she got angry. The fact was, she’d hunted for a job sporadically, maybe four or five times a year. She’d never done it daily because she hadn’t really been ready to go out on her own. To be alone. But she had no choice now, and she didn’t have the luxury of taking her time about it. She needed to find a job immediately, that very day. And she needed to find some food even sooner. Calling herself ten kinds of a fool for not holding back at least a few of the pound notes Malory had given her, instead of giving the whole wad to Dagger, wasn’t going to feed her.

  She didn’t like being on her own. She was finding that out firsthand, but she’d known she wouldn’t. She’d grown up with a houseful of children around her. She wanted that back, but she wanted them to be her children, so she could have a say in raising them proper. She needed a husband to help with that, though, a good man, and one with a respectable job. That had been a goal of hers for a long time, she’d just never been able to get serious about it while she was still living the life of a boy.

  She wasn’t going to find a husband around the next corner though. And food was a necessity, which meant a job of her own came first. Then she could start looking for a husband to start raising a family with.

  She got lucky with the food. She found that one of the rings from Heddings’s stash had fallen through the little hole in her coat pocket to the lining underneath. She couldn’t sell it by normal means, since it might be one of the stolen pieces being looked for. But she remembered Miss Jane selling a ring all those years ago to buy food.

  She hadn’t thought of Miss Jane in years, not since the nightmares had stopped. She wasn’t sure why they had stopped. They’d plagued her from as far back as she could remember—which was the short time she’d spent with Miss Jane. And they’d usually been the same, filled with blood and screams, until a club fell on her head to end it.

  One dream she had far too infrequently was very nice and left her feeling warm and comfortable. It was a dream of a young woman, one she’d never met, but the lady had white-gold hair just like hers, though arranged in one of those fancy styles she’d only seen ladies wear. A beautiful woman, dressed elegantly, like an angel she was, walking in a field of flowers.

  Lucy had figured the
angel dream really was an angel calling to her because she was supposed to have died all those years ago but didn’t. Of course Lucy had been fanciful. But Danny had been even more fanciful, figuring the beautiful lady was herself, something she could aspire to. The dream gave her hope.

  She needed hope now, and a lot more. The ring had fetched her less than a pound note. Very disappointing, but then the best she could get from a total stranger who’d only looked as if he could afford a good deal.

  Her predicament was entirely that young lord’s fault. If he hadn’t been so high-handed, if he’d just accepted her refusal and instead found himself someone who would have been thrilled to do what he wanted, she wouldn’t be worrying about where her next meal was going to come from.

  He owed her. And he could bleedin’ well pay up, or she’d let Lord Heddings know where his stash of stolen jewelry had trotted off to. Well, she wouldn’t really go that far, but Malory would get the idea.

  She finished the meal she’d bought in a nice restaurant and thanked the waiter for the food and his directions. She didn’t see his frown. If she had, she wouldn’t have realized it was because she didn’t know to leave a tip for him. Ignorance was sometimes bliss, or it could have been.

  In this case, the waiter was annoyed enough that he wasn’t going to let her remain ignorant. He followed her outside to shout at her, “Cheap bastard! And after I gave you directions, too, which I didn’t have to do!”

  Danny swung around, realized he was yelling at her, though she couldn’t imagine why. “Wot are ye talking about, eh? I paid for the bleedin’ meal.”

  “Shows how dumb you are! You think service is free? I should have known better than to let your kind through the door.”

  Her kind? That stung and made her cheeks bloom with color. She’d picked the first restaurant she’d come across, hadn’t really noted that it was in an affluent business district, with well-dressed people everywhere she looked. A crowd was gathering because of the waiter’s shouts. And she heard other angry murmurs now.