by Tiya Rayne
“You don’t need to go out of the way for us.” I tell her quickly.
I didn’t want my parents spending their money on me. I was being stubborn, I know, but I remember their words to me when I was 17. “If you think your mother and I are going to help you with this baby you are highly mistaken.
“You guys can stay with me and Kyra some nights. I know my boys would love to be able to spend time with their big cousin.” Langston says.
“Same goes for us.” Marcus adds. “We don’t have any kids, but you guys are welcome to stay with us.”
The precision in which my sister cuts her eyes at her fiancé lets me know that his invitation was definitely not discussed. And I’m pretty sure if my sister has anything to say about it, it will be revoked.
“We should have a cookout.” The look in mama’s eyes told me she was already planning the menu. “We can have all the family over so they can meet our grandbaby.”
I fight down the panic that starts to rise. I remember my family’s very vocal response to my and Luke’s relationship. I never thought my own family could be filled with so much hate and bigotry.
I cut my eyes to my daughter. I was quiet back then. Taking their hurtful words in stride, being respectful and ignoring their awful remarks. But for my daughter I would take on the world.
“Mama, maybe we should wait on all that. Daddy doesn’t need the added stress.” For once I was glad for Maya’s clear headedness. “Besides, we aren’t exactly sure we should be celebrating.” She cuts her eyes to me and then back to my mother.
My relationship with my sister wasn’t always this strained. We have always been polar opposites, but we got along. Our relationship got really bad when I started dating Luke. Even before the day she told me of my selfishness we had already drifted apart. Her behavior today isn’t totally shocking to me. At this point I don’t think I’ll ever be able to mend our bond.
“What types of things does Peyton like to eat?” My mother completely ignores my sister’s comments.
“Mama, relax. I’ll get food for Peyton and I.” I can see she wanted to argue but thankfully she doesn’t.
“Ok!” she surrenders.
Chapter Six
“Z
ora, that can’t be all you’re buying?” Mama looks disgustedly at the few measly items of food in my cart. “Baby, that’s not enough food for five days, let alone three months.”
I roll my eyes heavenwards. At first mama was trying to get me to move back home. When she realized that wasn’t going to work, she changed her plea to the remainder of the summer. No matter how many times I tell her that it will not happen, she is adamant that if she keeps mentioning it that I will eventually change my mind.
“It’s fine, Mama.” I reply looking at the price between two off brand cereal boxes. “Which one do you want, Peyton? The one with the king or the one with the kangaroo.” I turn the boxes to face my daughter. I don’t miss her cringe as she looks at the two choices in my hands.
“I never bought those brands of cereal for you growing up. Why not the Cheerios or the Frosted Flakes?”
Because I’m not paying six dollars for a brand name. This is what I think, but not what I tell my mother.
“We like these cereals.”
More like these are the only cereal we can afford so we’ve grown accustomed to them.
“Peyton would you rather have those, are these?” My mom holds up a box of Lucky Charms.
“I have a budget on what I want to spend. Lucky Charms aren’t in that budget.” I decide on the box of cereal with the king and drop it in my buggy feeling annoyed.
“I told you I would buy the grocery.” Mom argues, placing a hand on her hip.
My mother is determined to spend money on us. If Peyton happens to mention being hot, my mom will offer to buy her a fan or a timeshare in Antarctica. Earlier, I thoughtlessly mentioned that I needed a rubber band for my hair. I had to threaten to jump out the car to keep my mom from taking me to the beauty salon and getting my hair done. It seems her coping mechanism for all this is to buy us something. I keep refusing. I didn’t want myself or Peyton to rely on my parent’s money. When we went back home, back to our small apartment and our off brand cereal, I didn’t want Peyton to miss this.
“I just think there’s no need to buy the girl cereal she doesn’t want.”
“She wants the cereal, Mama!” I lose my cool, shouting the words in the cereal aisle.
“Fine!” Mom throws up her hands in surrender. She drops the Lucky Charms back on the shelf and storms off.
Feeling the oncoming of a stress headache, I rub circles over my temples with my fingers. Why did I decide to stay again? I was already feeling claustrophobic from being back home. Now with this little scene in the middle of Kroger, I had all eyes on me. I’m sure people didn’t remember me. Even though it felt like everyone was watching me and Peyton, it was really just my memories and old fears playing tricks on me.
Most of the time if Luke and I went to places together, people often stared at us like side show freaks until we felt so uncomfortable we left. Some would whisper about us with judgmental scowls on their face. You would think we had committed a crime the way parents would pull their children closer to them when we walked by. The bolder ones, and there were quite a few of them, would often times engage us. They would call us names or try to pick fights with us. I once had hot fries dumped on my head inside a restaurant by one of Luke’s ex-girlfriends. It was hard to believe people could hate our love the way they did. As I watch an elderly women read the back of an oatmeal box, I’m reminded of Luke’s and my first date. I hate traveling down memory lane. It’s a road I try to avoid as much as possible, but it seems being back at home has set lose my locked box of memories.
I was excited for that first date. We had been seeing each other and talking on the phone for three weeks before Luke finally asked me out on a real date. (I later discovered that he was saving up the money to take me somewhere nice.) I had always had the biggest crush on Luke. I remember when I first laid eyes on him in first grade. He was taller than everyone in our class with long lanky limbs. His dark blonde hair was lighter then, and a tangled mess on his head. His thick dark eyebrows cut across his brow in straight lines. They were a perfect contrast to those gorgeous hazel eyes. His hooded eyes were the first thing I noticed. The golden brown skirting around the forest green. They reminded me of fall leaves. Even with his worn clothes and the Spiderman bandage on his chin I thought he was handsome. I remember my stomach doing a flip flop when he sat down beside me. My crush is why I remained friends with him all those years growing up. I never knew that those charming smiles and friendly winks he would give me when we would bump into each other in the halls of school or out around town had meant that he felt the same way about me. All those times he would give me a hug or a pat on my shoulder, it wasn’t just me hoping that his touch had lingered longer. When I was finally able to go on that first date with the guy I had been secretly crushing on for twelve years, it was no surprise that I was super excited.
“I hope you really like this place.” A nervous Luke said as he once again fidgeted with his tie.
I couldn’t believe Luke Trent put on a tie for me. He had even gone without his trusty baseball cap. His brown hair was darker with all the gel he had in it. His button up dress shirt was frayed around the collar and the sleeves were an inch or two too short. Instead of dress pants he wore faded blue jeans and black scuffed dress shoes. Despite how uncomfortable he felt, and it was obvious he was uncomfortable, he still got dressed up just for me. My hands itched at the urge to capture him on camera.
“This place is nice.” I looked around at the romantic atmosphere in the Italian restaurant.
Small square tables draped in black tablecloths crowded the small restaurant. Dark woods and arched ceilings made the room feel cozy. Two lit candles were set out on our table. The walls were decorated with pictures and paintings of wine vineyards against exposed brick, and
a water fountain with a naked cupid was the center piece in the dining area.
“I’m glad you like it. I wanted to take you somewhere special. Somewhere you would like.”
Those golden and green eyes locked onto me and I couldn’t turn away. From the moment I met him at the old fairgrounds and climbed into his beat up pickup, he’d been staring at me. Those golden eyes seemed to watch my every move with so much intensity. He made me feel as if I was floating. I felt like I was the only girl in the world when those eyes looked at me.
Although I didn’t mind the way he watched me, I still asked the question. “Why do you keep looking at me like that?”
“Because I finally can.” His answer came quick with no time to think about the response. “After twelve years of hiding how I felt, I never want to do it again. I no longer have to wait until you turn away to watch you. I don’t have to limit how long I stare at your lips and fantasize about how soft they would feel. I don’t fear that you will catch me staring and think I’m some creep. Nor do I have to be content with watching you from a distance. I finally get to catch every laugh up close. I get to see every time your dimples punctuate your smile. Watch that little crease that appears between your eyebrows when you’re deep in thought. And I get to see, first hand, how your eyes light up whenever you’ve just taken the perfect picture. I keep looking at you, Darlin’, because I never again want to miss anything you do.”
I duck my head as the heat of his words attack my face, turning it a soft pink under my dark complexion. Even with his heavy southern twang, his words are said with so much conviction and sincerity I knew he meant them all. Those weren’t some lines being dropped by a guy just to get a girl. Luke meant them, and just hearing how his feelings for me mirrored how I felt for him, was comforting. At that moment I knew I wasn’t alone in my feelings for him.
“Don’t hide your face. I want to see every emotion you have.” With a finger under my chin he lifted my face to look into my eyes. Beautiful hazel collides with dark brown.
My belly flutters. I once called the feeling butterflies, but this new feeling is too strong for delicate butterflies. This new feeling is more like a swarm of bees inside my belly. The bees grew stronger with every inch Luke leaned towards me. When those sexy hooded eyes flicked down to my lips and then back to my eyes as if he was asking for permission to kiss me, I had to change angry bees to vampire bats.
The sound of someone scoffing cut through our beautiful moment like a hot blade through butter. Luke removed his hand and leaned back. I hadn’t even noticed that we had gotten so close to each other. We both looked up as a middle aged man with a nice suit and red tie looked down at us. Even though we hadn’t seen our waitress since she’d brought us our waters, I knew that that guy wasn’t here to ask us if we’d like the special for the night.
“Can I help you?” Luke asked when the man still had yet to say anything to us.
“I’ve been getting a couple complaints about this table. I’m going to have to ask you two to leave.” As soon as the words were spoken, I looked around at the glowering faces that were staring at us. One glare in particular belonged to and elderly couple. An old woman with cloudy gray eyes and skin that looked too large for her small frame. Her face was twisted up like she smelled something sour. I knew right then what Luke and I had done that would cause complaints.
Nothing!
“Well….what kind of complaints?” Luke was still oblivious to our surroundings.
“Sir, you need to leave.” The well-dressed man stated folding his arms over his chest.
I grabbed my purse and went to stand until Luke grabbed my hand halting my movements.
“I asked a question, and I’m not leaving until I get an answer.”
“Luke, let’s just go.” I was ready to leave. I didn’t want to be anywhere I wasn’t wanted.
“I want to know what you and I did that has caused so much problems for these good folks.” Luke’s voice carried loud enough so that everyone around him could hear him. He seemed to finally understand what the real problem was.
“Sir….” The well-dressed man started, but he was interrupted by the elderly man that sat across from the old woman.
“You should be ashamed.” The old man shouted. “What would your parents say if they saw you? You young people have no respect for history or your ancestors. Running around together like this. It’s not right.” The crowd around us cheered and agreed with the man’s angry words.
In my heart I know we had not done anything wrong, but his words affected me. They were spoken with so much conviction and belief in what he was saying, I almost felt as if I was wrong.
“I don’t want any trouble in my restaurant. You two are welcome to come back…. separately.” The owner said. Like I would ever want to come back here again.
I blinked back the tears that were burning my eyes. I knew my history. I knew growing up in the south, even in these modern times, racism and bigotry were alive and well. However you never expect to experience it firsthand. Never would I thought I would be asked to leave a restaurant just because my date and I are two different colors. Once again I gathered my purse, ready to leave this awful restaurant.
“You’re right.” Luke’s voice stopped me. He looked at me, those bright hazel eyes were lacking his usual playfulness. “I am very ashamed.” Luke looked over to the elderly couple briefly and then glanced at the other people in the restaurant. “I’m ashamed that there are still people like you living amongst us. People still blinded by ignorance and hate that you can’t see pass the color of someone’s skin. You want to talk about history? Your ancestors, the ones you so proudly mentioned, were the same people that were sneaking off raping and taking advantage of slaves because…..” He turned and looked at the old man’s wife. “…… they saw the beauty in the slave woman and were jealous that they couldn’t rightfully have it. So don’t tell me about my history, I know my history. Maybe you should study yours a little more.” Luke tossed his cloth napkin onto the table from his lap and stood up. “Let’s go, Zora.” He held out a hand and I took it. As we left, the crowd cheered our exit as if we were the problem.
Outside Luke didn’t let go of my hand until we reached his old rusted pickup truck. I stood in my spot as Luke paced in front of the front of his truck. He ran his fingers in his hair, disheveling the perfectly gelled locks. He turned his face up to the sky and let out a frustrated yell. I didn’t say anything. I allowed the warm breeze from the late August air to run across my exposed legs. That date was the first time I thought that maybe Luke and I were biting off more than we could chew. Maybe a relationship wasn’t worth it?
“I know what you’re thinking. I can see it on your face.” His voice brought my eyes back to him. He’d been watching me.
“Oh really.” I try to laugh off my concerns, but Luke knew me too well.
He took a step towards me, his long legs ate up the distance between us. “You’re wondring if I’m really worth all this trouble.”
I didn’t respond. I had been thinking that.
“Zora,” He swallowed. “I don’t have much. Hell, I had to save for three weeks and sale my baseball cards just to pay for this date.” He pointed to the fancy Italian restaurant behind me. “Even still, I was going to have to order the cheapest thing on the menu. I’m dirt poor, Zora, you know that. I got nothing to offer you but a football dream and a promise.” He grabbed my hands in his strong callused hands. Those expressive eyes showing me his truths more than his words ever could. “I promise you, Zora Nicole Henderson, that if you give me the chance, if you will place your bet on me, I’ll love you harder than they can hate.”
Even without that heartwarming speech, I had already came to the conclusion that Luke was more than worth it. Lifting up on my toes I placed a kiss to his lips. The moment my lips met his in our first kiss, it was like a bond had formed between us. Immediately Luke’s mouth opened and his tongue snuck out to brush against my lips. Although the touch was tenta
tive, that was the only thing about that kiss that was gentle. I don’t even know when Luke let go of my hands, all I know was that my hands were running through the short silky hair at the back of his head and his hands were possessively wrapped around my waist. He held me so tight to his chest I felt his heart beat vibrate my chest. His kiss was like helium, it filled me and lifted me off the ground. When we were finally forced to pull away to catch our breath, he dropped his forehead to mine and smiled. That smile lightened my heart.
“Come on, I still owe you dinner and a movie.”
“How about we skip the movie and grab some take out.”
“Hmm, I like that plan better. And where do you suggest we take this take out?”
He pulled me in for another quick kiss on the lips.
“I know a place.” I said pulling his lips back to mine.
I’m ripped from my daydream by my daughter’s voice.
“You’re doing that thing again?”
“What thing?” I ask as I push the buggy to the next aisle.
“That thing where you space out. Tia Maria say you go on a trip, where do you go?”
Someplace I wish I could avoid.
“Doesn’t matter.” I say out loud to Peyton. “So, now that we’re alone, tell me how do you feel about meeting my family?”
The night Sean called me about my father, I sat down with my daughter and explained, in very little detail, that I had a family and that my father was sick. I stayed away from the reason I hadn’t mentioned my family before and why she had never met them. I now wanted to know how she felt about all that has happened. Even though I may agree to stay longer with my family, my daughter is still the most important person in my world. If she said she wanted to go back to Chicago, we would be on the first bus home.
“Well, I keep waiting for them to be really bad people.”
I gasp at her words. I stop the shopping cart and turn to my daughter.