First Love

by Tiya Rayne

  “You think the bullying stopped at name calling and vandalism? They tortured me. The same cop that just had his hands under my dress, had his friends hold me down while he whipped me like a slave with his belt. And that wasn’t even the worse of what I went through.” I refused to tell him what Tyrik Smith tried to do. “Back then, I told. I told teachers, mama and daddy, and I even told the police once, and you know what they did? Nothing. They blamed me for fooling around with ‘that boy’. So no, I will not be going to the proper authority. I won’t waste my time.”

  Silence lies between us thick and impenetrable. Langston stares at me with new eyes. He finally understands what I went through.

  “Zora…” He speaks but stop as he swallows a lump in his throat. “Zora, I had no idea. I’m….” he pauses again, as if he’s looking for a better word than sorry.

  I hold up my hand and shake my head.

  “It’s fine, Langston. I survived all of that, I can survive this too. My biggest concern right now, is Peyton. Today she witnessed something very ugly and I know she is terrified. I just want to take my daughter upstairs, and calm her down. Then I’m going to take the hottest shower possible so that I can get the feel of that disgusting pig’s hands off my body. Later, I will lay down and process the events of the day.”

  Langston nods at me, understanding I needed my space, he steps back as I open the door to Peyton.

  When I see my daughter’s red tear stained face, I want to kill Buck Mitchell.

  “Are you ok?” I knew she wasn’t. Who would be after witnessing something like that?

  She shakes her head no as she scrubs her hand down her cheek to clear away the tears. “Why did that policeman do that? Why did he grab you and….. and touch you.”

  God, I will give anything for her to not have witnessed any of that.

  “Because sometimes there are just really mean and cruel people in the world, Baby.”

  “But he’s a policeman. He’s supposed to help us.”

  “You’re right. Policemen are supposed to help us, and they do. Just like Mr. Calvin and the cops that come to the diner. But sometimes bad people can get jobs and misuse their power. It doesn’t mean you should fear all policemen. It wouldn’t be right to judge all people by one person’s character.”

  She nods her head slowly as if she understands me.

  “Can I stay with Uncle Langston tonight, in case that policeman comes back?”

  “Sweetheart, he’s not coming back. And you know your mama wouldn’t let anyone hurt you. You don’t have to be afraid.”

  “I know. I just want to stay with Uncle Lang tonight.”

  I sigh.

  “She’s welcome to stay with us. It’s probably good for her. I think the incident might have happened a little too close to here.”

  I look back at my brother. He makes a very valid point, but I can’t help but hesitate a little. I’ve always been able to keep Peyton safe, and she’s always trusted my capabilities to do so. Whether it is monsters under the bed, or five year old bullies in her kindergarten class. Her mama has always been able to handle it. Now, it seems she’s doubting my abilities.

  I turn back to Peyton. “If you really want to, you can stay with Uncle Lang tonight.”

  “Will you come with me?”

  “Peyton!”

  “You should come too, Zora,” my brother once again buts in. “It will make both of us sleep much better if you are with us.”

  “Please, Mommy!”

  Ugh! “Ok! Head upstairs and grab some clothes, I’ll let Grandma and Grandpa know.”

  Peyton slides out of her seat over to me and wraps her arms around my neck.

  “Thank You, Mommy.” She whispers in my ear.

  I place a kiss on her forehead and let her out the car. She rushes up the steps to my parents’ house and runs inside.

  “I think for everyone’s sanity, we don’t mention this to mom and dad.”

  DUH! I didn’t need to be a lawyer to know that.

  Langston and I enter the house at the same time.

  “Mom! Dad!” I call out.

  “Back here, Zora.” My mother’s voice calls out from the formal den, or as I’ve always called it, the company room. We were only ever allowed in there if we had company. It would explain the Mercedes in the driveway.

  My brother and I enter the formal den at the same time. As if my day couldn’t get any worse, sitting on my mother’s expensive cream and gold jacquard accent chair, is none other than Tyrik Smith. Every bone in my body lock up as that night comes rushing back to me. Not even running into Clarissa sent me spiraling like this.

  I was already pregnant with Peyton by the time that night happened. I, of course, had no idea. I like to think I would have never gone to meet Clarissa if I had known about Peyton. It wasn’t like Clarissa and I were still friends at that point. We barely even spoke to each other. When she called me crying about being attacked at the park that late at night, I admit my bullshit radar did go off. The radar became more pronounced when she pleaded with me not to tell anyone where I was headed or what had happened. Clarissa claimed that some of the white kids at school had cornered her at the park and tried to attack her because she had been friends with me. I was so desperate to get my friend back that I ignored my instincts and decided to go save her. I thought at least if she sees that I showed up for her, she would realize that I’m still a good friend. Even though I was determined to go, I still called Luke and told him where I was headed. Thank God for that.

  The moment I pulled up at the park I noticed Clarissa’s car parked in the parking lot, but she wasn’t in the car. I immediately started calling her name.

  “Clarissa! Clarissa, where are you?”

  “Over here, Zora.”

  I followed her voice to the edge of the playground where the woods met the manicured lawn. I stopped only half way to her when I noticed that for one, she didn’t look like she’d just had a run in with angry teens, and two, she didn’t seem to be interested in coming towards me. She stayed right at the edge of the woods.

  “Are you alright?” I asked. “Are they still here?”

  I still remembered my run in with Buck, I did not want to be ambushed again by another group. Too bad, that’s exactly what ended up happening.

  “I’m fine.” She stated but glanced back towards the woods.

  “Well, shouldn’t we go?” I took a hesitant step back.

  Something was off. I had no idea what it was, but I would have never guessed what they tried to do that night.

  “Come closer. I need your help with something.” Clarissa pleaded again looking back at those woods.

  “Tell me what it is first.”

  She shook her head at me. “Jesus, Zora. You act like I’m your enemy. You know what I find funny, you’ll trust some random redneck white boy before you trust your best friend. People that have known you all your life.”

  And clearly I had reason not to trust her.

  I take two steps forward.

  “It’s not like that, Clarissa. Can we just go back to the cars and talk about this?”

  Everything in me told me that I should have left her right then, but still I wanted desperately to mend that friendship. I wanted her to like me again. I was so stupid.

  “And you know what else.” Clarissa went on to say as if she hadn’t even heard my question. “I use to think you were so smart. I was even a little jealous of you, but now I see you for the traitor and whore that you are. You never deserved Tyrik. I can’t believe you let him go for Luke. Black men have it bad enough in this country, and you just turn your back on your entire race for Luke?”

  I wanted to tell her that I hadn’t turned my back on anyone, if anything people turned their back on me, but responding to her was not my biggest concern. The sound of laughter behind me caught my attention. I spun around to find, Tyrik, Jamieson Thompson, and Marquees Jackson smiling at me like I’m a special snack. I turned just in time to see Tasha Scott and Karima
Fraiser walking up to Clarissa. All three girls were once friends of mine. Girls I’d hung out with and shared secrets with. Now they surrounded me like I was their enemy.

  “What’s going on?” My question was met by laughter.

  “This is your intervention.” Tyrik said with a laugh as they tightened the circle around me. “We’ve come to cure you of your addiction.”

  “What addiction? What are you talking about?”

  “Your addiction to white boy dick.” Jamieson scoffs.

  The circle they made got so tight they could’ve easily reached out and touched me.

  “And I’ve got just the thing that will cure you.”

  That’s when the hands grabbed me. I fought against the arms holding me, even losing a shoe in the battle. However, my fight was unsuccessful as they continued to drag me into the woods. Despite my desperate screams I knew no one would come to the rescue.

  I was roughly tossed on the ground, my wrist was hurt in the process.

  “Tyrik, please don’t do this.” At that point I still had no idea what they had planned for me.

  “Shut the fuck up!” Tyrik screamed down at me as he stood over me. “I’ve been dating your Stuck-up ass for three years off and on. Every time I tried to touch you, you would bitch and moan about not being ready. But then you go and give that muthafucker what was supposed to be mine.” He calmed down a little and shook his head. “I shouldn’t even want your used ass, but it’s the principle now. He don’t get to have it alone.” With those ominous words, his plan was made clear and solidified with the sound of his belt being yanked from his pants.

  “Hold this bitch down.”

  Hands started to grab me, it only made me fight harder. I moved around like a small trapped rodent. No matter how strong or brave I thought I was, there is nothing like the feeling of being trapped underneath a man against your will. His weight pushing down on you making you feel claustrophobic. His breath raking over your skin feels like acid. I will never forget that feeling. The helplessness I felt as he kicked my legs apart. How he tried to kiss me by wrapping his open mouth over my close one. The bulge between his legs pushing between my thighs. Tears fell from my eyes as he groped my breasts through my shirt, and when that wasn’t enough he ripped the front of the shirt open, pulled my breasts out of my bra and latched onto one. I turned away from his head at my chest with his lips wrapped around my nipple. I silently prayed that I could become unattached from my body and lose all feeling. I didn’t want to feel the imprints of his fingers wrapped tightly around my thighs, or how hot his breath was latched on to my breasts.

  I noticed that the other two girls were watching me with smiles on their faces, but Clarissa looked disgusted. She looked as if she didn’t want to be here. Little did I know it had nothing to do with me, and more about Tyrik. She obviously hated the idea of Tyrik still wanting me. I didn’t know at the time that was the reason for her turning her face from me when I pleaded with her.

  “Please, Clarissa, don’t let them do this to me. Please help me.”

  She didn’t help. She didn’t even help when Tyrik slapped me so hard my lip split after he tried to kiss me again and I turned away.

  That’s when he told Karima to come hold my head. She happily obliged. When Tyrik started to pull my pants down, I started fighting more. All I thought of, is how much I wanted Luke. How I would give anything to see him again, because I honestly didn’t think I would survive that night. And then, like an angel, he appeared. For just a second he stood frozen as he took in the scene before him. I watched as the fear on his face was replaced with rage. I doubt if Luke can remember anything that happened after that. He moved so fast. One second he was standing at the entrance of that clearing, and at the next the hands that were holding me were gone. Then Tyrik was no longer hovering on top of me. It felt as if I was just released from a tomb. I sucked in deep breaths of air, not because I had been holding my breath, but because I needed to not feel trapped. I heard a female cry out somewhere behind me. I turned to find Tyrik on the ground, Luke clutching his shirt with one hand while he rained down blows with his other. Jamieson and Marquees were laid out on the ground behind them. Both, clearly in pain. Tyrik was no longer moving, but Luke was still hitting him. I pushed myself up to my feet, and though his name barely leaves my mouth he immediately stops and turns to me.

  “He isn’t worth it. Please stop, Luke.” I looked down at Tyrik’s limp body. What Tyrik did was disgusting and if Luke hadn’t showed up, I’m sure my night would have gone worse. However, if Luke continued to beat Tyrik at the rate, he was going to kill him. At the time I thought he might had. I didn’t want Luke getting charged and going to jail for this. The town already hated us, and my fear was that me claiming almost rape, wouldn’t have been a justifiable enough cause for Luke’s action. It’s not like we could have trusted anyone there that night to testify on our behalf. They had proved where their loyalties lied when they stood around and watched Tyrik.

  Luke dropped Tyrik’s body and spun on his heals towards me. After threatening everyone’s life, he lifted me up in his arms, the tears swam in his eyes as he looked down at me. The question in his eyes was as loud as if he had spoken them out loud. Did he hurt you, or rather, did that asshole touch what has only been mine? I shook my head at his unanswered question.

  I buried my face in his chest, wanting to sink so far into the protection of his warmth that I could never be torn from him again. Next thing I know he’s putting me in his truck and driving off. I don’t say anything when he parks at the end of his trailer park and climbed out.

  “I’ll be back.”

  A few minutes later I heard him put something in the back of his truck before he climbed in and slammed the door shut. He took me to the abandoned fairgrounds where he once again climbed out of the truck without me. I sat silent, still shaking from the earlier incident. I watched him put the tent up and unroll the sleeping bag. Then he came back to my side of the truck, opened the door and looked at me.

  “I want to kill him, Zora. I want to kill every single one of them. I’m afraid that if I’m alone with my thoughts, I will go back out and hunt those assholes down. So I need you, baby. I need you to stay with me tonight. I can’t afford a hotel room, this is all I can offer.”

  I placed my shaking hand to the side of his face and finally one of those tears that had been dancing in his eyes all night fell down to meet my hand.

  “I don’t care where we are. I just want to be with you.”

  He wrapped his hand behind my neck, and pulled me towards him to place a kiss on my fore head. I didn’t want a forehead kiss. I wanted him to erase this night. I wanted him to make me forget how Tyrik’s hands felt on my body. How heavy his body felt pressed on top of mine.

  Luke lifted me out of the truck and carried me into the tent. He laid me gently on top of the blanket and sleeping bag. He walked back out of the tent, and when he came back, he was holding a shot gun. I didn’t ask him where he got the gun from. He zipped the flap of the tent, laid down on his back and then tucked me into his side as he held me tight. My hand on his heart allowed me to feel how fast it was beating.

  “Kiss me, Luke!” I whispered into the quiet of the tent.

  “I want to, Darlin’, I want to so bad. But I don’t want to scare you. I don’t want you to associate me with this night.”

  I could hear the fear in his voice. I knew what we both needed. I needed to forget. I knew at some point I was going to need to process all of this, but not tonight. Luke needed to feel me, he needed my body to calm him down, and I was going to give us both what we needed.

  I raised myself up from Luke’s arms.

  “Lay back down, Zora. I need you….” I placed my finger over his lips. Now was not the time for talking.

  Luke continued to look at me curiously. I pulled my torn shirt up from over my head, then unsnapped the clasp of my bra. Luke’s eyes watched my every movement. The lust and the fear battling each other for dominance in
his eyes. I slid my unbuttoned jeans down my legs. My panties were still wrapped around my thighs, ripped from when Tyrik got fed up with fighting me to get them down. Fully naked, I climbed on top of Luke, straddling his waist.

  “Zora, stop we shouldn’t do this.” His protest was weak as I unbuckled his belt and pants. I slid his dick out of the slit of his boxer briefs, my pussy hovering over the mushroom head.

  “I need a condom, Luke.”

  “Zora!” he tried to plead through clenched teeth.

  “Please, Luke I need you.” I fought back the whimper in my voice.

  I had no shame in begging him for it. Not tonight. Luke reached in his pants pocket and pulled a condom out. He’d started to keep handfuls of them within arm’s reach at all times. We were always going at it. Little did we know that night we could have saved the time. I was already pregnant. I watched him place the gold wrapper between his teeth as he freed the prophylactic from its casing. I even watched him sheath his beautiful dick in the protective covering. Then I took him in my hands and slowly eased myself down on his awaiting cock. It never took much from me to get Luke hard. A look, a word, something as simple as my bra strap slipping down beneath my shirt had him ready to go.

  A long hiss left my lips when the head of his large erection split my pussy lips open.

  “Fuck, baby! I swear this is the greatest gotdamn feeling in the world.” Luke gasped beneath me.

  I had never been in this position before. Luke is either always on top or hitting it from behind. I knew Luke’s cock was above average, but as I sat myself fully on his girth, I swear I could taste him on my tongue. His hands went to my hips, his hazel eyes watched me for any sign that this is too much for me. He wouldn’t see that sign. I tentatively moved my hips forward and then back, squealing at how deep and how good he felt.

  “Awww, Darlin’. I love you, baby, but you got to move up there. Your tight pussy is squeezing the hell out of my dick and I’m about to explode inside you.” He started to guide my hips in a forward and back motion that had my toes curled, my eyes squeezed tight, and whimpers falling from my lips.