by E. M. Moore
Ms. Ebon does a few things on the computer before facing me again. She leans over the desk, clasping her hands. “Kinsey, I’m going to need you to tell me everything that happened on your run with Jonah.”
I blink at her but she’s not remotely joking.
Horror races through me. If I have to explain to an adult what happened in the forest with Jonah, I’ll die of embarrassment. “You’re kidding....”
10
Ms. Ebon’s words settle in my stomach like bricks holding down a decaying corpse.
“At this point, you really need to stop saying that to me.”
We sit there mute, neither one of us giving an inch. I have a feeling she could literally do this all day, so eventually I give in. In my own way. “We played. We shifted. We fought.”
She purses her lips, her elegant, red lipstick creasing. “What did you fight over?”
I panic for a moment.
“Same old stuff. He said he didn’t want to get close to me because we still might not be able to make it work. I got mad. I shifted and sped through the grounds.”
Ms. Ebon taps her pen on the desk for a couple of seconds and then drops it again. “Kinsey, I need you to think about something long and hard. Do you want to live Feral?”
“No,” I respond immediately.
“Exactly.”
She keeps staring at me which spurs me to ask, “Exactly what?”
“I understand your anger. I get your hurt, your pain. What I need you to think about right now is the hurt and pain you’ll feel if you can’t ever have Jonah. If he rejects you for good, and you go packless, living out in the wild, which will eventually lead to death. I say all this not to scare you but to make you wake up. Jonah isn’t a choice. He’s your savior.”
My wolf perks up, but I slam her right back down. Figuratively, of course. But honestly, I’m interested in Ms. Ebon’s thoughts. Some of it rings true. Some of it makes me want to sit up and take notice.
“Think about being out on your own in the wild. Do you think your stubbornness is going to save you from longing for Jonah? Do you think your superior ability to compartmentalize your feelings is going to allow you and your wolf to live in peace when your heart will only beat for the one person you can’t have? I can give you statistics. I can give you all the numbers in the world. We’ve studied fated pairs who live Feral for what little time they survive. I can break out testimonies from wolves who’ve lost their mate. Think about your own parents. What would happen to one of them if something happened to the other?”
Damn. She is good. I blow out a breath. “He doesn’t like me. I’ve never been able to get anyone to like me,” I confess, voice wavering.
“That’s not true,” Ms. Ebon states, gesturing toward the door behind me. “You have new friends. Hell, I like you. You’re kind of a pain in my ass, but I like you. Don’t let your past ruin your future.”
Her words feel as if they were shot out of a barrel of a gun aimed right at my chest. Don’t let your past ruin your future. “I don’t know how to do that,” I admit.
“Firstly, trust my process. Be honest. Be open. Even if it hurts. Even if it feels as if it’s tearing you open from the inside out.”
I swallow, leaning back in the chair. I’m not going to like this one bit. I already know it.
She stares at me for another little while, and when she nods, it’s as if she’s telling me I’m ready for the next step. “Now,” she says. “I have your schedule.” Turning back to her computer, she hits a few buttons until the printer to her left kicks to life. “I’m warning you now, you’re not going to like some of it. But you have to put your trust in me. I know what I’m doing.”
I’m not sure her warning me ahead of time is going to do any good. I still am who I am regardless of what I’m told to do.
“I’m going to also let you in on a little secret. It isn’t always the case that mates are so hands-on when it comes to their bonded ones being here. As I’m sure Mia and Nathan have told you, some of them try to remove themselves from the process completely. Jonah hasn’t.”
Hmm. Look at that. I still can’t find a will to like him.
Liking and wanting to kiss are now two officially different feelings. When he’s kissing, his mouth isn’t screwing anything up.
I brace my shoulders. “Alright. I’m ready. Give it to me.”
Ms. Ebon moves the paper in front of her and peers down at it. “As you heard on the first day, everyone’s classes are different. In fact, sometimes it’s not even a schedule in the traditional sense of the word. There’s not a lot of moving from one class to the next as you’re used to.”
This all sounds like a fancy way of trying to butter me up for when the real kicker comes. Like she’ll just slip in the bad news when I least expect it. My nails dig into my skirt.
She flicks her gaze to meet mine. “Jonah has requested that you go on outings together. You’ll be required to attend dinners and parties at the alpha’s house while you’re here since that will be part of your life when he takes his position in security.”
Dread squeezes my stomach. Just picturing the wolfpeers that I would have to see there…the same ones who made my school life miserable. “He’s trying to kill me.”
My advisor shakes her head. “Quite the opposite. Exposing you to the role you would be a part of is fantastic. To go along with that demand, we’ve put you in etiquette and social classes.”
I close my eyes. “You what?”
Ms. Ebon frowns, dribbling her fingers over my schedule. “Kinsey, you haven’t had the most luxurious upbringing. If you show up at the alpha’s house not knowing which fork is which or how to properly drink without offending anyone, you can’t expect to make a good impression.”
“He wants to...refine me? Like I’m some sort of Feral wolf?”
My advisor’s face hardens, and I realize I’m pushing my limit with her. “You will also take Pack History and political lessons so you’ll be able to speak eloquently in front of a room full of people. Jonah has also expressed an interest in helping you learn different security and enforcing techniques so that you’ll understand more of his role in the pack.”
I have to interrupt her there. “Okay, where’s the part where he gets to know me? Should I come up with something? I have a few things I’d like to teach him about the real world.”
“Your concerns are common. I can’t say that any of my students have ever expressed them as bluntly as you do, but we’ve already covered that, haven’t we?” She huffs, leaning back in her chair. “While you do these things together, he’ll get to know you. Spend the time training with him to talk about yourself. Spend the dinners showing him how you act in social situations. You don’t have to lose your entire self, Miss Walker. No one wants a cookie-cutter mate.”
She could’ve fooled me. My leg starts to bounce up and down. If he’s going to teach me enforcer things, maybe that means I can get a few shots in at him. Then, I can be all oops, I accidentally did that on purpose. Maybe it won’t be all bad….
Ebon continues. “In addition, I’ve made notes from your previous education in Lunar and have taken the liberty of enrolling you in some general science classes with a self-study in Botany. My hope is that we can get you out of Greystone Academy within enough time so that you can start your education at Brixton as soon as possible.”
I cock my head. “You got all that from my Lunar transcripts?”
She clears her throat. “I wish we had more opportunities for everyone’s tastes, but that’s not the case here. I’ll be your mentor in your self-study, so we’ll have to meet weekly on that as well. I have spoken to our landscapers, and they have agreed to give you a section of the grounds so that you can conduct experiments, or whatever it is that you want to do.”
She finishes unsure, as if her statement is more of a question. I have to say, out of all of that, this is the best news I’ve had. The forest, trees, plants, and flowers are my friends. In a perfect world, I’d run
a greenhouse. Maybe a flower shop, but no, a greenhouse would be more my style. Once you get the flowers at a flower shop, they may be beautiful, but they’re already on the last leg of their life. If I had a greenhouse, I could grow different plants, sending them out to continue brightening the world.
“I think that’s the first real smile I’ve seen from you, Kinsey Walker.”
I blush. “I’m sure you’re right about that.”
“Just a hint,” Ms. Ebon says, leaning over her huge, wooden desk. “Open up about your tastes, what you’re passionate about. My aim isn’t just to get you and Mr. Livestrong together, it’s to get you to be happy about it too.” It’s her turn to blush. “Our happiness is of the upmost importance. Now….” She gets serious again as she pushes the schedule toward me. “You’ll have to excuse me. I need to read up on what the hell botany is so that when you show up and start spouting off technical terms, I’ll be able to keep up.”
She gives me a smile, and I pick up the paper and stand. I wouldn’t say my schedule is an entire waste. Only three quarters. I’m not sure what forcing Jonah and I together will do instead of giving us more opportunities to fight, but I’m willing to try.
I give Ms. Ebon a short wave before leaving the room. Something she said resonated with me. Part of this is getting him to know me more. I’m not going to hold back, that’s not my personality. I held back for too long, and that’s just not me anymore. It’s time to be the girl I was in my parents’ house everywhere. I’m not going to retreat into my shell in Jonah’s presence as I was prone to do in Lunar. It’s not happening. If he has to decide whether he accepts me or not, he might as well know the whole truth.
The hallway stretches ahead of me. A quick peek at my schedule shows that I could make it to one of the science classes today. Just as I’m about to find a directory, a door slams to my right.
Mia runs from the room. I catch her red face and glassy eyes. As she rounds the corner and out of sight, a guy walks out of the same room. He swaggers down the hall dressed in real clothes. His face is pure calm—the complete opposite of my new friend’s. His gaze barely meets mine before he saunters toward the exit, hands in his pockets.
I’d bet fucking anything that’s her mate.
I don’t think, I react. He’s tugging the huge doors open when I start running to catch up with him. He’s halfway down the steps when I take them three at a time, knocking our shoulders together at the same time he takes a step so he’s off-kilter. He stumbles forward, loses his footing, and has to pull off a true wolf move to save face so he doesn’t trip down the stairs.
I keep running. “Sorry,” I call out over my shoulder. “I’m in a rush.”
He mumbles behind me, but I can’t wipe the smile off my face. Dick doesn’t deserve my friend. What he deserves is a hell of a lot worse than almost falling down the steps.
I wait until a bright red car ambles down the driveway before walking back into the school. Science can wait because my friend needs me, and apparently I have a lot of upcoming socializing to do anyway. I better start preparing for it now.
After picking my book bag up where I left it in the middle of the hallway, I follow her steps until I find the library and walk in. Sure enough, in the back of the stacks, Mia and Nathan are huddled together.
Mia glances at me over Nathan’s shoulder and turns away, wiping the mascara from under her eyes. Nathan turns, and when he sees me, he relaxes. I sit next to him, dropping my bag on the chair to my right.
“Typical meeting day,” he grinds out.
Looking at Mia now, I know I don’t want the pure turmoil Mia is going through right now. Ms. Ebon was right in some respect. I don’t want to always pine after a guy who doesn’t want me. That can’t be Mia’s future, can it? Mate or no mate, couldn’t she find happiness with someone else? Screw pack laws. Screw mate laws.
I don’t utter any of this out loud— instead, changing the subject and telling them all about how I almost got kicked out of school on my third day.
It turns out, laughing at someone else’s problems is a huge mood booster. After about ten minutes, Mia’s whole demeanor has changed.
I might have to bring her on a date with Jonah. At least I’ll be able to prove to him I do have some social skills and, gasp, some people actually like me. For me. Little old doesn’t-want-to-contribute-to-pack-life me.
11
Over breakfast, Nadia and I compare our schedules. We both share Pack History, but that’s it. She doesn’t have Etiquette or Sociology classes. In fact, she gets to take a lot more educational courses because her mate doesn’t have a problem with her social abilities. The only bug up his ass is the fact that they’re best friends.
I don’t know. I’d be all about shacking up with my best friend. At least you know you like each other. Who’s to say you couldn’t learn to love each other in that way eventually?
Nerves twist my stomach as we make our way to our first official Greystone Academy class. Nathan and Mia informed us that everyone has to take this class so we’ll see all the new shifters who just got here. Now that I’ve learned some of the stupid reasons people are at Greystone Academy, I’m utterly curious of everyone else’s stories.
A classroom that matches the rest of the academy’s decor opens in front of us when we step inside. With the stone walls and wood accents, I’m playing out my castle-living dreams. A fireplace sits empty in the front of the room, the desks lined up in rows before it. I start to head toward the back, but Nadia goes right for the front. I hesitate, unsure of what to do. I’m more the type of girl who sits in the last row and watches everybody. When I’m not in everyone’s face, I become a harder target. My wolfpeers had to go out of their way to say nasty things when I was in the rear of the classroom, and they did, but it would’ve been a lot worse had I been front and center.
But I can’t leave my new friend here to sit by herself....
I grudgingly plop into the seat next to hers, the hairs on the back of my neck rising. My wolf raises her head as if she can sense a threat but immediately settles down when there isn’t anything in the room that’s going to hurt us except my own insecurities. I start to squirm, peeking over my shoulder.
Nadia, however, doesn’t seem to be having the same problem. She chatters beside me as she brings out a notebook. A couple shifters file into the room. Both girls. They take seats behind us, and my foot starts bouncing up and down. I’m convinced they’re going to do something to me.
“You okay?”
I nod once, closing my eyes to tell myself to calm down. I’m not in Lunar anymore. If anything, I belong here with the rest of the misfits.
I give myself something else to focus on as more wolves enter the room. There seems to be more females here than males, and I make a mental note to ask Ms. Ebon, Queen of Greystone Statistics, what the male to female ratio is for rejected mates. I’m beginning to suspect the numbers are skewed in the male’s favor.
Shifters aren’t in this century in regard to feminism, and this is added evidence to that fact. We’re all about the strong, alpha males in Lunar. We pride excellent virility and genes. My mind drifts to Jonah. He’s everything a female shifter would want in a mate. His very physical being screams protection and safety and, let’s face it, fucking sex. It’s in our genetics to lust after the strong ones, and Jonah is arguably at the top of that list.
Now that I’ve kissed him, I’m finding it damn hard to concentrate on anything else. My mind pulses with the memory of him. His lips. His body. His cock. All of it calls to me.
An older shifter waltzes into the room, and I’m thankful for the interruption. He introduces himself as our Pack History professor, Mr. Lyme, then launches into his lecture for the day with vigor, and unfortunately for my current sex-crazed mind, I find it as tedious as I’d imagined. We learned Pack History in primary school, so this is repetitive. A quick scan around tells me no one else is taking notes either, so I can’t imagine it was only Lunar Pack that had a good educatio
nal system. Fortunately for my brain, the professor is interesting and humorous. He doesn’t seem to take himself seriously, which is in the plus column, and he keeps me interested enough so I can shove Jonah into the back of my mind for now.
When the class nears completion, Mr. Lyme lowers a large projection screen on the wall. Turning to face us, I recognize a change in his face—his features have fallen. “It’s a mandatory requirement for this class that I show you this video. It’s my least favorite thing to do. I add it to the beginning of the course so we can get it over with. I am sure none of you will end up in this predicament, but since we have already covered an overview of the pack system, this video discusses the often unspoken wild wolf community known as Ferals.”
He retreats to the rear of the room, and after a few moments, a video starts to play. A slice of fear shivers down my spine. My wolf also perks to attention, ears straight up. Not a lot of human life grabs her interest, but she knows what this means.
In true documentary-like fashion, the filmmakers go out in the wild and record different scenes and interviews. We’re shown huts in the woods, frail, primitive humans feasting on woodland creatures. Slide after slide portrays a subset of wolves that is so unlike our own pack system. Living alone. Hungry. Some of them caged. Some of them living in filth. Brutal fights over food, housing, and territory. It’s like watching a documentary on parts of the United States ravaged by war or a fantasy world set in the apocalypse.
They definitely never showed us anything like this in Lunar. Our Feral imaginations were the horror stories, but this movie is far worse than any story I’ve ever heard.
During one particular scene where a shifter in her human form is eating some sort of dead animal, Nadia leans in. “Have you noticed there are no children?”
I blink at the screen. I hadn’t noticed. I was too stuck on the fact that Feral is a real possibility for myself and my new friends, but now that she mentions it, I haven’t spotted a single child in human or wolf form. There are no families either. Just lone wolves.