by E. M. Moore
I’d spent so much time hoping I didn’t mate with anyone from Lunar that I forgot to research how it would be if I actually did get paired with someone. I wasn’t expecting the whirlwind of emotions. I need legitimate, first-hand accounts of bonding with your fated one. Rumors don’t help.
Do all normal shifter pairs start out with more of a physical bond? Or is it just us?
These are questions a pack could answer. Too bad mine has never wanted me.
14
Judging by the looks I got from some of the other residents of Greystone Academy when Jonah walked me to my room, I can’t tell Mia and my new friend group that Jonah and I made out yesterday. It’s not that I couldn’t tell them—it’s not against the rules or anything—it’s that I don’t want them to feel bad that they aren’t making out like horny teenagers with their own mates. It’d be like telling your friend who’s struggling to lose weight that you’ve lost ten pounds without trying. I’m pretty sure they’ll want to cut me.
I wait until we’re all seated with our trays at breakfast before bringing up the physical attraction talk. “So, you know how you guys are my first friends?”
Nathan chuckles. “Still think that’s a little weird, but yes.”
“I missed out on a lot of gossip that maybe would come in handy as we go through this whole, you know, having a partner thing.” My face is already red which makes them more curious about what I’m asking.
Mia rolls her hand over. “Do tell.”
I peek around us, making sure we’re relatively alone before I spout to everyone that I’m a super newb at all things sexual. “So, I’m curious if mate bonds make your um...sex drive kick up a few thousand fucking notches?”
Nathan spits out his water, and Mia crumbles over the table laughing. In between bursts, she says, “Sex-ed teachers and doctors are the only people who use sex drive.”
I groan. Of course that’s what she comments on. “Well, do you know what I’m getting at or not?”
“Are you saying you want to flick your bean more often?”
I purse my lips, avoiding her stare now. Nathan has completely checked out of the conversation.
Mia’s eyes widen when I don’t answer. She doesn’t say anything, but I think she’s figured out that I’ve never masturbated. That’s it. End of story.
Instead, she shrugs, “Yes, and that’s what fingers and vibrators are for.”
Nathan focuses on eating. Nadia, on the other hand, has a whole different perspective. “I don’t know if I was ever sexually attracted to my best friend before this, but I am one hundred percent sexually attracted to him now. So, in this case, yes. It’s the universe trying to get us all to make babies and preserve our race. It’s natural.”
“You know what would be helpful?” I gripe. “A class on how to be rejected.”
“Maybe some self-love tips,” Mia offers.
“Advice on how not to claw their throats out,” Nathan adds simply.
“A whole section on separating your own thoughts and feelings from that of nature,” Nadia muses.
Mia leans forward, patting her arm. “You’re my hero for that one.”
Nadia grins.
This talk allows me to forget about the stipulation placed on me yesterday. I haven’t told them about it yet, and I don’t know if I will. Strike that. I don’t know if I can. I don’t want to go into another downward spiral where the only thing that can keep me from losing it is Jonah’s mouth...and other important pieces of anatomy.
After breakfast, Mia hangs back as we head to our separate classes. She waits until we’re alone. “Just give it a try,” she says, lifting her brows. “It’s not bad. It’s normal. No one will love you like yourself.”
She winks before taking off, and I end up going to etiquette class with warm cheeks, which burn hotter when I discover I’m the only person there. As if this couldn’t be any more degrading. Luckily, the instructor is nice enough. She’s an elderly shifter with curly, silver hair. Her coloring probably makes for the most striking wolf.
“Miss Walker,” she calls out happily. She’s wearing a floral print dress that hits past her knees. Her gaudy blue stone and gold earrings remind me of the vague memories I have of my own grandmother.
I peer around the smallest room I’ve seen at the academy. A wall full of windows adorns one side. Antique side tables sit against the side walls, and a chandelier dripping shiny crystal flourishes centers the room over an oval, dark wood table. My instructor fits so well with the space that it makes me feel that much more out of place. I grimace. “Am I the only one in the class?”
“Yes, dear. It only means you’re special enough to warrant all of my attention. I’m so happy to meet you. I’m Mrs. Graves.”
Well, how could I not respond to that warm of a welcome? No matter if it was just nice words meant to make me feel less shitty about myself.
“In this class, I’ll show you how to act in certain special social occasions such as fancy dinners or parties, but I’ll also take you through more customary niceties such as greeting someone or small talk. There are so many things at play that can put others at ease, and I’m happy to share my knowledge with you. First,” she says, looking me over. She circles me and pouts. “Drop the hem of your skirt. I can tell from here that it’s rolled up. I took pains to determine the appropriate length of the female uniform, and I will have it worn correctly.”
I quickly do as she demands, thankful I didn’t have it rolled that extra time that Mia said I should. As she circles me again, she places her fist in the middle of my back. “Chest out, shoulders tight. Posture is key. How you carry yourself says a lot about you. It’s important not only in the human world but in the shifter world as well. Having terrible posture automatically makes you appear weaker. Just look at the human teenagers on television nowadays,” she ends in disgust.
I press my lips together to keep from smiling. When she rounds to stand in front of me again, she says, “You’re very pretty, dear. Your makeup is perfect. Kudos on that one. I’m not a fan of dramatic looks that seem to be all the rage today. Yours is classic, tastefully done. The only thing I would suggest is a red lip. It asserts power and dominance. Plus, it’s also chic and trendy. Your figure is perfect, just watch the hunching of the shoulders.” She tsks about cell phones causing all of us to have rounded backs, and I do my best to take her advice even though I’m not sure if there’s any scientific evidence to support her claims. We break our bones every time we shift, so I can’t imagine that cell phones would do us any lasting damage. Humans? Yeah, they’re probably fucked.
“Talk to me about your mate, dear.”
I internally groan. He’s all I’ve been thinking about. “What do you want to know?”
“His status, his physical description. Anything you can tell me about why you’re in this class right now. I intend on helping you as much as I can, and I take my job very seriously.”
I go through the whole spiel about who Jonah is. She interrupts only once to ask if I have any pending parties or dinners to attend, to which I decline. When I get to his physical description, she nods along. “Quite a height difference between you, then? Flats go with our uniforms, but if you do not have heels, I suggest you get some and learn to walk in them. In fact, I’ll add that to my class shopping list. You’ll want heels that still compliment his stature without dwarfing your own. With such a beast as a mate, you want to reach his own presence. Do you understand what I mean?”
I nod even though I’m still piecing it together in my head. All in all, this isn’t a horrible class. I envisioned being stuck in a room with a bunch of other girls reading textbooks, but I can get on board with hands-on learning. Unfortunately, at the end of class, Mrs. Graves brings out a booklet. “I’ve been teaching with this same material since 1972, and nothing has changed.”
I gloss over the cover of the book. Etiquette and Manners for the Modern Shifter.
Kill me now.
“Read at your leisure, but I
will expect you to have read it from cover-to-cover before the end of our time together. Instruction is important, but classes on real life scenarios are far more practical, my dear. Next class, we’ll discuss etiquette at tea parties, but I want you to study the section about postures. Understand?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
She smiles politely, dipping her head. When I stoop to pick up my bag, she curls her lip in disgust. “No, dear. Like this.” She teaches me the perfect way to bend over. It’s so elegant and charming that I feel like I’ve already elevated myself by five stations from that one move alone.
Damn. I’m practically a princess already.
She ruins my dreams when she tells me not to slouch as I’m exiting the room. Her prim and proper voice makes me smile as I walk backward, telling her I’ll do my best, but honestly, I made it worse. The look she gives me as I’m backing away tells me she’s horrified of my undignified exit. Why do I think our next class is going to be entirely about how to walk delicately?
Since I don’t have another physical class for the day, I slip up to my room, eager to start my self-study in botany. Ms. Ebon has charged me to come up with my own topics and research experiments, and I plan on putting all that together as soon as I get to my room.
I pause with my hand on the doorknob. Jonah. His aroma tickles my nostrils. I peer over my shoulder, but he’s not there. I tell myself I’m only smelling him because he stood in this exact spot yesterday, but my heart still sinks at his absence.
When I open the door and find him sitting on my bed, I instantly perk up.
He stands, decreasing the space by a third. I slip inside and close the door behind me. I’ve read the Greystone Academy Manual cover-to-cover, and I know for a fact having a wolf of the opposite sex in your room is against the rules, no matter if he’s your mate or not. “Hey.”
He launches into a one-sided conversation. My brain is so focused on how good his shirt looks draped over his muscles that I forget to pay attention to his words until he’s standing in front of me. “Have you heard from your parents?”
The strain in his voice kicks my animal instincts into high gear. I talked briefly with my mother last night, and she’d sounded off, but she has since I’ve been here, so I didn’t think anything of it. “Not since yesterday.”
He takes my bag from my hands and sets it down before pulling me by the hand to my bed. My nerves kick up. First, he’s actually being nice to me, which means there’s obviously something wrong. “I want to—I feel compelled to tell you something I overheard today. This goes against everything I’ve been taught to do, but I....” He rubs his chest, jaw ticking.
“What is it?” I finally ask. His sour look threads a needle of worry through my veins.
“Lydia Greystone wants your mother to go on trial for her alleged mate crimes.”
I gasp. “Her alleged mate crimes?” I echo. “Me, you mean?”
He nods slowly, interlacing his fingers through mine. “I went to the alpha mansion today to ask Lydia to reconsider your punishment, but instead, I was met with this news.”
I shake my head. “This doesn’t make any sense. Mom was already cleared of this after I was born. Not that anyone else seemed to care,” I growl.
He places his other hand on mine, kneading my skin roughly. What he’s doing works—taking the attention off my wolf threatening to burst free again and putting it somewhere else. He’s awfully damn good at this. “Your—our,” he corrects right away, “current situation has brought it up again.”
I turn my hard gaze on him, hoping I’m searing my contempt into him with everything I’m feeling inside. His flinches. “What were you saying yesterday about me not hating you? You did this.”
He snaps his jaw shut. The more alpha the wolf, the more they don’t take criticism well. Jonah’s temper snarls at the surface, his eyes shining yellow, but he doesn’t let it go. “Even if I hadn’t put in my rejection slip, the council would have. You know that, Kinsey.”
Fissures web across my heart. To think I could be the reason my mother is cast out…. I can’t take it. I yank my grip from his and stand in the center of the room. The weight of getting Jonah to accept me, of having my parents’ life be everyone else’s business falls on my shoulders. Everything’s crumbling around me. “Why did fate do this? I was happy being the outsider.”
My wolf’s claws threaten, the tell-tale needle-like tingles buzzing my fingertips. Jonah leaps for me, pressing his body around mine to keep my wolf inside. “Don’t give them another reason to try to expel you.”
My nostrils flare. Every time I freak out like this, it gets harder and harder to keep my wolf at bay.
“I want to help,” he says. “For any part I had in this, I need to make it right.” He pulls me away at arm’s length. “Tell me right now if you’re aware of any truth to Lydia’s accusations.”
My eyes widen. “You think I’m a freak?”
His answering growl sends a shiver down my spine. “I need all the information I can. I have friends who’ll help. This will not come between us. You don’t need another reason to hate me,” he fumes. “I want to work together, so I need to know everything you know about your lineage.”
I want to tear away from him, but I also know he’s the only thing keeping me sane right now. “I am the only daughter of Jacqueline and Kevin Walker. It’s not like we spent every day talking about how people ripped my mother and her morals to shreds with their petty accusations. We already lived a shit life because of this.”
“I’ll fix it.”
The way he says those words, the demanding look in his eyes, it’s as if the truth of his statement resonates through my body. I instantly relax a fraction. Instead of feeling as if I’m going to lose my shit, it feels like I could possibly wait a couple of hours now. I blink at him. “You just pulled some alpha wolf bullshit on me, didn’t you?”
His eyes widen. “Did it work?”
I shrug. “Impressively.”
He crushes me to his chest, his strong hands diving into my hair and banding around my back. “I had to tell you. It’s the bond. But please, keep this to yourself. If your parents don’t know about it yet, you might make them worry needlessly. This could just be Lunar gossip. If we need to shut them up, we’ll get a DNA test. Hopefully, it won’t come to that.”
I huddle into his embrace, sniffing that sweet smell of his. “Why are you being so nice to me?”
He hardens. “Because you’re mine. And no one fucks with what’s mine.”
“Except for you,” I remind him.
He shifts his stare over my head. “You’ll never forgive me.”
The weight of the world returns. With as big as Jonah is, even he can’t hold it at bay.
Regardless, he’s not my real worry right now. If he hadn’t put in his rejection slip, the Pack Council would have, and I know that. However, now our situation is threatening my family. I can’t have that. Jonah is the only link I have that might be able to do something for us, so instead of keeping him at arm’s length, I have to hold him close.
My situation—and my wolf—demands it.
15
Sociology is possibly the worst class I have. I thought it was going to be Etiquette; however, after spending forty-five minutes listening to the instructor drone on about interpersonal relationships, I kind of want to have a close and personal relationship with his carotid artery.
How can Ms. Ebon be fascinated by this? Ugh, people suck.
Even with the way Jonah and I left things last night, I can’t wait to get out of the class and meet him in the gym. I spoke with my parents before I went to bed, and they didn’t give any indication that anything was going on. After thinking about it, I realized Jonah was right. Why worry them if we don’t know for sure something is happening?
I was too young to see the toll it took on my parents the first time around, but I’ve been privy to their reaction when it’s been brought up. I’ve witnessed how timid they are to go to pack festi
vities. During school activities, when their attendance was required, they were always on the outskirts, like me. Watching and waiting. And also like me, no one paid them any mind unless it was to make some snotty remark.
I can imagine why Jonah wouldn’t be thrilled that I was his mate. My family’s reputation might take his down.
I mope to the gymnasium. The huge space is empty when I get there, so I lean against the wall and slide to my butt. Pulling my knees to my chest, I wrap my arms around my legs and place my head on my thighs, shutting my eyes for a moment. My breathing deepens as I relax, batting back the emotions threatening to drown me.
Suddenly, my heart speeds. The contrast is so dramatic that I pick my head up and stare at my chest like my heart is going to pound right out of it. My wolf perks, and we survey the huge room, searching for a threat. Nothing’s here, but the feeling doesn’t abate. Sweat dots my forehead until it feels like I’m going to crawl right out of my skin.
My wolf tilts her head. Jonah.
I dismiss the thought but he should’ve been here by now. I unzip my bag to fish out my cell, and without warning, the gymnasium doors bang open. I pop to my feet in a crouch, my wolf hovering just beneath my skin.
Jonah barrels inside, nostrils flaring. My wolf vision keys in on the tight lines around his face as he marches forward. His whole demeanor reads danger. When he reaches me, my first inclination is to cower. He places his hands on my ribs and forces my back to the wall. His hot breath caresses my face as he drops his forehead to mine. My own breathing matches, shallow and quick. Tension snaps around us as if it’s a living, breathing thing.