by E. M. Moore
After several long moments, Jonah asks, “Where were you?”
My hands have somehow found his sides, and my fingers tighten their hold before I release him. “What do you mean?”
He lets out a breath. “You didn’t get my text?”
I shake my head, uncertainty threading through me.
He sighs. “I sent you a text to meet me out on the grounds for training today.”
I move back, causing him to pull away. I rest my head on the wall and stare at him. “I put my phone on silent for the most boring class imaginable. I forgot to turn it on before I headed straight here.”
His deep brown eyes score mine. The green in his irises sings today, striking against his usual muted color. “I was worried.”
I reach up to touch my chest. “I think I felt it.”
He pulls back even more, cocking his head.
“Before you came in, my heart started to beat abnormally fast. I thought there was a threat in the gym. My wolf said your name, and I told her no, but maybe she knew it was you.”
He walks away, running his hands through his hair. “I’m scared to death they’re going to do something to you when I’m not around.” He returns, holding me to him again. He’s so strong, it feels as if he could squeeze too hard and snap me in half. His temper rises. I see it in the pulling taut of his muscles, but I feel it in my gut more.
I know he’s pissed because his anger is my own.
“Wanting to throw you out just because you went over the perimeter. Then, deciding you’re not allowed to shift,” he seethes.
I run my palm up his chest, feeling his heart beat in hard thuds. “I guess it’s a good thing you’re here, then,” I tell him.
“No matter what happens, I will protect you. My whole being demands it.”
That’s not exactly the confession a girl wants to hear. Nature is one thing, but we have to like each other as humans first, and I’m not sure we’re quite there yet with sentiments such as that.
Once my heart beats at a steady pace again, he puts more distance between us. “I thought we could train outside today. That would give you the scenery you love and still fulfill our agreement.”
A warmth spreads in my chest. I’ve longed to go outside, but I also worry about my wolf calling to me more out there. With Jonah around, I know I won’t up and shift. He’ll make sure of it. “You don’t mind?”
His lips tick as if they want to curve into a smile. “I don’t mind at all.”
Before I can swoop down to get my bag like Mrs. Graves showed me, Jonah grabs it first. He throws it over his shoulder, and we walk out the front door to the opposite lawn that the shifters use to roam free in their wolf forms. Probably a good idea since we don’t need to throw it in my wolf’s face that she can’t give in to her very nature.
We pick a spot in the grass next to a row of tall spruce trees. Jonah’s huge equipment bag is already there waiting for us. He goes to it and brings out a stack of clothing. Turning to me, he offers me the pile. “Not that I don’t enjoy seeing you in your schoolgirl uniform, but this will be more conducive to training.”
My brain snags on all the wrong things. First, it’s the fact that he basically just called me hot. Second, that he enjoys this getup. “You like my uniform?”
He stops what he’s doing and turns toward me. “Do I need to remind you of our moment in the alcove yesterday?” He grimaces. “Ouch. And here I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind.”
Heat swamps me. He’s absolutely right. In that moment, I actually liked the uniform, too.
His stare tracks down my body. “I’m convinced the administration does it on purpose.”
My flesh heats, so I try to distract myself. “You know, it’s not all girls who go here. The guys wear pants.” The muscles in his shoulders ripple—a true sign of jealousy. I smirk to myself. It’s fun to poke the beast. “My friend Nathan lives on my floor. He’s from Daybreak.”
A small rumble starts in his chest.
“Yeah, he’s really nice. Funny, too,” I tell him offhandedly like we’re having a regular conversation, but honestly, I’m loving his reaction. “I’ve never had friends, so it’s really great when he stops to chat. It’s just, ugh, he’s a night owl, so by the time he leaves, it’s so late.”
His answering jaw snap and growl make it all worth it. The smile on my face grows when he loses control. His chest heaves, his eyes blazing wolf yellow. His back arches, incisors poking out of his mouth. “Are you trying to make me want to rip his throat out?”
My eyes bulge. All the breath vacates my chest in an instant when long, thick claws rip through his fingertips. He pants as thick, brown fur sprouts over his arms in a wave until he’s half morphed. The first breaking of bones has me backing up. He drops on all fours, ducking his head as the shift completes. He turns his wolf gaze to me, lips snarling. I stumble backward, falling on my ass. Another deeper, animalistic growl tears from his chest. My own wolf rises to the surface, begging to get out.
I scoot back as he prowls closer, but I get stuck where the spruce tree’s branches reach the ground. He moves over me, his thick mane brushing my legs. His heated breaths caress my skin. I tangle my fingers in his soft coat. His eyes roll to the back of his head, and he lowers himself on top of me. His weight isn’t exactly the most comfortable, but I deserve it for riling him up.
He rests his head on my chest, an act of submission as I scratch behind his ears. Closing his eyes, he shifts to his human form until there’s a very naked Jonah hovering over me. “You’re killing me,” he murmurs.
This close, I spy the torture in his eyes—the war between his body, his thoughts, and maybe even outside forces I’m unaware of. His bare chest skims mine, making my heart flip.
I trace my thumbs over his cheekbones. “Are your parents mad about me?”
His eyes shutter closed, long lashes fanning down his cheeks. “They only know what everyone else says.”
“Jonah, I didn’t participate in the pack because their words hurt. Everyone’s snide comments about living Feral as if they would’ve been just as happy to see me living in the woods with no family or dead. That’s why I separated myself from everyone.”
“You were selfish,” he argues. “A pack means something.”
“A pack that doesn’t even want me?”
“You never tried.” I attempt to slip out from under him, but he wraps his massive hand around my back, keeping me there. “We’re talking. We need to get this out. You shunned everybody else. You went against the grain because you could, and you didn’t care.”
Fury rips through me. “Of course that’s what you would see. You’re Jonah Livestrong, third from the alpha. You have everything. A respectable family, built-in friends. No one talked shit about you.”
“Because I tried.”
I shake my head. He may never see my side of the story. But the thing is, I don’t want to give that part of me up. She deserves to be heard. “I don’t know how to convince you that I did, too. I’m not going to argue about how our situations were totally different. If you can’t see it, you’re blind.”
I drop my hands to the grass and look away. Eventually, he rolls off me, and I avert my eyes as he searches through his bag and finds a pair of joggers to pull on. “Get dressed behind the trees,” he demands.
I lift myself to my feet, grab the discarded clothing I’d dropped when he’d shifted, and retreat behind the spruce trees to change into the joggers and shirt. I emerge with my school uniform in hand and lay it on top of Jonah’s bag. The fresh air caresses my skin and sweeps my hair in front of my face. He’s right about being outdoors. Even if I can’t shift, at least I have this.
Still, it doesn’t erase the tension building between Jonah and me.
Now that I have the correct pants that don’t threaten to show off everything I have, he takes me through a more rigorous warm up, then has me punch pads, once again perfecting my fist form. We also do a few hold escapes where he bear h
ugs me from behind, and I use my center of gravity, among other things, to get away.
It’s a shame I can’t shift. I’d love to see what he had in mind for training in wolf form. At some point, once we progress beyond human stuff, I’ll have to watch him and take notes instead of doing it myself.
All in all, I enjoy our classes together, and not only because Jonah shows off his true prowess, making my wolf sing. This kind of training is empowerment at its best. The more he teaches me, the stronger and fiercer I feel. Plus, it appeases my wolf to train. I take her aggressiveness out on the pads, which also turns out to be good therapy when I picture Jonah’s face while I’m punching.
As we wrap up, Jonah asks, “Does your wolf feel more settled?”
“I was just thinking that, actually. This helps keep her at bay.” I frown when she whimpers. I know it’s not fair, but it’s the best we’ve got right now.
“It’s not a permanent solution,” Jonah agrees. “But it should help. I had anger issues when I was a pup, and my dad would train me from a very young age. It always held my wolf in.”
I cock my head. “You had the urge to shift ahead of graduation?”
He nods slowly. “As you know, strictly not allowed. It could screw up the wolf-human balance.”
I frown. I had no idea he went through that. My wolf was always inside, but she held back, never threatening to make her physical presence known until it was time. I can’t imagine what Jonah went through to try to suppress his true nature.
“It wasn’t all roses for me either,” he chides.
O-kay. Here we go. I’ll give him that, but there’s a huge difference. Other people were okay with sending me off to die. That, in and of itself, trumps his tale. “I—”
“There’s a party next weekend. The future alpha is throwing it, and I want you to attend as my guest.”
My stomach turns. Warnings scatter through my mind.
No one likes me in Lunar.
They’ll say hurtful things.
They’ll change Jonah’s mind.
“Kinsey, did you hear me?”
I nod slowly.
He sighs. “It’s part of the deal.”
“I know,” I growl. “I’ll go.”
His bare chest expands as he takes me in. “It’s informal. Just a bunch of people our own age.”
Just a bunch of terrifying assholes our own age. “Informal. Got it.”
He slings his bag over his shoulder, then grabs my own, signaling our time together is over. I follow him all the way through the building and to my room. His nostrils twitch as we get closer. He’s smelling for another male wolf, I know it. He’ll find a trace of Nathan’s scent but not what I made it out to be. Like he told me before, my head is so filled with him, how could I even think about another wolf? It was just fun to tease him.
“I’ll text you more details about the party when it gets closer,” he says. “I’ll also arrange everything with Ms. Ebon.”
“Thanks,” I mutter. I’m looking forward to this about as much as I would look forward to my own funeral march.
He doesn’t tell me goodbye, just turns and leaves. I close the door behind him with a little more force than necessary, but I don’t care if he knows I’m pissed. Does he expect me to walk into a river of piranhas and be happy about it?
Fuck.
16
A week and half passes with Jonah and I keeping one another at arm’s length. The party gets postponed once, so naturally my mind goes to everyone hating me, and they’re trying to get Jonah not to invite me. The fucked up part is, that’s a real possibility.
My etiquette instructor is my saving grace in this department. She helps pick my outfit right down to the boots she buys me, telling me she’ll take it off the classroom supplies budget. I hope that’s a real thing since I don’t have the money to pay Greystone Academy back, and I’m low-key obsessed with the outfit she chose.
When she said she would choose my outfit, I was expecting to find some sort of floral print mishmash like the dresses she wears, but the skinny jeans, boots, and long shirt are very trendy. The lengthy, bronze necklace that dangles in my cleavage rounds out the ensemble. The woman even does my nails, and as I look at myself in the mirror fifteen minutes before Jonah is due to arrive, I can’t believe I’ve pulled it off.
I look normal.
Mia whistles from the bed. “Damn, girl. I like it.”
I shift my gaze to stare at her through the mirror. “Is the lipstick too much?” I challenged myself to go a little darker, and Grace was happy to accommodate another session with me.
“No, it’s absolutely perfect. I wouldn’t change a thing. He’s going to be kicking himself for not accepting you.”
A laugh bursts past my lips. “Ha! Highly doubtful but thank you for the comedy break this evening.”
She sits up, throwing her legs over the side of the bed. “I’m so jealous. We only get to go home every few months to visit, and I desperately miss parties.”
Yesterday, her and her mate had another mandatory visit, and it didn’t go so well. They never do. Mine and Jonah’s visits aren’t going spectacularly well either since we keep locking horns when he accuses me of not trying. At this point, I’ve stopped talking during the “mediation” or whatever fancy word they want to call it.
Hell, I’m not even in a real relationship yet, and I’m already in couple’s therapy. It’s fucking exhausting.
Mia gets up, placing her hand on my shoulder and squeezing. “I know this is going to be hard for you. I’ve been contemplating all day about what to tell you to make it better, and I don’t know. The only thing I could come up with is to try to start fresh. Maybe they’ll accept you more now that you’re fated to Jonah? Try not to go in with old hurts and feelings. If that fails, I have more chocolate stockpiled.”
I turn, wrapping my arms around her. Honestly, I don’t know what I would’ve done if she hadn’t showed up in my room that first night. I’d probably still be keeping to myself, and I wouldn’t have this experience to know that having friends is actually fun. “I love you,” I tell Mia, squeezing her.
My door bursts open, the wood creaking under the force. Both Mia and I jump apart, startled. Mia starts to shake, a growl ripping from her throat.
I blink at Jonah’s hulking form, his chest heaving with his labored breaths. He pulls up short, taking in the two of us. “I heard you say something.”
His possessive streak knows no bounds. Holy shit. “This is my friend Mia,” I explain. “I was just telling her how much I appreciate the help she’s given me.”
Mia turns toward me, widening her eyes as Jonah tries to calm himself. He brings his hand up, frowning at a bouquet of yellow daisies that are now in disarray, half the petals falling off.
She clasps my wrist and pulls me in for another hug. “Good luck, girl. You got this.”
“Thanks,” I whisper, trying to hold on to her encouragement. It’s not looking good so far.
She backs away and gives Jonah a wide berth. “Nice to meet you, Kinsey’s mate. Hope the door’s okay. I might call maintenance while you’re gone to make sure.”
I chuckle as she leaves the room with a look on her face like Jonah is fucking nuts. At this point, I’d agree.
“It’s nice to meet you,” he mumbles.
Her footsteps eventually disappear down the hall, and Jonah offers me the disheveled bouquet in his grip. “I got you these.”
I smile as I take them. Sure, they’re practically barren now, but the thought was there. A trail of yellow petals litters the hallway behind him. “They’re pretty.” I move toward the bathroom and grab a cup I stole from the cafeteria, fill it with water, and arrange them on my desk, smiling. Flowers are customary on a date, but I’m hoping it’s a step further than that. I’ve already told him how much I love plants and the outdoors.
“You look really nice,” he says.
I peek over my shoulder to find him staring at me. His gaze drifts down my legs, up
my ass, and across my torso to my face. I took the time to blow-dry my hair so it lands in dark waves over my shoulders.
While he watches me, I take my time ogling him. He’s wearing dressy, dark jeans and a midnight-blue polo that stretches across his taut shoulders. His short hair is styled to the side. Dammit, he’s hot. He looks good enough to eat.
My wolf agrees, her fur bristling, making the hair on my arms stand to attention.
Down girl.
“Shall we?” he asks, gesturing toward the door.
I grab the small, crossbody purse Mrs. Graves ordered for me, and we walk into the corridor. Jonah shuts the door behind him, inspecting its hinges as he does so. “I think it’s going to be okay.”
I start to chuckle, and it turns to a full-on laugh. “Who exactly did you think I was saying I love you to?”
He glares at me, eyes morphing to yellow before returning to brown. It sends a shiver up my spine. Silence engulfs us as we make our way to Jonah’s truck. Ms. Ebon approved our outing, but I do have a curfew like a lame ass wolf pup. I have to be back by midnight. I’ve never been to a party before, but I’ve seen enough on TV to know that that’s probably when the fun parts start.
Jonah opens the truck door for me, then gets in on the other side. The engine starts smoothly, and as he steers past the stone and iron gate, I peer over my shoulder. This is the first time I’ve consciously left the academy grounds, and a thrill shoots through me. I’m going to do as Mia said. Start fresh. Start new. I can do it.
I’m repeating those thoughts in my head when Jonah starts talking. It’s as if he’s bound and determined to start fresh, too. “The party is in Lunar. Jesse’s throwing it at his parents’ lake home.”
I used to hear stories about parties at the future alpha’s house on the lake, but of course, I was never invited. “Sounds fun,” I tell him, trying to infuse as much enthusiasm as possible.
“They know you’re coming.”
“Great. Can’t wait.”
Jonah sighs. “You don’t have to lie to me, Kinsey.”
I take a deep breath and let it out. “I’m not trying to lie. I’m trying to think happy thoughts. Obviously, I can make friends, so I’m thinking positively.”