Delusional

by Terri Breneman

  “This is the most beautiful kitchen I’ve ever seen,” Claire said. “It looks like something out of a magazine.”

  The kitchen opened up to a large living area. Polished hardwood floors gleamed throughout, a light maple with a dark inlay around the edges. The walls were painted a soft sage green, accented by white crown molding. On one side of the living room an exposed brick wall surrounded a large fireplace. The far end had sliding glass doors that led out to a large deck.

  Claire seemed to be taking it all in when she noticed Mr. Rupert snoozing on the couch. “Oh, my, God. That cat is huge!”

  Mr. Rupert opened one eye and looked at her.

  “Claire, I’d like you to meet Mr. Rupert. He actually owns the place.”

  Claire grinned, reaching over the back of the couch to pet the giant feline. He returned the favor by licking her hand. “He’s amazing,” Claire said. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a cat that large.”

  “He is rather big boned,” Toni said.

  She scratched his head. “Nice house you have here, Mr. Rupert.”

  A gray puff of fur streaked across the living room and leapt up on the back of the couch. He reached out with his paw in an attempt to touch Claire’s arm.

  “And this is our youngster, Little Tuffy.”

  “Oh, my. He’s got to be the cutest cat I’ve ever seen.” Claire picked him up. “No offense, Mr. Rupert. Hey, what happened to his tail?”

  As Toni explained, Mr. Rupert rolled over and stretched all four paws. He meowed loudly several times while continuing to lie on his back. He was hard to ignore.

  “I think Mr. Rupert is a bit jealous,” Toni said. “He still isn’t thrilled about having a little brother in his house.”

  “Well, we can’t have that,” Claire said as she put Little Tuffy on the floor. “Can I rub his tummy?”

  “If you do, you’ll have a friend for life,” Toni said. “You’ve been warned.”

  Claire sat next to Mr. Rupert and began petting him. He rolled a bit in order to put his head on her lap, then stretched his legs again and spread his toes. You couldn’t help but notice his purring. It sounded like a motorboat idling.

  “If you think he’ll get tired of that and leave, you’d be mistaken. I’ve known him to lay like that for over an hour. Would you like a cup of coffee while we finish the tour?”

  “That sounds wonderful.” Claire gave Mr. Rupert one last rub. “I’ll see you tonight, boy.”

  Toni poured them each a cup of coffee from the carafe on the kitchen island before they headed up the stairs. “Please excuse the mess up here,” Toni said. “We haven’t finished cleaning yet.”

  “That reminds me. Where is Boggs?”

  “Oh, I think she’s still in the basement. We’ll go there last.”

  The master suite and a spare bedroom and bath were on the second floor. The third floor had a study, complete with built-in bookcases and a third bedroom and bath. Off the hall were stairs that led to the rooftop deck. Once they had toured the upstairs, Toni led them back through the kitchen and mudroom. They headed down the stairs, past the laundry room and the bathroom.

  “Holy, crap!” Claire’s jaw literally dropped as she stepped in the game room.

  “And it’s nice to see you too, Claire.” Boggs was standing behind the bar, wiping down the bottles.

  Claire inched further into the room. There was a stone fireplace in one corner and next to it a beautiful mahogany bar. As she turned her head, she seemed to notice Boggs for the first time and waved to her. She went to the oak pool table with red felt and touched the polished wood.“This is nice,”she whispered, almost to herself. She wandered over to the pinball machine off to the side, then turned to look at Toni’s old sectional couch that took up one corner of the room. In addition to the barstools, there were also three other comfy chairs as well as a game table. Even though this was a basement, plenty of light filtered through the high windows.

  “This is the most amazing home,” Claire said.

  Boggs came out from behind the bar. “We really lucked out finding it, that’s for sure.” She held up her coffee mug. “I was just going up to get a refill, can I get some for you guys?”

  Claire hesitated. “I shouldn’t keep you two.”

  “Nonsense,” Toni said. “We’re almost done and we could us a break.” She nodded at Boggs who disappeared upstairs. “Have a seat.” She gestured toward the couch.

  “This doesn’t seem like a basement at all.” Claire was looking around the room. “It’s almost as though there’s fresh air coming in, but all the windows are closed.”

  “That’s the air filtration system. It’s pretty cool. It’s there in the lighting above the bar, and it works so well that someone can smoke at the bar and it doesn’t affect the rest of the room. And you can barely hear it.”

  “And I noticed a monitor behind the bar, just like one I saw in the kitchen and in the study. What’s that?”

  “It’s our security system. We have monitors in almost every room and there are several cameras around the property. So when you rang the doorbell, we just had to glance at the monitor to see who was there.”

  “That’s really nice,” Claire said.

  “No kidding. Last week we were down here playing pool and the bell rang. My first instinct was to run upstairs, but we looked at the monitor and saw it was some guy with a clipboard. Needless to say we didn’t answer.”

  Toni and Claire were discussing mattresses, of all things,when Boggs reappeared with a carafe of fresh coffee. She retrieved a container of half-and-half from the bar refrigerator and brought it along with sugar, spoons and napkins to the coffee table. She went back to the bar and grabbed bottles of Kahluá and Bailey’s. Boggs played barista and created their drinks as the three settled back to chat.

  “I’m glad you guys were around Thursday night for Vicky.” Claire took a sip of her coffee. “Damn, this is good, Boggs. Anyway, I’m grateful. She was still upset when I talked to her after I got home from the hospital, but I can’t imagine what she’d have been like if she hadn’t been able to come over here and talk about it.”

  “Our pleasure,” Toni said. “We love Vicky and we’d do anything for her. That was a horrible experience for anyone. I don’t know how she does it every day. Even though I have to see the crime scene photos for work, which are terrible in their own right, I rarely see the actual crime scene with the body still there. I can’t even fathom doing that on a regular basis.”

  “Did you guys know the girl? Maggie?”

  “Toni knew her better than I did,” Boggs said. “Mostly we just knew her from the bar.”

  “I think it’ll sink in on a different level the first time we go to The Cat’s Meow and she’s not behind the bar,” Toni said.

  “This whole thing is crazy,” Claire said, shaking her head. “I see all kinds of horrible injuries in the emergency room, but this just makes me sick. Not physically sick, but emotionally sick. It’s on the same level as child abuse to me. I just don’t understand.”

  “I know what you mean.” Toni sipped at her coffee. “There’s so much negative energy in the world, but for some reason I’m able to somehow rationalize when someone is killed during a fight, or in the heat of the moment. All of it is bad, don’t get me wrong, but there’s a whole other level when someone plans to torture someone.”

  “You’re right,” Claire said. “That’s an entirely different animal.” She took another drink of her coffee. “And I worry about Vicky being out there with all these crazy people, but I guess at least I’m grateful that she’s usually just investigating what has already happened instead of being on the front lines like most of the uniform guys are.”

  “That’s true.” Boggs finished her mug of coffee. “I’m glad she’s not on the streets anymore.”

  “This guy must be crazy to have done this,” Claire said. “But you probably know better than I do, Toni. My exposure to psychiatry lasted about six weeks when I was a resident. But, I
don’t see how a sane person could do that to another human being.”

  “Or do that to any living creature,” Toni added. “But crazy is a relative term. If you’re asking me whether or not this guy was legally insane, well that’s a whole different ballgame.”

  “I’ve always been confused about that,” Claire said. “What’s the difference?”

  “Well, as you know, the term insane isn’t a medical term. It’s a legal determination or a word that people use on a day-to-day basis to describe their ex-girlfriend or mother-in-law. Anyway, let’s say that a person is found not guilty by reason of insanity. What that means is that the guy’s mental illness made him unable to understand what is right and wrong, or unable to control his behavior to conform to the law. And that doesn’t apply to very many people.”

  “So you can be mentally ill, but still be able to tell right from wrong, is that what you’re saying?”

  “Absolutely. There are as many variations in mental health as there are in the medical field. It runs the gamut from being a little down in the dumps to a full-blown psychotic. A comparison in the health-care field would be from a splinter to a brain aneurysm.”

  “Well,that makes sense.”Claire took a sip of coffee,narrowing her eyes in apparent thought. “So—this guy could be clinically depressed, thereby technically having a mental illness, and kill this woman, but he wouldn’t be legally insane?”

  “Exactly.”

  “Or he could think that this woman was actually a fence post and he was pounding her into the ground,” Claire added.

  Toni burst out laughing. “Disgusting, but that’s right. And in that case I’m betting he’d be found not guilty by reason of insanity.”

  “I guess we just won’t know until Vicky catches the guy.”Claire put her mug on the table. “Thanks for finally clearing that up for me. I could never get a clear answer from watching Matlock.” She chuckled. “Well, I suppose I should get going. Thanks so much for the coffee, the tour and the visit, you guys.”

  Both Toni and Boggs walked her upstairs to the front door. “I really like her, don’t you?” Toni asked after closing the front door.

  “As long as she’s good to Vicky, I think she’s great,” Boggs said. “How about I make us a couple sandwiches before we get back to cleaning?”

  “Sounds great. I’ll run up and get the sheets for the laundry while you do that.”

  After lunch, they spent the afternoon finishing their cleaning, decorating and preparing the food for the birthday party. Toni ran out mid-afternoon to get the cake and by four o’clock they’d finished everything except for getting ready themselves.

  He sat in his newly painted sanctuary. The color pleased him immensely, but he’d yet to put anything on the wall. He still couldn’t decide which paintings would be appropriate. Aside from the one chair, the only other thing in the room was a small desk where he kept his Bible, laptop and a spiral notebook. He’d spent most of the morning reading his Bible and praying.

  After lunch with his mother, he returned to his room and looked at the list of people he’d chosen, beaming at the names he’d already crossed off. The United States was better off now that he’d cast those deviants out. His anger rose as he thought about those people being allowed to marry in Massachusetts and now maybe even California. How could the government allow that? He twisted his ring. It was supposed to be one nation under God!

  He breathed deeply and slowly in an attempt to let his anger go. Soon he’d be able to tell the world about his mission from God and they would rally behind him. He was special. He was God’s personal messenger and nothing could stop him. No one could stop him.

  He looked at the next name on his list and felt that unmistakable tingle in his hands. He closed his eyes. The voice of God was clear and strong. It was time to give another sermon. Tonight. He felt his chest swell with pride, but quickly shook off that feeling and fell to his knees. He must be humble. He prayed for forgiveness so long that his knees began to ache. It was then that he realized it was okay to be proud. He was doing God’s work and saving his country. He returned to his chair and began his preparations, making a note on a separate list to buy a throw rug to cushion his long sessions of prayer.

  Chapter 5

  The doorbell rang at exactly seven o’clock as Toni and Boggs sat at the island in their kitchen, sipping wine. Toni glanced at the security monitor and grinned. “The party has officially started.”

  Vicky and Claire were the first to arrive. By seven thirty all of the guests had made their way into the kitchen and living room area and Boggs had taken all the gifts to the basement.

  “Okay,kids,” Toni said.“We’re all here,so let’s head downstairs to the bar. Everyone except Vicky has to carry something,” she said as she handed a bowl of chips to Claire.

  The group lined up as instructed, cheerfully complaining about having to work. Patty Green was first in line and had stuffed her unopened bottle of beer in her jacket pocket so that she could carry more. Patty had been a detective for only a few months and was still getting used to her new responsibilities. She was about five feet five inches tall and was by no means slender. In fact, she considered herself “fluffy.” “I can take two things, Toni.”

  Johnnie Layton was behind her. “Suck-up,” she teased. Johnnie was an FBI agent and had a sensual air about her. Her eyes were an icy blue and she had a voice like butter, as Toni’s grandmother would have said. She winked at Toni after being handed a tray of hot mini quiches.

  Jessie Taylor was next, a rookie on the police force, having worked there for less than a year. Her short hair was dark brown and always messy as though she’d just rolled out of bed. As Toni handed her a giant platter of chips and salsa, she wondered how Jessie always managed to make her disheveled hair look consistently the same.

  Jessie’s girlfriend Helen, another beat cop, took a homemade pizza from Toni and the two headed to the basement. The remaining guests included Cathy, their resident psychic, and Harriet, who worked at Stray Rescue.

  The basement was barely recognizable from its state earlier in the day. The entire room was covered in pink. Several years ago Vicky had dated a woman who constantly wore pink. Boggs had teased her unmercifully, even though Vicky claimed she simply adored pink. Boggs knew that wasn’t true and it’d become a running gag. Toni and Boggs had spent the afternoon draping awful pink crepe paper over everything, setting out pink paper plates, hanging pink balloons and a few pink flamingos. Even the birthday cake was iced in a hideous shade of pink. The look on Vicky’s face was priceless.

  “Very funny, you guys,” Vicky said with a grin on her face. “I thought we were just having a normal get-together and not a birthday party. It looks like someone threw up a gallon of Pepto-Bismol.”

  Toni pulled Vicky over to the game table and pointed to the stack of gifts. “Come on, birthday girl. Time to open your presents.”

  Vicky sat while the others gathered around. “Gee, I hope I get a Barbie Dream House.”

  She opened the first gift. It was a pair of pink fuzzy handcuffs. “I hope you don’t already have a set,” Johnnie said.

  “Actually I do, but not this color.”

  The next box was heavy, and Vicky shook it before opening. It was another gift from Toni and Boggs. Vicky tore open the package and burst out laughing.

  “What is it?” Claire leaned over her shoulder.

  “It’s a one gallon jug of soy sauce. Holy cow, this is huge.”

  Jessie looked puzzled. “I don’t get it.”

  “Haven’t you noticed that Vicky absolutely soaks her Chinese food in soy sauce?” Boggs was laughing. “It’s totally disgusting, but it’s one of the things we love about her.”

  The gag gifts just kept coming. Next was a red game show buzzer. It was placed next to Vicky on the table, and anytime someone said something she didn’t like, she hit the buzzer and yelled, “Wrong!” Jessie gave her those ridiculous mud flaps with the naked women sitting in a seductive pose.


  Patty gave her a plastic toy doctor’s kit. “Since you’ve got Claire and all,” she said.

  Vicky started to place it on the floor with the other gifts.

  “No, you’ve got to open it,” Patty yelled.

  Inside were a variety of adult toys, massage oils and chocolate sauce. Vicky was grinning as she handed it to Claire. “Here. Maybe you should hold onto this for now.”

  The rest of the gag gifts included a giant beer mug that would hold at least a six-pack of liquid. A book entitled The Joy of Farting, a horn for her car that played La Cucaracha and a packet of rubber checks. Actual rubber checks. After she finished opening the regular gifts, she leaned back in her chair. “Thank you all so much. It’s such a wonderful feeling to know I’ve got friends like you. And a special thanks to my hostesses. You guys always open your hearts and your home to us, so we all pitched in together and got you a sort of belated housewarming gift.”

  “That is so sweet, you guys,” Toni said. “But we don’t need anything. We’re just so happy to have you all as friends.”

  Vicky rolled her eyes and reached for a large package that was under the table. “Here you go. Boggs, you open it.”

  Boggs looked at Toni and shrugged before tearing into the paper. She was laughing before Toni could see what was underneath.

  “What is it? What is it?” Toni ran over to Boggs. As soon as she saw the package underneath, she burst out laughing. It was a surveillance device called The Big Ear.

  “I told everyone that you had binoculars up on the roof, and they all agreed that you needed this to supplement your ‘Neighborhood Watch’ program. It lets you hear conversations up to three hundred feet away and it can even record for five minutes I think.”

  “This is hysterical,” Toni said. “Thanks everybody. Now I’m never going to get her off the roof!”