the Art of Breaking Up

by Elizabeth Stevens

  Nicholson gave one more nod and a grin and walked off.

  “Your not-friends seem nice,” I said.

  Wade’s nod was slightly more distracted. “Yeah. They’re fine for their purpose.”

  “Which is distraction?” I clarified.

  “Which is distraction,” he agreed.

  “Do I want to know why he mentioned Mikey has the smokes?”

  Wade glanced down at me, looking a little shifty. “Let’s leave it at unhealthy coping mechanisms, shall we?”

  I didn’t want to leave it at unhealthy coping mechanisms.

  “Wade, it’s–”

  “Rare, social, and after a few drinks,” he finished for me, looking at me like he’d really like to leave that where it was.

  I nodded slowly. “Okay, then.”

  The corner of his lips tipped up. “Don’t tell me Norah Lincoln cares about me.”

  I nudged him playfully. “Don’t go telling people.”

  He laughed and we put awkward topics behind us.

  He successfully distracted me from that and any of my own issues. It was like, on some unspoken agreement, we were acting like we were together for that night only. Whether we were talking to his non-friends, dancing, or laughing with each other, our hands were always on each other. And that’s when our lips weren’t joining in on the action.

  It turned out there was someone else at this party. Not someone I’d talk to, but someone else I did know. And seeing them made me think of something.

  “Tia Lefevre,” I said as I saw her on the other side of the room, and he looked at me.

  “What about her?” Wade asked, looking completely surprised.

  “Is it true you dumped Lisa for her?”

  A flitting moment of regret crossed his face. “No.”

  “No?”

  He shook his head. “No.” And took a sip of his cola.

  “True or false. You dumped Lisa for someone.”

  He kicked his head sideways. “Not really true or false.”

  “What does that mean?”

  He wrapped his arm around my waist and put his lips to my ear. “It means, Norah, that it was complicated.” He kissed the side of my head like that would put a stop to my questioning.

  Whatever else Wade was, he was usually pretty open and honest with me. I had to wonder why he wasn’t terribly forthcoming about this. If he was being squirrelly, just maybe there was a reasonable reason and I should drop it. Maybe they had something to do with those issues he’d mentioned earlier.

  I was feeling freer and lighter than I had in weeks. I didn’t feel like getting into an argument, no matter how frivolous, with him at that point. I wanted to hang onto that feeling of being able to breathe. So, I didn’t press him for more details.

  I just looked into his eyes and kissed him gently.

  “Du-ude,” someone laughed beside us. “Fight outside.”

  Wade and I looked towards the back door. I could hear chanting and yelling, but felt absolutely no inclination to go and see what it was about.

  “Shall we go?” he asked against my hair.

  I nodded. “I think that’s our cue.”

  With his arm around my shoulder, he led me back outside. When we got to the car, he opened the door for me. I paused. With one hand on the car and one on the open door, he was boxing me against it. I gave in to the urge to just be there, in the safety of him, for just a little longer.

  “What?” he asked me, his face alight with a pure smile.

  I shook my head. “Dunno.”

  He pressed a kiss to my head and bundled me into the car.

  “Home?” he asked as he climbed in the car.

  I looked at the time and nodded. “Yeah. I guess so.”

  “Can do.”

  Silence hung over us as he drove me home. The radio played quietly in the background, but neither Wade or I said anything. But it was comfortable. I felt no need to fill the silence. I was just happy to watch the streets go by and think about our night out. The vague reminder that I hadn’t thought about my parents all night threatened to ruin it, but I successfully pushed that away for the time being.

  What felt like mere moments later, Wade had stopped in front of my house.

  “I…had a good night, Wade,” I told him. “Thank you.”

  “Thank you,” he answered. “I hope it was as good a distraction for you as it was for me.”

  “I’m not going to ask what you needed distracting from–”

  “I’m glad.”

  “–but…if you wanted to talk about it…?”

  He inclined his head. “Let’s focus on one of us at a time, yeah?”

  I paused before I got out of the car. I so badly wanted to ask him if he was okay. I felt like, if I did, I might be overstepping some invisible boundary that we’d set up. As though it was okay for him to care about me, but it didn’t really go both ways. I didn’t know if that was my expectation or his. I decided it was stupid.

  “You’re…okay?” I asked, acting as nonchalant as possible.

  He grinned. “As okay as ever, Lincoln.”

  Which was surely a good thing? “Good. I’ll see you Monday, Phillips.”

  “Oh, you going to talk to me?”

  “Maybe if Hell freezes over, yeah.” I nodded.

  He gave a rough chuckle. “What if I message you? You going to ignore me all week until I turn up at your house again?”

  “I thought I told you that had to stop?”

  “You also got in the car.”

  I had done that. “Maybe you message me and find out if I’m going to ignore you all week again.”

  “And if I turn up at your house again?”

  I smiled despite myself. “Just don’t come to the door.”

  “Because your parents can’t see me.”

  I nodded. “That.”

  “I’ll see you Monday, Lincoln.”

  I climbed out of the car. “See you Monday, Phillips.”

  I started walking up the path to the front door but stopped as soon as I heard him.

  “Norah!” he called and I spun back to face him.

  “Yeah?” Okay, so maybe my tone was a little more hopeful than maybe it should have been under the circumstances.

  He grinned and held his arm up to the window he’d opened. In his hand was my Matric jumper.

  I nodded and bit my bottom lip. “I forgot my jumper. Right.” I leaned back into the car and took it from him.

  His smile widened. “You forgot your jumper. Was there maybe something else you were hoping I was going to give you?”

  I realised there were a great many things I wouldn’t mind him giving me. Now – or ever – was perhaps the wrong time.

  I tried frowning at him. It didn’t work. “You’re incorrigible Wade Phillips.”

  “Maybe you’ve got what it takes to corrige me then, Norah Lincoln.”

  I smirked. “I don’t think that’s a word.”

  He shook his head. “Sure, it is. Like…inflammable and flammable!”

  “They mean the same thing.”

  “Sounds about right. You’re more likely to make me more impossible than reform me.” He winked.

  “Good night, Wade,” I told him with a smile.

  He gave me another nod. “Good night, Norah.”

  I shut the door and watched him drive away before going into the house.

  As far as I could tell, no one saw me come in, I didn’t wake anyone, and no one knew what time I came home.

  I dropped my stuff on the desk and myself on my bed, a ridiculously goofy smile plastered on my face. I knew I shouldn’t feel so happy or free or relaxed, but I did. I felt lighter. I felt like maybe everything wasn’t turning to crud before my very eyes after all.

  Did I feel a little bad about hooking up with my best friend’s ex-boyfriend? Sure. Guilt settled in my stomach. I weighed it against my better mood and felt like it was s
omething I could live with.

  It was one party. One night. Lisa didn’t have to know.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Wade did message me. And I replied.

  I could say it was because I didn’t want to risk him coming to my door and my parents wondering why in the hell Lisa’s ex-boyfriend was coming to see me. But I would have been lying. I replied because I wanted to. I replied because talking to him made me feel good. Well, better.

  Not that Lisa was going to get any sort of inkling about this whatsoever.

  I’d said it was one night and I planned to keep it at one night. That didn’t mean I couldn’t talk to the guy. We had been friends once, talking to each other wasn’t so ridiculous that it was illegal or anything.

  And I’d keep telling myself that for as long as it took for me to fully believe it. My deathbed was going to be pretty full at this point.

  “How go rehearsals?” I asked her as we sat in the Common Room on Monday.

  My eyes slid to Wade, but I felt like I was being a little bit less obvious than I had been the week before. Almost as though, by not fighting whatever it was drawing us together, I could be more natural about it.

  She nodded. “Good. Good. Lotta lines to learn, as usual. But I’m really enjoying it. It’s a fun cast this year.”

  “You think that every year,” I reminded her.

  She shrugged. “I can’t help it. Theatre people are awesome people.”

  I smirked. “A theatre person is an awesome person. You. You are an awesome person.”

  “You know, I bet you’d love it if you gave it a shot.”

  “Oh, too bad,” I said sarcastically. “I missed my calling.”

  She laughed. “There’s always time.”

  “No. No time. This is the last play of our school lives and it’s all full up. What a pity,” I teased.

  She shook her head ruefully. “You could always join the backstage crew or front of house.”

  “Or I could willingly do my homework in the next free after it’s been assigned.”

  Her eyebrows rose as she contemplated that, and stole some of my chips. “That is more likely.”

  I nodded to Lisa and went to pull my Matric jumper on. I shook it out and my eyes froze. Where the words ‘Young Linc’ definitely ought to have been were the words ‘the Wisecracker’. Where my jumper was a reference to Koby’s Zelda obsession and status as the elder Linc(oln), Wade’s referenced Deadpool.

  Bundling the jumper up quickly, I dropped it into my lap again. My heart thudded in my chest and my mouth suddenly felt dry.

  Lisa looked at me weirdly. “Not cold after all?”

  I paused, trying to come up with something feasible, then shook my head. “No. Nope. Decided I’m fine.”

  Thankfully, Lisa knew all about my eccentricities, so my behaviour wasn’t completely out of place. I didn’t think I usually carried quite that much guilt around on a daily basis, though.

  Maybe I should join drama club? I wondered as I slid my phone out of my pocket.

  Norah

  SOS meet me outside?

  My eyes slid to Wade as surreptitiously as possible and I saw him look up. He looked straight at me, worry loud and clear on his face.

  Wade

  Everything okay?

  Norah

  Just meet me.

  I got up. Lisa followed the movement.

  “All good?” she asked.

  I nodded. “Yeah. Just got to see Mr Hawkes before next lesson. I’ll meet you there?”

  “Yeah, sure. See you there.”

  I grabbed my books off the table and hurried out of the Common Room.

  “What’s wrong?” was the first thing out of Wade’s mouth, his hand reaching for me.

  I shook my head and swayed away from him. I wasn’t touching him at school, even if no one was at risk of seeing us.

  “We somehow swapped jumpers,” I told him.

  A confused smile tugged at his lips. “Yeah. I noticed when mine didn’t fit this morning.”

  I looked him over and realised that – duh – he hadn’t been wearing one all day. Which should have made me realise something was out of the ordinary because he’d worn it every day of the term until this point.

  Scanning the hallway to make definite sure no one saw us, I quickly shoved his jumper at him. He caught it to his chest just as I let go, careful not to let our fingers touch.

  “And this was an SOS why?” he chuckled.

  “Because I’m cold,” I snapped. “Where’s mine?”

  He kicked his head towards the Common Room. “In my locker.”

  Of course, it was. In his locker. In the hallway. On the other side of the Common Room.

  I sighed. “Great.”

  “You can wear mine,” he offered as he held it out to me.

  I frowned. “Yeah. Like that wouldn’t make the whole school talk.”

  He shrugged as he pulled it on. “The offer stands, whatever your hang ups about it.”

  “My hang ups?” I clarified and he nodded. “What about your hang ups?”

  “What about my hang ups?” he asked, not like he didn’t have any but like he legitimately wondered what they had to do with the conversation.

  That stumped me a little.

  I blinked. “You can’t just have some girl wandering around the school with your name emblazoned along her back like she’s your property.”

  He snickered. “Yeah, I think the ownership connotations generally go the other way.”

  “Yes. Because cows brand themselves to show they own their farmers.”

  “A Matric jumper isn’t a brand. You’re not a cow. And I’m not a farmer.”

  “Shut up. Just… Bring me my jumper later, okay?”

  “I’ll meet you at lunch with it.”

  There were the beginnings of post-Recess movement, so I nodded and started heading for class before someone would see me with Wade.

  “How was Mr Hawkes?” Lisa asked when she found me in the classroom.

  I nodded and swallowed that feeling of guilt. “Fine.”

  “Everything okay?”

  “Yep. All sorted.”

  She looked at me for a moment, then nodded. “Great.”

  I didn’t have the next lesson with Lisa, and we left each other with the agreement we’d meet at lockers or Common Room, whichever was first.

  At lunch, on my way to meet Lisa, I saw Wade holding a jumper and looking at me very purposefully. He was standing between me and my locker, so there really was no avoiding him. Lisa was already at our lockers and didn’t seem to have noticed me yet.

  I hurried along the hallway and half-paused next to Wade.

  He held my jumper to me.

  “Thanks,” I said, quickly taking it.

  “No worries. You know, it’s not going to kill you to be seen talking to me at school. As far as anyone knows, you left it in class and I picked it up. Remember, everyone thinks I’m nice like that. You’re the only one who hates me.”

  I nodded as I pulled on my jumper. “Uh huh.”

  “Norah,” he said earnestly.

  “Yeah?”

  “Are you listening? Because I kind of…”

  I had stopped listening to Wade. In my defence, my eyes had alighted on a beautiful sight in the Hall behind him.

  Lisa was talking to Matt. Matt of the understudy to the opposing star of the school musical. Matt of the equal love of theatre. Matt of the…

  Oh, was that…?

  As I watched, he smiled through whatever he was saying and she laughed. It wasn’t just the laugh that held my attention. It was the little flick of her hair. I hadn’t seen Lisa flick her hair out of anything but annoyance at anyone other than Wade. Ever. And that was definitely not annoyance on her face now.

  I felt that little bubble of excitement rise in my chest and had to stamp down my manic grin.

  I elbowed Wade. “Is that what I th
ink it is?”

  “Is what what you think it is?” he asked, sounding somewhat exasperated.

  “Lisa and Matt,” I said, kicking my chin in their direction. “Is that potential?”

  Wade looked them over and I studied his expression to try to gauge what he was thinking. Finally, he licked his bottom lip and said, “I dunno about Lisa, but Matt’s got a raging boner like no one’s business.”

  My eyes unconsciously dropped to Matt’s crotch, but I saw nothing untoward so chose to believe Wade’s words were figurative. “Well, you’d know about raging boners.”

  He chuckled. “Oh, you mean the one you get when you’re being mean to me?”

  He wasn’t wrong.

  “You know nothing about my boners, Wade Phillips. And you never will.”

  “Well, now I have to know.”

  “Now you have to shut up.” I felt myself smile.

  “I was serious before, Norah,” he said quietly, his hand touching my elbow briefly.

  I slid my eyes to him for a second, not wanting to take them off the flirting down the hallway for too long. “About what?”

  “About us being seen at school talking.”

  I frowned. “What did you say about us being seen at school talking.”

  “Norah!”

  He gently tugged me to look at him. And look at him I did.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Is it going to kill you to be seen with me at school?”

  “The talking might not, but Lisa will.”

  Now he frowned. “What?”

  I sighed. “Look. I just can’t… It’s complicated, okay? Sisters before misters and all that.”

  He frowned at me and I could tell he wanted to say something. When he finally opened his mouth, I was sure the something had still been left unsaid.

  “Fine. Secrecy it is.”

  I hoped my expression was that of sincere apology. “I just–”

  “Can’t. Got it.” He nodded perfunctorily and walked away.

  I would have spent more time dwelling on him and his unsaid words, but there was potential down the hallway. If Matt liked Lisa and Lisa had flicked her hair at him, Matt could be the perfect guy to help her get over Wade.

  I could have tried to tell myself that I wanted to help Lisa get over Wade for her sake. I could probably have made myself believe it, too. But I wasn’t going to do myself the disservice of discounting the fact that my desire to get Lisa over Wade had something to do with the fact I couldn’t keep away from him, or the fact I was definitely now thinking about his boner and what it would be like.