the Art of Breaking Up

by Elizabeth Stevens

Well, that had been easier than I’d expected, high probability and all.

  “Okay,” Lisa said, pulling her phone out. “What should I say?”

  The fact she was asking told me that this was more than just messaging a friend. If that was the closest I got to an acknowledgement that she liked him more than a friend, then I’d take it.

  “How about, you start with ‘hi’?”

  “Hi?” Lisa asked, frowning. “Or, hey?”

  We said various versions of ‘hello’ out loud a few times like we were trying them out.

  “What do I usually say?” she asked me.

  “In message or in person?”

  She dropped her phone in her lap and looked at me. “I say different things in message and person?”

  I nodded. “You’re much more aggressive over message.”

  “Am I?”

  I nodded again. “Yeah.” I saw the look on her face and clarified. “That’s not a bad thing.”

  She frowned. “What do I usually say over message?”

  “Um… ‘Oi’ or ‘Yo’ or ‘Duude!’ tend to be your go tos.”

  She didn’t look like she believed me. “Really?”

  I shrugged. “‘Struth.”

  “Hm…” she mused as she typed away. When she was done, she turned her phone to face me. “How’s this?”

  Lisa

  Hey Matt! How’s things?

  I gave her a shrugged nod. “Sure.”

  “No good?”

  “Fine. I think we’re way overthinking this. Anything’s going to look weird now.”

  She pursed her lips, then nodded. “True. Okay, sent!”

  We went back to laughing and singing and stuffing sugar into our faces until Lisa’s phone went off.

  “Check it! Check it!” I cried excitedly as we fell onto her bed together.

  She was still laughing as she pulled her phone up and unlocked it.

  Matt

  Not much. You?

  “What do I say now?” Lisa asked me, her eyes wide and pupils tiny as she looked at me.

  “You could try the truth?” I suggested as I shovelled doritos into my mouth.

  Lisa

  Norah’s over and we’re high on sugar.

  I snorted as I watched her type and hit send. “Sure. Make us sound like we’re five.”

  “We’re at least five,” Lisa pointed out and I laughed harder.

  I honestly hadn’t laughed that hard at absolutely nothing in such a long time. The whole process was somewhat cathartic, like all my system needed was a strong reboot or something.

  Matt

  Just sugar?

  Lisa

  Yes. :P What are you up to?

  Matt

  DnD campaign.

  Lisa

  A what now?

  Matt

  Dungeons and Dragons.

  Lisa looked at me blankly.

  “Isn’t that the thing with the dressing up like you’re in Lord of the Rings and rolling dice?” I asked.

  Lisa’s nose wrinkled. “Is it?”

  “Is that a problem?” I asked.

  Lisa’s eyebrows narrowed like she was considering that. “No.”

  “No?” I chuckled.

  She nodded. “No.”

  Lisa

  What are you?

  Matt

  What do you mean?

  “What’s it called?” she asked me.

  “What’s what called?” I replied.

  “Like to explain what he is.”

  “Class?” I offered.

  “How do you know these things?” she asked me.

  I shrugged. “I drink and I know things.”

  She laughed as she replied to Matt.

  Lisa

  Your class?

  Matt

  You know about DnD?!

  Lisa

  I have a tiny amount of knowledge, lol.

  Matt

  I’m a rogue

  “What’s a rogue?” Lisa asked.

  I Googled it.

  “A scoundrel who uses stealth and trickery to overcome obstacles and enemies,” I read off the first website I came across.

  “Oh, like Loki?” Lisa cried.

  I shrugged. “Loki’s pretty sexy.”

  Lisa grinned at me and I felt like this conversation was about to go in a very desirable direction.

  Lisa

  How tight’s your outfit? ;P

  While Lisa and Matt’s convo got more and more flirty, my phone went off. I rolled over a little and pulled my phone out.

  Wade

  What are you up to tonight?

  My fingers hovered over the keypad to reply, but I thought to hell with it. This was Girls’ Night and Wade could wait.

  Lisa got a free pass because I was trying to fan the flames with Matt. Although, truth me told, they seemed to be fanning themselves quite well on their own. I just had to get them to realise just how hot those flames were.

  Baby steps.

  Chapter Seventeen

  After ignoring Wade during Girls’ Night, I messaged him as soon as I got home on Saturday afternoon.

  Norah

  Sorry. Girls’ Night.

  Wade

  And here I thought you were out with another guy.

  Norah

  Why does that stink of jealousy? :P

  Wade

  …

  Wade

  Maybe because I might have been a bit jealous.

  Wade

  Just a little bit.

  I had been joking, but…

  The part of me that thought that was a bad idea warred with the part of me that liked the sound of him being just a little bit jealous. I didn’t know why I should be at all interested in whether Wade would be jealous if I hung out with another guy or not, but apparently I was.

  Norah

  Oh, just a little bit?

  Wade

  Just a very little bit. Miniscule. Barely.

  I felt myself smiling that goofy smile again.

  Norah

  Well, I WAS flattered…

  Wade

  But?

  Norah

  Well, now it’s barely worth my while to be flattered, isn’t it?

  Wade

  Did you want me to be jealous?

  Norah

  I’ve got no right to think anything of your jealousy or lack thereof.

  Wade

  Says who?

  Norah

  Me.

  Wade

  Well, it’s hard to argue with that.

  Norah

  What did you get up to last night?

  Wade

  I hung out at home and watched horror movies.

  Norah

  Anything decent?

  Wade

  Nothing new. Resident Evil marathon.

  Wade

  What are you up to now?

  Norah

  I’m just home from Lisa’s, so a shower is in order. Then I’m going to have another look at my homework to avoid going downstairs and being around my parents.

  Wade

  What were you two up to that requires a post-hang out shower?

  Wade

  You know what? I actually don’t want to know.

  Wade

  Well, my parents are still away. You’re more than welcome to come here and chill if you want??

  Norah

  Like it’s a crime to enjoy good hygiene practices?

  Norah

  But, no. We didn’t do anything that makes a shower necessary. I just like showering.

  Norah

  Also, chill?

  Norah

  Are you booty-texting me, Wade?

  Wade

  Would it work if I was? ;-P

  Wade

  For the record, I wasn’t.

  Wade

  I can if you’d like�
��

  Norah

  :D I’m not saying you’re gonna get any ‘chilling’ from me, but I could get away from the house…

  Wade

  :D

  Wade

  Then please feel free to make use of my house.

  Norah

  What time?

  Wade

  Literally whenever suits. I’m just here chilling by myself.

  Norah

  I did not need a crotch update.

  Wade

  *snort* cute. No. There is not enough data in the world for me to inform you every time I ‘chill’ with myself.

  Norah

  Thanks for that mental image

  Wade

  You are most welcome.

  Norah

  I’ll let you know when I’m on my way?

  Wade

  Sounds good.

  Norah

  Want me to bring anything?

  Wade

  Nah. I’m pretty well stocked.

  I threw my phone on the bed and got ready to shower.

  After hanging out with Lis the night before, I was feeling okay. I was feeling good, even. All the more reason to hang out with Wade and continue feeling good. I joked about languishing in existential dread, but being around my parents would actually cause dread to slither into my person and I saw no reason to languish unnecessarily.

  As I thundered down the stairs again, Koby was just coming into the entry hall from the kitchen.

  “You going out two days in a row?” he asked me. “Who died?”

  I grimaced and stuck my tongue out at him. “Haw, haw. You’re so funny.”

  “I know. Thank you.”

  “I’ll have you know, I’m not as stuffy and boring as you think I am.”

  “Being introverted doesn’t make you stuffy and boring,” he said simply. He ruffled my hair as I drew level with him and gave me a shit-eating grin. “I just have no interest in hanging out with you.”

  I tried to waft his hand away. “Gee, thanks. That makes a sister feel good.”

  He looked at me. “Did you wanna hang out with me?”

  “Well,” I huffed, grabbing my buzzing phone out of my pocket. “Now you mention it, no.”

  Koby nodded. “Exactly. You can be an awesome person, but not my kind of person. It’s a thing.”

  Considering I hadn’t even been wondering what kind of person I was, I was at least feeling quite pleased with whatever kind of person that happened to be. So, for an impromptu introspective, it had gone quite well. Which was a nice change from my recent introspectives.

  “I’m out,” Koby called into the house. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

  “Bye,” was called back from opposite ends of the house.

  “I’m out, too,” I added.

  “Okay,” Dad called as Mum called, “Have fun.”

  Koby looked at me with a little surprise. “Wow. They’ve really loosened the reigns on you, haven’t they?”

  I forced a smile for him. I was trying to feel better, not worse, so I wasn’t even going to contemplate trying to work out what – if anything – Koby knew.

  I shrugged. “Nearly eighteen. Clearly more responsible than you. What do they have to worry about?”

  Koby pointed at me in agreement. “True. Right. You have a good night, Young Linc. I’ll see you tomorrow sometime.”

  “Night, dude.”

  We walked out with each other and split off into our respective cars, sparing each other a fist bump as we went.

  When I got to Wade’s, he opened the door and, while he seemed pleased to see me, there was also a hint of something off about him. He was in a hoody and trackpants, his feet bare, his hair messier than usual, and not the artful kind that would have taken him ages to perfect.

  “You okay?” I asked as he closed the door behind me.

  He nodded in a dismissive way. “Little dusty.”

  “Dusty?”

  “Hungover,” he clarified shortly, like he didn’t really want to talk about it.

  I paused for a second just inside his front door. I felt like the ‘good friend’ thing to do would be to ask him again, see if there was anything he wanted to talk about. But there was this vibe coming from him – so different to the usual vibe I got from him even when we were antagonising each other – that I wasn’t quite sure what to do with.

  This vibe felt…it felt viscerally real.

  So often, my main complaint about Wade in the past couple of years was that he was so fake and shallow. This was nothing like that. He was at the opposite end of the extreme now. So real and deep and openly honest.

  It was as intimidating as it was impressive.

  Wade was looking at me like he knew exactly what was running through my head. Like he knew I was about to try to delve deeper, but also that I wouldn’t because I didn’t know how.

  As simply as I breathed, he touched his hand to my back and directed me to his room.

  “I’m fine, Lincoln,” he said. “What about you? Tell me what’s going on with you.”

  I looked at him as though I’d be able to make sure he stood by his statement just by the expression on his face. “I… I dunno. Same old, same old, I guess. I’m just feeling pretty good after Girls’ Night last night… I wanted to keep feeling good.”

  Wade gave a humourless laugh. “And you picked me for that?”

  There was a pitifulness about him. Something literally pathetic. I had no trouble telling him the truth, as much for wanting to be honest as hoping to make him feel better.

  “I feel better when I’m with you, Wade,” I said softly. “I can forget the fact that my world’s ending.”

  He made me look him in the eyes. There was a soft humour there that might have been sympathetic or might have been patronising. “Why do you feel like your world’s going to end?” he asked.

  “Why do you insist it’s not?” I countered.

  “It’s going to change, sure,” he said. “But it’s not going to end.”

  “My parents’ are breaking up and just leaving our family to just…fall apart. I mean, what about me and Koby?” I asked.

  “People who stay together just because of kids are a special kind of stupid,” he said as he stepped away from me, and I looked at him in surprise at the venom in his tone. He shook his head, but it was more exasperated than it was apologetic. “Sorry. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but it’s true. Kids has to be about the worst reason to try to force something to work long after it’s broken.”

  I wasn’t sure what to say to that. He was right, I didn’t want to hear that. I thought kids would be a good reason to make a relationship work even if there wasn’t any other reason. I mean, I wanted to be with both our parents. Didn’t that make the most sense?

  I dropped onto his bed, feeling like I was on the cusp of something I didn’t want to be discovering, but it was as yet just a little bit out of reach.

  Wade huffed a sigh. “I’m sorry, Norah. I shouldn’t have snapped like that. I stand by it, but I could have delivered it better.”

  I shook my head, mainly on auto-pilot. “No. That’s okay.”

  “It’s not okay. I took my mood out on you, and that’s not okay.”

  “Do you want to talk about…anything?” I asked him, feeling my tone was a little more pushy than usual.

  He huffed. “I… No. Ugh. Maybe.”

  I smiled, but it was more out of understanding and sympathy than I found anything funny about his situation. “Okay…?” I left it open. Let him talk if he wanted. He didn’t have to if he didn’t want to.

  He sat on the bed next to me. “You said you hate me.”

  I blinked. “When?”

  “I dunno. Last year maybe?”

  I blinked again. “Sort of sounds like something I’d say…” I started, all apology.

  He shrugged it off. “No. I’m not… Ugh. I’m not looking for an apology
. I want to…try to give you an explanation. Maybe.”

  “I don’t think I follow.”

  “I didn’t break up with Lisa because I wanted to play the field. Okay? That’s the first thing I need you to know. I…went through some shit. I couldn’t give Lisa what she needed or deserved. On so many levels. Instead of stringing either of us along, I thought it was best to end it.”

  That made sense. Although, it was easy to say so after the fact, and after he’d gone off and hooked up with God knew how many people since.

  “The shit is the reason for the therapy?” I asked.

  He looked at me with surprise.

  I shrugged. “You mentioned it the other day.”

  “No. I know. I guess I’m just surprised you remembered.”

  “Kind of a difficult thing to forget, Wade.”

  He nodded, but like he didn’t agree. “I suppose. And…yes is the simple answer to your question.”

  “There’s a not simple answer?”

  He threw himself back on the bed and looked up at the ceiling. “There is an incredibly complex answer.”

  “But you don’t want to talk about it?” I guessed.

  He shrugged. He shook his head. He shrugged again. “Aren’t we focussing on one of us at a time?”

  “Are you embarrassed?” I asked.

  “About what?”

  “About your...” I looked at him as I petered off.

  He looked at me and the corner of his lips tipped up. “About my...?”

  He knew what I meant, but he was interested in hearing what I’d call it. I didn’t know what to call it so I didn’t call it anything.

  “Mental health, or lack thereof?” he suggested with a wry grin.

  I nodded. “Sure. Is that why no one knows?”

  “What makes you think no one knows?”

  “The other day, you said I’m not just anyone.”

  He nodded like he knew where I was going with that. Which was good, because I wasn’t sure I knew where I was going with that. “People know.”

  “What people?”

  “People who need to know.”

  “Like?”

  “Teachers. Parents. Professionals.”

  Professionals. The therapy he didn’t seem inclined to talk any more about. I wondered just how much he’d done and what he’d been through to warrant it. My curiosity warred with my sympathy, and I found it difficult not to press him for more details.

  “But not your friends?”

  “Eh, why bring them down with me?” he said flippantly.

  I looked him over. “Why do you do that?”

  “Do what?”