the Art of Breaking Up

by Elizabeth Stevens

  “You guys had common ground.”

  I frowned. “You?”

  “Pfft,” she scoffed. “No. Your parents divorcing.”

  I felt all the blood drain out of my face. Was that even something you could feel?

  I blinked. “How do you know about that?”

  Lisa looked at her feet for a second. “Wade and I talked over the weekend. He assumed I knew, so he didn’t hide it from me. Unlike someone else.” But it was said in good-natured teasing.

  It still didn’t make me feel better about what else they might have talked about. I should have guessed she’d reach out to him. If the tables were turned, I’d have done the same thing. I had done the same thing, back when he dumped her. I’d been met with a whole lot of hostility about minding my own business, but I understood where that came from now.

  “Did you talk about anything else?” I asked, not sure if I actually wanted the answer or not.

  “Oh, just a vague passing mention of how misguided your loyalty can be and that Wade should give you a second chance–”

  “I’ll bet he was proper keen on that,” I huffed sarcastically.

  “–And the fact you told him I was in love with him!” she hissed in annoyance, whacking me gently on the arm.

  “Oops?” I offered.

  “Yeah. Oops is right.”

  I held my hands up innocently. “To be fair, I did think you were in love with him.”

  She glared at me, but I saw the love and humour behind it. “You didn’t have to go telling him that.”

  “How else was I supposed to convince him to keep it quiet?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. But I’m sure literally anything else could have worked. Something like ‘Hey, Wade, let’s just keep this between us. Yeah?’”

  “Okay. Next time I’m hooking up with the ex I think you’re still obsessed with, I’ll leave you out of it.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Out of curiosity…?”

  “Ye-es?” she replied in a sing-song.

  “What did he think about giving me a second chance?”

  Lisa shrugged. “I dunno. But there’s really only one way to find out…”

  I was pretty sure I didn’t like the way she said that. “And what’s that?” I asked. I regretted it as soon as I’d said it.

  “I know something about love…” she started singing and I cringed.

  “Lis…don’t do this…” I begged, trying not to smile.

  “You’ve gotta want it bad…”

  “Jesus,” I muttered, loving everything about my best friend. “She’s going to do it.”

  “If that guy’s got into your blood…”

  I shook my head. “She’s doing it.”

  “Go out and get him. If you want him to be…”

  “All right.”

  “The very part of you…”

  “Okay…”

  “Makes you want to breathe, here’s the thing to do…”

  Against my better judgement, I gave into it. “Tell me.”

  And here the dancing really ramped up. “Tell him that you’re never going to leave him. Tell him that you’re always going to love him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him right now.”

  People were looking at us, but, SOILED or not, I didn’t really care. Lisa was Lisa.

  “Okay, okay!” I huffed a laugh as she continued singing. “If I do, will you stop?”

  She nodded and paused. “Yes. But you actually have to go and talk to him. Otherwise, I will legit follow you around all day singing it.”

  I hugged her quickly. “Thank you, Lis.”

  “For what?”

  “Being a better friend than me.”

  She pushed me to arm’s length and frowned at me. “Can I tell you a secret?”

  “A secret?”

  She nodded. “One of the reasons he broke up with me was because he liked you. All the way back then.”

  I blinked. “Back then? And again now?”

  She smiled. “The whole time.”

  “The whole time?”

  “Yes.”

  “And you never said anything?”

  She shrugged, but didn’t seem that sorry about it. “I kind of had to get you to stop being a dick to him first.”

  “No. I mean… Did you know that when he broke up with you?”

  “He never said anything at the time, but I saw it. The way you two were with each other–”

  “What? Lis, I didn’t… I’d never–”

  “Like him then?” She waited and I know she saw when the lightbulb went off in my head. “You did,” she continued. “I guess you really never did realise it.”

  Apparently not. Apparently, even though I’d realised I liked him now hadn’t made me realise I’d liked him this whole time. Now she’d said it, though, I saw she was right. At least, by the very fact that no part of me disagreed with her, it stood to reason she was right. I had liked him all along. I’d just been denying it for a lot longer than I thought I had.

  “And you didn’t hate me?”

  “I could never hate you, and I wasn’t going to let a guy come between us. Neither of you could help falling for each other. If I’m honest, I think the potential was there even before he and I started dating. It was me who muscled my way in.”

  I scoffed. “What? No! Not at all!”

  “You two belong together. But maybe you just had to wait for the right time?”

  There were so many things I could have said. Things I wanted to say to her. But I didn’t know how to voice any of them without bursting into tears in the school hallway while it was at one of its busiest times.

  All I could do was nod and reiterate, “Better friend than me.”

  She snorted self-consciously. “No.”

  I looked at her seriously. “Yes.”

  She pushed me away gently. “Go get your guy, babe. You can make it up to me later.”

  I wasn’t going to ask what would happen if Wade wouldn’t talk to me. I was just going to take my best friend’s forgiveness and relish it.

  “Deal.”

  Lisa kicked her head behind me and nudged me harder. “Off you go.”

  I turned and saw Wade opening his locker down the corridor. I swallowed hard. “Okay. Here goes.”

  I felt the most self-conscious I ever had as I half-jogged to him; the quicker I got there, maybe the less people saw me and the quicker it was over with. Maybe?

  I took a deep breath, but didn’t even get a word out before Wade spoke.

  “Not today, Lincoln.” He slammed his locker closed. “I’m in no mood for your shit today.”

  “No,” I started quickly, not sure how to stop him walking away without reaching out to him, and I wasn’t quite at that stage yet. “I...”

  “You, what?” he asked, exasperation and annoyance heavy in his tone.

  “I wanted to... I need to...”

  “Learn how to finish a sentence?” he snapped.

  I took another breath. “Apologise.”

  He blinked and actually looked me in the eye. “What?”

  I nodded. “Apologise. For...what I said. I want to take it all back. I want to take a chance. The chance.”

  “Are you kidding me?” Wade hissed furiously, looking around the corridor.

  It was my turn to blink. “What?”

  “You are...” he breathed, then ran his hand over his chin. “Fuck’s sake...”

  He looked around again, then pulled me into an empty classroom before shutting the door behind us.

  “You’ve got balls, Lincoln. I’ll give you that,” he huffed, looking me over.

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “What is...?” He looked incredulous. He looked like he couldn’t believe the audacity of this bitch, and I was this bitch. He let out a humourless laugh. “After everything, you think I’m just going to...what? Forgive you?”

  I wasn’
t quite sure what to say to that. That was kind of exactly what I’d been thinking. I’d totally just assumed that after he’d done the whole declaration, even though I had run away from him, he’d forgive me my stupidity and everything would be fine. We’d be together, or whatever the kids called it these days.

  “I... Well...” I stammered.

  “Well what, Norah?” he pressed sarcastically. “You thought my rejection issues would just trust you after you threw my heart back in my face? And for what? Just because you couldn’t tell Lisa about us?”

  I looked at the door, wishing it would open and swallow me. The floor could get in on the action if it wanted. I’d have been fine with that. Mostly, I just wished I had Lisa by my side because she’d always been a good middle ground for Wade and me.

  But, if this worked, I wasn’t going to have Lisa to hold my hand through all our fights because one was supposed to sort that kind of thing out oneself. If there was anything I understood now after watching my parents’ marriage fail, it was that a relationship wasn’t saved by outside forces. It was all up to the people in it.

  “Okay. Granted, that was a bit shit of me.”

  He blinked. “Bit shit? Norah, school finishes on Friday. We have exams in two weeks. I–”

  “I can only say I’m sorry, Wade. I honestly don’t have anything else. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have run away. I shouldn’t have shut you out. I should have just pulled on my big girl pants and told Lisa how I felt about you. I should have known that she’d understand if I just told her I loved you. I should have–”

  “You love me?”

  I looked at him and swallowed again. “I… I think so?”

  “You think so?”

  “I’m sorry, Wade. My timing sucks, admittedly. I was a coward. I didn’t want to fall in love with you and I–”

  “As far as apologies go, this is kinda up there with Darcy at the moment.” He was putting on a front, not that I blamed him for it, but behind it I hoped that he was willing to at least listen.

  “I thought Lisa still liked you. I might have been wrong, but I was just trying to be a good friend. I was trying not to hurt her. I used her to ignore the fact that…” I swallowed and had to mentally beat myself into saying the next words.

  “Ignore what, Norah?” Wade asked and I could have sworn he was invested in where this was going.

  “That maybe I’ve always liked you,” I said as quickly as I could without tripping on the words.

  He blinked. “What?”

  My heart fluttered madly and I felt sweaty and breathless, but Lisa’s words gave me the hope that there was a chance for success here. “Maybe I’ve always liked you. Just maybe, even when you were dating Lisa – before that – I liked you.”

  “Why didn’t you say anything?”

  “Why didn’t you?”

  His eyes narrowed. “Lisa told you?”

  I swallowed and nodded. “Uh, yes. She might have mentioned it.”

  He sighed and scrubbed his hand over his chin again. “Yeah. Okay. So, my issues might not have been the only reason I broke up with Lis. You might have played a part in that. Maybe I didn’t think it was fair to be with a girl when I thought about her best friend more.”

  Despite the fact that nothing had been decided and nobody – i.e. me – had been forgiven, my heart still did a little happy lurch in my chest and I felt a smile tugging at my lips.

  “Really?” I asked.

  He nodded and I felt like maybe he was fighting a smile as well. “Yeah. Really. I…” he took a breath. “Even through all our verbal sparring the last couple of years, I never stopped thinking about you. In fact, I thought about you more.”

  “This another one of your kinks?” I asked him, half-hopeful that we were on the track to mending this.

  The corner of his lips kicked up before he schooled his expression and bit his bottom lip like that would tame it. “I don’t want to perpetuate the whole bully romance thing, but there’s something hot about that fine line between love and hate, Lincoln.” He shrugged apologetically.

  “And what about when there’s no more hate…?”

  “Norah. You think, if we were together, I’d just stop doing things to annoy you? That I wouldn’t argue with you about utter crap? That I wouldn’t say stupid things you can pull apart?”

  “If we were together…” I said slowly, coming to the realisation that it was too little too late.

  Wade took another breath. “You hurt me, Norah. I trusted you and you couldn’t give me the same–”

  “I’m so sorry, Wade. I–”

  “–but maybe…” He paused to see if I’d let him continue uninterrupted. I sure would. “Maybe I was a little impatient. I knew how you felt about Lisa. I knew why. I know you well enough to know you’d give up anything for her, no matter how you felt. That’s what kind of friend you are.”

  “It still doesn’t–”

  “We both got it wrong, Norah, is what I’m saying. I don’t think I was unfair in telling you what I wanted, but I could have been more patient with you, given you the time to work up to tell her. That’s on me.”

  “Fair. And giving up so quickly is on me. I could have asked for more time. Negotiated. Compromised. Talked to you about how I was feeling. How I was really feeling.”

  He nodded. “Fair. I can’t promise I won’t get it wrong again, but I can promise I’ll try not to.”

  It took me a moment to work out what he could possibly mean.

  “You forgive me?” I asked tentatively.

  He breathed out heavily. “I’ve been in a mood since our argument, Norah. I’ve felt as low as I have in a while. After years of avoiding attachments, you broke down my barricades and firmly implanted yourself in my heart like you’ve always been there. I can’t imagine my life without you in it. Literally. It’s not a matter of forgiving you, as much a matter of just getting past this…hiccough.”

  “Hiccough?”

  He nodded. “When I’m not busy self-sabotaging myself, when I’m strong enough to fight for me, I’m arrogant enough to know it’s you and me. Always.”

  “Is that really arrogance?”

  He took a step towards me and held out his hand. I took a step towards him and took it. “I’m so into you that my brain refuses to acknowledge the possibility of us not being together.”

  “Despite our argument?”

  “If we’re together as long as I’d like, we’ll have plenty of arguments.”

  My heart skipped in my chest. Not just because there was something weirdly romantic about that, but also because I was suddenly keenly aware of the futility in relationships.

  “And what if we don’t find our way back to each other after?” I asked him.

  He rubbed his thumb over the back of my hand. “Maybe we won’t. But, baby, what if we do?”

  “Imagine the sex we’d have with foreplay like ours,” I told him.

  His lips quirked into a half-smile as he pulled me to him and wrapped an arm around my waist. “Oh, I do.”

  My fingers traced his cheek lazily. “I’m going to try not to be a dick from now on.”

  He looked at the ceiling for a second like he was contemplating my words. “Are you going to stick to that this time?”

  I smiled and he followed suit.

  “If I don’t, will you help me find my way back to you?” I asked.

  He nodded, his grey eyes suddenly very serious. “Every time,” he promised. He laced one of his hands with mine. “You?”

  “When you’re not strong enough to fight for you, I’ll fight for both of us.”

  He licked his lip almost nervously. “Norah, I wish I–”

  I shook my head. “Don’t wish you were different,” I said. “Someone once told me that it’s fine to ask for help.”

  “Sounds like a stand-up guy.”

  I shrugged. “He’s all right,” I teased, then let my face get serious again. “We’re in
this together, Wade. We’ll help each other.”

  He leant his forehead to mine for a moment and took a deep breath as he ran his fingers down my cheek. “How’d I get so lucky to find you?”

  I shrugged cheekily. “I’m just that awesome.”

  “You really are.”

  He pressed his lips to mine and I reached up to wind my arms around his shoulders. It wasn’t quite that I’d missed kissing him – although I had – but I’d missed what kissing him meant.

  “Does this mean the whole relationship thing applies, or…” I asked against his lips.

  I felt him smile. “Did you want me on one knee?” He pulled back slightly. “I could send out a group text to the whole school? Want me to change my relationship status on Facebook?”

  I scoffed. “No, Mr Dramatic. I just want to know where we stand. No mixed signals.”

  He nodded. “I still want all the same things you already know. What do you want?”

  “I want to date you. I want us to be together. I want to do what we’ve been doing, but not hide it from my best friend. Or anyone else for that matter.”

  “Okay.”

  “Okay?”

  He nodded again. “Okay. Consider us dating.”

  The bell rang overhead.

  He took my hand and we walked out of that classroom into the hallway.

  I didn’t know if I’d been expecting some big thing. Like the whole school would stop what they were doing just because Wade Phillips and Norah Lincoln were suddenly dating. Much like after I’d found out about my parents’ divorce, even though my world had turned upside down – for the better this time – the whole world went on about its usual business.

  The whole world except one person.

  I caught Lisa’s eye from where she was hovering by our lockers.

  I saw her face go from uncertainty, to her eyes drop to my hand in Wade’s, to her beaming smile as she looked at me again. I saw her mouth something from that distance. I didn’t quite know what it was, but I got the gist of it. I nodded.

  Lisa threw her hands in the air and I heard her whoop.

  Wade chuckled beside me and I knew he’d seen her.

  “Someone’s okay with this, then?” he asked.

  “Someone has apparently been trying to get us together for years.”

  “Really?”

  I looked at him and nodded. “Apparently. I assumed you’d talked about that over the weekend?”