The Anxiety of Kalix the Werewolf

by Martin Millar

  There was another silence.

  “You never mentioned it to me either,” said Markus.

  “Because I wasn’t interested. I’m still not interested. What I am interested in is finding the Avenaris Guild. I need you to complete the database.”

  There was more laughter behind Markus, but this time he asked his girlfriends to be quiet. Conversing with Dominil had sobered him. “All right. We’ll get back to work.”

  “Good,” said Dominil, and rang off.

  She called Kalix. Their conversation was brief. Though Dominil no longer felt irritated at Kalix’s behavior in Scotland, Kalix assumed that she was still angry at her. Consequently, she was even less communicative than usual. Dominil ascertained that she was healthy and had not encountered any hunters. She was interested to learn that Queen Malveria was resting in her flat.

  “I want to talk to the Fire Queen,” said Dominil. “Tell her I’ll be there soon.”

  Dominil brushed her hair, took a measured dose of laudanum, cleaned her teeth and put on her coat. Her car was parked in the small, fenced-off space reserved for tenants next to a large green recycling bin in which Dominil regularly deposited glass and paper, making sure she put nothing in the bin which might identify her. Dominil’s car was leased, paid for by the clan, at Verasa’s suggestion. That had been before the revelation about Dominil’s laudanum addiction. She wondered if the Mistress of the Werewolves would still be so eager to help her financially. It was unlikely. Verasa had been very shocked by the news.

  The roads were busy and it took Dominil a long time to make her way south of the river. When she arrived, Daniel welcomed her inside and led her to the attic. He did this as politely as he could, though he was intimidated by Dominil and never enjoyed her company. Fortunately, Dominil made no attempt at conversation, allowing him to take her upstairs in silence. Dominil climbed into the attic, greeted the Fire Queen and nodded to Moonglow.

  “Dominil!” said the Fire Queen in her most welcoming voice. “I understand you wish to see me on some matter? I was just discussing lip coloring with Moonglow here, who is very knowledgeable on the subject. Would you care to join us?”

  “I don’t use lipstick,” said Dominil.

  “You should. Your lips are rather pale, though you have a fine, wide mouth, as do all the MacRinnalch women.”

  “I need to ask you some questions about Empress Kabachetka,” said Dominil brusquely.

  The Fire Queen was surprised. “Kabachetka? What could you wish to know about her?”

  “Everything you can tell me,” said Dominil.

  “She pretends to be natural blonde,” said Malveria. “But everyone knows she’s not.”

  Moonglow glanced at Dominil, expecting her to show some sign of irritation. She doubted that Dominil had come here to learn about Kabachetka’s hair dye. Dominil didn’t show any irritation. She simply nodded.

  “Interesting. I’d like to know everything about her, and her staff, if possible.”

  “Is this in connection with her assisting the werewolf hunters?” asked Malveria.

  “Yes. But don’t confine yourself to that. I want to know more about her and her surroundings.”

  Moonglow excused herself, feeling that Dominil would probably rather have privacy for her conversation. After descending the ladder, Moonglow paused. She could hear music coming from Daniel’s room. She wondered if she should go and talk to him. She decided against it. The drama of the last few days had made it easier for them to be together. When the house was rocked by explosions, a mistimed kiss in the cinema didn’t seem all that important. Now that the drama was over, things felt uncomfortable again. She went back to her own room and started reading, in preparation for next year at university.

  CHAPTER 58

  “This is stupid,” said Kalix, upstairs on the 37 bus. “I don’t want to go.”

  “It’s not stupid,” said Vex “It’s a great idea. That’s why I’m coming.”

  “I didn’t want you to come,” said Kalix. “I didn’t even want to go anywhere. I just didn’t want to see Dominil.”

  “What were you going to do instead? Wander around all miserable and depressed? This is a much better idea.”

  Against her better judgment, Kalix was on her way to the art exhibition in Brixton, as advertised on the flier given to her by the young man she’d encountered while visiting Merchant MacDoig’s.

  “I can’t just turn up,” she said. “I’ll look stupid.”

  “Why will you look stupid? It’s an art exhibition. He gave you a flier. You’re meant to turn up, that’s the whole point.”

  Kalix looked anxious. “He’ll think I’m trying to go out with him.”

  Vex laughed. “Well, he’s certainly trying to go out with you, what with stopping you in the street and telling you how pretty you are and giving you a flier. Maybe you should go out with him.”

  “I don’t want to.”

  “Why not?” asked Vex. “Because you already have a terrible boyfriend you always argue with and never really see because you fight too much?”

  Kalix looked glum. It was true that her relationship with Decembrius had ground to a halt. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that.

  “A new boyfriend is just what you need,” said Vex as the bus approached Brixton.

  “No, it’s not.”

  “You said he was pretty, right? Maybe you should try some pretty boy instead of these angry werewolves. Have you noticed how angry werewolves get?”

  “I’m a werewolf,” said Kalix.

  Vex laughed. “You get more angry than anybody.”

  “I know what’s going to happen,” said Kalix. “I’ll introduce myself and he’ll be embarrassed to see me again. Probably his girlfriend will be standing right next to him and she’ll hate me because she’ll think I’ve come to steal her boyfriend. There’ll be a big scene. The whole gallery will be standing there watching as his girlfriend screams at me and calls me names.”

  Vex stared at her friend. “You’ve really given this a lot of thought, haven’t you?”

  “Yes,” said Kalix miserably.

  “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.”

  “I don’t know anything about art,” said Kalix. “What if someone asks me about it? I’ll look stupid.”

  “If anyone asks you anything, just make something up. No one’s going to ask you anyway. Who talks about art?”

  “People at an art exhibition, I suppose,” said Kalix.

  “I doubt it,” said Vex. “Probably they just go there to meet girls. Look, the only thing you have to do is tell this boy you like his paintings or sculptures or whatever he does. Cosmo Junior says that’s really important. If you like some boy and he’s an artist you have to say you like his art. Once you’ve done that you’re home and dry.”

  Kalix stared gloomily at the flier. There were some long words on it she couldn’t read and she was convinced they were complicated art terms. Someone was bound to ask her questions about them. Kalix had never been to an art exhibition before and wouldn’t have been surprised to learn that she’d be expected to give a talk to the entire gallery.

  The bus arrived in Brixton. Vex bounded off, followed by the reluctant Kalix.

  “I can’t even remember his name,” said Kalix, now becoming really anxious.

  “Don’t worry, I’ll find out,” said Vex. “And then I’ll shove you together.”

  “Don’t shove us together!”

  “I’ll do it tactfully. Hey, I’m currently arranging for the Queen of the Hiyasta to get married. I’m sure I can help you as well.”

  “Why are we going in here?” asked Kalix as Vex led them into a pub.

  “To get a drink, of course. You can’t go around getting boyfriends without a little alcohol inside you. I mean, I can, but you can’t. You’ll freeze up.”

  “Does it say that in Cosmo Junior?”

  “No,” said Vex. “I learned it from my aunt. You never see her talking to a duke or a lord without at l
east a bottle of wine inside her. She seems to be drinking a lot more these days, I don’t know why.”

  Vex beamed at Kalix. “Was it really true when you said it’s illegal to buy a drink before you’re eighteen?”

  “Yes,” said Kalix.

  They’d bought drinks in pubs often before, but never legally.

  “What a strange law,” said Vex, who’d found it almost impossible to understand. “Well, now we can legally drink! Is there any sort of prize when you reach eighteen? Like a free drink?”

  “I’m afraid not,” said Kalix.

  They ordered two pints of lager, which were delivered quickly and looked large in Kalix’s and Vex’s small hands.

  “To boyfriends,” said Vex, raising her pint glass.

  Kalix mumbled something inaudible in reply, not thinking that was a toast she was ever really going to feel like making. The pub Vex had led them into was busy, mostly with young people dressed in a way that made Kalix wonder if they might be artists themselves, or perhaps people who were going to the exhibition. She felt intimidated and stared fixedly at her drink.

  “Stop feeling intimidated,” said Vex.

  “Stop reading my aura,” said Kalix. She’d have liked to have dallied over her drink so as to delay going to the exhibition for as long as possible, but unfortunately she found that in her nervous state, she gulped it down quickly.

  “Time to go,” said Vex. “Let’s see what this art is all about.”

  Kalix trailed behind Vex as they walked along the pavement. Vex had the flier in her hand. “Here it is!”

  The gallery was nothing more than a converted shop.

  Kalix looked in dubiously. “I thought it would be bigger. I don’t want to go in. There’s hardly anyone inside.”

  It was much emptier than Kalix had anticipated. Previously worried about being surrounded by a throng of art experts, she now became concerned about being the only person there.

  “Come on,” said Vex, and she hurried them inside. She looked around. “Are these the paintings? I like them.”

  The walls were covered with paintings of animals, very bright and quite childlike in their application.

  “Hey, a funny pink tiger!” called Vex, unconcerned that the few people in the gallery could hear every word she said. “This is much better than I expected.” She turned to Kalix, continuing in an even louder voice. “Didn’t you think the art would be bad really? I thought it would be rubbish.”

  Vex’s words, echoing off the bare walls of the small gallery, caused everyone to look at her.

  “I mean, what are the chances it would be any good?” Vex looked around her. “Shame there’s no one here. Everyone else must have thought it would be rubbish too.”

  Kalix stared at her boots and wished she might just disappear. She didn’t see the young man approach, but was made aware of his presence by a violent prod in the ribs from Vex.

  “Hi,” said Vex. “Are you the artist?”

  The young man nodded.

  “What’s your name?” demanded Vex immediately, for which Kalix was grateful.

  “Manny,” he replied.

  “We’ve come to see your art. I like the pink tiger and the pink giraffe. I like pink. Why’s there nobody here?”

  “It’s still early,” replied Manny. “I hope some more people will turn up in a while.”

  “Well,” said Vex, pushing Kalix toward the young artist. “I expect you’d like to talk about art and things. There’s my boyfriend now, so I’m off. Bye.”

  Vex started to walk toward the front door, where Pete had suddenly appeared. Kalix bolted after her.

  “Where are you going?” demanded Kalix.

  “Out with Pete. Look, he’s waiting at the door.”

  “You mean you’re just going to abandon me?”

  “Of course.”

  “But I wouldn’t have come here if I’d known you were going to leave right away!” protested Kalix.

  Vex looked puzzled, as if she didn’t really understand what the problem was. She’d brought Kalix to the gallery, found out the artist’s name and pushed Kalix into conversation with him. To Vex it seemed like a job well done.

  “I have to go with Pete,” she said. “He’s my boyfriend.”

  “I don’t want to stay here alone!”

  “You know Manny,” said Vex. “You’ll be fine.”

  During the conversation, Vex had been edging her way toward the door. As she reached it she flung herself at Pete and kissed him.

  “Hi, Pete!” she cried.

  With a wave to Kalix, they departed. Kalix stared hopelessly after them, unable to believe Vex’s treachery. To bring her here and then abandon her seemed unbelievably rude. To make it worse, Kalix knew that the few people in the gallery would all have heard the conversation. Knowing there was no way to make this better, she resolved to just put her head down and hurry out of the building.

  I’ll never have to see any of these people again, thought Kalix. Maybe I could move to North London, to make sure.

  She was about to make her exit when she found her way blocked by Manny. He smiled at her.

  “Some friend,” he said. “Abandoning you like that. But don’t leave now. I’ll show you my paintings, there’s more in the next room.”

  Kalix couldn’t help noticing how pretty Manny was. He had long, curly blond hair, blue eyes, a small nose and quite a feminine face. And he was thin, skinny enough that Kalix thought she could push him over with one finger.

  He held out a plastic cup. “And we’ve got wine.”

  Kalix accepted the proffered cup. “OK. Show me your paintings. But I don’t know anything about art.”

  “Doesn’t matter,” said Manny.

  He had a soft voice, with a noticeable London accent. Kalix rather liked his voice. She allowed herself to be led back into the gallery, to look at the rest of his paintings.

  CHAPTER 59

  Beauty and Delicious had sunk into an intoxicated gloom in which they hated everyone. Yum Yum Sugary Snacks were no longer playing, recording or rehearsing.

  “That stupid Dominil,” said Beauty, sitting in a busy pub near the tube station in Camden. “She just abandoned us.”

  “Remember how she used to say we were all talk?” asked Delicious. “She’s just as bad. All these things she was going to do and now she’s disappeared.”

  “She’s ruined our careers,” said Delicious.

  “Just when these useless boys got a record deal.”

  Beauty and Delicious scowled. Among the many hopeful bands in Camden, there was one comprising four boys they particularly disliked. They had been rivals for a long time. Last week the boys had been bragging about their new record deal. Though it was only a small deal with a tiny independent label, the twins were eaten up with jealousy.

  It was a warm evening. The pub was crowded, as was the garden at the back where smokers congregated at wooden tables.

  “Decembrius is here.”

  “Buy us a drink, Decembrius.”

  Decembrius had called the twins, asking to meet, which was unusual. They’d never been on particularly good terms. He went to the bar and arrived back with three bottles of lager. As he sat down beside the twins there were some jealous looks from young men standing nearby, who’d been eyeing them with interest.

  “How’s life?” asked Decembrius.

  “Really bad,” said Beauty. “What about you?”

  “Quite bad as well,” said Decembrius.

  Delicious laughed. “Three unhappy werewolves.”

  “So what are you depressed about?” asked Delicious.

  “Nothing in particular,” answered Decembrius, which wasn’t true.

  “He’s depressed about Kalix,” said Beauty.

  “I know,” said Delicious. “I was just helping to introduce the subject. So it’s all gone wrong?”

  “We fell out again,” admitted Decembrius.

  “You were always fighting anyway,” said Beauty. “You should just f
ind someone else.”

  Decembrius looked at her coldly. “That’s your solution?”

  “It works for everyone else.”

  “Even Pete,” said Delicious. “Though he’s only pretending.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” said Decembrius.

  “Pete, our guitarist. He never got anywhere with Dominil so he went and found someone else, but he’s not serious about it. He’s been seeing Vex, but really he’s only hoping it will make Dominil jealous.”

  Beauty nodded. “Which is never going to happen. Dominil doesn’t have enough emotions to get jealous.”

  “It’s a shame about Vex,” said Delicious. “I like her. She should have found a better boyfriend.”

  “Maybe you should warn her Pete is just using her?” suggested Decembrius.

  The twins were incredulous at their cousin’s naivety.

  “That’s the most stupid suggestion ever. She wouldn’t believe us and she’d be angry. It would be a waste of time. Don’t you know anything? No wonder Kalix gave up on you.”

  “Kalix is unreasonable,” said Decembrius. “You can’t suggest anything to her, she always thinks you’re criticizing her, she’s so defensive. No one could go out with her, it’s impossible.”

  “So how was the sex?” said Beauty brightly.

  “It hardly ever happened.”

  Beauty and Delicious leaned closer, interested in this.

  “Why not?”

  “I don’t know. It just always seemed like a big problem. And no, it wasn’t my fault.” Decembrius looked defiant, and then abruptly he sagged. “She’ll be going out with someone else soon.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “I can tell.”

  Beauty and Delicious looked at Decembrius suspiciously. He was once said to have powers of foresight, giving him glimpses into the future. That wasn’t completely unknown among the MacRinnalchs, though it was rare. They’d never thought that Decembrius showed any particular talent for it. Decembrius saw they were doubtful.

  “I can tell,” he insisted. “I can feel it.”

  “Whose turn is it to go to the bar?” said Beauty.

  “I shouldn’t drink any more,” said Decembrius. “I’m making an early start tomorrow. I’m supposed to go to the castle and then on to the Douglas-MacPhees’ funeral.”