The Anxiety of Kalix the Werewolf

by Martin Millar

  “Uh . . .”

  “Is it because you think I’m posh?”

  “Definitely not,” said Moonglow.

  Eleanor laughed. “I am quite posh really. I went to the ball last year. I drank too much and fell over and ruined my dress.”

  “Are you going this year?”

  “I’m not sure,” said Eleanor. “I do have a ticket but I haven’t decided yet. I’d give it to you but it wouldn’t do any good. They’re all numbered and they have a lot of security. It would be a scandal if you pretended to be me and you were found out.”

  “Is there anything you can do to get me in?” asked Moonglow.

  “I’m not sure. I get my tickets because my brother was at Eton with one of the organizer’s sons. I tell you what, Moonglow, let me think for a little while. I might be able to come up with something.”

  After the phone call, Moonglow was reasonably encouraged. She started going through her list of contacts again, in case Eleanor couldn’t help, but she’d hardly started when the phone rang.

  “I can get you into the ball,” said Eleanor.

  “That’s so good of you! How?”

  “You know William, in our history class? He needs a date.”

  “But he’s gay,” said Moonglow. “I’ve seen him wearing a badge.”

  “Exactly. But he’s only gay at college, as it were. His parents don’t know. He doesn’t feel like telling them yet. His mother has something to do with organizing the ball so he has to attend. Turning up with you would probably be a weight off his mind.”

  “That’s a great idea!” enthused Moonglow. “William’s nice.”

  “He is. But he’s been through most of the female friends he can use as pretend dates. I just talked to him about you and he seemed keen.”

  “Thank you so much, Eleanor!”

  “Incidentally, did you know he’s a viscount?” said Eleanor.

  “What?”

  “That’s his title. He doesn’t use it around college, but he’s entitled to be called Viscount Ainsley.”

  “Why?”

  “Because he’s the son of the Earl of Bathgate.”

  Moonglow couldn’t follow the logic in this, but took Eleanor’s word for it.

  “You never know, you might end up a duchess,” said Eleanor. She gave Moonglow William’s phone number.

  As she put the phone down, Moonglow felt extremely pleased with herself.

  So you’re all going to be spies, are you? she thought. Well, who’s the spy now? It only took me one day and I’ve already infiltrated the ball.

  Moonglow looked at the pictures of the young women dancing. It struck her that she didn’t have a suitable dress, and buying one would probably cost more than she could afford.

  I’ll deal with that later, she thought. First I have to make a date with a viscount. I’m still not sure what a viscount is. I’d better look it up before I call him.

  CHAPTER 70

  “This, valued adviser Distikka, is for you.”

  The Empress Kabachetka indicated a small chest at the foot of her throne.

  Distikka opened the chest. Inside were piles of gleaming coins.

  “The purest gold, from my personal treasury. I wondered what to get you as a reward. Fine weapons, perhaps? But you have so many weapons already. Beautiful clothes? I knew you would not wear them. And you have shown no sign of being interested in handsome courtiers. So I decided on gold. Do you like it?”

  “Yes, Empress,” said Distikka, quite sincerely. Money was not Distikka’s main motivation, but she had been born poor and never been wealthy. She was pleased to be given a chest full of gold.

  “Good,” said Empress Kabachetka. “Because I have never had greater pleasure than that afforded me by my picture in Vogue. The ladies of the court cannot stop talking about it.”

  The Empress glowed with pleasure, as did her throne room. The entire city outside was lit up by the splendor of the palace illuminations, and Fire Elementals throughout the land rejoiced, knowing that the young Empress was in a good mood. Distikka’s plan of sponsoring the ball had proved to be a brilliant stroke. The Empress, in the guise of a South American heiress, had been constantly in the company of the most fashionable people during her visits to London.

  “I would not be at all surprised to find myself photographed in many more magazines,” said the Empress. “Each one a dagger to the heart of the aging Queen of the Hiyasta.

  “There is one small wrinkle in my happiness, Distikka. I have promised to assist the Avenaris Guild in their werewolf hunting. The werewolf hunters claim some recent success, which is to be admired. But Mr. Carmichael seems to expect something more from me.” The Empress looked questioningly at Distikka. “Is there something more to come? I admit I have lost track of our plans with regard to werewolves.”

  “Everything is in order, Empress. But for now, we have to await the werewolves’ next move.”

  “What will their next move be?”

  “I’m not quite certain, Empress, but it will be one that plays into our hands.”

  “Are you sure of this?”

  “Quite sure.”

  “Very well.” The Empress nodded. “In that case, please make an arrangement to talk to Mr. Carmichael, and assure him that everything is well. I have too much to do before the ball to be worrying myself about it.”

  An attendant advanced and bowed respectfully. “Sarapen is here, great Empress, seeking an audience.”

  The Empress looked pleased. “Send him in.”

  The attendant withdrew.

  “Sarapen has been in quite the bad mood, Distikka. I hope it has improved.”

  Distikka said nothing. She had no advice to give the Empress about Sarapen, and did not understand exactly what the Empress wanted from him.

  “It’s a shame he cannot come to the ball,” said the Empress.

  “Why can’t he go?”

  “Sarapen is under the impression he can’t return to Earth without dying, Distikka. One can hardly take him dancing in London in the circumstances.”

  “Perhaps you should just let him go,” said Distikka.

  The Empress laughed. “You are amusing on occasions. Where would an Empress be if she simply dismissed a lover who has not yet fallen in love with her?”

  A lot better off, probably, thought Distikka.

  “No, I would not be a lot better off,” said the Empress, reading her adviser’s thoughts. “I would have failed. The Empress of the Hainusta does not fail in matters of love or clothes.”

  “You can’t make someone love you.”

  “Yes, you can.” The Empress was emphatic. “And I will.”

  Distikka left the throne room, carrying her chest of gold. She nodded to Sarapen as she passed him in the doorway and thought that he was never going to fall in love with the Empress, no matter how much she wished it. She returned to her private chambers and made a determined effort to improve her powers of concealing her aura. It annoyed Distikka that the Empress could so easily read hers.

  The Empress is a great fool, thought Distikka. But I mustn’t let anyone know I think that. Adviser Bakmer would like nothing better than to see me executed, and I’m not going give him the opportunity.

  CHAPTER 71

  Kalix lay on her bed, examining her self-improvement list. She had some doubts about the tick she’d put beside be less violent. Initially she’d been pleased that she hadn’t killed any of the gang she fought with beside the river.

  But I did beat them up quite badly, she reflected, remembering the sound of breaking bones. It was still quite violent by other people’s standards. But I wouldn’t have had to be violent at all if they hadn’t attacked me.

  Kalix couldn’t make up her mind if the encounter qualified as being less violent or not, and felt frustrated at the difficulty.

  Stop taking laudanum was still definitely marked as a failure. And get on better with people was hovering in the balance after her experiences in Thrix’s office. It had been a ve
ry uncomfortable day. Dominil was as unfriendly as ever. Thrix was annoyed at being forced to work with Kalix. Even Vex’s normally unquenchable good humor had been dented by Malveria’s continuing displeasure with her niece. The enthusiastic trio of prospective models who’d left the flat earlier in the day had arrived home feeling tired and stressed. Kalix had fled to her room, leaving Daniel and Vex to complain to each other and Moonglow in the living room.

  Kalix looked at her list. Eat better. “I don’t even want to do that. Why did I put it on the list?”

  Improve reading and writing and maths. Maybe she could do something about that. Kalix opened her new laptop and hunted for the lessons she was meant to complete before returning to college. She’d been avoiding them, feeling unable to work when distracted by anxiety.

  I can do these, she told herself. They’re not that difficult.

  Downstairs, Vex’s complaints were in full flow. “That was awful.”

  “It wasn’t as much fun as I thought it was going to be,” agreed Daniel.

  Moonglow was surprised that they’d arrived home in such poor tempers, and wondered what had happened to spoil their day.

  “Aunt Malvie was cranky because she’s a horrible person and hates me for no reason. Dominil was unfriendly. Thrix was angry because she hates Kalix. Kalix was rude to everyone. Daniel feels bad because the office was full of glamorous people and now he feels shabby,” explained Vex.

  “That would just about cover it,” said Daniel. His fragile confidence had wilted under the glamour of Thrix’s co-workers.

  “I should never have agreed to do it,” he told Moonglow. “I’ll look ridiculous modeling clothes.”

  Vex sat on the floor with her back resting on the couch, and picked up the remote control to flick through their cable channels.

  “Aunt Malvie can’t wait to send me to Old Krabby,” she said. The Fire Queen’s continuing disapproval had finally convinced Vex of the seriousness of the situation. “She’s so mean. Only a really mean person would send their niece to Old Krabby. Everyone says he’s terrible. I’ll be lucky to survive.” Vex sighed heavily. “I should run away.”

  “You are absolutely, definitely not going to run away,” said Moonglow. “We have enough trouble with Kalix.”

  “If I try modeling I’ll trip and fall and everyone will laugh,” said Daniel. “I can feel it coming.”

  Moonglow poured tea for everyone. “Well, I have some good news.” She paused for effect. “I’m going to the ball.”

  “What? How?” asked Daniel.

  “A rich young man is taking me. So I can help with the spying. Isn’t it great?”

  Daniel didn’t look like someone who’d just received great news. “What rich young man? How did this happen?”

  “I just asked around. I’m going with William.”

  “Who’s William?” demanded Daniel

  “He’s in my history class, and tutorial. He’s rich and well connected.”

  “This has all happened very quickly,” said Daniel. “I leave the house for five minutes and now you’ve got a date for the ball? I thought it was hard to get into.”

  “Not when you’re as rich as William, apparently,” said Moonglow. “He’s a viscount.”

  “What?”

  “That’s his title: Viscount Ainsley.”

  “Why?” asked Daniel.

  “He’s the son of a duke.”

  Daniel put down his mug of tea quite forcefully. “I don’t like the sound of this. Should you be swanning off to a ball with a viscount you hardly know?”

  “I knew him fairly well at college,” said Moonglow. She might have mentioned to Daniel that William was gay, but chose not to. She was still annoyed that he’d arranged to go to St. Amelia’s Ball without her. “I need to start looking at some dresses. You’re all getting free clothes for the ball, but I’ll have to buy something.”

  Moonglow left the room.

  “That was quick work,” said Vex. “Got a date for the ball just like that. You have to admire her.”

  “I don’t think you have to admire her!” said Daniel. “The whole thing sounds very suspicious to me! Who is this Viscount William? Why’s he suddenly taking Moonglow to the ball? Why doesn’t he have a girlfriend already if he’s so rich and good-looking?”

  “Who said he was good-looking?”

  “I’m assuming the worst.”

  Vex told Daniel he was reading too much into it. “So she has a date with the son of a duke and he’s really rich and probably handsome as well. What’s bad about that?”

  “Everything.”

  “Maybe you’re right,” said Vex. “You shouldn’t have let it happen.”

  “What does ‘viscount’ mean, anyway? It’s ridiculous we still have an aristocracy in this day and age. All titles should be abolished. As a first step, we should get rid of viscounts.”

  Daniel groaned with frustration. He reached out for the last biscuit but was beaten by the nimble fingers of Vex. Kalix arrived downstairs. She was plainly dressed as always, but she’d brushed her hair till it shone.

  “Off to see Manny?” asked Vex.

  Kalix nodded.

  “It’s so nice having boyfriends,” said Vex. She turned to Daniel. “You should get a girlfriend.”

  Daniel stared at Vex. Then, without a word, he headed upstairs to his room to listen to music and contemplate the unfairness of life.

  “I don’t know if Manny is really my boyfriend,” said Kalix.

  “Why not?” said Vex.

  “I don’t know. Maybe he is. He’s nice anyway. He understood when I got anxious. He didn’t think it was weird.”

  “Isn’t it nice when boyfriends don’t think it’s weird when you do weird things?” said Vex. “Pete is good at that. But of course he’s met werewolves, so anything’s more normal after that.”

  CHAPTER 72

  Thrix had gone along with Dominil’s plan, weak though it was, for lack of anything better. She was already regretting it. She hated being in Kalix’s company and, after spending time with Daniel and Vex, she’d come to the conclusion that they were completely unsuitable for the mission.

  “If they’re the best spies we can muster we’re doomed.”

  It wasn’t just their incompetence that irked the Enchantress. Involving outsiders in werewolf business was taboo. It didn’t seem so long ago that Moonglow and Daniel had first appeared in her office looking for Kalix. Thrix had refused to even communicate with them. Werewolf affairs were not the business of outsiders.

  “And now they’re helping us find the Avenaris Guild. How did that happen?”

  Thrix felt it was Kalix’s fault. Everything went wrong when she was involved. She frowned, and then winced. She had a headache, and thinking about Kalix was making it worse. Malveria had advised her to rest, but Thrix didn’t feel like resting. The tangled knot of misery, guilt and bloodlust that had formed inside her wouldn’t be cured by resting.

  Thrix wondered if a representative from the Guild might appear at the ball. She hoped so. She’d kill him on the spot. The Enchantress longed to kill hunters.

  “First I have to get myself into the ball.”

  That wouldn’t be easy, and there wasn’t much time. The designated designers were all in place. Replacing one of them would require bribery or sorcery on a grand scale. She gathered her thoughts and began laying plans.

  “I can insert my name into programs even after they’ve been printed. I’ve done that before. And I can make one of the designers withdraw. But making the organizers think they’ve chosen me as a replacement is going to be tricky. That’s a difficult piece of sorcery.”

  Thrix was sitting at her computer with a cup of coffee on the mouse mat. She opened up a file to start recording the names of all the people she’d have to enchant, but her attention was diverted by another file that Dominil had once managed to steal from the Guild. It was a list of temporary accommodations they’d been using for their new hunters. Dominil had visited one of th
e addresses and killed a hunter.

  I’d like to do that, thought Thrix.

  Dominil believed the addresses would now be out of date and no longer used by the Guild.

  Thrix studied the file. Some of the addresses might still be current. There might be hunters there.

  I’d really like to meet a werewolf hunter right now.

  Thrix’s headache was becoming worse. She could feel the muscles in her neck tightening. Almost without realizing she was doing it, she changed into her werewolf shape and snarled at the computer screen.

  CHAPTER 73

  Official business finally dragged the Fire Queen back to her own realm. The Mayusta had appointed a new ambassador to her court and there was a reception to attend. The Mayusta were one of two races of Earth Elementals. Large and physically imposing, they were colloquially known as “stone giants,” though this was considered rude and never said in polite society.

  “And they are not really so clumsy,” said Malveria as she made ready for the reception. “The last ambassador caused very few breakages. Less than Agrivex, to be fair.”

  Gruselvere and Iskiline had been relieved by the Fire Queen’s return, as had her council of ministers. The news that the Queen had suffered a mild fire shock had come as a blow, given her previously robust health.

  “Please do not fuss,” she’d told First Minister Xakthan. “It was nothing. Were it not for my idiot nice and my ridiculous aristocrats, it would never have happened.”

  The Fire Queen gave strict instructions to Iskiline and Gruselvere that she was to be protected from all unwelcome attention at the reception.

  “Keep all ambitious noblemen away from me. Fling yourselves in front of them if necessary. I intend to make polite conversation with the new ambassador and no one else.” The Fire Queen paused. “With the exception of Beau DeMortalis, I suppose. The Duke of the Black Castle is good company, and will not try to marry me.”

  “He might,” said Iskiline, who was busy applying some finishing touches to the Queen’s makeup. “He’s no longer in disgrace.”