The Anxiety of Kalix the Werewolf

by Martin Millar

  Dominil dropped the subject.

  “Kalix has a new boyfriend,” said Vex.

  “Is that relevant to our endeavors?”

  “Probably not.”

  “Then don’t tell me about it.”

  CHAPTER 77

  “Dearest Thrix, you are so tense.” Malveria still didn’t like the look of her friend’s aura. She could see the tangled knot of grief and violent emotion inside her.

  It will not disappear until she has revenge, thought Malveria. Let us hope it does not carry her off with it.

  “You have been working too hard.”

  “I had to,” said Thrix. “Getting us into the ball took a lot of sorcery.”

  Thrix had now completed the process. She was booked as one of the designers at the afternoon fashion event. Malveria would be there as her assistant. Both of them, and their models, could attend the ball afterward.

  “It was a mighty effort, and worthy of a great sorceress,” said Malveria. “And now, if you would step into that impractical pair of heels you have secreted under your desk, I will show you the fruits of my own labors.”

  “Pardon?”

  “The high-heel spell. I completed it in a splendid manner. Observe, Enchantress.”

  The Fire Queen’s hand disappeared as she reached back into her own dimension. She plucked a pair of shoes from out of the air, itself an impressive feat of sorcery, given the difficulty of transmitting anything between dimensions.

  “You observe these heels? Eight inches at least. Outstandingly beautiful, but, as we have learned to our cost, very difficult to walk in.”

  The Queen slipped on the shoes. With a small movement of her hand, she cast a spell. “Watch as I now walk the room with great elegance.”

  Malveria proceeded to do just that.

  “Good spell!” said Thrix. “Try it on me.”

  Thrix took her heels from under the desk. The Fire Queen cast her spell and Thrix, too, walked elegantly. “I can’t believe how easy this is.”

  “It is splendid, is it not?” said Malveria.

  The door to Thrix’s office opened and Ann appeared. She was surprised to see both Thrix and Malveria walking round the room for no apparent reason. “What are you doing?”

  “Testing out our new very high heels,” said Thrix.

  Ann was impressed. “You’ve really got the hang of that. How did you manage it?”

  “Continual practice,” said the Fire Queen. “Both myself and Thrix are very dedicated.”

  “Good,” said Ann. She looked at her employer. “Are you dedicated enough to start running the business again?”

  Thrix was aware of the burden she’d placed on her assistant and her employees recently. “Not quite. But I’ll be back in a few days, I promise.”

  “The buyer at Eldriges isn’t pleased he can’t see you.”

  “Just hold him off for a little while. Once this fashion show is out of the way I’ll have more time.”

  “No one understands why you’re doing this show,” said Ann. Thrix’s staff had been puzzled to learn that Thrix was participating in the small fashion event, which wasn’t that prestigious.

  “Didn’t I ask you to make something up?” said Thrix.

  “Yes. But I’m not very good at lying. Anyway, the clothes are all ready. Your sister and her friends are going to look good.”

  Thrix sat down, her good humor dissipating at the thought of Kalix modeling her clothes. “It’s bound to be terrible,” she said. “Kalix will do something stupid and humiliate me.”

  “I don’t know,” said the Fire Queen. “My feeling is that Agrivex is the more likely to disgrace you. I’ll be surprised if her appearance at the ball does not lead to outrage.”

  “What about Daniel?” said Ann. “He keeps tripping over. Is he normally that clumsy? He looks terrified every time he takes a step.”

  “This is going to be a disaster,” said Thrix. “We should never have listened to Dominil.”

  At least there was no concern over Dominil’s performance. She looked elegant in her clothes, had rehearsed perfectly and would undoubtedly manage well. She looked bored with the whole process, but that wasn’t really a problem for a model.

  “We won’t know how big a disaster it’s going to be till we actually get there,” said Thrix. “The proof of the pudding is in the eating, as my mother used to say.”

  “What?” Malveria looked alarmed. “I did not know pudding was involved.”

  “It’s just an expression—”

  “Are you implying that I have been secretly eating pudding?” She glanced at her waistline. “It is true that I may have indulged in a very small portion, but that was only to please the new ambassador from the stone giants. Afterward I exercised most assiduously.” Malveria looked cross. “Really, there is no need to torment me with your continual references to pudding. It is most unkind.”

  Thrix was by now drumming an irritated finger on the desk. “Malveria, it’s only an expression. It means you don’t know how something really is until you try it.”

  The Fire Queen considered this. “Very well, Enchantress. I understand your meaning, and will excuse your poor choice of words.”

  Thrix stretched her arms above her head, trying to remove some of her stiffness. “Malveria, there’s something I need to ask you. Dominil called me last night. She’s been burrowing about in libraries again.”

  “She is keen on that.”

  “She is. She found some old book in the castle archives written by Sèitheach MacRinnalch. He was an adventurer in his time. He lived about three hundred years ago, so Dominil tells me.” Thrix wrinkled her nose. “She told me a lot more about Sèitheach MacRinnalch than I’d ever want to know, but there was one thing that was interesting. When he was coming back from a trip to Italy, he passed through London and there he recorded that he met an elemental, a stone dwarf.”

  “A stone dwarf? One of the Maynista? That seems most unlikely. They do not like to visit this planet.”

  “I know. But that’s what he wrote. He met him in a tavern in Cheapside.”

  “The stone dwarves are keen drinkers. But what of it?”

  “According to Sèitheach MacRinnalch, this stone dwarf was a renegade prince who was hiding from his enemies. Which is why he’d come to London. Isn’t it true that the stone dwarves are the greatest builders of all the elementals?”

  “So they claim,” said Malveria.

  “What if he built a ‘House That Can’t Be Found’ while he was in London? That’s a specialty of the Maynista, isn’t it?”

  “Yes,” said Malveria. “But what of it?”

  “It might explain why we can’t find the Avenaris Guild. A stone dwarf’s ‘House That Can’t Be Found’ means just that. It can’t be found by any means.”

  “Indeed,” said Malveria. “But does it not seem very unlikely?”

  “Perhaps. But how else do you explain our complete inability to find the Guild? With all the sorcery we can use? And all Dominil’s tracking skills? Maybe this renegade prince did build a ‘House That Can’t Be Found’ in London. And maybe the Guild moved in after he left.”

  Malveria shook her head. “It would be the oddest of coincidences.”

  “Would it? Three hundred years ago, London was a much smaller place. The Avenaris Guild was in existence then. They knew about werewolves and elementals. It’s not so strange that they might have come into contact with a stone dwarf who visited the city.”

  Malveria seemed uninterested in the conversation, and took to studying her heels.

  “Do you think you could find out more?” asked Thrix.

  “I wonder if I could even elevate these heels a further inch?”

  “Malveria, why aren’t you paying attention?”

  “I am sorry, dear friend. But in truth, the stone dwarves are enemies of the Hiyasta, and I do not like to talk of them.”

  “Why? Are they dangerous?”

  “Not to me. But they are unpleasant.”

>   “Please see if you could find out anything.”

  Malveria sighed. She looked very unwilling. “I suppose I could. There is a new ambassador at my court from the stone giants, or Mayusta, as they are properly called. They are not really giants, of course, although rather on the large side. ‘Stone giants’ is not a polite thing to say in their company. I will ask him if he knows anything of this renegade prince from the stone dwarves. ‘Stone dwarves’ is also an impolite term, though as we have never been friends, I do not mind using it.”

  “Are they actually dwarves?”

  “No, but one needs some way of distinguishing the Stone Elementals. I really am on very poor terms with them. It pains me to concern myself with them in any way. But I will ask the Mayusta ambassador if he can find out anything. And now, Enchantress, I must depart. I am in a state of indecision regarding perfume. Which, one wonders, will be most suitable for seduction?”

  “Are you really planning on seducing someone?”

  “If it is called for, absolutely. As should you be.”

  “If I’m called on to seduce anyone it’ll go badly. Unless my target happens to be a man who doesn’t mind listening to my problems. I wouldn’t mind that.”

  “Who knows, Enchantress. You may find exactly that, and have sex and a sympathetic ear all in one night.”

  CHAPTER 78

  Two targets had been set up at the far end of the training room in the Avenaris Guild’s basement. One depicted a life-size werewolf, the other a teenage girl with very long hair. Some yards away there was a brick wall. Braid from Group Sixteen suddenly vaulted over the wall, landing in a crouch with his gun in his hand. Two shots rang out. He stood up, still pointing his gun.

  Axelsen appeared from behind the wall. He looked at the targets. There was a neat bullet hole in the heart of the werewolf, and another hole in the young girl’s forehead.

  “Nice shot on the werewolf.”

  The silver bullet through the heart would have killed the werewolf instantly. Axelsen wasn’t so sure about the bullet through the girl’s forehead.

  “We’re meant to aim for the heart at all times.”

  “Force of habit,” grunted Braid. “I reckon it would kill her anyway.”

  It was a moot point. The Guild was not certain of the effect of a silver bullet to the head of a werewolf in human form. The result of such an attack had never been recorded because at one time hunters were forbidden to attack werewolves before they’d transformed. Attitudes had changed recently. Now, in certain circumstances, their most trusted hunters were authorized to shoot at werewolves before they transformed.

  “The Guild say a silver bullet won’t penetrate a werewolf’s skull,” said Axelsen. “But the human variety . . .”

  “It wouldn’t do them any good, that’s for sure,” said Braid, and laughed. “When I meet this girl I’ll put a bullet through her heart and another through her head, no matter what form she’s in.”

  John Carmichael left his station at the back of the training room. He congratulated the two hunters on their work on the training course.

  “These are good scores. Marshall and Stone did well too.”

  “So when are we getting another mission?” asked Axelsen. “Have you found this werewolf princess yet?”

  “No. The werewolves in London are keeping themselves well hidden. Most of them aren’t reckless like the Douglas-MacPhees. But we’re drawing them out. We’ll soon have some targets for you.”

  CHAPTER 79

  On the day of St. Amelia’s Ball, Kalix, Daniel and Vex left the flat before midday. Vex shepherded an unenthusiastic Daniel downstairs and into his car. Kalix followed on, scowling. Moonglow noticed that she was wearing her oldest clothes, and her hair was messy, and wondered if the young werewolf had made herself look as shabby as possible to antagonize Thrix.

  After they’d left, Moonglow spent some time tidying the living room. William was coming here to pick her up. Pretend date or not, she didn’t want him thinking she lived in a messy flat. William hadn’t protested about Moonglow’s desire to arrive in time to see the early evening fashion show. His mother had something to do with the organizing committee, so it gave him an opportunity to show support. His relationship with his mother was slightly uncomfortable, and he’d be pleased of the opportunity to improve it.

  Moonglow dressed and did her makeup. She studied herself in the mirror and wondered if she looked like the sort of girl who’d impress a wealthy young man’s parents.

  “Maybe I shouldn’t have gone with the black dress.”

  She turned her back on the mirror then craned her neck to get a view of herself, and couldn’t help thinking she looked good.

  “I’m sure it will be fine. It’s not like I’ve got a tattoo on my neck or anything. Anyway, I’ll charm his mother. And make her think he’s not gay.” Moonglow felt a small pang of guilt. Was making someone’s mother think he wasn’t gay really a good thing to do? Maybe she should have encouraged him to tell her instead.

  “Well, it’s his decision. I’m just following instructions, so to speak.”

  The doorbell rang. Moonglow walked elegantly downstairs and welcomed William into her home. She led him up the dark stairs, apologizing for the absence of a light bulb. William emerged from the gloom of the stairway looking, Moonglow thought, exceptionally attractive in his evening dress, complete with bow tie. She was about to compliment him, but he got there first.

  “I love that dress, you look beautiful.”

  That got them off to a good start. Though Moonglow still didn’t know William all that well, she felt comfortable in his presence.

  “Do you think the dress is all right? I wasn’t sure about it.”

  “It’s perfect.”

  “I’m still worried about the curtsey.”

  William laughed. “It’s all right, no one will be studying you.”

  “Someone might be.”

  Moonglow had been surprised, and alarmed, to learn that the ball was presided over by Princess Morozov, a descendant of the Russian royal family. On entering the room, all the women were meant to curtsey toward her. Moonglow had never curtseyed before and wasn’t certain she could manage it.

  “I looked up curtseying up on the internet. That wasn’t much use.”

  “Well, let’s see it,” said William.

  Moonglow curtsied.

  “Perfect.”

  “Good. If we meet your mother, do you want me to hold your hand? Or kiss you? Is that going too far?”

  “You don’t need to do that,” said William. “Just being there is good enough.”

  William had a car with a driver downstairs, ready to take them to the hotel in the Strand.

  “I’m suddenly nervous,” said Moonglow. “I’m not a debutante, people will know.”

  William dismissed this lightly. “There will be all sorts of people there. You’re a perfect date, really.”

  Unlike Moonglow, Kalix, Daniel and Vex were not currently engaging in light or pleasant conversation.

  “I hate this,” said Kalix, studying her outfit with loathing.

  “You hate everything,” said Thrix. “Just shut up and wear it. Did you consider washing your hair any time this week?”

  “I like it messy,” muttered Kalix.

  “Can I put some Hello Kitty badges on this vest?” said Vex.

  “If you do I’ll kill you,” said Thrix

  “And I will assist her,” said the Fire Queen. “Thrix’s beautiful clothes are not to be spoiled with foolish badges.”

  Vex didn’t really mind. To her surprise, Thrix had dressed her for the show in an outfit she liked. She wore a red tank top under a sleeveless, brightly colored, tie-dyed crochet vest, and tiny black shorts. She had a wide, red plastic belt, and black clumpy ankle boots with tartan side panels. It was bright and colorful, it showed off her slender legs, and Vex was pleased with the effect.

  “Do I get to keep the clothes afterward?”

  “No,” said Thrix. />
  “When do I get them then?”

  “You don’t get them.”

  “Oh. So can I keep them?”

  “I just said you can’t,” said Thrix.

  “OK.”

  Vex looked at her colorful reflection again. “This is such a great outfit. Can I keep it?”

  “Stop tormenting Thrix, miserable niece,” said the Fire Queen. She was attending the ball in the guise of Thrix’s assistant, though she had shown little inclination to actually assist. Malveria had secured an extremely satisfactory outfit from the Enchantress, and was content to wear it, which, she reasoned, was assistance enough, given how fabulous she looked.

  “I can’t wait to model!” said Vex. She rushed over the room and hugged Thrix, taking her completely by surprise. “I love my clothes!” she cried. “Thank you.”

  Thrix was taken aback. She wasn’t used to models being so expressive, or grateful. “Uh . . . all right.” The Enchantress waited for the embrace to end but Vex clung on tenaciously. “I’m glad you like the clothes. You can let go now.”

  “I love my outfit,” said Vex, and maintained the hug.

  Thrix looked perplexed. There seemed no obvious way to release herself. She looked toward Malveria. “Could you remove your niece?”

  Malveria shrugged, rather mischievously. “Should one discourage a display of sincere gratitude?”

  Everyone else seemed amused. Thrix felt very uncomfortable. She was used to a great deal of perfunctory embracing and kissing of cheeks at fashion events, but as a werewolf who grew up at Castle MacRinnalch, hugging did not come naturally. It had never been done in her family. Thrix suddenly became alarmed by the forced intimacy.

  “If you let go you can keep the clothes.”

  “Really?” cried Vex.

  “I mean let go right now.”

  Agrivex whooped with joy and leaped away from Thrix.

  “Really, Enchantress,” said the Fire Queen, “I did not expect you to give up so easily.”

  “She caught me on my weak point.”

  The Fire Queen smiled. “I have noticed that the MacRinnalchs are not great huggers.” She turned to her niece. “Agrivex, control your violent emotions before you break something. Kalix and Dominil, you are both looking very fine.”