Love Burns

by Babette James

“Hey there.”

  “I heard you play last year at the river, of course, but this was incredible.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Your guitar sounds beautiful.” She cautiously walked over.

  “I need to pick up some sound equipment, but, yeah, she’s got a sweet voice. Playing her always feels right.”

  “Get whatever you need and make sure you give me the receipts.” She delicately traced her fingertip over the glossy wood. “Why do you call your guitar she?”

  He winked and scrambled for a joke to escape the memory flashes of her shy hands stroking him in the desert sunlight, on him stroking her…“Anything with these curves and her sweet voice just has to be female.”

  Livie laughed. He loved that sparkle in her eyes.

  Their eyes caught. And held.

  He dragged his gaze away. “I’d better clean up here, then hit the road for the equipment.”

  “Before you go, could you give me a hand getting some Halloween decorations down from the attic?”

  “Sure.”

  “We can stash them in the office, and I’ll decorate little by little this week.”

  “Some” decorations ended up being six large, worn cardboard boxes brimming with decorations Jake must have collected over the decades.

  “He really gets into this, huh?” He stacked the last box in the office.

  “Christmas, New Year’s, Valentine’s Day, Memorial Day, Fourth of July, Halloween, Veterans Day, and Thanksgiving. Christmas is his favorite. He closes on Christmas Eve and throws a private party for family and friends. It’s a wonderful time. I missed so many while mar—”

  She sighed. “I just missed them. Oh—if Uncle Jake hasn’t already mentioned it, he decided on a pirate theme this year and we all dress in costume.”

  “I can do that.” He slung his guitar over his shoulder. “I’ll try to make this equipment run fast.”

  “Thanks. I can’t believe he asked you. I mean, I’m glad he did. We’ve discussed getting music in here on occasion. You’ll be great. Getting him to make a change like the new barstools usually takes talking until I’m blue in the face.”

  “We’ll see how it goes.”

  Walking away without touching her was hard. Deciding how to break this limbo here was harder. Everything kept circling back to Livie and what he was going to do about his life. Her life was here in Florida. His was in California.

  Life? Ha! No job, remember? A trailer bachelor pad and a boat—Not exactly a life. You ready to change for her, be what she needs? She’s going to want the ring, the love, honor, and cherish until death do you part, two point five kids, and a house without wheels thing. You ready for that reroute of your life plans?

  Ring, love, honor, and cherish, yeah, he could do that. But kids? He’d never wanted a family. Tess and he’d been in sync on the no kids and the mobile life, but that hadn’t kept them together. And he’d been faithful, although Tess refused to believe him. Committing to Livie meant committing to staying in Florida and her dreams of running the bar. No way she’d want to live in his trailer and move around on a whim.

  He found a great deal on the top-quality portable PA system he been wanting and the other equipment he needed. He’d no intention of giving the receipt to Livie. He’d just sell his old system to make up for the splurge.

  After much fussing from Livie, and multiple reassurances from Dave and Jean to keep an eye on Jake, Bettie dragged Livie off for their planned girl’s night out to celebrate a friend’s birthday.

  Maguire arrived, later than usual, taut with anger, and ordered a Maker’s Mark.

  As Dave poured the bourbon, Maguire’s cell phone buzzed. He rejected the call without a glance at the caller ID.

  “I swear I’m going to strangle the old buzzard.” He downed half his drink. “And the rest of my family. How the hell am I supposed to deal with Granddad, Grams, Dad’s shit, the shit at the ranch, and Sherrilee’s—well, shit.” He heaved a breath, mouth pressed in a bitter line. “Sorry.”

  “No problem.”

  “Some days I think my brains are goin’ to blow from the steam. I can’t do a damned thing for Dad except hang in here for him, and Sherrilee—my youngest sister—is running around like a brainless buckle bunny after some jerk-ass bull rider. I know Granddad’s set in his ways, he’s in pain from the arthritis, and he misses Grams, but hell. Days like today make me want to go back to sea. Nuts how you can love someone and hate their damned guts at the same time.”

  Oh, yeah, been there, done that. Dave nodded.

  When Maguire’s cell buzzed again, he powered off the phone. He downed the drink, and hesitated with narrowed eyes before pushing the glass over. “Hit me. I’ll walk or call a taxi. I’m off duty.” He slid his keys across the bar.

  ****

  Chinese food and drinks with good friends on a rare Saturday night off to celebrate Krissy’s birthday, followed by a comic chick-flick, should be a fun relaxing evening. Should be.

  “So, Olivia, what’s the deal with Dave? Is he sticking around?” Bettie smiled innocently above the salted rim of her margarita glass.

  Olivia poked her spring roll around on the plate. “For a little longer.”

  Bettie sighed. “You need to stop mooning over him and work this thing out.”

  “No! We don’t have a thing. Well, we had a vacation…thing. He’s going through some stuff. It’s…he’s not the right man. He’ll be heading home to California.”

  “Methinks the lady does protest too much.” Bettie grinned.

  Shannon laughed. “Confess, Olivia, you are completely into him. And have you seen the way he watches you? Totally melt-worthy.”

  “You know, he flirts with everyone.” Seeing Dave settle in to working at the bar was wonderful and difficult. A subdued Dave felt so wrong, but seeing him flash his smile and casually flirt with the women customers hurt.

  “Jake likes him.” Bettie scooped more rice onto her plate.

  True. Jake hadn’t liked R.J.

  Krissy chimed in, “Honey, he may flirt, but the way Dave looks at you, it’s not because you write the paychecks.”

  “He’s not…” Olivia floundered. They weren’t a couple. All they shared was a past affair, a hallway, and a workplace. He was free to flirt with any woman he wanted. “Dave’s not…”

  Bettie laughed. “The right guy? Honey, you did the ‘right’ guy thing, and that was a flop. Stop thinking what your parents want for you. What do you want for you? Give that sweet ol’ bad boy of yours a chance. Does he drink too much? Sit on his ass and let others do the work? Knock women around?”

  “No, no, and no!” The way he’d protected her from R.J. flashed to mind.

  Yes, she wanted Dave, but if she did what Bettie suggested, she was opening herself up for another painful fall. With Dave, her eyes had been opened, not only about sex, but to many things about herself.

  Too late. You fell the moment you told him to stay.

  Bettie narrowed her eyes. “Please, oh, please, you don’t regret divorcing R.J.”

  “Absolutely no regrets over the divorce.” Over the marriage’s failure, yes. “I suppose being childless was lucky. One less financial issue to dispute, right?”

  “Honey, you’ll have kids someday.”

  Her heart ached. What a fool she’d been. At least he never got any of his flings pregnant.

  “Dave’s not like R.J. Heck, he even handles Old Roy’s crap. That mean old fart nearly choked on having nothing bad to say about that old-fashioned Dave mixed for him on Monday. We vote you give Dave a chance.”

  “Neither of us is at a stable point in our lives for a relationship.”

  Shannon laughed sharply. “Liv, sweetie, if you love him, it’s the right time.”

  “Dave and you’d make such pretty babies.” Krissy sighed dreamily. “Can I be an honorary aunt?”

  “Ask him if he wants kids, silly. Heck, I’ll ask him for you.” Bettie’s eyes gleamed with amused threat.

  “No!
I know he doesn’t want kids.” Olivia shook her head at them. “He said so. He’s not the kind to settle down.”

  “Are you so sure? He looks real domesticated in those pictures playing with your friends’ kids.”

  “You girls are going to drive me to drink.”

  “If that will help you jump his hunky body—waiter, we’re ready for another round.” Krissy waved her hand.

  “She’s blushing. Our Liv is so into Dave, oh, yes.”

  “Could we please change this conversation, please?”

  The girls finally took pity and agreeably changed the subject. The movie was as lighthearted and fun as the reviews promised and finished in time for her to get home before closing.

  As she walked in the bar, Uncle Jake’s smile lit up, and sparked her own rush of happiness. Dave was at the far end, taking an empty beer mug from Royce, who slouched in the corner looking worse for wear.

  Dave waved, his smile raising an entirely different steamy rush. “How’s the movie? Have a good time?”

  “Yes.” The dinner interrogation flooded her, and she blushed.

  “The lovely Liv at last.” Royce saluted her and grinned wryly. “Yeah, before you ask, I’m mostly shit-faced, and yeah, I called a taxi.” His old Texan drawl came through heavy.

  “What happened, or do I not want to know?”

  “Just a short shore leave. Or I’m AWOL, dependin’. I have not answered my phone. At all. Have I, Dave?”

  “Nope.”

  “Will you be okay?”

  “Yeah, no worries about me, Liv, never get sick. ’Cept on the ocean. Iron stomach on land, no matter what. Had a great time here tonight. Nice guy, your Dave. Downside, have to deal with a hangover and Granddad and phone calls tomorrow. Oh, hell. Family, can’t live with them, cain’t—can’t ignore the phone forever.” He swayed to his feet and steadied. “Taxi’s comin’. I better wait outside.”

  Royce walked remarkably steady and straight. Uncle Jake met him at the corner of the bar, clapped a hand on his shoulder, and murmured something. Royce burst into a broad laugh and threw his arm around Uncle Jake’s shoulders as they headed to the door. “You’re so right, Jake. See you around.”

  Livie sighed and slipped onto a barstool. “Poor Royce, he’s got his hands full.”

  “Yeah, gathered that.” Dave grinned. “Maguire’s chatty when he’s had a few and chilled out.”

  What had Royce said? She refused to regret that one sweet and unrepeated kiss.

  “How were things here tonight?”

  “A good night, busy enough.” Dave rang out their last customer.

  “Door’s locked, and Junior’s off okay in the taxi.” Uncle Jake eased wearily onto the stool beside her, and Dave poured him his evening nightcap. “Rough seas ahead for Junior. He can do it though; only one in that family with enough backbone to handle Old Roy since Del took sick. His Gramma Violet, she was sweet as Old Roy is mean. He wasn’t always an old crabby cuss, but between Violet with the Alzheimer’s, his arthritis, and being a stubborn asshole…He’s chased off his son, daughter, and every grandkid who’s tried to help. Dave, make Olivia a Black Russian, then pour yourself some of that new single malt and grab a seat. You’ve been on your feet long enough.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Sure you are, and you deserve a good drink.”

  As everyone took a seat at the bar in the pleasant after-closing quiet, Dave busied himself fixing the drinks. Uncle Jake kept a routine of light cleanup at closing, sitting down to talk over the day and plans for the next, and leaving the heavier cleaning and setup for the morning after a good night’s sleep.

  “So tell us about the movie.” Uncle Jake sipped at his drink.

  Livie shared her night, omitting the discussing-Dave-at-dinner part. Seeing Uncle Jake laugh and Dave relaxed and smiling—this was good, this companionable family mood settling between them.

  She sipped the sweet strong drink and looked up to find Dave’s eyes blazing with the warm want the girls had teased her about. Conflicted, she wrenched her gaze away. What if their affair wasn’t a simple rebound from the trauma in their lives? What if doing everything wrong had somehow spun everything right again?

  This time, Dave waited with her as Uncle Jake took his stubborn, solo walk home. This time, as Dave followed her upstairs, the tense air between them shifted from prickly distance to charged with question. This time, when they said goodnight and she shut the apartment door between them, the ache in her heart eased.

  What if the wrong man was the right man—for her?

  ****

  Dave listened for the click of Livie’s door and stepped inside his apartment.

  Another day done and still no decisions.

  He popped a beer, stretched out on the bed, and dialed Nate’s home number, taking a chance Nate was home and awake.

  However, Kay answered, happiness ringing in her greeting. “Hi, Dave.”

  “Hey, Kay, how are you?”

  “I’m awesome today. I finished a new painting, which I’m so happy with, and I painted our bathroom. Now I’m being lazy and reading with a glass of wine before I fall asleep. Nate’s out shooting a wedding tonight. How are things in Florida?”

  “Ah, good…” Not exactly the truth. He sighed. “Strange? Trying to figure out what I’m doing from here.” Livie and Kay being friends made choosing his words tricky. “Bottom line is I want to fix things with Livie, but is it the right decision for us or am I being selfish? I haven’t been serious with anyone since Tess and I screwed that up.”

  “Stop! Put the blame for your breakup where it belongs. You were faithful. Tess wasn’t. She wanted you to be someone you weren’t. You at least made an effort to make things work.”

  He grimaced. He could always count on Kay for matter-of-fact blunt. “Not enough. Not by a long shot.”

  “Spilt milk. More important, Livie’s not Tess, and you’ve changed since then. You can’t compare the two situations. That was then, this is now.”

  “Livie’s settled here, with the business, friends. I don’t have a career to hold me anyplace. But she wants kids. I don’t know if I can do that.”

  Kay sighed. “I wish I had an answer for you.”

  “I know. I have to sort this out for myself. I don’t even know if she’ll give me a second chance.”

  He had no right to try to fix things unless he was willing to give her the children she wanted, but what if he sucked as a parent? “Are you and Nate thinking about kids? You can tell me to butt out if that’s too personal.”

  Warmth filled her chuckle. “We are. I never thought I’d be cut out to be a mother, considering the family I come from. I certainly never had the urge for a child like JoAnn did, but with Nate, everything’s changed.”

  “Don’t you worry about how you were raised screwing you up as a parent?”

  From what she’d shared over the years, and what he’d heard from JoAnn, Kay’s entire family was an emotionally-abusive pack of nut jobs. He’d been lucky having Nate’s and Lloyd’s families intervene in his life and give him a haven from his parents’ self-destructive addictions and neglect. Kay hadn’t been so lucky.

  Kay was quiet for a moment. “I did, for a long time. I realized I have the choice to drop that baggage. I’m not my mother. I’m not my father. I know when we’re ready to start a family, I won’t be doing it alone. Nate will be an awesome dad. Anyone who’s as patient with me as he is, has to be, right? He wants a family, and I want to give him that, because I love and trust him.”

  “I see myself being too much like my dad.”

  “But you’re not him. As for Livie giving you a second chance, you won’t know unless you try. I liked what I saw when you two were together at Mohave. You were happy in a way I’ve never seen you before, Dave. I want you to be that happy again. Bottom line: do you love Livie? If you love each other, you can handle anything. I’m rooting for you both.”

  “Thanks.”

  Kay’s question simmered in his
mind as the week flew by. Did he love Livie? Yes. Maybe. His heart felt as rickety as his legs had been that first day out of the wheelchair.

  Friday arrived. Livie fussed all morning, rearranging every table to showcase Dave as he played. Jake grumbled, but approved the new layout. She had a good eye for room flow and Jake’s gruff grumbles were all show. He’d set the tables with flowers, silver, and crystal if she wanted.

  The change puzzled the regulars, but Jake just grinned and told them to stop back in the evening.

  The usual evening crowd wandered in and then some.

  Finally, time, and a full house. This first set would be easier if he had a clue what this crowd liked to hear. During his last sound check, he decided to play to please himself until he got a feel for the crowd. Today he was in the mood for bluesy instrumental pieces, not the “my woman done me wrong” stuff, but the pieces with emotion and drive. Folks soon got into the entertainment and, after his first break, he found several requests written on napkins and bills in the brandy snifter Jake had set at his table.

  Maguire wandered in. With a vague wave to Dave, he sat heavily at the bar. At Jake’s question, he shrugged and shook his head. Jake nodded, lips pressed tight, and poured the man a stiff Maker’s Mark.

  During the second set, more requests made his musical choices easier. One table was celebrating a birthday and belted out a boisterous “Happy Birthday” to his accompaniment.

  Dave caught Livie peeking from the office time to time and once, she was talking to Maguire, leaning close with her hand on his shoulder.

  The next time she peeped out, Dave was between songs, idling his fingers around on the strings. His heart wrenched. Wasn’t it time he surrendered to facts? He was never going to stop wanting her. He swung into Billy Ocean’s “Love Zone.”

  This time she hovered in the doorway, her eyes wide and dark.

  Good. Hear me.

  At the bar, Maguire looked from Livie to Dave, nodded, snapped Dave a short salute, paid up, and left.

  She stayed to listen through his last set, helping Jake prep toward last call and closing.

  Finally, the last holdouts wandered homeward. While Livie locked the doors, Jake poured them all a drink.