For a moment, Illarion sat silently looking down at the numerous dishes and wines and I could have sworn he wasn’t really seeing any of it. There was a sort of vacant emptiness in every gesture, from the smile he gave Lilly, to the small chat. It was going to be a tough road, but he’d be okay, I knew he would.
‘She seems nice.’
‘She is.’ Illarion nodded. ‘I met her at LaGuardia years back. She came to America when her dad got sick. She didn’t have insurance and the Chinese health system wouldn’t help.’
Frowning, I looked down. We were so fortunate, those few of us who’d never had to worry about money and things going wrong because we couldn’t afford to fix it. I’d given money wherever I could, whenever I could but there were still so many cases that went unnoticed and it broke my heart.
‘She was often in the waiting room when I went to visit my mother.’ Illarion continued. ‘Turns out the insurance her student loan included, didn’t cover family.’
‘Shit.’
‘I made an anonymous donation to the hospital to help uncovered patients.’
My heart swelled and Illarion looked down.
‘Her dad’s okay now, though?’ I swallowed the dryness in my throat
‘Yes, thankfully. The nurses were worried about his chances.’
‘Kind of sucks, knowing everything.’ I mused.
‘It does. But it helped too. She was usually there alone, so we talked a few times. She was studying art, so she used to bring her sketchbooks, she’s really good.’
Nodding when the conversation died down, I turned my attention to the menu, taking a sip of wine and looked over it a few times. The dishes were divine, I couldn’t decide whether I wanted to eat all the dessert and forget the mains altogether or get one of each and take them home, I’d probably have enough food for a month if I did that.
Eventually, Illarion cleared his throat, deciding on the steak while I decided that the mushroom risotto was the perfect meal to help me get some sleep tonight.
Lilly came back once more after the food was served just to make sure we had everything and then we were on our own and then the nerves kicked in.
Deep inside where that hum connected us, it knew this is where we were meant to be, after all this time apart, but my heart just couldn’t…God, I couldn’t…and his affection right now…was that because of what happened? Because of the Serum? It messed people up, badly, I knew first hand…
‘Hey.’ He said softly, drawing my attention to him. ‘How’s the risotto?’
‘It’s good.’ I forced a tight smile, ‘Actually it’s amazing.’
He laughed softly. ‘The food is always great here, I’ve heard.’
‘I’ve never been.’
‘It’s a hidden gem.’
‘Yeah.’
The small talk was suffocating.
‘Listen,’ I placed my fork down gently, composed myself for a moment and then found the courage to look up into his dark eyes. ‘What you saw back at my apartment...’
‘Ace, you don’t have to explain anything to me.’
‘I haven’t been sleeping.’ I said. ‘For months now, like maybe two or three hours a night, and then I’d crash.’
He considered my words for a moment before he placed his knife and fork down too. Another moment of silence passed before he drew in a quiet breath and knotted his brows. I bet he didn’t ask me out to dinner to hear all about my problems, especially not since he’d gone through some bad stuff, but the truth was, I had no idea why I was suddenly telling him this.
But the way he looked at me, made me rethink. Maybe he didn’t want to talk about it either and maybe he decided that this was a bad idea too.
‘I’m sorry.’ I shook my head, ‘I shouldn’t have said anything. It was selfish of me, after the other day—’
‘Ace, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.’
‘I shouldn’t have said anything; this isn’t about me and my problems…’
‘It’s not that.’
His eyes took on a dark quality.
Why he was here, after all this time, was beyond me.
‘How bad is it?’
For a moment I contemplated whether I should say anything and then, when he reached across the table and gently squeezed my hand, everything inside me just fell apart and I flinched. I didn’t mean to react the way I did but my mind, my heart, everything was scattered. Illarion didn’t react, I think he knew that everything inside me was literally being held together by sheer will.
He smiled squeezing my hand again. ‘It’s okay, you can talk to me.’
‘It’s been a long time.’ I looked down at our hands. ‘I don’t know how to do this.’
‘Some things have changed, yes,’ he said gently, ‘But some haven’t.’
When I couldn’t bring forth anything else to say, he smiled again.
‘I have been, and I always will be here for you, Ace. In whatever capacity you need me.’
My heart tripped up.
‘Just talk.’ He encouraged. ‘That’s all.’
‘I don’t know where to start.’
Again, he smiled and the warmth in his eyes undid me. ‘What do you dream about?’
‘I dream about him.’
Illarion’s features hardened. It was no surprise, I guess after everything, we’d both pushed all the darkness and pain to the back, did whatever we had to, to survive, to move on.
‘It’s coming up to one year.’ I murmured, glancing up at him. ‘A year since I killed Troy.’
‘Do you dream about Troy too?’
‘No.’ I shook my head, looking away when a coating of tears filled my eyes. ‘At the start, I saw his face every night, heard his voice everywhere, but now it’s just darkness and Dalca.’
‘What happens?’
‘It’s different every time.’ I pushed the risotto around with my fork. ‘Sometimes he just taunts me, other times I’m back there.’
‘Does he hurt you?’
‘No.’ I whispered.
‘You said this has been happening for months?’
‘Yes.’
‘What does he say?’
‘Tells me that he was right, that soon I’ll see.’
‘What is he talking about?’
‘I’m guessing it’s about the weapon.’
‘The weapon he wanted the codes for.’
‘I guess so.’
Illarion paused for a moment, thinking.
Then he let out a quiet breath and drank some more of the French wine we’d ordered before looking across at me.
‘The pills aren’t helping, are they?’
There was no need to answer, I was fairly certain it was written all over my face, in the dark circles under my eyes that I somehow managed to conceal with makeup, and the redness surrounding my green irises which eye drops sometimes hid, but not tonight.
‘You’ve been going through this alone.’ It was a statement, a very sad and accurate statement.
Of course, I’d been going through it alone, who was I going to talk to? Matt? Peyton? I could have laughed.
He bowed his head when I stayed quiet. ‘I saw it in your eyes when I first saw you. You’re going through something, its more than the dreams though, isn’t it?’
‘I’m sure this isn’t what you intended when you asked me to have dinner with you, I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t be.’ His eyes shot up to me before I could say anything else. ‘Don’t apologize for talking about this, ever. Why didn’t you call? Maybe not me, I understand, but Aurel? Elena? Josh would have come here, Daniel.’
‘Because that part of my life is in the past. And these dreams, that’s all they are.’
He gave me a pointed look and then shook his head. ‘Is that why they’re consuming you?’
‘That’s not fair.’ I shot back.
‘I’m sorry.’ He muttered, scrubbing his jaw. ‘You’re right, that was out of line.’
‘Forget it.’ I forced a tight smi
le. ‘Your steak is getting cold.’
‘They’re more than dreams, aren’t they?’
‘I said forget it, Illarion.’
‘Ace.’ His voice rattled me.
There was something deep, desperate in the way he said my name.
‘Yes. They’re more. Something is coming.’
***
Illarion paid, insisting that he wanted to take care of it since he dragged me out in the first place, and after arguing discretely for five minutes, I finally conceded when he said I could pay next time. Next time. My heart stuttered stupidly.
The drive back to my apartment was quiet. His mind was blocked off from me, over time I’d learned to let go of that initial hum that haunted me in his absence, but now, it was back harder to ignore.
He was on edge, for a myriad of reasons, a lot of it was being near me, seeing me. The attraction never faltered, I knew that in the way his eyes would soften when he looked at me, or the way he’d let his touch linger longer than necessary—I’d never call him out on it because the part of me that wanted him, kept telling me how idiotic I’d been all these months.
But the other reason he was skittish, were my dreams.
Something was coming. That was obvious, what it was, well that was a completely different story. I couldn’t tell him that I thought Dalca was coming back, or that he was creeping around in my head, but Illarion knew me, and part of that meant that I didn’t really have to tell him. He kind of figured whatever was haunting me, was serious.
‘You don’t have to walk me up.’ I said quietly when he pulled into the underground garage of my building.
The valet seemed to be on his side because he didn’t even get a chance to say anything when the keys were taken from him.
‘Thanks.’ Illarion nodded when the valet took the Maserati around the back.
‘It’s really not necessary.’ I murmured, folding my hands over my purse. ‘The building is secure.’
‘I know. But the car’s already gone.’
Sighing, I nodded. The car was gone. The valet was like the Flash. I didn’t even know where he’d gone and if we waited for him to come back, we’d probably have enough time to walk up and come back down with time to spare.
‘Lift or stairs?’
‘Lifts are fine.’
An older couple got in before us, the woman smiling widely when Illarion asked what button he should press for them. No one was immune to his charms. I rolled my eyes when I turned and faced the door as it closed.
He stood a conservative foot away from me, but I felt the heat of his gaze on me every so often. The lift stopped, and we let the couple out before stepping back for my floor. The silence was painful. I cleared my throat a few times, looked down at my shoes and rearranged the contents of my tiny purse before the doors finally opened.
Illarion walked beside me until we stopped at my door and then it got awkward. I didn’t know if I was meant to shake his hand or wave at him, did I give him a kiss on the cheek or just hug him.
My face started to heat up when he stepped up to me, gently resting one hand on my hip and pressing a feather light kiss on my cheek. I could have sworn that if my heart beat any faster I would have spontaneously combusted.
He let his lips linger, setting every nerve on fire inside me, I closed my eyes and gripped his arm, wrapping my fingers around the soft wool of his jacket, breathing him in.
My knees weakened and the tension inside me was about to snap.
‘I should go.’ He whispered, pulling back slightly but only enough so I could see the longing in his eyes and the way his lips parted.
‘Okay.’ I ground out.
Neither of us moved.
‘It’s late. I should let you get some sleep.’
Agreeing with a barely visible nod, I turned in the small space left between us and fumbled for a moment unlocking the door, as soon as I did, my brain kicked me into gear.
‘Ila, wait.’ I quickly called out, he was only a few feet down the hall, but he stopped.
Our eyes connected for a split second and he didn’t wait for an invitation or an explanation. He crossed the distance between us in a few quick strides and within a heartbeat his lips were on mine, his hands tangling through my hair and grasping my hip. With no time for second thoughts or logical thinking, I pulled him inside and shut the door, locking it before I led him through breathless kisses to my bedroom.
It took me less than a minute to pull off his jacket and shirt and let him slip my dress off and discard it with the forgotten heels and purse. I slipped my underwear off and let him handle the bra.
His eyes quickly swept the room before he picked me up and pressed me up against the wall near my dresser. A broken gasp was lost on my lips as another deep kiss drew a ragged breath from me.
He lowered his lips to my pulse pressing kisses eagerly as I wrapped my leg around him, pulling him closer, eagerly hoping he’d get the hint. He did. He slipped his hand between us, gently easing our bodies together.
‘Oh God,’ I whispered when he slipped his hand behind me and pulled us closer.
His hot breath danced across my cheek as he moved with me, controlling the pace and pressure, each movement was intoxicating, every breath he let out set my nerves on fire, every touch he left across my skin was painfully sensitive.
When I couldn’t take any more, I cupped my hand over his cheek, bringing his lips to mine, kissing him with everything inside me.
With one precise movement, he brought me against his body, away from the wall and led me to my bed, gently laying me down.
His dark eyes saw right through me and the passion in them set everything inside me, on fire. ‘Christ, Ace, I’ve missed you.’
Words failed me, I couldn’t speak, not when he was touching me like that, when his hands knew exactly what to do, even after so long.
‘I’ve missed you so damn much.’ He added and then lowered his lips to mine again.
Letting his words guide me, I swept my hand over his cheek, gently cupping his face and guiding it to my lips. Just feeling him underneath my fingertips was more than enough. I never thought I’d feel this, I never thought I’d get the chance. Something inside me cracked at the thought.
He returned the gesture, letting his hand drop to the base of my skull, deepening the kiss.
Time meant nothing, not when our souls were so in sync, like they always were and with each broken breath lost in the stillness of the night, I felt more and more tension breaking away from me, slipping out with every cry and every gasp.
I arched my back, desperately needing to be closer, to feel him, to increase the pressure and the friction and just when I thought this couldn’t get any better, he pulled me up, holding me in his arms as the final, explosive connection sent me spinning. My mind spiraled as the lights above flickered erratically, in tune with each explosive wave rippling through me and when the ripples slowed, and my heart returned to normal, everything quietened except our breaths.
We collapsed in my sheets, tangled in each other’s arms and with no warning at all, an overwhelming train of emotions rushed into me and I broke down.
Feeling the onslaught of heavy tears, I quickly turned in the bed, away from his serene face. He didn’t say a thing, instead, he simply wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against him.
A very soft kiss landed on my shoulder, and then my cheek.
‘It’s okay, lyubov.’ He whispered. ‘It’s going to be okay.’
***
My eyes refused to open, I was so warm and comfortable and getting up was so far from my mind but in a moment of clarity, I shot up, looking around.
Oh God. Did last night really happen? What time was it? I had to get to work. Shit. Glancing around, I stopped myself, relaxing slightly. It was Saturday, one of the rare weekends I had off and I didn’t need to do much prep work for Monday, so I could procrastinate until my flight on Sunday.
Swinging my legs over the edge of the bed, I groaned, rubbing my
eyes. Illarion was nowhere in sight, I was alone in my room, my dress and heels were neatly placed on my dresser and my purse right beside it, his clothes were gone.
Maybe it was for the best. We jumped into this way too quickly and I didn’t even know what this was.
I padded across the room, throwing on the silk robe I pretty much lived in when I wasn’t at work, and, considering I didn’t go out much, this was the outfit of choice most days.
Throwing my hair up into a low bun, I headed straight for the kitchen, God I needed a coffee. Stat.
As the smell of freshly ground beans, toast and eggs pricked my nostrils, I stopped abruptly, nearly falling over my feet.
Illarion looked up with a smile, nodding at two cups of coffee on the counter and a skillet full of eggs.
He had on last night’s pants, but his shirt was rolled up at his elbows, and his long hair loosely tied up. The vest and jacket were slung lazily over the stool.
‘I wanted to get us some breakfast from the café downstairs, but I didn’t know where you keep your keys.’ He said, ‘Didn’t think it’d be wise getting myself locked out.’
My eyes followed him as he walked around the counter and sat down, all while I stood frozen by the door, clutching the robe I realized now was daringly thin, sheer in some places and entirely too short.
His eyes though, didn’t wander or look anywhere else but my face. Eternally grateful for the everlasting goodness that was Illarion, I cleared my throat looking down at my feet.
‘How did you sleep?’ He asked softly.
Wonderful. Best sleep of my life. Can you stay every night?
‘Well.’ I whispered, looking over at him. ‘Thank you.’
‘I can make something else…’ he said looking at the skillet with a frown.
‘No.’ I shook my head. ‘It’s great, eggs are fine.’
‘Sit with me?’
Taking in a deep breath I walked over and sat, each muscle was wound tightly, each movement felt jarred. What were we doing?
‘The view here is great.’ Illarion noted, taking a mouthful of eggs, looking across at the large, bay window overlooking Washington.
‘What are you doing?’ I said suddenly.
Jack of Hart- Wild Card Page 9