One Choice I'd Never Make

by Remi Carrington

  Harper’s eyes had never looked so green. “You ready to go?”

  I crossed my arms. “I know you aren’t jealous of some guy I whapped with my luggage. And do you know why I did that?”

  “So he’d let go of your arm.”

  “I wanted him to let me go before you slugged him. And for the record, hitting him broke my favorite compact.”

  Harper fixed his gaze on me and blinked several times. “I might not have slugged him.”

  “I’m glad we didn’t have to find out. Chase isn’t a nice guy. And I have no doubt you could knock him out, but the legal trouble he’d rain down on you wouldn’t be worth it.” I inhaled, then let the breath out slowly, trying to calm down. “I love your green eyes, but not when they have that look in them.”

  The corners of his mouth twitched into a smile. “Tell me what you really think.”

  “I think you’re twice the man Chase could ever hope to be.” I turned and picked up my purse. “And gosh, I hope you never meet my old boss. He was worse.”

  “You know that cartoon where the little chicken whaps the big chicken with the hammer? That’s the way I feel right now.”

  “It was a chicken hawk.” I kissed him. “And I don’t want those other guys.”

  He caught my hand and pulled me close. “Why is it that you can tell me what you think, but with your parents, you walk on eggshells?”

  I was far too mentally exhausted to filter my answer. “Because I’m not afraid you’ll walk away.”

  I’d probably said too much, and maybe he would walk away. I’d been wrong before.

  He lifted my chin. “Cami, I’m sorry. I don’t even know Chase, but after the way he was clutching your arm, I don’t like him. And I also hope I never meet your old boss. When people hurt someone I care about, I can be a tad unforgiving. I’m not jealous of those guys. I’m mad at them.”

  I cupped one side of his face. “Don’t be. That’s just renting them space in your head, and they don’t deserve it.”

  “Fair enough.” He pressed his hand over mine. “I’m sorry about your pillow.”

  “Saying that first would’ve made this conversation a lot shorter.” I gave him a quick peck. “But I’m glad we talked about it.”

  He nodded. “Me too.”

  I’d known him only a short time relative to how long I’d known my parents, and I trusted him not to leave me. I wasn’t sure whether to cheer or cry. Harper cared about me. I knew he did.

  What did that say about my parents?

  That night after devouring a pizza, Harper and I snuggled on his sofa and watched a movie. Warm and content, I nestled closer to him and closed my eyes.

  With him, I could pretend it didn’t matter that my dad hadn’t called me back since I’d left him a message three weeks ago and that my mom made a point of sending me engagement announcements for every one of her friends’ children.

  Part of the reason I wanted them to call me was so I could have them meet Harper. I wanted them to see me happy. And he was a big part of that happiness.

  He tucked an arm around me, and I gave up fighting sleep. He would have to wake me when the movie ended.

  I wiped drool off my mouth as I opened my eyes. The house was dark, and I was alone on Harper’s couch. I tossed back the quilt draped over me and followed the aroma of coffee.

  Rubbing my eyes as I stepped into the kitchen, I asked, “Why are you having coffee so late?”

  “Six in the morning isn’t all that late.” Eli didn’t sound like a morning person.

  I blinked. “Where’s Harper?”

  “Still asleep, I guess.” He pointed at the mugs. “Big or small?”

  “Big. Why didn’t he wake me last night?”

  Eli chuckled. “He tried. If this had been summer camp, you’d have woken up with your hair a different color or something. You were out cold.”

  “How embarrassing.” I added sugar to my coffee, then nosed around the fridge for milk.

  “Believe me, you have nothing to worry about. You could paint every wall in this house pink, and he’d try to find a reason to like it.” Eli sipped his coffee. “If you get what I’m saying.”

  “I hope you’re right.” I jumped when the front door opened. “I guess he wasn’t asleep.”

  I ran out to the living room.

  Bare-chested, Harper was wiping his face with a t-shirt. “You’re awake.”

  “Sorry I fell asleep on you. Literally.” I tried to be nonchalant about drinking in the sight of his chest and six-pack.

  “Didn’t mind at all. Let me grab a quick shower, then I can run you home or take you to breakfast. Your choice.” He started down the hall.

  “Hey. No kiss hello?”

  “I’m a sweaty mess.”

  I moved closer. “I don’t care.”

  He grinned as he tossed his shirt aside.

  Trailing a finger along a small scar on his shoulder, I asked, “What happened?”

  “I fell out of a tree when I was a kid.” He watched my finger move back and forth, then sucked in a breath when I pressed a kiss to the scar.

  “You are a sweaty mess, but I still want you to kiss me.”

  Chuckling, he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me like we were the only two people in the whole wide world.

  Behind me, Eli groaned. “I’m going back to bed.”

  I waved over my shoulder, hoping Eli was right about what he’d said during our little chat. I also wanted him to leave the room.

  I preferred kissing without an audience.

  Chapter 18

  I walked out onto my porch and sat on the top step. Now that the evenings weren’t as hot as blazes, I enjoyed being outside.

  Eli’s comment from last week played in my head. It was easy to believe he was right.

  The only days I didn’t see Harper were when he worked, but even on those days, he called me.

  The part of me—the little girl inside—who felt unworthy of being loved liked to chatter on the days I didn’t see him.

  And I hated it. She could be quite convincing.

  Boingo bleated before jumping the fence, then trotted up to me.

  “Hey, buddy.” I lifted up my phone. “Smile for me.”

  After snapping a picture of him, I posted it with the caption: Hanging out with my second favorite fella.

  Within seconds, my favorite fella liked my post.

  Boingo sat down next to me. He was a strange goat.

  “What do you think, Boingo? Any advice for me?” I laughed after asking the question. “Maybe we need to create an advice column. People can send you questions. Let’s see how you do. I’ll start.” I scratched behind his ear. “I have strong feelings for Harper. Well, because you’re a goat and can’t repeat this conversation, I’ll come right out and say it—I love him. He hasn’t used that word, though.”

  Boingo cocked his head.

  “Be patient. I’m getting to my question.” I was glad no one was around to see me having a heart-to-heart with a farm animal. “He’s an amazing guy, and while I’m trying, I don’t have a whole lot to offer. My own parents hardly speak to me. Should I break it off? Am I being unfair to him?”

  That goat jumped up and bounded back into his pen.

  “You’re horrible at giving advice!” I was yelling at a goat.

  “Want mine?” Joji walked around the end of the trailer. “I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, but I heard everything.”

  “You’re like a feather floating around without making a sound.” I flashed her a smile. “I’d love your advice.”

  She sat down next to me on the step. “It comes in two parts. One—you can’t judge your lovability—we’re going to pretend that’s a real word or maybe it is.” She shook her head. “Anyway, it isn’t based on others. Sometimes broken people have a hard time with love. Some need time to heal. Other people just need a good slap, but that’s a conversation for another time. Two—love is in the actions. Don’t think it isn’t there just because the
word hasn’t been used.” She patted my hand. “Trust me. This is something I know through personal experience.”

  Clint drove up as if scripted into the scene.

  She stood and waved. Before walking toward him, she turned back to me. “What action could you take that would say ‘I love you’?”

  I chased her down the stairs. “Wait! I need to hug you.”

  Laughing, she wrapped me in a tight embrace. The woman was tiny, but she gave the best bear hugs. “I love having you here.”

  “Tell Clint hello for me. I have an errand to run.”

  As I ran back to the trailer, Clint asked Joji, “What was that about?”

  “She’s in love.” Joji had never been more right.

  I’d have to see what I could do to help out her situation. But it would have to wait until later.

  Right now, there was one place in town still open that served milkshakes.

  With keys in hand, I climbed up into my truck.

  I’d been so upset the day Harper had shown up with milkshakes. I remembered my chocolate one vividly, but what kind did he like?

  By the time I made it to the counter, I had a plan. I ordered a chocolate and a vanilla, both topped with whipped cream and cherries. I’d drink whichever one he didn’t want.

  As I drove toward the station, I crossed my fingers that he wouldn’t be out on a call.

  When I parked my purple monster in the lot, one of the guys waved before walking inside. What was I supposed to do now? Should I just knock on the door?

  Before I was even out of the truck, Harper came running out of the building, and his smile was the widest I’d ever seen it.

  Whoever the other guy was, he knew who I was there to see.

  Harper hugged me, then gave me a quick kiss. “Hey. What’s up?”

  I’d never shown up to the fire station before. And the elated expression on his face made me wish I hadn’t waited so long to surprise him. “I was thinking about you, so I brought you a milkshake. But I couldn’t remember if you liked vanilla or chocolate.” I pointed toward the cup holders. “I bought one of each.”

  “Vanilla.” He reached in and picked up the cups. “Come on in. I’ll introduce you to the guys.”

  “I don’t want to intrude on y’all’s guy time.” I hadn’t really thought past the getting here part.

  “You aren’t intruding. I love that you surprised me. And with a milkshake.”

  There was that word.

  He squeezed my hand. “The guys want to meet you.”

  I looped my arm around his. “Lead the way. Sorry I didn’t bring enough to share.”

  He kissed the top of my head. “I’m really glad you came.”

  Joji was right. Being lovable was more about the willingness to love.

  That night after tucking into bed, I texted my mom. I’ve been dating someone.

  As I hit send, I tried to remember that her response wasn’t as much about me as it was about her.

  But that didn’t stop my stomach from twisting into a knot.

  Chapter 19

  Clint had stopped showing up regularly, and my reputation as a successful matchmaker was in jeopardy. But I had a plan in the works.

  “Harper, would you call this a squeak?” I opened and closed the barn door, changing the speed to try and get the door to make a sound.

  He scratched his head. “Maybe. Have any of that spray? I can squirt the hinges.”

  “No. I’ll tell Clint. He needs reasons to come over.” I walked down the row of stalls, checking each door. “I’m just hoping that one day when he’s with Joji, he’ll realize how much he loves her. Everyone can tell.”

  “How can you tell?” Harper tested the doors on the other side of the barn.

  “The way he looks at her. And he shows up over here every time I call him about something that needs fixing. It’s not even his farm.” I sighed. “Any advice on making him realize how he feels?”

  “Nope. The man has to decide for himself.”

  “Not even Job has that kind of patience.” I walked outside and looked under the eaves. “Oh! Maybe we could find a wasp nest. Then he’d have to come spray it.”

  Harper grabbed my hand. “Leave the poor man alone. He can figure out his own love life.”

  “Are you sure? I’m really worried that he’s going to miss out on happiness with Joji.” I made sure all the goats were in their proper places, then closed up the barn. “This coming week, Joji is going to teach me to make cheese. That’ll be exciting.”

  “I’ll ask my sister for recipes.” He led me toward the trailer. “Let’s go inside. I want to chat with you about something.”

  “Do you really mean chat or is this one of those we-need-to-talk conversations? Because I have an allergy to those.”

  He stopped and kissed my hand. “We can chat here. Would you be interested in driving up to Dallas with me? I’d like for you to meet my family.”

  Blood pooled in my feet, and I grabbed his shirt to keep from falling over. I knew how much his family meant to him. “I’d love that. When would we go?”

  “A month from this weekend. I’m not working then. And if Joji doesn’t mind you being gone, we could leave on Friday and come home on Monday.”

  “I’ll ask her.” I smiled, wishing my insides would stop shaking. Pulling away, I headed into the trailer.

  “Cami, if it’s too soon, we can wait.” He caught up to me.

  I shook my head but didn’t turn around. I didn’t want him to see my tears. “I want to meet your family.”

  “But?” He stepped around me and waited for me to look up.

  “Does your family know we’re dating?”

  “They’ve known for a while. And Mom has been asking about when she gets to meet you.”

  “I told my mom about you. She finally called me back.”

  His lips pulled into a tight line.

  I tried to keep my emotions in check. “She gave me her patronizing ‘that’s nice’ as if I’d mentioned getting a new shirt.”

  “Cami, it’s you I care about.”

  “I know that if they met you, they’d adore you, and I think they’d be proud of me. Finally, they’d like one of my choices.” I hadn’t given up hope that my parents still wanted me as a daughter.

  “Whenever they want to meet me, I’ll be there.” He took both of my hands in his. “But please, don’t let worry consume you. It won’t hurt my feelings if they never want to meet me.”

  “If that was supposed to make me feel better, it didn’t.” I sucked in a stuttered breath, shoving back the sobs that threatened. “They are my parents. And I won’t be okay if this is how it’s going to be forever. I’ve been cut off, and I hate feeling like I’m the biggest disappointment in their life.”

  His jaw clenched. “I want you to be happy.”

  “Thank you.” I buried my face in his chest. “Maybe at Thanksgiving. Are you working that day?”

  “Not sure yet, but I’ll keep an eye on the calendar. We’ll figure it out.” He kissed the top of my head. “I can’t wait for you to meet my family. Everyone is going to love you.”

  Harper always tried to focus on the happier side of life. I almost wished I knew how to forget the needling hurts that bothered me. But I hadn’t figured out how to ignore them completely.

  Bleary eyed, I walked out to the barn. I’d been up till all hours telling Harper about how Clint had finally come to his senses. And truth be told, I couldn’t take credit for his lightbulb moment. Not that I hadn’t messaged him about burned out bulbs all over the farm.

  Harper had been right. Clint figured it out on his own.

  I prepped the new machine for milking. I’d only used it twice before, and I still needed to think about every step. Once I had everything out, I escorted the goats into the barn. They ran into position because they were excited about the food waiting for them. They’d adjusted to the new contraption faster than I had.

  After locking each of them into place, I made my
way down the line, attaching each goat to the machine. When I made it to the last goat, I blinked and rubbed my eyes.

  “Cami, what are you doing?” Clint always showed up in the barn when I preferred he stay far away.

  “Milking goats. Duh.”

  “Where do you plan to attach that piece on that goat you’re looking at?”

  I looked from Clint to the goat, and my horror erupted as laughter. “I almost made his day, didn’t I?” I led the stud back to his pen before trying to explain. “The goats and I have an understanding. I don’t get all up in their business, and things stay peaceful. He must’ve gotten into the ladies’ pen last night. Because he came trotting out with them, and that was the only pen I opened.”

  “Knowing the difference between nannies and billies is important.” He turned on the machine. “Thanks for helping Joji. She likes having you here.”

  “I like being here. Goats and all. And I’ll figure things out so that I never make that mistake again.”

  “Good. I’ll take over here if you want to feed the chickens.”

  “Already fed them.”

  “Any chance you’d make me a cup of coffee?” Clint lifted his eyebrows, silently pleading.

  “Sure thing, cowboy.” I ran back to the trailer, eager to help Clint, and happy to feel appreciated.

  Even when he laughed at my silly mistakes, Clint didn’t make me feel like a disappointment.

  Chapter 20

  The wind caught my dress as I stepped out of the trailer. Grabbing at the fabric, I laughed. “I feel ridiculous.”

  “But you look very historical. Mostly. Your hair is a bit modern, but the designer can work her magic on that.” Haley opened the passenger-side door of her car.

  I wadded up my dress and climbed inside. “Where are we doing this photo shoot?”

  “The ranch. I mentioned to Joji that my client wanted a picture of you with a horse. She talked to Clint, and voila. He set up everything.”

  “Great. A horse. I’m barely comfortable around goats and chickens.”