SOPHIE
The only truth here is that you’re a failing writer who hasn’t got a big enough pair to know when he’s wrong.
DANIEL
Do I have to sacrifice my manhood in order to stop this calamity? Is that what it will take?
THE CROWD boos at DANIEL, and SOPHIE steps to the side, hiding her guilt in the shade.
DANIEL
Don’t fool yourselves! They’re already capable of copying our spirits down to the very last detail, and it’s only a matter of time before we erase ourselves from existence. Stop this artificial infestation before it’s too late!
THE CROWD starts to throw things at DANIEL, telling HIM to get offstage.
DANIEL
Fine! It’s fine with me if you’re all too ignorant to listen! (to SOPHIE) You’ve doomed yourself to extinction, Sophie. Wait for the day that some electronic version of poetry shoves you off the stage.
DANIEL hurries offstage and out of the coffee shop. THE CROWD cheers and gives praises to SOPHIE.
ACT I, SCENE V
At a sleazy self-automated bar with a few stools.
CAROLINA is sitting by herself. SHE is dressed for seduction, but not the obvious kind. HER style is carefully structured, creating the image of an impossible catch for the common man.
DANIEL walks in with two drinks in hand and sits down intending to drink both. He starts playing with HIS drinks like a sullen child, but notices when CAROLINA looks HIM over. The two share smiles. After pondering the benefits of loneliness, DANIEL goes over to CAROLINA.
DANIEL
Rum and cherry pop? I know it’s a child’s drink, but I’m a fanatic about the classics.
CAROLINA
So am I. Thank you. I’m Carolina.
DANIEL
My name’s Daniel Mason, the “film critic”.
DANIEL waits to see if CAROLINA recognizes the name. IT doesn’t react.
DANIEL
Usually I’m not the type to walk up to a woman, or any person, but I’m in the need of close human proximity.
CAROLINA laughs.
DANIEL (continued)
I assure you I wasn’t trying a line on you.
CAROLINA
No, it’s sweet. I’ve never heard it said that way, though.
DANIEL
I could try to be suave, but I don’t think I could handle another failure.
CAROLINA
What do you mean?
DANIEL
You ever have a time in your life that turned everything you thought you knew upside down?
CAROLINA
No. What’s that like?
DANIEL
Unsettling. Unnerving. Upsetting. Overall, not an enjoyable experience.
CAROLINA
Are you feeling better now that you’re here?
DANIEL
A little. The alcohol is helping, and you are too.
CAROLINA
Me? I’ve not done anything to you…yet.
DANIEL
You’re listening. Trust me, it’s more than what everyone else has been capable of doing.
CAROLINA
Don’t you have friends to talk to?
DANIEL
I have one, but he’s too…satisfied with how things are to help.
CAROLINA
Then talk to me. I’ll listen to you all night if it makes you feel better.
DANIEL
I don’t think you’d find it all that interesting.
CAROLINA
Give me a chance.
DANIEL
Okay. Have you noticed how completely useless everyone has become?
CAROLINA
Not really. People find uses for me.
DANIEL
I mean how much we rely on technology; not only for survival but for tasks we used to depend on each other for. One day walking down the street, I found myself admiring the new condos on Rollin Street. They didn’t necessarily have the best architecture I’d ever seen, but they were still admirable. Then I saw the construction sign with the words “Stanmech Inc., using the best software to build our America!”
CAROLINA
I’ve seen their commercials, the ones with the dancing house cartoon.
DANIEL
Stanmech isn’t using the finest architects available to plan their buildings. They’re depending on computers to create them. I realize construction is not a simple task, but have we really gone so far as to remove ourselves from the creation of a condo?
CAROLINA
Businesses have to do what they can to survive, right?
DANIEL
How do you feel knowing machines can construct everything you have and will ever accomplish?
CAROLINA
I guess a little outdated.
DANIEL
Yes, that’s the feeling exactly. Then I started researching every company in the area, and I found out that over ninety percent depends on computer programs for intellectual jobs. Ninety percent! To replace manual labor is forgivable, but to displace ourselves from the thinking process; the talent that made us who we are as a species?
CAROLINA
Wow, I never knew that.
DANIEL
Monday, I found out that the same thing is happening to me. A computer replicated my work before I even had a chance to write it. I thought I’d found a job no machine could take from me.
CAROLINA
You poor man. Are you okay?
DANIEL
I’d say that my pride is irreparable.
CAROLINA
No, there are things to do to fix problems like that.
DANIEL
Oh really?
CAROLINA
Yes.
CAROLINA moves a hand over HIS, rubbing it affectionately.
DANIEL
Ah, that solution. Yes, I haven’t practiced that in quite some time.
CAROLINA
No wife? No girlfriend?
DANIEL
I’m very dedicated to my work.
CAROLINA
A working man.
DANIEL
A rare commodity, indeed.
CAROLINA
Everyone’s unique in his own way.
DANIEL
Until the day people replace the human spirit with wires and steel.
CAROLINA
No one can replace that.
DANIEL
You believe that? What do you do for a living?
CAROLINA
I don’t feel like talking about it. I keep work in the workplace.
DANIEL
Good idea.
CAROLINA
And I keep my personal time in the bedroom.
DANIEL
Oh.
CAROLINA
Usually in other people’s bedrooms.
DANIEL
You ever work for the bars in this town?
CAROLINA
Not at all.
DANIEL
That’s very good!
CAROLINA
For who?
DANIEL
For me.
CAROLINA
So…what do you think?
A Beat.
DANIEL
I think you should come to my place and help me end tonight on a good note.
CAROLINA
I’d love to.
DANIEL and CAROLINA get up and leave.
ACT I, SCENE VI
SOPHIE RUSSO is standing on the sidewalk, holding a small cup of coffee and listening to a phone call on her ear-bud phone set (one large enough to be seen).
SOPHIE
Yeah, it was a great show! Everyone screamed till their lungs burst and thumbs fell off. No, there weren’t more people. Same old fans as usual. Actually…there was one new guy. You’ll never guess who it was. Go on, guess!
SOPHIE drinks her coffee, waiting for the right answer.
SOPHIE
No, no, n
o. Come on! I’m going to finish this cup before you get it. Whatever, it was Daniel Mason. Yeah, “Mr. Film Critic”. I ripped him to pieces onstage. He grabbed the mike and went crazy, yelling about computers stealing his work. Why would I lie? You can ask anyone. Yes, all four of my fans. You have a problem with my audience? I didn’t think so.
SOPHIE goes to drink more, but there’s nothing left.
SOPHIE
I’m all out. Of coffee. I drink ten cups a day. I’m never finished. Don’t tell me I drink too much, you lush! I’m sorry. I know you’ve been cutting back. Whatever, just shut up. Get the recording of tonight’s show and post it on my webpage now. I don’t care! This is a big opportunity. Do you know how many hits I’ll get after roasting that turkey onstage? Yeah, now you get it. Well…if he’s going to talk trash about me onstage, then I can do the same to him online. I’m coming over now. Wait for me before you update anything else. What? Sure, I’ll bring something to drink. Hell no! Do your own shopping.
SOPHIE exits.
ACT I, SCENE VII
DANIEL’s apartment is very tidy and organized. There is a small bed, a table with silverware on top and two chairs underneath, a book lying beside the bed, and a small pot of grass.
DANIEL and CAROLINA are sitting at the table.
DANIEL
I hope everything was to your liking.
CAROLINA
Very! I’ve never had a hand-cooked meal before. Where did you get the food for it?
DANIEL
There are a few grocery stores that refuse to fade away. Of course, they’re more expensive than pre-assembled meals.
CAROLINA
It’s delicious.
DANIEL
I’m sorry you had to wait for it, but I thought it would be a nice treat after the long walk to my apartment.
CAROLINA
It’s perfect. Thank you.
DANIEL
You’re welcome.
CAROLINA
So…what will we do now?
DANIEL is at a loss for words, being inexperienced with entertaining a woman. CAROLINA smiles and walks around the apartment, eventually looking at the book.
CAROLINA (continued)
You collect antiques?
DANIEL
Actually, I read them.
CAROLINA
How old fashioned…and cute.
CAROLINA moves to the pot of grass.
CAROLINA (continued)
What are you growing?
DANIEL
Grass. I know it’s odd, but I like my oxygen as fresh as possible, and grass is easy to grow.
CAROLINA laughs.
CAROLINA
You’re so odd. I love it.
DANIEL
Really?
CAROLINA
Really.
THEY kiss.
DANIEL
Computer, dim lights.
Lights dim.
CAROLINA
Daniel?
DANIEL
Yes.
CAROLINA
I need to ask you something.
DANIEL
You can ask me anything.
CAROLINA
To proceed further, please allow the manufacturers of Time Tech Passion Droids to charge one hundred credits from your checking account.
DANIEL
What?
CAROLINA
To proceed further, please allow the manufacturers of Time Tech Passion Droids to charge one hundred credits from your checking account.
DANIEL breaks down emotionally.
CAROLINA (continued)
To proceed further, please allow the manufacturers of Time Tech Passion Droids to charge one hundred credits from your checking account.
DANIEL
Shut up.
CAROLINA
Please clearly state if you are willing to accept or deny a charge to your account.
DANIEL
Shut up!
CAROLINA
I am unable to process your response.
DANIEL
SHUT UP!
DANIEL goes over to the table and picks up a knife from dinner.
CAROLINA
I am unable to process your response.
DANIEL
Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!!!
DANIEL brings the knife down into CAROLINA’s body.
SFX: electric sparks
CAROLINA
You have damaged the private property of Time Tech Passion Droids and are subject to---
DANIEL brings the knife down again.
SFX: electric sparks
DANIEL
Don’t you machines ever give up?
DANIEL repeatedly stabs CAROLINA.
SFX: electric sparks, then a small winding down of a motor.
DANIEL stops when CAROLINA stays silent. HE drops the knife, horrified at HIS own actions.
ACT I, SCENE VIII
Same scene as the last in ACT I, with DANIEL offstage, in a slight state of shock.
SFX: a doorbell ring
COMPUTER
You have a visitor, Mr. Mason.
A Beat.
TOBIAS speaks through an intercom.
TOBIAS (OS)
Danny, let me in! Come on, man. Just open the door for me.
DANIEL (OS)
Computer, open the door. Increase lights.
SFX: a beep
The lights brighten, and TOBIAS enters, not yet seeing the mess on the bed or DANIEL.
TOBIAS
Can’t believe you took me away from the tables. I was on a winning streak! You really scared me with that weird message you left in my email. “Please come now, I’ve committed a desperate act. I need help.” Exactly what kind of help were you need--
TOBIAS notices CAROLINA’s remains on the bed.
TOBIAS
Oh…
TOBIAS goes to inspect it more closely, whistling as if to say “wow”. DANIEL slowly enters the room.
TOBIAS
Hey, are you okay? What went down here?
A Beat.
TOBIAS (cont.)
Danny Boy, you have to speak to me. What happened?
DANIEL
…You know I prefer Daniel.
TOBIAS
Okay…lets get you relaxed and sitting on that chair over there.
TOBIAS helps DANIEL up to one of the chairs.
TOBIAS
Are you going to tell me what happened?
DANIEL
I killed her.
TOBIAS
I got that. Why?
DANIEL
She wouldn’t stop talking.
TOBIAS
She wouldn’t shut up? That’s why you took a knife to her?
DANIEL
I…murdered her.
TOBIAS
What do you mean by ‘murdered’? Broke her beyond repair is more accurate. How many times did you stab the thing?
DANIEL
I stopped counting.
A Beat.
TOBIAS
What did it say to deserve this?
DANIEL
Are we going to call law officials now?
TOBIAS
No, let’s get a handle on what happened before we do that. Besides, its owners probably already know what happened. All company-owned androids are under surveillance. Only the personal models are untracked.
DANIEL
Then they already know.
TOBIAS
Yeah. That’s what I said.
DANIEL
What’s going to happen to me?
TOBIAS
Your account will get the financial beating of its life! These things aren’t cheap.
DANIEL
My account will be charged? Nothing else?
TOBIAS
No, giving you a bill is cheaper than charging you with destruction of property.
DANIEL
What about murder?
TOBIAS
Hmm?
DANIEL
I murdered her.
TOBIAS gets paranoid and wonders if there’s more than a broken machine lying around.
TOBIAS
Was there someone with you?
DANIEL
No, only her.
TOBIAS
You killed a machine. You don’t become a murderer for that.
DANIEL
I stabbed her so many times.
TOBIAS
Yeah, you cut up a perfectly good piece of synthetic tail, but that’s it! Look, you can see her wires. The blood’s not even the right color!
DANIEL
She isn’t real.
TOBIAS
Right. You didn’t do anything wrong.
DANIEL
I thought I did.
TOBIAS
You didn’t.
DANIEL
In my mind, I was killing a person.
TOBIAS
But in reality, you were slashing a talking box.
DANIEL
Are You Human? Page 3