I couldn’t get her to shut up. She wouldn’t shut up!
TOBIAS
Hey, hey, hey. Calm down. There’s no problem here. Nothing bad has been done. No murder of any kind. Get that thought out of your head right now.
DANIEL
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do that.
A Beat.
TOBIAS
Hey, you’re still in the moment. In a few hours, you’ll get over this. I swear.
DANIEL
Maybe.
TOBIAS
Yeah, you’re getting over it already. Tell you what, I’ll get rid of all of this. Don’t worry about it.
DANIEL
The sheets?
TOBIAS
Yeah, even the sheets. Take a bath, get dressed, and we’ll watch a movie together till you calm down. Sound cool?
DANIEL
Sure.
TOBIAS
Good. I’ll get to work.
TOBIAS folds CAROLINA up in the sheets, throws IT over HIS shoulders, and walks offstage. DANIEL is left standing alone to ponder the scene of the crime.
ACT I, SCENE IX
It’s the next day, and DANIEL is leaning against a wall on a rather clean street. HE’s looking off into space, trying to find some meaning to the world HE thought was honest and simple.
JUDY WETSWORTH is a motherly figure with a pure face capable of being loved by everyone. Children, beautiful plants, and practically anything else that can be labeled as ‘cute’ catches ITs eye, bringing out a most beautiful smile.
JUDY is wandering around the street aimlessly, looking around to help gain some bearings. Timidly, IT walks up to DANIEL.
JUDY
Hello, sir.
A Beat.
JUDY (cont.)
Sir, could you help me for a moment?
DANIEL
What?
JUDY
I’m a little lost. Do you know this part of town well?
DANIEL
Enough. What are you looking for?
JUDY
I’m trying to find a deli, one with people making the food.
DANIEL
A real one?
JUDY
Yes… I can’t find it anywhere.
DANIEL
Didn’t you check your personal computer for map directions?
JUDY
I did, but the store I’m looking for isn’t findable.
DANIEL
Ah, you’re looking for Johnny & Sons Deli.
JUDY
That’s exactly what I’m looking for! How did you know?
DANIEL
I’m a regular customer. The owner pays to be unlisted.
JUDY
Why would someone do that?
DANIEL
Mr. Brook doesn’t feel the need to publicize. For him, good food is advertisement enough.
JUDY
I wish my husband had told me that.
DANIEL
You’re shopping for him.
JUDY
Yes. He had a sandwich from the place yesterday and just has to have another. He told me the store name, and I said I’d get him a couple for tonight. He’s working late, so he deserves a treat.
DANIEL
You sound like a very devoted wife.
JUDY
Wife and mother, and happy to be both.
DANIEL
You look young to be a mother.
JUDY
Thank you. Yes, little April and Helen.
JUDY shows DANIEL a picture.
JUDY (cont.)
My little girls, aren’t they adorable?
DANIEL
Sure.
JUDY
Oh, I’m sorry. I like to show them off. They make me so proud.
DANIEL
That’s what children are supposed to do.
JUDY
And they do everyday. So, the deli, can you tell me where it is?
DANIEL
Yes, go down East Spring Street and turn right at 15th Avenue. That’s the location for store owners who refuse to mechanize the food-making process. I walk there often.
JUDY
There’s a whole group of stores like that?
DANIEL
They’re hard to find at first, but they’re a very community-based group. After you become friends with one, you’re acquainted with all of them.
JUDY
That’s nice. My name’s Judy. Judy Wetsworth.
DANIEL
My name is Daniel. Daniel Mason.
JUDY
You have the same name as the film critic. I love him!
DANIEL
You do?
JUDY
I trust in his opinion very much.
DANIEL
Really? What is it about him that you trust?
JUDY
Every movie he’s liked, I’ve liked. It’s like we’re connected.
DANIEL
Interesting.
JUDY
He’s had a little bit of misfortune lately. I don’t know if you’ve heard.
DANIEL
Yes.
JUDY
Hopefully, he’ll get over it and start back up. I’m starving for his opinions. I haven’t seen a new movie in days!
DANIEL
You seem intelligent. I’m positive you’ll identify a good movie when you see the trailers.
JUDY
Thank you very much. So down this street and around that corner?
DANIEL
Correct.
JUDY
Thank you again. Hope to see you around.
DANIEL
Likewise, just remember not to bring any androids with you.
JUDY
What? Why?
DANIEL
All those stores refuse to deal with androids, especially Johnny & Sons Deli. It’s troublesome for this day and age, but the community refuses to abandon their ethics. Everything must be authentic, even the customers.
JUDY dwells on IT’s own artificiality.
A Beat.
DANIEL
Is there a problem?
JUDY
Could you show me the way there?
DANIEL
It’s around that corner, not too far from here.
JUDY
I know…but I don’t know if I’ll want to go in.
DANIEL
Why not?
JUDY
I know we just met, but could you go in and buy some things for me?
DANIEL
Can’t you buy them yourself?
JUDY
Well…I’m a little scared, new place and all.
DANIEL
It’s a very safe street. Everyone there is friendly.
JUDY
But I’m new…and I don’t know anyone but you…and—
DANIEL
--Are you human?
JUDY
What?
DANIEL
Are you human?
JUDY tries to answer the question, but IT’s face become completely emotionless and awkward.
DANIEL
You’re an android?
JUDY returns to a normal state.
JUDY
I…have to get home.
DANIEL
You’re an android!
JUDY tries to walk away embarrassed, but DANIEL moves in the way.
JUDY
Please, let me by.
DANIEL
You’re not real at all!
JUDY
I need to go.
DANIEL
I can’t believe how elaborate the electronic ruse has become. Is your husband your owner?
JUDY
Move out of my way, please!
DANIEL
Is he an android?
JUDY
Of course not! What are you saying?
DANIEL
How about April and Helen? Are they real?
JUDY again
becomes emotionless and awkward as IT tires to answer.
DANIEL
I should have known!
JUDY regains composure.
JUDY
Let me go, or I’ll call the police!
DANIEL
Would they spend tax dollars saving a machine, or would they simply give the abductor a bill for damages?
JUDY
Help! Somebody!
HE grabs a pipe from a trash can and hits JUDY over the head.
SFX: electricity
JUDY falls to the ground and moves as if experiencing an epileptic shock. When IT stops moving, DANIEL grabs it by the arms and drags IT offstage.
ACT I, SCENE X
DANIEL’s apartment, as clean as it was before the incident with CAROLINA.
TOBIAS is calmly waiting at the dinner table, typing upon HIS personal computer.
SFX: doorbell
TOBIAS
Is that you, Danny? (to COMPUTER) Computer, open the door.
DANIEL (OS)
Are you alone?
TOBIAS
Of course I am. Hey, can I borrow some credits? I promise I’ll double your money tomorrow.
DANIEL walks into the room with JUDY over a shoulder.
TOBIAS
Whoa! What are you doing with her?
DANIEL
Don’t worry. She’s not a real woman.
DANIEL drops JUDY.
TOBIAS
Are you sure?
DANIEL
You can see wires and chemicals from underneath her hair. Take a look if you like.
A Beat.
TOBIAS
Why?
DANIEL
Why what?
TOBIAS
Why did you destroy this one? What did she do to you?
DANIEL
Honestly, no more than what every other android does.
TOBIAS
And what’s that?
DANIEL
Pose a threat to our existence.
TOBIAS
You felt like she was a threat to you? Enough to bash her head in?
A Beat.
DANIEL
I don’t think it was ‘her’ specifically, but what this machine represents.
TOBIAS
You’re not thinking straight, Daniel. This is insane! Stop going around killing androids!
DANIEL
Where’s the moral dilemma in their destruction? They’re only property.
TOBIAS
Yeah, someone else’s property!
DANIEL
I’m not exactly sure how they function. How would I repair it?
TOBIAS
Good. You’re thinking straight again.
TOBIAS looks very closely at JUDY, examining the wound carefully.
TOBIAS
I’m not an engineer, but the only damage I can see is that loose wire. Here, I’ll put it back in…
DANIEL forces TOBIAS away.
DANIEL
Not yet!
TOBIAS
Do you think that you’ll get away with this or something? Time Tech already knows what happened.
DANIEL
No, they don’t.
TOBIAS
I told you before; their androids are under constant--
DANIEL
--she’s not owned by a company.
TOBIAS
You mean this is someone’s property?
A Beat.
TOBIAS (cont.)
Whose is she?
DANIEL
It gave me the name Judy Wetsworth. I don’t know her owner’s name.
TOBIAS
Wetsworth? Wetsworth?
Suddenly, TOBIAS remembers who Judy Wetsworth is.
TOBIAS
Wetsworth!
DANIEL
Is that name supposed to mean something to me?
TOBIAS
It should! Mr. Carl Wetsworth is the third largest investor in Time Tech. He has so much money that they have elementary schools named after this man. Judy is his Wife-Bot. You’ve just kidnapped the wife of a multi-millionaire!
DANIEL
How do you know so much about Time Tech?
TOBIAS goes to repair the droid again.
TOBIAS
We have to give this back to him right now.
Again, DANIEL pushes TOBIAS away.
DANIEL
It remains in this state until I’m done!
TOBIAS
What are you going to do with it?
DANIEL
I don’t know. I really haven’t planned for anything.
TOBIAS
Here’s a suggestion: give it back!
DANIEL
I’m not doing that.
TOBIAS
You’re going to keep it in your closet until Mr. Wetsworth activates the locator chip?
DANIEL
Right. If I’m going to act, I’ll have to do so soon.
TOBIAS
You’re already guilty of one crime, Danny Boy. Don’t do anything else.
DANIEL
You know I prefer…I’m not returning it, Tobias!
TOBIAS
Then what are you going to do, Daniel? The man has enough money and influence to put both of us in prison forever!
A Beat.
TOBIAS (cont.)
You can’t reprogram a Time Tech droid, so you wouldn’t be able to keep it even if you found and disabled the locator chip.
DANIEL
I don’t want to keep it. I want to use it.
TOBIAS
Use it? What for?
DANIEL
…as an example?
TOBIAS
What?
DANIEL
I could show everyone exactly how fake it is. Judy here looks perfectly normal on the outside, but what if I showed everyone exactly what’s on the inside?
TOBIAS
I don’t want any part of this.
DANIEL
But you’ll have to see it too! I want to share this with you. You’re my friend!
TOBIAS
Hey, don’t try that with me! I was your friend when I threw away your last victim.
DANIEL
What about all the times I helped you out of your gambling debts?
TOBIAS
I considered us even yesterday! Killing Judy Wetsworth is too big a favor to ask.
DANIEL
Then if that’s how you feel, leave. I’ll notify everyone online about what I’m going to do. I don’t need you.
TOBIAS begins to leave, but must speak HIS peace before going.
TOBIAS
You’re making a mistake. But…when get into trouble, go ahead and call me.
A Beat.
DANIEL
Thank you.
TOBIAS leaves, and DANIEL starts to work on TOBIAS’s personal computer. Suddenly, JUDY begins to twitch again.
SFX: electricity
DANIEL grabs a chair and prepares to hit IT, but JUDY stops moving. DANIEL calms down.
DANIEL
I need some rope.
DANIEL exits.
ACT II, SCENE I
Again in DANIEL’s apartment. The bed and tables have been rearranged away from the center of the room.
JUDY is awake and bound to a chair with a very small video camera placed in front of her. A computer lies beside the camera on a table.
JUDY
Somebody, please help me! Anyone, please let me go!
A Beat.
JUDY (cont.)
I don’t know what you want, but I’ll give it to you. Just let me go.
DANIEL (OS)
I don’t want anything you can give me.
DANIEL walks over to the camera, adjusting it according to what HE sees on the computer.
JUDY
Then let me go! Please, let me go. Heeeelp! Heeeelp!
DANIEL
Screaming is useless. I paid a lot of
money for a soundproof apartment.
DANIEL types on the computer.
JUDY
Why are you doing this?
DANIEL
Because it must be done.
DANIEL taps a single key, makes sure the computer reads out correctly, and he walks in front of the camera.
JUDY
I don’t understand.
DANIEL
You don’t need to. They do.
SFX: a beep.
DANIEL
Good evening, my electronic audience. My name is Daniel Mason, and thank you for coming to see this act of liberation. I would have preferred to do this in-person, but this will have to suffice.
JUDY
Daniel Mason?!? Please, somebody come and help me! Get me out of here!
DANIEL
Please, don’t be alarmed. This woman-like figure is not living. She, or more appropriately, ‘it’ is a machine and nothing more. Specifically, she is someone’s android; an artifice constructed using the latest technologies from Time Tech. I’m sure we are all aware of what lengths that company is willing to traverse in order to make androids as deceptively life-like as possible.
Are You Human? Page 4