by Lisa Hobman
I began to play and the lyrics flowed from my lips like a prayer that I hoped she would hear and answer. I didn’t want to say goodbye. I didn’t want her to go back to Yorkshire. How would I cope? What would I do if I didn’t get to see her bright blue eyes and warm smile? The thought brought back the tightening sensation to my throat. I caught sight of her in my peripheral vision. She’d stopped what she was doing and was listening intently. I made eye contact with her for a moment but she turned away and walked through to the back.
She didn’t return.
Chapter Forty-three
I awoke early the next morning and decided I was going to confront Mallory about why she walked out during my gig. I knew the answer deep down. She still felt something for me and had a hard time hearing my feelings expressed like that. But I needed to hear her say it. Maybe if she could admit that to me, we had a chance. So with renewed hope, I left the house and made my way down to the village.
To my horror she was just pulling away from home. I ran in front of the car like some crazed lunatic with a death wish and held my hands up. Luckily she had her wits about her and slammed on the brakes.
I jogged around to the driver’s window and noticed her belongings piled on the back seat and Ruby’s bed in the passenger foot well.
Fuck!
She wound the window down and I panted, ‘Mallory… are you leaving?’
‘What business is it of yours?’ she snapped in that acidic tone she’d been using towards me lately.
‘The case in the back. Ruby… Are you going for good?’
With a sneer she bitterly retorted, ‘Why don’t you ask your wife, Greg?’ And with that she sped away, tyres screeching, across the bridge and out of sight. All I could do was stand and watch her retreating vehicle with my hands in my hair.
I flopped down onto one of the benches outside the pub and rested my head on my folded arms on the table. I didn’t know what else to do. As if she had been listening in, Alice appeared from out of nowhere to offer comfort. Or her version of it.
‘Hey, are you okay, honey?’ Her sickly sweet voice made me nauseated. Or was it the way Mallory left me with her venom in my veins? Whatever it was, I felt sick as a dog.
‘Don’t call me honey,’ I growled.
She sighed. ‘Oh, Greg, it’s just a term of endearment.’
I lifted my head and glared at her. ‘Yeah? Well nothing is going to endear you to me so fuck off home.’
‘Oooh, touchy. Did she kick you to the kerb, then?’ She sniggered and I wanted to slap her but I would never hit a woman – even one like Alice with all her sly, nasty deviousness.
‘Drop it, Alice, if you know what’s good for you.’
She rolled her eyes. ‘Oh, let me guess… She told you about our little conversation in the ladies.’
I clenched my jaw. ‘What little conversation?’
Alice smiled sweetly. ‘I just told her that she’d hurt you and she’d better not do it again. She knows to keep away now so you can move on with your life. I did you a favour.’ That was the straw that broke the camel’s back and I knew she could tell from the way my eyes widened that I was raging. She huffed. ‘And there’s no need to threaten me, Greg. I’m trying to be a friend.’
I laughed derisively. ‘A friend? You? Is that what you were doing with Connell when you fucked him in our marital bed, eh, being a friend?’
She rolled her eyes. ‘Oh, for goodness’ sake, Greg. Why can’t you just let that go?’
I stood up, anger boiling beneath my skin, and spoke through clenched teeth. ‘I have let it fucking go. And I’ve let you go, Alice.’ I spat as I jabbed a pointed finger towards her. ‘But you still turned up and hung around like the smell of rotting veg under a cupboard. Now I suggest you go home and get a lawyer because this time I’m divorcing your arse right out of my life for good!’ I stormed away towards home, hoping that she wouldn’t follow me for round two.
No such luck.
I heard her feet crunching against the gravel as I increased the pace at which I was trying to escape her.
‘Greg!’ she called in that pained voice she had mastered to try and manipulate me. ‘Greg, please slow down. Let’s talk about this like adults, eh?’
I stopped in my tracks and turned to her with a bitter laugh. ‘Like adults? Okay… here we go… this is me talking to you like an adult. I don’t like you, Alice. I don’t want you and I sure as hell don’t fucking love you. I feel nothing but disdain where you’re concerned. Is that adult enough for you?’
Her lip began to quiver and I somehow felt exhilarated at finally getting through to her. Revenge had never been my intent, but seeing her in emotional pain had no effect on me, because in threatening the woman I loved, she’d gone too far.
She shook her head. ‘You don’t mean that. I know you don’t mean that.’
‘Alice, I’ve never meant anything more in my fucking life except for the time I told Mallory I love her with all my heart. Now there is a woman worth fighting for. There is a woman capable of genuine love and I don’t deserve her. But do you know what? I’m gonna fight for her anyway. Because that’s what you do when you love someone. You want their happiness above anything. And that’s what I want for Mallory. I want to see her happy, not cut up over my mistakes. And, yes, you are one hell of a mistake, Alice. One I will never repeat again. Am I making myself clear enough?’
She nodded as tears spilled from her eyes. ‘I… I’ll go home.’
‘Yes, go home and call your solicitor. And do me a favour, okay? Don’t come back again.’
*
Alice left the following day after one last-ditch attempt at getting me back. As she stood at the door with her bag, she asked me to at least think about us, but I just shook my head and closed the door in her face. I sat on my couch after she’d gone and stared at my phone. I was desperate to contact Mallory. I needed to know that she was okay. But, of course, if I called she’d more than likely hang up. In the end I resorted to cowardly tactics. It was unlikely she would ignore a text message – even if it was blind curiosity that made her read it. Picking up my phone, I began to type.
Hey, how r u? Am worried u will not come back. I miss u so much. Please just let me know u r ok.
I hit send and then reread what I’d written. Great, I sound like a pathetic loser. Way to get the girl, McBradden. My phone vibrated almost instantly and I dropped it through the sheer shock. After fumbling around on the floor and picking up the phone, I opened the reply.
Greg, I’m fine. Please just let me be for a while. I need some space, okay? Concentrate on your own life for a while and let me deal with mine.
Yikes, that’s harsh. But at least she replied, I suppose. I relaxed a tiny bit, knowing that she was okay and had arrived in Yorkshire safe and sound. All I had to do now was get her to come home so we could try and sort this mess out.
*
Pressuring her probably wasn’t the best thing to do, so I left her to it after that. But I did resolve to bloody go down there if she actually didn’t come home. I’d told her as much in the Foo Fighters song I’d put on her CD.
Working at the pub wasn’t the same without Mallory. Even after Alice turned up I’d see her briefly at shift changeovers. Now, being here without her was making me dread going in to work. I played a gig whilst she was away, and as I placed the chalkboard that she made for me outside the door of the pub, my heart sank.
I traced the lettering painted by her fair hand. ‘Just come home, eh? Please, come home.’
Once I’d walked back inside, my phone rang. Fumbling it out of my pocket in the hope that it was her, I answered in a rush. ‘Hello? Yes?’
‘Hi there, is this Greg McBradden?’ It was a female voice but it didn’t belong to Mallory.
‘Yes, this is Greg. Who’s calling?’
‘Great, my name is Cassandra Carlton. I’m one of the agents with Class Act Talent, or CAT as we like to say for short. My business partner and I have been informed about y
our shows by another of our artistes, and we’ve watched a clip of you online too, which impressed us. We’d like to come along and check you out with a view to contracting you for the venues we cover.’
Huh? What? Contract me? I suddenly realised that the conversation I was having was thankfully happening in my head.
‘Greg?’
‘Um… sorry… sorry. Yes, that’d be great. Thank you,’ I finally replied with a pounding heart and a head full of disbelief.
*
A couple of days later and the call from the agent still hadn’t really sunk in. I kept replaying it over and over in my mind. As I stood drying glasses behind the bar, the door opened and I got a wonderful surprise.
‘Mallory, you’re back!’ My eyes widened and I wanted to dash out and hug her – but then the thought crossed my mind that she probably wouldn’t want that, and the joy of seeing her suddenly evaporated. ‘How long are you here for?’
‘I’m not sure, Greg. Not yet. Can I speak to you in private, please?’
We stepped outside and I was dreading what she was going to say to me. ‘Is everything okay, Mallory?’ Please don’t tell me you’re leaving now. Please.
‘Greg, I’ve done a lot of thinking whilst I’ve been away.’
Okay, brace yourself, McBradden, here comes the blow. ‘I’m not going to like this, am I?’ I cringed in readiness.
But she smiled. ‘I think maybe I was… too hard on you about the whole marriage thing. I don’t feel able to be anything more at the moment, and I doubt that I ever will now… but I think we can maybe be friends… if you want to?’
What? Really? Jeez, take what you can get, arsehole. ‘Mallory, I love you. I probably always will. It will be hard to be just friends, but I would rather have that than the icy chill between us.’ I absent-mindedly stroked her arm but she flinched. Why the hell did she flinch? Did I really scare her that day at my house? Shit. Guilt shredded my heart and I wanted to apologise, but it felt too little too late; and she was offering me an olive branch.
‘Well, as I said, friendship is all I can offer.’ She went on to ask where Alice was and so I told her that Alice had gone home and that she begged to make a go of things with me again.
‘I’m fully aware of that.’ Mallory seemed a little pissed off. ‘Did she not tell you about our cosy little chat in the ladies that last time you played? She accused me of breaking your heart worse than she had and pretty much warned me off you.’
What. The. Fuck? So there was more to the little chat than she let on. It was good that Alice had gone home, because at that very second, I was so angry I wasn’t sure what I would’ve done. ‘Shit! Really? Is that why you went—?’
‘Ha! Greg, I won’t be scared off by her or by anyone. I’ve become quite tough lately. I just needed a break. That’s all,’ she said sternly.
The rest of the conversation was a little fuzzy in my head afterwards, as I was seeing red. Mallory told me she was worried I would get hurt if Alice and I gave things another go, but there was absolutely no chance of that happening. I sincerely hoped at that point that Alice had given up on her stupid plot to win me back after the tongue-lashing and home truths I dished her. But with Alice you never did know. The fact that she tried to warn off the woman I loved was enough to convince me that she wouldn’t give up easily. Mallory’s concern touched me, but she did stress the fact that it was out of concern for me as her friend.
*
Later that day I was standing at the bar, a total nervous wreck. The agents from CAT were coming to see me, and I’d resorted to whisky to calm my jagged nerves.
‘I thought that stuff dried your vocal cords out,’ Mallory said from beside me.
‘Aye, but I’m a tad nervous tonight. Some guy put a clip of me on the Internet and some folks from an entertainment agency are coming to see me play.’
‘Wow, Greg. That’s brilliant.’ She gasped. ‘What’ll happen if he likes what he sees?’
I pursed my lips, suddenly feeling a little embarrassed. She was reading more into this than necessary. ‘Ah… I won’t be famous or anything quite so crazy, but it could mean I get gigs farther afield. He has a list of places all over Highland that I could be booked for.’
Mallory’s gaze travelled to the door and I turned to see what she was looking at. The couple who had just walked in looked like undercover coppers, but I guessed they were from the talent agency.
‘Shit, that must be them.’ I took a large gulp of my drink and went over to say hello.
Chapter Forty-four
After introducing myself to the agency reps, I took my place behind the microphone. My mouth was dry and my hands were clammy, making playing a little tricky. Every so often I had to wipe my palms on my jeans, which, I’m guessing, didn’t look all that great.
‘Evening, all. Good to be here again and to see the place packed. I’m sure Stella is grateful, and I know I am. I’d like to start tonight off with a dedication to someone. She knows who she is. The words have to be said and I can think of no better way to say them… It’s a song by a band you may think obscure for a weeknight in a village pub, but the sentiment is important because it’s about friendship and putting up with each other’s good and bad points in equal measure and it’s about having each other’s back. It’s by Incubus and it’s called “Dig”.’
I gazed at Mallory as I sang and she smiled back at me in acknowledgement of what I was trying to say. It was like a secret message shared between the two of us, and although there were people present who had figured out what I meant, it didn’t matter. We shared the moment and that was all I cared about. The song told her how much I valued her friendship and that I would always be there for her as she was for me. And even though I was determined to have her in my life no matter how that presented itself, I still felt the pang of sadness that we would never be anything more; that we would never share any kind of intimacy again.
The rest of the night went by fast, but the crowd in the pub was appreciative and clapped in all the right places. The only bloody problem was every time I sang something they knew, they bloody sang along. I’ve always hated that, and I’ve told them so on many occasions, but their out-of-tune warbling made me laugh so I eventually forgave them.
Once the gig was over, I made my way back over to the agents from CAT. Cassandra was the first to speak. ‘That was fantastic, Greg. The crowd here clearly loves you.’
I felt my cheeks become warm and I rubbed the back of my neck. ‘Right… thanks. That’s great. Thanks – oh, I already said that.’
Cassandra laughed at my embarrassment. ‘We’d like to take you on. However, we understand about your boat business, so we can work around you.’
‘Yes,’ Hayden, the male rep, said. ‘There are lots of our venues that would appreciate your type of music and, forgive me for saying so, we think the female clientele will just adore you.’
I shook my head, not really understanding why he thought that. ‘Really? But I’m thirty-eight. Hardly a spring chicken.’
Hayden shook his head and waved his hands up and down my body. ‘Believe me, I’m talking from experience here, you have that dark-and-mysterious charisma that women love. And I’m told that the whole rugged-good-looks thing is very in at the moment as far as female patrons are concerned, so I think you’ll do very well.’ He raised his eyebrows as if to emphasise his point.
‘Oookay. If you say so.’
‘Oh, we know so, Greg. So what do you say?’
I lifted my hands out from my sides and grinned. ‘I say why the fuck not?’ Whoops. I cringed. ‘Erm… sorry about my language.’
Cassandra stifled a giggle and blushed. ‘Oh, don’t worry about it. We noticed you like your expletives. The places you’ll be playing are strictly adults only, so it shouldn’t be a major problem. Obviously try not to swear quite so much when you’re representing us, but the odd naughty word can be forgiven.’
Hayden held out his hand. ‘Welcome aboard, Greg. I can see great success i
n your future.’
I shook both of their hands and they left. I was a little shell-shocked to say the least. This whole thing was surreal and taking me well out of my comfort zone, but what the heck, eh? Nothing ventured and all that bollocks.
I went back over to put Rhiannon away and Mallory appeared at my side. ‘Well?’ She sounded excited, and when I looked up at her wide eyes I melted inside… again.
‘They’ve taken me on!’ I flung my arms around her and hugged her, lifting her off the ground. I couldn’t help myself, I was so damned excited. She didn’t pull away, so I took that as a good sign. In fact she hugged me back with just as much enthusiasm. It felt so bloody good.
‘I’m so happy for you, Greg. How amazing.’
When we broke apart, I scratched my chin and pondered my next words carefully. ‘Look, I’ve something to ask you. Feel free to say no if it’s too soon to socialise with me again, but… I’m going to an open mic night at the beginning of October in Oban and I wondered if you’d like to come along. I’ve been before and there are some great performers on.’
Tilting her head to the side, she smiled widely. ‘I think I can safely say I’ll be there.’
My heart almost stopped. I thought, fuck it, and hugged her tight again with a racing heart.
*
October in Scotland is a funny month. One year it can be gloriously sunny and the next bitterly cold. The start of this particular October was wet and dull. The only light at the end of the miserable tunnel was my night out in Oban with Mallory and I could. Not. Wait.
Mallory had been showing prospective buyers around her house, and I was selfishly hoping that none of them liked it. If I could prove to her that we could be friends, then there would be no reason she would have to go back to Yorkshire.