The Arrangement

by Melissa Tereze

  ***

  Luciana stood out on the decking at the edge of the water. Sam’s parent’s had been at the house for the last few hours, her girlfriend relaxing as time wore on. Susan hadn’t made any remarks about their relationship, but Luciana had kept her distance nonetheless. Bill seemed like a great man, and Sam was evidently closer and more at ease with him. She’d caught their private jokes, his eyes mirroring those of his daughters. Those dark, deep brown depths that Luciana often found herself lost in.

  “Mind if I join you?” a quiet voice asked.

  “Of course not.” Luciana glanced over her shoulder to find Lindsay shifting uncomfortably.

  “You seem quiet.”

  “Hard to be anything else here.”

  “Beautiful, isn’t it?” Lindsay sighed. “I just wish Sam wasn’t mad at me.”

  “She’s okay,” Luciana said, reassuring Sam’s sister.

  “No, she’s not.” Lindsay shook her head. “When she came home, I was supposed to be the one here for her. I was supposed to be proud of her.”

  “And you're not?” Confusion flickered in Luciana’s eyes.

  “I am. It just doesn’t feel the same. She won't even look at me.”

  “You really thought I was keeping her from you? Hurting her?” Luciana struggled with those words, but she knew it was how Lindsay felt. If they were ever to move forward, they would have to face the accusation head-on. Sam hadn’t wanted to divulge the things her mother had said, but Luciana appreciated her honesty once she’d finally brought herself to say the words. “Really?”

  “I just got used to her always being around,” Lindsay admitted. “I did some stupid stuff last year. Sam was there for me…day and night.”

  Luciana remained silent.

  “Sam bailed me out when I hit rock bottom and we grew closer. We’d always been close, but after Lucia died, I felt like I'd lost a piece of my sister. I did lose a piece of her. The state she was in terrified me, Luciana. I couldn’t sleep at night. I constantly worried that she would disappear. That we’d get a call to say her body had been pulled out the river.”

  Luciana felt for Lindsay. She hadn’t ever been in a situation like this. “And how did you cope with that?”

  “I didn’t.” Lindsay scoffed. “I did drugs. Got myself into debt. We both realised what life was doing to us and promised to come out of the other side. That we’d always have each other.”

  “And you do.” Luciana nudged Lindsay’s shoulder, smiling. “She loves you so much.”

  “I panicked. I couldn’t understand why she kept cancelling our plans. I just feared the worst. I'm sorry.”

  Luciana understood Lindsay’s worries, to a degree. Nobody knew her, nobody knew she existed until yesterday when Sam’s mum showed up at the apartment. While she hated being thought of as someone who could potentially hurt Sam, Luciana knew the truth. Deep down, Lindsay did too.

  “That’s my fault.” Luciana sighed, wrapping her arms around her body. “I’ll take a step back. Give you both that time together. I know it’s important to you.”

  “No, don’t do that.”

  “Honestly, it’s okay,” Luciana said. “I’m not going anywhere. If being around every minute of the day is putting a strain on you two, I can cool down. I’ll always be around, waiting.”

  “Please, no,” Lindsay begged. “Since you came into her life, she’s happy. She smiles and she laughs like she used to.”

  “I appreciate that, but—”

  “But nothing,” Lindsay interrupted. “She needs you. God, I've been waiting for this moment.”

  “What moment?”

  “This. You.” Lindsay beamed. “I have to let her go so she can find love again. With you.” She paused. “I know you wouldn’t hurt her. I see how you look at her.”

  “I love her.” Those words fell effortlessly from Luciana’s mouth. “And I don’t care how long it takes for her to feel the same way.”

  “She does.” Lindsay squeezed Luciana’s shoulder. “She loves you, too.”

  “She told you that?” Luciana’s pulse thrummed in her ears.

  “Sam doesn’t need to tell me anything. I always know how my sister feels. Trust me.”

  “Well, I uh…” Luciana’s throat dried, a lump rising. “Thanks.”

  “Thank you for finding her.” Lindsay wrapped her arms around Luciana. “Thank you for making her happy.”

  “She found me,” Luciana said, her voice close to breaking. “She found me when I didn’t know I was looking.”

  “It all seems to be a match made in heaven.” Lindsay linked arms with Luciana, guiding her back towards the house. “Or sent from heaven.”

  “You’ve lost me.”

  “Oh, come on!” Lindsay laughed. “You must see it, too?”

  “See what?”

  “Luciana, the firefighter.” They made their way up the decking, Luciana’s heart fluttering when she caught Sam laughing, her head thrown back. “My sister lost her wife, Lucia, in a fire.”

  “I try not to think about it.”

  “I’m telling you. You two were always supposed to meet.”

  “Maybe.” Luciana suppressed a grin, knowing Lindsay was right. “Maybe.”

  ***

  Sam approached the door, receiving a hug from her mum as she opened it. They’d had the opportunity to talk earlier, but Sam decided against it. She didn’t need to rehash their previous conversation, not if it wouldn’t change anything, but her mum’s apology when they arrived had settled her. Whether that apology would stick remained to be seen, but Sam felt as though it was genuine. She felt like her family were okay with the time they’d spent at her home. With Luciana.

  “Thanks for a wonderful day, love.”

  “Any time, Dad.” Sam kissed Bill’s cheek. “Don’t leave it so long next time.”

  “I believe we were playing to your schedule.” He gave his daughter a knowing look.

  “I know. I’m sorry,” Sam said. “Things are going to change.”

  “She’s a bloody angel.” Bill threw his thumb over his shoulder in the direction of Luciana. “A bloody angel.”

  “She is.” Sam smiled. “Love you, Dad.”

  “Love you, too.” He stepped out onto the porch. “Luciana, you're welcome in our home any time, okay?”

  “Thanks, Bill.” She approached Sam, her hand settling on the small of her back. “Safe trip home, okay?”

  “You’ve got it.” He nodded. “Come on, Sue.”

  “Luciana…” Susan cleared her throat. “I know we got off on the wrong foot, but I want us to start again.”

  “I’d like that.”

  “Those things I said, it was in the heat of the moment,” Susan continued. “You’ve brought my daughter back to life and I will always be thankful to you for that.”

  “I look forward to more days here with you all.” Luciana leaned in and hugged Susan. “We should do it more often.”

  “We will.” Lindsay stepped forward. “If Sam can forgive me?”

  “Come here.” Sam ushered her sister closer, wrapping her arms around her. “I’m sorry I haven’t made any time for you.”

  “It’s okay.” Lindsay held her sister close. “I understand.”

  “Monday night,” Sam said. “Come over to the apartment. I’ll cook.”

  “I’m sure you have plans already.” Lindsay glanced at Luciana.

  “I won't be there.” Luciana shrugged. “And even if I was, it wouldn’t make any difference.”

  “Call me, okay?” Lindsay focused her attention on Sam. “Call me on Monday if you're available.”

  “Expect a call.” Sam nodded. “Plan to be with me at the apartment.”

  “Okay.” Lindsay disappeared onto the decking, glancing back and smiling. “See you both soon, okay?”

  “You will.” A worry settled inside Sam and she quickly pulled Lindsay back inside. “Hey, is everything okay with you?”<
br />
  “Of course, yeah.”

  “Linds.” Sam looked pointedly at her sister. “Is something going on?”

  “You mean…am I taking drugs again?” Lindsay’s shoulders slumped. “No, Sam. I’m not.”

  “Promise me everything is okay…”

  “Everything is perfectly fine.” Lindsay kissed Sam’s cheek and rushed off, the sound of the car engine startling her. “Bye.” Lindsay threw a wave over her shoulder as Sam stepped back, releasing a deep breath.

  “I think she’s fine, you know…” Luciana started. “She seemed fine when she cornered me on the deck earlier.”

  “Cornered you?”

  “Joking.” Luciana smiled. “She came out to talk to me. I can understand why you worry about her, but I think she’s doing good.”

  “She told you about last year?” Sam’s eyebrows rose. “About her addiction?”

  “She did.” Luciana closed the door and guided Sam further inside. “She didn’t go into great detail, but she told me enough for me to understand the bond you two have.”

  “I worry about her every minute of the day.” Sam sighed. “I know it’s not healthy to feel like that, but she’s my little sister and I saw the mess she got herself into last year.”

  “Did she ever tell you why she did what she did?”

  “Sort of. A bit. I don’t know.” Sam ran her hand over her face. “Whatever the reason, I still had to pay five thousand off a debt she had with the city’s biggest drug dealer.”

  “She thought she was going to lose you.”

  “Me?” Sam frowned. “Why would she lose me?”

  “Because you were in a bad place.” Luciana stepped closer, taking Sam’s hand. “You made a promise to one another.”

  “We did.” Sam smiled. “She spent six months living with me and it was the most beneficial six months of my life. Hers too, I think.”

  Luciana noted the look in Sam’s eyes. The love she had for her sister. The only thing missing from her own life was a sibling, but she appreciated the connection Sam and Lindsay had.

  “I don’t want Lindsay to ever think that I'm keeping you away from her, Sam.”

  “S-She doesn’t. She was just worried.”

  “Still, that thought was there. That I could be hurting you.”

  “You? Hurting me?” Sam laughed. “Not in a million years.”

  “We know that, of course we do, but Lindsay still thought for a split second that something could have been wrong. I don’t like that.”

  “So, what are you saying?” Sam swallowed hard. “You’re not leaving, are you?”

  “No, babe.” Luciana’s hand settled on the side of Sam’s face. “But you two should spend more time together. I can disappear for a few days when we get back to the city. It’s not the end of the world.”

  “I don’t want you to do that.”

  “Do you think we've been spending too much time together?” Luciana asked, her tone soft. “Honestly?”

  “I don’t think we've spent enough time together.” Sam fisted her hand in her girlfriend’s tank top, pulling her painfully close. “This, what we have, I don’t want it to disappear.”

  “It won't.”

  “But it might.” Sam’s voice broke. “The little things like this… Lindsay’s worry, it could push you away.”

  “Nothing and nobody is pushing me anywhere.” Luciana’s lips pressed gently against Sam’s. “God, I have so many things I want to say to you, but I'm scared.”

  “Say them…”

  “Not yet.” Luciana shook her head. “This feels too perfect for me to go and say something stupid, so please, not yet.”

  “I don't think you could say anything that would ruin this.” Sam shrugged, aware that her girlfriend didn’t want to rock the boat. “Today went well.”

  “It did.” Luciana rounded the kitchen island. “Fresh coffee?”

  “Please.” Sam smiled. “We have to leave tomorrow…”

  “I know. Back to work for us both.”

  “I won't know what to do with myself when you go back on shifts.”

  “I’m sure you’ll survive.” Luciana cocked her head.

  “Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

  “Can I do something nice for you tomorrow when we get back or do you have plans?”

  “Why would I have plans?” Sam narrowed her eyes.

  “Birthday plans with friends. I don't know.”

  And there it is. Sam smiled faintly.

  “Can I celebrate with you or do you have other arrangements?”

  “Of course I don't.” Sam took Luciana in her arms. “Please don't be offended. I’ve been so busy with you that I forgot today was even a thing.”

  “Sure.” Luciana sighed. “I just would have liked the opportunity to buy you a terrible card, anything.”

  “I’ve really hurt you, haven’t I?” Sam pulled back, her eyes finding intense blue.

  “Just wish I’d known.”

  “Come with me.” Sam pulled her girlfriend away from the kitchen and out onto the decking. The early evening sun bounced off the still water, not a soul around for miles. “Sit down.” She nudged Luciana down onto the swing bed. “Birthdays mean nothing to me. They never have.” Sam climbed beside Luciana. “I don't enjoy celebrating the fact I'm getting older. Especially now that I have a gorgeous younger woman in my life.”

  “Sam—”

  “I’ve had the perfect weekend with you. That’s what matters.”

  “It matters to me, too.” Luciana ran her fingers through her hair. “Sorry, I just felt really shitty about it.”

  “Don’t feel anything about it.” Sam kissed Luciana softly. “Please?”

  “Okay.” Their foreheads pressed together.

  Luciana lay back, lacing her fingers behind her head. Rather than beating herself up about something she couldn’t change, she relaxed her body and her mind. “Have you decided when you’ll officially move back in here?”

  “A month or so, I think.”

  “Why that long?”

  “I have quite a few projects on at the minute. It just makes sense to be in the city until things settle down.”

  “Okay. Whatever works for you.”

  “You work for me.” Sam laid her head on Luciana’s chest, the sound of her heart beating in perfect rhythm making her smile. “God, you really work for me.”

  Luciana simply smiled as she ran her fingers through Sam’s soft hair. This weekend had been more than she could have hoped for, it truly had. Yes, she’d been angry about Sam’s choice to dismiss her birthday, but did it really matter? In this moment, no…it didn’t. She would remember this day, this date, forever, so she knew she would have plenty of opportunities to spoil Sam in the future.

  “Tell me about the plans you had for this place.”

  “Plans?” Sam lifted her head, her brow knitted.

  “What did you imagine your future here would look like? You must have had plans.”

  “Well, I was hoping to retire at forty-five,” Sam said. “I work too much.”

  “Sounds perfect.”

  “The layout inside…” Sam paused. “It’s a broken open plan. You know with the timber sliding doors? I designed it that way so it would work better when the time came to have kids. Give them free reign of the house.”

  Luciana continued to listen. Sam didn’t often open up about her past, but the more she heard, the more she wanted to know.

  “I wanted to try once I’d turned thirty-five, but we took on a big contract and time just disappeared.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “It is what it is.” Sam’s fingertips trailed Luciana’s bare arm. “That was my chance and I blew it by putting the business first.”

  “I’m sure that’s not true.”

  “No, it is.” She smiled weakly. “We fought about it. I came across as the cold, heartless, work-driven bitch. It wasn't about that, tho
ugh. I just wanted to secure our future so we could stop it all one day and never have to leave this place if we didn’t want to.”

  “You can have whatever you want, Sam. The world is yours for the taking.”

  “Oh, no.” Sam shook her head. “I made peace with the fact I'd never have a family of my own some time ago.”

  “Because?”

  “Time is ticking away.”

  “So?” Luciana snorted. “You’re thirty-eight, not eighty-eight.”

  “Okay, so I’ll just turn up at a clinic? Go through a pregnancy alone because I couldn’t lessen my load a few years ago?”

  “No, of course not.” Luciana’s voice wavered, the idea that Sam thought she would do it alone breaking her heart.

  “I’m fine with my decision. I had the chance and I messed it up.”

  “Right. Yeah.”

  “And by the time I prepare everything…the business, this place, clinics and appointments, I’ll be too old.”

  “That’s ridiculous.” Luciana scoffed. She wanted to scream from the rooftops that she would be by Sam’s side, but it was too soon for that. Luciana had always imagined herself with a family, but she wasn’t one-hundred percent sure that it was still in Sam’s future. She wanted to believe it could be, one day, but Sam’s eyes told a different story.

  “No, it’s the truth.” Sam looked pointedly. “I know my age doesn’t faze you and I love that, but it’s still there. My age does still matter.”

  Luciana felt emotionally drained. She wanted to continue this conversation, but Sam still had that look in her eye. A look that told her she was wasting her time.

  “Okay.” Was all she could muster up.

  “How about we spend the evening in front of the TV?”

  “Yeah.” Luciana sighed. “TV sounds like a good choice.”

  Twenty-Two

  Music blared around Luciana’s flat, the bass sending her body into a frenzy as she bopped away to the beat. Three weeks had passed since her weekend away with Sam and life was good. Great, even. They’d fallen into a pattern of never being apart, but for three days, she’d missed her girlfriend. Work commitments at the station meant that Sam had to leave for a trip to London alone, and now Luciana waited for her to return, her body begging for the only woman to ever make her feel like she was on top of the world. They’d spoken at any given opportunity, but twelve-hour shifts didn’t make it easy. When Sam was awake, Luciana was sleeping. When Sam was beginning her day, Luciana was ending hers at nine am. Today, she’d finished her early shift and headed straight home, sleep being the last thought on her mind. All she wanted was to hold Sam. To tell her how much she’d missed her. How she never wanted to be without her again.