My Sister's Lies

by S. D. Robertson

  Diane’s face crumpled and tears began to flow. She struggled to speak for several moments and then finally concluded: ‘I miss you so much already, Mia. I hope more than anything that you live a long and happy life without me; that one day you meet someone special and have a family of your own. Know that I would never have left you if there was any way to beat my fate, and please try to understand that my only intention in speeding things along is to spare you pain rather than cause it.

  ‘I wrestled with my conscience doing things this way. Keeping the truth from you like I have has been so hard. It still weighs heavy on me now. But honestly, if I had told you about my cancer and my intention to go before getting really sick, I know you’d have tried to change my mind. And how could I have said no to you?

  ‘I have to go now, my daughter, my love, my everything. All I leave behind is yours. In time, I hope you’ll forgive me. Goodbye.’

  Tenderly, she kissed her hand, touched the camera lens with it and then the video ended. Hannah removed the headphones, turned off the screen of the laptop and saw her stunned reflection staring at her from the black background, like a ghostly echo of her twin. She rubbed her hands across her cold, wet cheeks and slowly exhaled. Gosh, that had been tough to watch. Throughout, part of her had felt awful seeing it before Mia, although Mark must also have watched it. Surely it was only right that her niece got to see this as soon as possible, but what an incredibly tough watch it would be for her. How could a child be expected to comprehend any explanation her mum might offer for stepping out in front of a speeding train? Hannah couldn’t understand it herself, having also lived through the slow, painful death of their own mother. Sure, it was awful, seeing her fade away like she had, gradually succumbing to her fate; losing herself to pain, weakness and powerful drugs that befuddled her mind. But was this drastic, brutal way out that Diane had chosen really so much better?

  And yet Hannah didn’t doubt that Diane’s intentions, however warped, had been good. As strange as it sounded, her sister had genuinely seemed to believe she was acting in her daughter’s best interests. And her words to Mia about Hannah and Mark had shown a maturity – a recognition of her own wrongdoing – unlike anything Hannah had witnessed from her previously. This made her feelings towards her late twin even more conflicted than they had been before. Then there was the fact that she’d held back from naming Mark as Mia’s father. Was this in recognition of the fact that it would be hard for the teenager to absorb right now, on top of everything else, potentially impacting the way she viewed her new guardians? Or maybe leaving Mark in control of this matter was intended as a way to increase the likelihood of him actually showing Mia the video.

  Who could say for sure what had been going through Diane’s mind when she’d recorded it? The fact that she’d killed herself hours later wasn’t exactly a ringing endorsement of her sanity. And yet her wording had been carefully considered, particularly in the way it freed Mark and herself from potential questions about Mia’s father’s identity, by suggesting they had no clue. She was also very clear about wanting them to be Mia’s guardians.

  So what had she recorded in the other video message? Had she come clean about her sordid fling with Mark? Hannah finished her tea. She wondered where Mark had taken himself off to and what he was thinking and doing at that moment. And then, unable to resist any longer, desperate to learn whatever else Diane had recorded, she turned the laptop screen back on and restarted the video meant for her.

  CHAPTER 27

  Hannah rewound Diane’s video by a few seconds. ‘… everything I’m about to say is absolutely true. Consider this my last promise to you.’

  She gritted her teeth and sucked in cool air as the video continued past where she’d watched up to previously and she braced herself for whatever was to come.

  ‘So around about fifteen years ago I did a terrible thing,’ Diane said on screen. ‘But before I go into that, let me first say how much I’ve missed you since we fell out, and how often you’ve been on my mind. I thought about contacting you on countless occasions prior to this summer, Han, but … something always stopped me. The more time that passed, the harder it became. I wonder if it was the same for you, or were you glad to be rid of me? I wouldn’t blame you, if so, particularly knowing what I’m about to tell you.’

  Diane took a deep breath before continuing. ‘So back to this terrible thing. It’s arguably the worst, most calculated and deceitful act of my life. And I’m afraid it involves you and Mark. I’ve always been jealous of you, Hannah. Did you know that? As a child I felt that Mum and Dad thought of you as the bright, sensible, capable one. And it was the same at school. Our teachers always compared us to each other. Of course they did. That’s what people do with identical twins. The problem for me was that I always came up short. I was the stupid one – the black sheep – and that feeling of inadequacy stayed with me into adulthood. There you were with your great career, your loving husband and your amazing life, while I could never find a good job or a boyfriend who made me happy. I scraped by in your shadow: a constant disappointment to myself and everyone around me.

  ‘Do you remember that time at primary school when I convinced you to swap places for the day; to pretend to be each other and see if we could get away with it? We did it, didn’t we? And not one person guessed. I loved that. It felt amazing to be the good twin for one day. I wanted to do it again, if you recall, but you never would. You said it was wrong to trick people. That moral compass of yours was installed at an early age, wasn’t it?

  ‘Anyway, about fifteen years ago, I did it again as an adult. Without your knowledge this time. And it worked just as well as it did that first time. All I had to do was wear a dress I’d borrowed from you, style my hair like yours and be careful what I said and how I said it. It was an Oscar-worthy performance. So much so that I convinced your husband. I felt what it was like to be truly loved by a good man for one night, because he thought I was you, and I got greedy. I took things much further than I’d ever intended.’

  Hannah’s jaw was on the table by this stage. She was shocked, revulsed and yet transfixed by what she was hearing from Diane’s lips. And as much as she wanted to shout and scream – to hurl the laptop off the table in disgust – she couldn’t stop watching. She had to find out more.

  ‘I’m getting ahead of myself,’ Diane added, taking a big gulp of air and turning away from the camera for a few seconds before she continued. ‘I’m not proud of this, Hannah, especially from my current viewpoint, with death breathing down my neck. However, I need to confess. Mark had a big work do at the Lowry Hotel. You were invited too, but you weren’t well that morning – you had a stomach bug or something. So you told him to go without you; to keep the room at the hotel he’d booked for you both and make the most of the night regardless. You told me about it on the phone that day and then I remembered the lovely emerald cocktail dress you’d lent me for another function a few weeks earlier. I still had it. I saw an opportunity – and I pounced.

  ‘Mark was shocked to see me, of course, when I turned up unannounced at the hotel. But wearing your dress, presenting myself like you in every way I could think of, it was too easy to convince him I was you. He’d already had a few drinks by that point and I spun a yarn about feeling better and deciding to surprise him. He fell for it. He had no reason to suspect anything. He was just glad to see you – or me pretending to be you – and, as I say, things got out of hand.

  ‘My original intention was to mess with him. To spend a couple of flirty hours in his company. To feel what it was like to be you again, like I did that time at primary school. And then to come clean before things got too serious. I really didn’t intend to sleep with him at first, Hannah. Maybe a kiss or two, if I’m honest, to see what it was like, but no more. I figured he’d be too mortified to ever tell you – and I was right, even when things did go further. I told him the next morning, after we woke up together, and he was devastated. Hannah, you have to know that.

  ‘
Mark never showed the slightest romantic interest in me before or after that night. I know guys who cheat only too well, and he’s not one of them. I’m sure a part of him wanted to confess. But he was so distraught and ashamed at not being able to tell the difference between us, even during the most intimate of moments, I don’t think he knew how to tell you – not without ruining your marriage. To be fair, by the time things got out of hand, we were both very drunk. Had that not been the case, he might have suspected something.

  ‘Anyway, I certainly didn’t plan to get pregnant that night. No way, I swear. But he wasn’t used to using a condom with you because, unlike me, you were on the Pill. So I risked doing it without. You know what happened next: Mia was conceived. Beforehand, I hadn’t been particularly interested in having a child, but something changed when I learned I was pregnant. I found I couldn’t bring myself to get an abortion. So I kept her, refusing to identify the father. When Mark inevitably got suspicious, I fended him off with a convincing story about how she was definitely another man’s child.

  ‘The fear of him suspecting the truth as Mia got older was one of the reasons I chose to move so far away. Our falling-out, Mum’s death, and Dad’s new relationship with Joan all played their part too.

  ‘So there you have it, Han. Now you know what a backstabbing bitch your twin sister really is after all these years. Worse than you ever thought, right? I did feel bad afterwards, if that helps, although at the same time I know my actions resulted in Mia being born. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, so how can I regret that?’

  Hannah stopped the video for a moment to let everything she’d heard so far sink in. It was a huge shock to learn all of this. It was particularly hard hearing the sordid details of Diane and Mark’s night together. And yet, as awful as it was, the truth was actually easier to bear than some of the scenarios that had been running through her mind ever since she’d found Diane’s letter to Mark the other day. If Diane’s story was indeed the truth, and she got the impression it was, then it shone a whole different light on Mark and his involvement in this one-night stand.

  If he’d been tricked into sleeping with Diane, thinking she was his wife, that was a whole different ballgame. That was not the same as consciously cheating on her. It was a silver lining – a glimmer of hope for their future together – although it didn’t excuse the fact that he hadn’t told her, or the numerous lies he must have fed her over the years as a result, not least in recent days.

  However, Hannah could sort of comprehend why Mark hadn’t come clean. It must have been a horrendous discovery to make. And she could well imagine how hard it would be for him to accept he hadn’t been able to tell one twin from another, even in bed. The fact that he could have been tricked in this way was less of a surprise to Hannah than it would have been to him. She understood how easily it could be done, particularly with alcohol involved, and considering what a skilled manipulator her sister could be. There were times as children when even the twins’ parents hadn’t been able to tell them apart, for goodness’ sake.

  Lies aside, Mark was a victim – even more than she was really. The only truly guilty party here was Diane, whose actions were despicable and unforgiveable. But she was dead and gone now, so hating her was pointless. Plus it had all happened so long ago, and Mark had been such a good husband to Hannah in the time since then. How would she have ever recovered from her breakdown without his unwavering support?

  Strangely, considering everything Hannah had just heard, she saw her reflection in the dark laptop screen and realised there was a faint smile on her face. Learning what she had about Mark the other day had been horrendous. It had felt like being torn away from her life raft during a ferocious sea storm and left to drown. Everything had looked so bleak. Try as she might, because love wasn’t a tap you could simply turn off, she hadn’t been able to see any way forward for them as a couple. Her life as she knew it had appeared all but over. Now there was hope. It wouldn’t be easy, but suddenly, unexpectedly, she could at least picture a future for them again: one where they eventually got past this.

  She continued watching Diane’s video message from where she’d stopped it.

  ‘I don’t expect you to ever forgive me for what I’ve done to you and Mark,’ her sister said, still sitting propped up on her bed, looking straight into the camera. ‘But for what it’s worth, I’m truly sorry. Knowing you don’t have long to live really focuses your mind. I’m sorry about losing Mum’s bracelet too – the one that was special to you and which sparked the big argument we never found our way back from. I did feel awful about it at the time, even if I didn’t appreciate its true meaning. That was probably why I was so prickly with you. We were both still grieving, weren’t we? Losing Mum was so hard.

  ‘I, um, have to ask you something now – even though I have no right to do so, and you surely hate me more than ever. It’s not for me. It’s for Mia, who I need to ensure is well looked after in my absence.

  ‘Do you remember that time we were walking in the park soon after Mia’s birth and I asked if you and Mark would be her guardians in case anything happened to me? Some guy had just been staring at us because of the twin thing; I’d given him a mouthful and you’d told me off for being aggressive. Anyhow, I asked you and, soon afterwards, having spoken to Mark, you agreed. So I wrote it into my will.

  ‘You might be surprised to hear I’ve never changed my mind. I still believe there’s no one better to bring up Mia. It’s not only because Mark’s her father either. I’d totally understand if you didn’t want to tell her that for the time being. It’s not exactly going to be easy for her to digest. But no, it’s because of you too, Hannah. I think you’d make a wonderful parent. I know that’s not what I said when we had our big fight in Southport, but it’s the truth. In fact you’ll probably be better than me at it, because you’ve always been a better person overall.

  ‘Part of you always wanted to be a mum, isn’t that right? I’m sure this was something you gave up for Mark. You never said so, but I still remember you talking about having kids before you met him. Is it too much for me to suggest that this is your chance? Okay, it’s a weird starting point for a family, and yet I think the three of you could make it work.’

  As Diane repeated some of the things Hannah had already seen in the video to Mia, such as her cancer diagnosis and her desire for her daughter to avoid watching her die a slow and painful death, like their mother, Hannah found her mind wandering. She was imagining how a world in which she, Mark and Mia lived together might look – and, surprisingly, it felt like a genuine possibility. It wouldn’t be easy, particularly at first. She’d need plenty of time to heal from the wounds inflicted on her marriage, while Mia would be struggling with her grief for a long period to come. It didn’t feel impossible, though, and Mia deserved that shot, even if her mum didn’t.

  Hannah thought back to Mia’s terrified eyes as a young child, silently watching her storm out of Frank’s old house following that blazing row with Diane. She never wanted to upset her niece or let her down like that again; she intended to do her utmost to protect her. Sure, it would be messy at times, especially once the moment arrived to reveal the truth about her father. But that could wait a while in light of the current situation, assuming Mark was on the same page.

  ‘I have to go now, sis,’ Diane said as Hannah tuned back into the video still playing before her. ‘It’s over and out for me, but not for you. If anyone can turn this chaos I’ve created into something good, it’s you. Mia reminds me a lot of you sometimes, particularly her love of books, her creativity and warmth of heart.

  ‘At the start of this video I pledged to tell you the whole ugly truth, Han. I’ve done that. In return, would you please, please honour the promise you once made me to look after my daughter when I’m gone? You may well struggle to understand the way I’ve chosen to end things. It’s controversial, I know, but I genuinely feel it’s for the best. Losing Mum like we did was so awful. I wouldn’t wish that
on my worst enemy. And if my final actions turn Mia against me – make her want to forget I ever existed – then so be it. Maybe that could help bring you together as a new family unit. Goodbye, my sister, my twin. I love you. I miss you. I’m so sorry for all the pain I’ve caused.’

  CHAPTER 28

  Mark scowled at the front door of the café where he’d left Hannah with her laptop and Diane’s videos. Then, with a sigh, he started to walk around the block yet another time. How long was she going to take? It already felt like forever. He knew the videos weren’t that long, having already watched them, but he was well aware of the need for him to give her whatever space and time she needed.

  He wondered in which order she’d chosen to view them. Had she started with the video file created for her or the one for Mia? And what the hell was she making of them both?

  After Mark had received the USB Diane had posted to him, he hadn’t dared open it initially, fearing what it might contain. But late on Thursday, the same day Hannah had found Diane’s letter and walked out on him, he’d eventually tried to open it. Mia had gone to bed and he’d been unable to switch off his whirring brain, so he’d decided to look.

  The message – Mia was conceived here – which he’d found attached to the USB on a bright yellow sticker, had actually made him fear the memory stick might contain a video of the night he’d spent with Diane all those years ago. He had no idea how she would have made it back then, when decent video recorders weren’t on everyone’s mobile phones like nowadays. But he hadn’t been thinking rationally and he knew from bitter experience never to underestimate his sister-in-law and what she was capable of doing.