Dark Secret

by Emily Kimelman Gilvey

  But I was at a total loss here.

  "I'm a fool," Emmanuel said.

  That makes two of us…I think.

  Emmanuel looked over his shoulder at me, his eyes glistening with tears. "She wasn't a woman. She was a force. One that's been dogging me my entire existence.”

  Huh?

  "A trickster."

  That does not clear this up for me.

  A laugh squirmed in my belly, and I tried to suppress a smile. Emmanuel frowned. “There is nothing funny about this.”

  "Sorry.” The laugh came out with the word. "I just, I never—” I hiccuped. “I have no idea. I think I have an idea." I shook my head, full-on laughing now. "But I don't. I don't know what is going on. I'm at a total loss." I slapped my thigh—actually slapped it, who even does that—as another laugh shook me.

  Emmanuel crossed the room and took me by the shoulders. I laughed harder. "Am I just nuts? Is this all a delusion?" I gasped. "Am I in a mental hospital? Are you an orderly?"

  "I think you need to lie down."

  Yeah, that will help. Bahahahaha.

  He led me out of the room, hiccuping. The young man, Valentine, and the two women who'd prayed by Suki's bed, waited downstairs in the living room. Their somber expressions subdued the laughter my conscious could not.

  I’m an a-hole.

  Emmanuel left me by the door and spoke quietly to Valentine.

  My mind ran over what I'd just seen, trying to fit it into a narrative I could understand. Maybe that's just what happened when witches died?

  I'd seen a warlock die—two if you counted my father—and they didn't turn to dust.

  And why would Emmanuel have called her a force, a trickster? What the heck pinned him to the wall!

  Emmanuel returned to my side and took my hand. I stared at our linked fingers as he led me home. No, it wasn’t my home. It was his house.

  "Can you explain any of this to me?" I asked as he closed the door behind us.

  “Let me make you a cup of tea, something to help you sleep."

  I’d have laughed if there was any mirth left in me. “I don't think a chamomile tea is going to help, Emmanuel."

  "How about a whiskey?"

  Warm, smoky alcohol…what could go wrong? I followed Emmanuel into the living room, which I’d never visited before.

  A clock on the mantel ticked steadily above a blackened hearth. I sat on the handsome, worn leather couch facing the fireplace.

  Emmanuel went to a hutch on the far side and pulled down two glasses, filling them from a crystal decanter. Classy.

  He sat next to me and handed over a glass. I took a sip. It burned so good. The tension in my shoulders loosened as I took another sip…fine, it was more like a gulp. Don’t get judgy. One more “sip” and the glass was empty. Now you can judge. I don’t care, I’m kind of drunk.

  "Feel better?" Emmanuel asked.

  “Sorry I lost it,” I mumbled, blushing. I can’t believe I laughed hysterically at the death bed of the mother of his children. What an a-hole.

  His hand landed on my knee, warm and comforting. “It's okay. You've dealt with a lot in the past few weeks. A lot of new information." And hell is just a lot hot.

  I nodded and cleared my throat. "So explain to me about this force. What was Suki?"

  Emmanuel's lips turned down, and his hand on my knee tensed. "I didn't know." His eyes focused on the dark hearth. "I thought she was a witch, but…” His tongue came out and wet his bottom lip before he dragged his teeth against it. “That is just one of the forms it has come to me in.” Emmanuel shook his head slightly.

  "So…what is it?”

  Emmanuel met my gaze. “A force of nature is not a being like you and me. It is not alive in the same way that we are."

  "It's like a storm? When I think of forces of nature, I think of weather."

  "That's not totally accurate but not totally inaccurate either." That’s super helpful.

  Emmanuel sat forward and put his glass on the coffee table. "There are all sorts of living creatures—squirrels, dogs, humans—that live a normal lifespan. Then there are creatures like vampires, which have an extended life.”

  "What about you?"

  "I don't believe I will ever know a true death—gods cannot die. Some of their children are mortal, others are not."

  "I have an extended lifespan but will die." Trying to just gather all the facts here, folks.

  "Yes."

  "And tricksters, forces of nature?" I raised both brows.

  "They have been around since the beginning of time and will be here at the end. Time does not treat them the way it does us.” Emmanuel sighed. “They have strange powers and motivations."

  "What do you mean strange?" And please, go ahead and describe normal for me, wouldya bud? Thanks. My eyes trailed over the whiskey. Another glass couldn’t make this situation worse, could it?

  Emmanuel ran a hand through his hair. “Have you heard of Murphy's Law? Most worlds have.”

  “Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.”

  "Yes, Murphy is a force of nature."

  "Murphy is alive?"

  "Yes." But he dragged the word out, like it wasn't quite right. This guy and the clear communication. “It depends on what you consider alive." Riiigghhhttt. “Murphy is real.”

  Gotcha. Except not really at all.

  I glanced out the window, where Megan and Dimitri continued moving the skeletons. Emmanuel squeezed my thigh, pulling my attention back into the room. "What?" he asked.

  I shook my head. "I'm sorry. I just—I guess I thought I had a hold on things. I felt like I had a purpose, some kind of clarity, and now I just feel even more confused."

  "Does that mean you'll stay?"

  “What? No.” His lips tightened. "I still need to go. Suki not being a real witch but rather some kind of ethereal force of nature does not change what I need to do. If anything, it makes it more possible. Maybe she is the source of the zombies."

  "From what I understand," his lips curled almost imperceptibly, “it was one of your kind that started the zombies."

  "I know," I said. "I've heard that, too. After being thrown out of the garden of Eden by…your dad, I guess…Lilith was banished to walk the earth alone and forbidden from having children.” I got up, headed for the whiskey. “But she went around stealing men’s seed in their sleep and bore death instead of life.” I took the top off the decanter and poured. “I don’t know about that. I mean, we’re also supposed to die when we give birth…and I’m here, so Lilith must have had at least one daughter who wasn’t a zombie.” I shrugged as if this was just a totally normal discussion about my family.

  "I'll miss you." His words were quiet but packed a punch.

  I leaned against the hutch, looking back at him. Emmanuel sat on the couch, his mostly full glass on the table in front of him, those elegant, long-fingered hands—that I’d admired since I first met him—resting on his knees. His curls floated around his head. And Emmanuel’s eyes, those gorgeous, unique eyes, watched me—waiting for my response.

  “I’ll miss you, too."

  "I love you," he said.

  "I—" The words stuck in my throat. Did I love him? I felt deeply for him. A tug from my diamond center pulled toward him. He gave me solace, comfort, and power…but was that love?

  I loved Megan, and time was a part of that. We'd known each other for over a decade…but I'd loved her since the day we met. I'd fallen for her strength and fearlessness. I'd been so scared, and with Megan’s help, I'd survived. Was it easier to offer our love when we were children?

  Emmanuel understood me in ways that Megan never could. Did I know him well enough to love him? I didn't even know what creatures existed in this world. How could I know my own heart? Was it as mysterious a muscle as the universe and its many dimensions?

  Emmanuel stood, and I stay pressed against the hutch, my mouth open, the words caught in my throat.

  He walked slowly, each step tightening the air in
the room, so that his chi pressed against me—a physical force.

  My breath stopped. His hand—those long, talented fingers—traced the line of my jaw, lifting my chin so that our lips met in the most delicate, sweetest of kissing. Energy hummed between us, flowing from him to me.

  I couldn’t deny the spark between us. That we somehow belonged to each other.

  But was that love?

  His lips moved, soft yet insistent against mine. My arms wrapped around his neck, my fingers twining into his hair as I breathed him in.

  If this wasn't love, it was something equal to its power.

  The sounds floating up to our bedroom window—soft cries of children, clatters of dishes being cleared, the crackle of fires—faded as the night aged.

  I stood at the window, watching Dimitri and Megan continue hauling away the bones.

  Those bleached skeletons hungered.

  Even though I'd seen them marching, their limbs clacking, jaws working, coming for the humans who filled this village, hoping to rip into their flesh, to tear them limb from limb to satisfy a deep and magical hunger, I still found it hard to believe.

  Is their hunger like mine? Do their throats burn? What did those inanimate objects littered across the forest floor feel? Had it dulled as time and decay left them motionless, or increased? What would happen to me if I did not feed for centuries?

  I pulled Emmanuel's shirt tighter around me and turned to watch him sleep. So beautiful.

  Emmanuel’s long legs were twisted up in the sheets, one arm thrown across my side of the bed. The man's dark curls shone in the soft moonlight filtering through the windows. Just looking at him made me ache—but not with hunger. He'd filled me, and power coursed through me.

  The ache came from a human part of me. It wasn't a hunger or an urge. It was a softness. A tender spot. An emotion entirely human.

  Dangerous to that red diamond center of me.

  I dreaded having to leave him again. A mad, powerful god…an egomaniac.

  Look at what he'd done, drawing all those creatures here. Out of anger and hurt, he'd risked the lives of everyone in this village. Even if it wasn't on purpose, he had only thought of himself and his pain.

  Suki, or whatever controlled that human form, upset him, and so he almost destroyed the last vestige of humanity this world knew. He was dangerous. And that only made me ache more.

  Emmanuel almost destroyed a world because of me.

  I hated that I liked it. That his love for me was so intense it raised the dead.

  But I did like it.

  Part of what caused the ache inside of me was that he needed me.

  In the moonlight, in the quiet, I could admit…I needed him, too. But I couldn't let what I needed get in the way of saving the universe.

  Chapter Thirteen

  It took three days to clear the bones.

  Dimitri and Megan worked from sunset to sunrise, spending daylight in the cave near the stream. We didn't have much of a chance to talk, but I made it clear we would leave.

  Emmanuel continued to train me, to help me twist space, to jump from world to world. I became more comfortable in the void. I could take my time, find the place that I wanted to go.

  In a way, it's like déjà vu—there is something familiar about the moment, about the feel of it. I could feel my world—it was right there, the place where Megan and I met, that I'd always thought was the only world.

  But Emmanuel couldn’t go there with me, and so we explored other places. Dimensions where zombies rose millennia ago, and places where they had yet to rise.

  There wasn’t much of a difference between before and after the zombies. Long before their rise, the worlds were rural and sparsely populated. And long after Emmanuel's return, the rapturing of the vampires and the abandonment of the world to the remaining humans, the worlds were rural and sparsely populated.

  Emmanuel told me he didn't know why the zombies rose when they did. All he knew was that it was inevitable that they would.

  "How can you be so sure?" I asked. "Why would it be the same everywhere?"

  "There are humans in all dimensions," Emmanuel said. "Therefore there is the possibility of zombies."

  "But what makes them rise?"

  "I don't know."

  It frustrated me. How could he have followed zombies, felt the nearing of the apocalypse, and yet not understand the reasons? "Faith," he told me. "I don't need to understand it. I know it to be true."

  We sat by the fire, after a long day of hopping from world to world. The warm light flickered over Emmanuel's handsome features. The villagers were all around us. I could see some of those same features on their faces. He is related to these people. But if they are his descendants, didn't that make them part god? "Are they immune?" I asked, looking around at the people.

  "Their ancestors were, or they were lucky," Emmanuel said.

  "So there are some humans who are immune."

  "No." Emmanuel shook his head. "Any immune being is part something else."

  "What do you mean?"

  "There are many magical creatures that can breed with humans."

  "Like shifters?" I asked.

  "Yes, but they are not immune. They are strong, though," he said, nodding to himself. "They survive without the help of the vampires."

  "Yes, I know."

  He looked over at me. "You do?"

  "Yes, I met some, when I was in that other place."

  "I see." His brow furrowed.

  "What?"

  "Nothing." He shook his head, making the curls bounce. "Are you hungry?" He looked over at where the dinner table was being set.

  "I'm okay." I leaned close to him. "Do they know about Suki?"

  "They know she is gone."

  "What about a funeral?"

  "I forbid it," he said, his face stony.

  "Why? Don't they have a right to mourn her?"

  "She was a traitor. A traitorous trickster." His jaw clenched.

  "And you told them that?"

  "No." He leaned closer to me, his lips at my ear. "I don't have to explain myself to them." His breath sent shivers down my neck.

  I looked over the crowd—they were more subdued then before. There was less laughter and more grim expressions. "But they’re sad."

  "They will get over it."

  I went to speak again, and Emmanuel took my hand squeezing it. "You do not need to concern yourself with this, Darling."

  "I—"

  He squeezed harder. "You're leaving," he said. "You don't get to tell me what to do here. Or anywhere, for that matter." His eyes glittered in the firelight, anger sparkled in his chi.

  My eyes narrowed. I’ve got sparkles of my own, buddy. “That’s how you want this to be?” His jaw clenched again, but he didn’t respond. “You just do what you want, and I don’t get a say.”

  His nostrils flared. “Like you returning to your world. Or feeding from shifters. Do I get a say in any of that?”

  Kettle, meet pot. Pot, this is kettle. You two have a lot in common.

  I sat back in my chair, crossing my arms over my chest. “Fair point,” I muttered. Emmanuel laughed, surprising me. “What?”

  He just shook his head and smiled. “I like it when you’re submissive.”

  I slapped his arm, and he caught my wrist, pulling me into a quick kiss. “I like you,” I said, breathless.

  His smile was softer now. “I love you. And you love me.” Emmanuel rubbed a thumb across my lips. “You’ll admit it soon enough. I can see it in your aura, feel it against my skin, taste it in your kiss.”

  Okay…that’s kind of hot and bossy. Crap. I like it…I probably even love it.

  I lay in bed, naked, staring out at the sky, gleaming peach from the setting sun. A knock came at the door. Sitting up, I pulled the sheets close. "Who is it?"

  A women's voice, crackling with nerves, answered. "My name is Tiara. I have clothing for you."

  "Just a second." I got out of the bed and threw on a robe. "
Come in," I called as I cinched the waist tightly.

  A small woman in her late twenties entered. "I'm sorry to disturb you."

  "That's no problem."

  "We made these for you." She held up a small bundle of clothes.

  "Thank you." I stepped forward to take them from her. Tiara's eyes widened at my approach. She stumbled back, fear evident in her delicate features. "I'm not going to hurt you," I said, walking no further.

  Color swelled up her neck and bloomed on her cheeks. Tiara cast her light green eyes to the pile of clothing in her hands. "No, I'm sorry. You're just so...so beautiful," she said. "I can see why he loves you."

  It was my turn to blush. "Thank you.”

  "You're leaving again?” Fear shimmered over her aura.

  "Yes," I answered. "But it's my choice this time. And he knows, so there shouldn't be any...consequences."

  She held out the clothing to me, keeping her eyes averted. "It is not my place to question His actions."

  "No, I guess not. But, it's going to be okay," I said, taking the clothing from her. She brought her gaze to mine.

  "Of course it will be.” The silver fog of faith chased away the shimmering black of fear. "Everything is as it is meant to be."

  Her pupils widened and she leaned toward me, crushing the small mound of clothing between us. Her hands slipped around my waist, and she raised her lips to mine.

  It happened so quickly; her mouth was open under mine, our tongues collided, and her life force flowed freely to me. She gave herself so completely, and I moaned at the gift.

  She’s a vulnerable human…but…there was something in her. I dropped the clothing and brought my hands to her face, tasting the difference. Did she come from a god? Emmanuel's descendant?

  No, it wasn't his power I tasted.

  It was something else, something more fleeting.

  Suki.

  Tiara was part of that force. While I was tasting her, she had untied my robe, and her fingers touched my bare waist. I pulled back, holding her face still, looking down into her eyes.

  She was starving for me, wild for my touch. "Stop.” Tiara's hands stilled. Her lips were swollen and glistening. "Go," I said, releasing her, my hands dropping to my sides. Tiara turned and left the room, leaving the door ajar.