by A R Bernard
Big ideas like the ones I’ve discussed in this book are relatively straightforward, so they’re easy to understand. But weaving those ideas into the fabric of daily life is considerably tougher.
So, men, here’s my advice to you: take it one day at a time.
Starting today, do whatever it takes to be mature, decisive, consistent, and strong. Don’t worry too much about the mistakes you made yesterday. And don’t fret too much about the uncertainties of tomorrow. Just focus on the next twenty-four hours.
If you’ve been a perpetual teenager, drifting from party to party or job to job, settle down. Starting today.
If you’ve behaved impulsively in the past, slow yourself down. Starting today.
If you’ve acquired the unfortunate habit of saying one thing (when people are watching) and doing another (when their backs are turned), try a different strategy—today—and bring a little sanity to your life.
If you’ve been following the crowd since the Carter administration, start thinking for yourself. Now.
Don’t concern yourself with the man you might become ten years from now. Concern yourself, instead, with the man you can be right now.
When you think about it, just 1,440 minutes on the grand scale of a well-lived life, a single day isn’t very much. Just 1,440 minutes. But a single day can change everything.
So make today your new beginning.
Today, promise yourself that you’ll acquire the four traits women want most. Don’t think of this merely as a gift for the woman in your life. Think of it as a gift to the man in the mirror, too.
Today, focus on values you hold dear and practice the principles you find in God’s Word. Speaking of God, I suggest that you ask for His help early and often. And then, when you’ve spent quality time with your Maker, consider enlisting the help of a mentor, a man whose actions you admire and whose judgment you trust.
Throughout the day, make mental notes about the way the world responds to the new and improved you. Then, when the day is done, take a few moments to consider the benefits of being a mature man, living an authentic life, and following your own conscience—not the crowd. Do you feel a little more peaceful than before? A little less stressed? A little more comfortable with your actions and the consequences of your behavior?
If the answer to these questions is a resounding Yes (and I expect it will be), then I give your new lifestyle another one-day try, and then another, and then another, one day at a time, strengthening positive habits as you grow spiritually and emotionally.
When you do these things, you’ll gradually transform yourself and your relationships. And everybody will win.
Especially the man in the mirror.
— ACKNOWLEDGMENTS —
I’m eternally grateful to my wife, Karen, without whose love and support this book could never have been written. The principles and insights in this work are the result of successes and failures in my own marriage. They have been tried and proven over forty-three years!
I’d like to thank James Hester and Marvet Britto for bringing us to Carolyn Reidy at Simon & Schuster, who in turn brought us to the team at Howard Books. The team there has been amazing. Thank you Jonathan Merkh, Ami McConnell, Katie Sandell, Amanda Demastus, Jennifer Smith, and the whole Howard/Simon & Schuster team.
I also wish to thank the women whose quotes I’ve included throughout this text. Their insights and collective wisdom were informative and inspirational. And I thank the many members of the Christian Cultural Center, whose prayers and support have been the bedrock of our ministry.
I’d like to acknowledge the contributions of Edwin Louis Cole (1922–2002), “the Father of the Christian Men’s Movement,” whose mentorship I still treasure. His work continues, and his legacy endures.
— ABOUT THE AUTHOR —
© BRIAN EVERETT FRANCIS
Alfonso R. Bernard Sr. is the founder and CEO of the Christian Cultural Center in Brooklyn, New York. He has served as the president of the Council of Churches of the City of New York, representing 1.5 million Protestants, Anglicans, and Orthodox Christians. Recently, Pastor Bernard founded the Christian Community Relations Council (CCRC), a New York–based not-for-profit that serves as a central resource and coordinating body for congregations and community organizations.
Pastor Bernard sat on the NYC Economic Development Corporation Board under New York City mayors Michael Bloomberg and Bill de Blasio. He served on the NYC School Chancellor’s Advisory Cabinet under Joel Klein. He served on Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s 2001 Transition Team and Mayor Bill de Blasio’s 2014 Transition Team.
Pastor Bernard founded the Cultural Arts Academy Charter School, a comprehensive educational alternative designed to meet the needs of children for the twenty-first century; he and his wife also founded the Brooklyn Preparatory School, specializing in early-childhood education.
He was recognized as one of twenty-five leaders reshaping New York (Crain’s New York Business, September 2008), the most influential New York clergyman (New York Daily News, February 2008), the most influential African American New Yorker (New York Post, February 2008), and New York’s Most Influential (New York magazine, 2006).
Pastor Bernard was honored with a Lifetime Achievement Award by Consulate General of Israel in New York, in conjunction with the Jewish Community Relations Council and the Jewish National Fund. He has also been personally cited in the Congressional Record.
Pastor Bernard has a Master of Urban Studies and a Master of Divinity from Alliance Theological Seminary. He has been awarded an Honorary Doctorate of Divinity from Wagner College and an honorary Doctor of Divinity degree from Nyack College/Alliance Theological Seminary.
He and his wife, Karen, have been married for more than forty years.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Bernard, A. R. (Alfonso R.) author.
Title: Four things women want from a man / A. R. Bernard.
Description: Nashville, TN : Howard Books, 2016.
Identifiers: LCCN 2016004123 | ISBN 9781501144653 (hardback)
Subjects: LCSH: Marriage. | Man-woman relationships. | Women—Psychology. | Men—Psychology. | BISAC: FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS / Love & Romance. | FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS / Marriage.
Classification: LCC HQ503 .B47 2016 | DDC 306.7—dc23 LC record available at http://lccn.loc.gov/2016004123
Cover design by Mary Ann Smith
Concept design by Marvet Britto and James Hester
Front cover image by Shutterstock
ISBN 978-1-5011-4465-3
ISBN 978-1-5011-4466-0 (ebook)