by Tanya Chris
Joshua and I slept in my old bedroom that night with Sherry on the couch downstairs and Desi’s kids all jammed into her room. My mother probably imagined that Joshua would be in Carrington’s bed and I’d be in mine, but he and I would rather be together than be comfortable, so we made my bed work.
Before the ceremony, which we referred to as our wedding because “joint commitment ceremony” has too many syllables and makes me sound second class—so Sherry says—I let her give me a tattoo.
It’s her own design: a J and S woven together into a three-chambered heart, placed over my own heart. I haven’t needed to cover it up yet but I won’t mind the extra effort when the day comes. That tattoo means a lot to me now. I don’t usually wear my ring—it cuts into my side action too much—but the tattoo goes everywhere with me.
That was my wedding present to Sherry. I knew what I wanted to give Joshua, but the prospect still made me squirmy, in both good and bad ways.
“Tell me about the guy you brought home after Othello that night,” I said when we were naked in my childhood bed and his arms were around me and his mouth was sliding under my ear.
He pulled back to look at me closer. “Is getting married going to trigger some sort of jealousy gene?”
“No, the opposite. It’s something I like—to hear about my partners fucking other people.”
“Ah.” He rolled onto his side and propped himself up on an arm. “OK, story time. It didn’t take me long to pick him out since I knew exactly what I was looking for. He was thin, like you, about your height, brown hair, not as long. From across the room he had your confidence, a sort of swagger, but when I got closer, I saw that his eyes were brown, not blue, and his hair didn’t do this.”
Joshua ran his hand through the curls at the back of my neck.
“I was disappointed and he must have sensed it, because all his cockiness disappeared. He was afraid I’d changed my mind. But he was the closest thing to you there and he didn’t make me jump through hoops for it. I introduced myself and asked him if he wanted to come home with me. I didn’t even buy him a drink.”
“What was his name?”
Joshua rolled his eyes up to the ceiling, then looked back at me and smiled. “We’re going to have to call him not-Nate, because I don’t remember. Something modern and complicated. He was younger than you—very young looking to be in a bar, but not afraid. He knew what he wanted.”
“You. He wanted you.”
“He wanted my cock in his ass, yes.”
“And that was what you wanted.”
“I really just wanted to touch you—however you’d let me—but the lust fed the frustration and the frustration fed the lust and yeah, that was what I wanted: to throw you over something and fuck the last scream out of you. I would walk around mentally measuring things. Like, that table would be the right height. The arm of the sofa would work. There’s a fallen tree by the stream at King’s Forest that I could just see you bent over. By the time I got to the bar that night, it was all I could think about. If not Nate, then not-Nate, but my cock needed to be balls deep in someone’s ass.”
“So you got him home and—”
“And that’s not what happened. For one thing, there was nothing in that room to bend a guy over. Sherry would’ve killed me if I fucked around on any of her equipment and, logistics aside, I’m not really like that, not into angry sex. He was beautiful, and not just because he resembled you. I hadn’t had my hands on a guy in too long. I ate him up—hands, mouth, all over him, enjoying him, but careful not to make him come because you never know with guys. A lot of them, once they come, they lose interest.”
Joshua stroked my chest.
“Not you, sweat pea. You’re always up for more, aren’t you?”
I rubbed my chest up into his hand. My cock was hard from the story and from being touched.
“So you didn’t fuck him?”
“Oh, I did. It was what he wanted and I like to deliver, but there was no anger to it, only a hot body that needed something from me. I put him on his hands and knees because he had a fine ass, very much like this one.”
He cupped a hand behind me and squeezed.
“He knew how to move it, too, all trembling and eager. I’d gotten out the lube when I was going down on him, worked a couple of fingers into his ass then. So it was easy-going, just slide right in. I was jerking his cock at first, but then he wanted it harder so I put both hands on his hips to really drive into him and he stroked himself, talking all the while. God babe, fuck me, your cock feels so good babe, and so on.”
“He didn’t remember your name either.”
“Probably true. He wanted a black cock in his ass, a tick mark on the fantasy checklist.” Joshua moved his hand to my cock and began rolling the foreskin up and back. “I ticked him good.”
I moaned, from both the stroking and the image.
“It sucks to be a stereotype but it’s not all bad to be a fantasy, to make a guy’s dreams come true and know he’s going to be jerking off to your memory the rest of his life. You ever want a black cock in your ass?”
“I want your cock in my ass.”
“Do you now? Is that what this was leading up to? Is this ass-play foreplay?”
I nodded.
“Then can we be done with this part of the foreplay? Because I’d like to stop thinking about not-Nate and think about Nate.”
I nodded again and closed my eyes.
“No, don’t close your eyes. I need to be able to see where you’re at.” He rolled over on top of me, bracing himself on his elbows, both hands cupping my face. “OK, not bad,” he said, when he’d completed his scan. “A little nervous but not terrified.”
I thrust my hard cock up against his.
“Yeah, I get that you’re turned on,” he said, with a laugh. “Let’s keep you that way.” He lowered himself onto me, brushing our lips and chests together.
“Do I go on my hands and knees?”
“You don’t go anywhere yet. You’re going to let me worship you. When I’ve kissed you absolutely everywhere I can get my mouth, and I’ve touched you every place my fingers can reach, I’m going to slide into you like it’s the most natural thing in the world, right like this, with my eyes on yours, and I’m going to tell you that I love you. And what are you going to tell me?”
“That I love you too.”
“And then, sweet pea, we’re going to fuck.”
We did, too, and it was sweet. Joshua and I couldn’t help nudging each other while we watched Sherry walk down the aisle the next morning. Even though we were all three committing to each other, she had somehow gotten the starring role. Like every bride, I suppose. She swept in to a murmur of approval and appreciation, wearing white, which made me grin, but it was hardly a traditional wedding gown. More like a steampunk fantasy.
I go back home a lot more often than they do. There’s nowhere convenient for all three of us to stay together and they don’t have the ties I do. Sometimes I stay with Irene and sometimes with Derek and Amanda. They’ve got a nice place out in the country where no one can hear him scream. I sleep in the dungeon. It’s a home-office type space with high ceilings and a lot of light, nothing out of the ordinary except a couple weird pieces of furniture and some chains dangling from the rafters—my housewarming gift to them.
They got married a few months after we did. Derek would have liked to be first, because he thinks he’s so much more committed than I am, plus he’d have married Amanda about three years before they ever started dating if it’d been up to him, but she’s got them on a schedule.
Lissie and Alex and Emma are doing well. Actually, Emma is the cutest thing you’ve ever seen and a certifiable genius. Sherry rolls her eyes at me when I say that, but it’s true. She’s got her mother’s hair—straight and fine and still bright blond—but she’s got my eyes, big dark blue ones with these super-thick lashes. Sometimes I think about how close the dates were and wonder. She calls me Natty and I call her Mimi, mostl
y because it pisses Alex off. If we ever have a kid, I hope I love her as much as Emma.
Sherry and I talk about it sometimes when we’re alone. We know how much Joshua want kids, but it makes us nervous. Like, how much love has he got to go around? She says he takes just as good a care of her now as he did before I came along, so maybe he’s got an infinite supply and it’ll be all right.
We’ll do it for him, of course. We love him and he does everything for us.
Now that he’s got the two of us, I don’t think he’d mind if our triad were closed. He never goes out and picks people up anymore, guys or girls, but the way he lets us be us hasn’t changed. Me though, I can’t wait until we can afford a second bedroom so I can bring people home to share with him. I know he’ll indulge me in that. Sometimes when I look at another guy, I get pictures of us together, but the pictures always have Joshua in them too, so for now his is still the only cock I suck.
He wrote a poem for me for our ceremony. I know it by heart. Sherry’s since put it to music and we recorded it together, but I’d know it by heart even without that. It ends like this:
Thank you and thank God,
Thank the moon and the stars,
For the good that flows
Whether I will it or no,
Thank God for you
The theme is kind of how God has better things in store for us even than what we dream up ourselves, and all we have to do is stop fighting and let them happen. I don’t know if I’ll ever have the kind of faith that Joshua has, but I don’t worry about God disapproving of me anymore. Joshua says his God made me on purpose, exactly the way I am, and that I can borrow his God any time I need one.
I can read music now—Sherry followed through on that promise—but I still can’t dance. I do all right when I’ve got my hands on her hips at the club, but as soon as I’m not touching her, I lose the rhythm of it. That means I won’t be doing musicals here in New York. My voice is only good enough for the chorus, and the chorus is all about dancing.
That’s OK, though. I’d rather act. And in the meantime, there are dials and levers and other tricks to make me sound all right on those two tracks on her CD. I know when she gets famous she’ll probably re-record them with someone better, but I won’t mind. I’m not the jealous type.
Thank You!
Thank you for reading my book! I’d love to hear your feedback. Please consider leaving a review. You can also contact me via my website www.tanyachris.com or follow me on Twitter @tanyachrs
My website includes some free stories, including an outtake from My Guys which features Nate and Lissie. There’s no newsletter sign-up required, but if you want to make sure you never miss a Tanya Chris release, please do sign up for my newsletter, which is only published about every six to eight weeks—no inbox full of spam, I swear. The following pages highlight some of my other available titles.
Thanks for being a reader! The world needs more of us.
Tanya
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Read the Lissie/Derek/Nate story from the beginning
in My Guys
What happens when happily-ever-after fades into nice-but-routine? That’s when Melissa, nearing forty and trying to finally have that baby, finds out her husband has been cheating on her. What’s left when Alex is gone?
On the road to re-discovery, she meets a charming actor named Nate who likes older women, but doesn’t like monogamy. And he won’t tolerate faked orgasms. She could be happily committed to Nate, if he’d be happily committed to her.
Forced into non-monogamy, she decides to take advantage of it. Derek, the hot, young climbing stud at her gym, may be bold on the rock, but he’s adorably shy when it comes to women. Melissa thinks she might be just what he needs.
With two young lovers and two new hobbies, Melissa’s building an exciting life without Alex, but what’s she supposed to do about the fact that she still loves him?
My Guys is a full-length M/F/M women’s fiction story, introducing the characters of Lissie, Derek and Nate available from Amazon on Kindle and in paperback everywhere.
Continue the My Guys trilogy
with Mine, Derek & Amanda’s story
Amanda’s not loving life in her new home town. Her roommate is a weepy hermit, the rock climbing gym is substandard, and she hasn’t whipped anyone in months. So when an odd encounter leads her to believe that Derek—the good-looking, sweet-tempered climber every woman wants but no woman gets—is a submissive, she’s ready to take control and give him a night to remember.
There’s something special about Amanda, something that’s been calling to Derek ever since he met her, even if he doesn’t understand what it is. He’s yearning to give her everything she needs, until he finds out that what she needs is for him to submit. Derek is strong, smart, and well-adjusted. Why would he get down on his knees for a woman? And why is he just now realizing that that’s what he’s always wanted to do?
Derek may be new to BDSM, but Amanda’s new to relationships. Neither one of them knows whether a Domme with a grudge against the world and a man who’s surprised to learn he’s a submissive can make love work, but they both know what they want: someone to call Mine.
Mine is a full-length F/m BDSM story, continuing the story begun in My Guys, available from Amazon on Kindle and in paperback everywhere.
High Lonesome
Joe doesn’t live on top of a mountain because he loves people. A late summer snowstorm is the perfect chance to send his customers down to lower altitude and enjoy a few days of solo strolls and fireside naps.
Tanner’s not staying at a high-altitude hut to admire the scenery. He’s got a date to keep with the sort of person you don’t want to disappoint, a date that’ll result in him earning some much-needed cash in exchange for what’s left of his self-respect. But that’s OK. He gave up on self-respect when he picked up the needle anyway.
Pyotr didn’t drop into a blizzard to rescue Tanner or to drag Joe back down to the real world. His mission is a lot colder than that. People are only pawns, and spies are only heroes to those who don’t know them.
Hermit, addict, spy. Three men, one snowstorm, zero reason to trust. And someone’s coming …
High Lonesome is a full-length M/M/M suspenseful romance available from Amazon on Kindle and in paperback everywhere.
Aftercare
Aayan Denir knows Garrett Hillier was once a high-powered defense attorney, and—thanks to a leaked photograph—he knows Garrett is sexually submissive, which makes him ideally qualified to defend Aayan’s brother from the charge of murdering his sub. Aayan would do anything to protect Syed, even if he doesn’t understand how Syed could hurt someone he loves. He could never hurt Garrett. He only wants to take care of him—love him, serve him, cherish him. And maybe torture him. Just a little.
Garrett probably shouldn’t be dating his client’s brother. And what’s the use in a sub dating a guy who doesn’t want to be a Dom anyway? The important thing is to get Syed cleared of the discriminatory murder charge he’s facing. Aayan is a distraction. But for the first time in the three lonely years since Garrett’s husband died, he’s feeling hope, ambition, and desire. Can he give up the pain he craves to find the love he needs?
As Syed’s trial date looms, Aayan and Garrett explore what BDSM means for them, and what they mean to each other.
Aftercare is a full-length M/M BDSM romance available from Amazon on Kindle and in paperback everywhere.
Merge Ahead
Will doesn’t know that his safe but unfulfilling life as a Call Center Supervisor is about to be turned upside down. Or that the man responsible is sitting next to him waiting for the same delayed flight.
Adam
Summers is confident, successful, gorgeous, and about to sign the contract that will cost Will his job. Corporate policy says they should keep their hands off each other, but they can’t.
Is their growing affection worth the risk to Adam’s career? And what will Will’s future look like when their companies, and their lives, have merged?
Merge Ahead is a full-length, standalone M/M romance available from Amazon on Kindle and in paperback everywhere.
When It All Falls Down
Maybe Charlie should have waited until he graduated high school before coming out, because since that revelation there’s been a growing distance between him and his friends. Charlie’s tough, though. He doesn’t mind eating lunch alone or watching his former gang interact with their new best buddy. What he does mind is seeing Drew Lavoitt suffer the same fate.
Drew didn’t come out. As far as he, or anyone else knows, he’s straight. What Drew did is accidentally hit and kill a little girl. Now the boy who was voted Most Popular, and who Charlie has maybe had a crush on since eighth grade, faces financial ruin, expulsion, and the fear that if he’s not everything, he’s not enough.