by C. Larsen
He sighs, his face drawn. “It’s possible, I suppose…”
“But you don’t think so?”
“No. I don’t think so. Not many packs will accept a rogue wolf. I think he died a long time ago.”
I nod and stare off into the trees. Roman was searching for my mom. Did he know she was pregnant? Did my mom tell him before she left? And did she know Roman was searching for her? Is that why she moved us around so often? And why did she leave him to begin with, if she was in love with him? Why not run away with Roman instead of going to Jack?
Maybe Roman's still alive. Maybe he's still searching...
"You look just like him, you know," Grant says, breaking into my thoughts.
"No, I look like my mom. Everyone always says so."
"In your human form," he says with a smile. "But when you're a wolf, you're exactly like Roman. Pure white. It’s not a common coloring among weres’."
A smile slowly works its way onto my lips. It's nice to know that I have something of him in me.
After Max destroys me in hide and seek once again, we all head to the Den where Max challenges his dad to knock-hockey.
"Aw, not fair, Dad! My arms aren't long enough!" Max complains as yet another shot sails passed his guard.
"Always use your opponent’s weaknesses against them," Grant instructs, thrusting one massive arm forward, causing the puck to shoot across the table, right into Max's goal. "If you have an advantage, use it. Your enemy won't hold back, so neither can you."
Over the past month I've noticed Grant regularly dispensing these little lessons in their everyday activities, turning even the most mundane activities into learning opportunities. Even something as simple as a game of knock-hockey has valuable lessons to be learned.
Max begins losing by quite a bit, and the pressure gets to him. He doesn't like to lose. His eyes flash gold and he growls, hitting the puck with a wild swing, sending it flying off the table.
"That was a sloppy hit," Grant chastises. "You're letting your frustration get the better of you."
Max answers with another growl, and Grant takes advantage by scoring another point.
"If you let your anger cloud your vision, you're going to keep missing. Instead, use it. Focus it into your hits. Don't just swing blindly, trying to smash it," Grant instructs, keeping up a swift volley. "Keep your eye on the puck, wait until it's within reach, then lash out, focusing that frustration into your hit. Good!" he says as Max scores. "Perfect shot. If you keep your calm like that next time, you might just beat me."
Max beams across the table at his dad before turning to me.
"Did you see that, Emmy? Did you?"
"Yeah, that was awesome! Good job!" He grins again.
We all turn as Gray comes in, the clean scent of forest and pine stronger than usual on him.
"What are you doing back so soon? I thought you’d be on patrol all night?"
"I talked Vasily into covering part of my shift," he says, silver eyes sparkling. He takes a seat next to me, draping one arm around my shoulders. I don't even blink at this sort of casual touch anymore. Throughout my time here I've noticed that all the werewolves do this sort of thing with each other, constantly touching, slapping each other on the back, leaning against each other. It’s just a normal part of being a pack. It doesn't seem to be sexual, with the exception of the mate pairs; it's just the way the pack solidifies their bonds.
"I know you're missing your home, Em," Gray says. "So, I thought we could bring a little bit of home to you."
"What do you mean?"
"Oh my God, Em! Is this where you've been living!"
Chapter 20
"Olivia?" I leap up, staring at the doorway in disbelief.
She rushes up to me, pulling me in for a huge hug. "Gray convinced Nikolay to let me to come for a short visit! I've missed you, Em! I had to make sure they were treating you alright over here." She looks around the room, herred hair tied into a high ponytail, grinning like a Cheshire cat. "And judging by this, I'd say they're treating you alright."
"Yeah," I say, laughing. "Not too shabby." I turn to Gray, who's watching Olivia and me, a soft look in his eyes. "Thank you for this," I tell him. "It's incredible."
"Anything for you, luna."
The expression on his face causes a strange fluttering in my chest. I turn away, focusing on Olivia. "So, what's the plan?"
"It's a surprise," she says.
"Can I go?" Max asks Gray, eyes full of hope.
"Another night, Max," Grant says, placing a hand on his shoulder. "For now, let Emerson enjoy some time with her friend." He nods at me and Gray, then leads a disappointed Max from the room. I can hear him cajoling and complaining all the way down the hall.
“Come on, Em. Time’s ‘a wasting!” Olivia grabs my hand and begins pulling me out the front door, practically vibrating with excitement.
“Where are we going?” I turn to Gray, who’s following us at a more sedate pace, a smile still on his face.
“You’ll see.”
Despite my pestering, neither Gray nor Olivia will tell me where we're going. After hiking through the forest for a mile or so, I smell wood smoke and grin. "Are we having a bonfire?"
"Hell yes, we are!" Olivia says.
"Olivia told me you guys have these almost every weekend back home," Gray says. "I thought it might be fun."
We jog through the trees for ten minutes before reaching a small clearing where a fire is already blazing. Isabel, Miles, Veronika, and, surprisingly, Zak, are all there, laughing and passing around a bottle of vodka.
"It looks like you guys got a head start," Gray says, walking up and swiping the bottle from Miles.
"Hey, you can't blame us," Veronika says. "You never specified a time."
"Well, at least you remembered the important stuff." Gray takes a swig then holds it out to me. I take a small sip, enjoying the warmth that spreads through my chest, and hold it out to Olivia, but she doesn't take it.
Her eyes are locked on Isabel's, a slight growl rumbling in her chest. Within seconds, Isabel lowers her gaze. Mollified, Olivia takes the bottle from me, but rather than drink, she passes it to Isabel as if nothing happened. I shake my head. The whole situation is surreal. It's bizarre to know that, even though everyone here looks human, deep down we're all animals, controlled by animal instinct.
"What's the matter?" Zak says to Olivia from the other side of the fire. "Our vodka not good enough for you?"
Olivia glares at him, and the two of them attempt to stare each other down. When neither refuses to look away, Gray barks out, "Stop it, both of you."
Ignoring him, they continue glaring, growls forming in their throats. I bump Olivia with my hip, forcing her to break eye contact.
"Knock it off; you're here to have fun, not get into a brawl."
"He started it," she says, glaring across the fire again.
"You're only here for a few hours," I say. "Can we please leave all that dominance shit for another day."
"Fine," she grumbles.
Zak makes a satisfied noise, as if he won, and Gray growls at him. "Knock it off, Zak. If you want a pissing contest, I'll give you one."
Zak narrows his eyes at Gray for a moment before looking away. Gray cracks his neck, as if working out the tension, then takes the vodka still being passed around.
After Olivia and Zak stop trying to intimidate each other, tensions calm. They each stay on their own side of the fire, Zak and Veronika talking and laughing, occasionally including Miles and Isabel. Olivia and Gray take turns telling stories about hunting mishaps, like the time Sebastian and Josh were hunting a small herd of deer and ran into a bear instead.
Gray entertains us with the story of how him, Miles, and Derek were out for a run and came across a gaggle of geese that chased them for half a mile before giving up.
"You got scared off by geese?" Veronika says.
"Hey, those things are vicious! One pecked me right on the ass as I was running away! I h
ad a welt the size of a baseball for the whole next day!" Miles says, sending everyone into another fit of laughter.
They finish the first bottle of vodka and start on another. I only have a few sips, still not trusting myself enough to get tipsy and keep control of my wolf. Surprisingly, Olivia has none at all, despite Zak's continued taunts. She says it's because she's driving her dad home later, but I suspect it has more to do with what happened to her the last time she had too much at a party.
“How’d you get permission to come up here?” I ask Olivia while the others are distracted. “I thought James wasn’t letting any of you visit?”
“He wasn’t, but my dad said he had some business to discuss with Nikolay, so I persuaded James to let me tag along. He wanted me to tell you that his offer still stands, by the way,” she says, lowering her voice.
Caught off guard, I nod and look away. James still wants an alliance with me. I wonder if he knows about the Chain Breaker prophecy? He must. Why else would he have offered an alliance with me to begin with? And what ‘business’ does Neil, Haven Pack’s second in command, have with Nikolay? Does it have to do with me? Or maybe he’s looking for Nikolay’s help against Richard and the rest of the coven?
My chest tightens, a heaviness enveloping me. I force my mind away from these thoughts. There’s too much going on for me to worry about this right now as well.
Changing the subject, I ask her how everyone in town is.
“Pretty much the same.” She shrugs. “Sebastian has finally stopped asking about you every five minutes, but nothing much else is going on.” Her shrug is just a little too nonchalant to be believable. Before I can press her further, she says, “How’s your dad taking all this? I mean, you’ve been gone for a month. Hasn’t he tried to force you back home?”
Now it’s my turn to shrug, feigning indifference. “He calls once a week, asking when I’m coming home. I tell him I’m not sure and he drops it. You know him, he’s gone more often than he’s home, so I doubt he even notices.”
Pity crosses her face. I turn away and snag the vodka from Gray, backing away from him laughing when he protests and tries to steal it back.
The more alcohol everyone consumes, the louder they get, and despite my initial dislike of Zak, he begins to grow on me a little. He has the same brash antagonistic attitude Josh does, but unlike him, Zak doesn't direct it toward me. At least, not often. And when he does take a dig at me, it seems like he only does it to get under Gray’s skin.
Zak and Gray butt heads more often than not, so it's a little puzzling why they hang out together in the same group. At first, I thought they just put up with one another because there aren’t a lot of people their age in the pack, but now I think there’s more to it than that. Although Zak constantly challenges him, it seems like Gray secretly likes having someone to pit himself against. Maybe Zak's constant challenges give Gray's wolf an outlet for his aggression. And the same with Zak. It's like they enjoy the opportunity to engage in these small battles.
Eventually, Olivia’s dad calls her to leave. I hug her, tears in my eyes, wishing she could stay longer. I haven't asked her about the situation brewing between the coven and the pack, mainly because I don’t want to have to think about all that tonight. It's nice to be able to forget it all for a night and just have fun.
After she leaves, the rest of us remain by the fire finishing off the second bottle. I start to feel a little tired as I stare into the flames, letting my mind wander. Gray wraps an arm around me, and I lean into him, enjoying the warmth.
Then something Zak says brings me back to attention. "Malcolm's pack is friendly to humans. I talked to Nikolay, convinced him that the Eastern Adirondack Pack had something to do with Derek's disappearance. No way could he be hiding this well without help from another pack. I think he's gonna send me there tomorrow to meet with Malcolm. I know he has something to do with this. I'm gonna find that little blood-traitor and drag him back."
"Derek?" I ask, looking up at Gray. "Why would you be searching for him? I thought he left the pack?"
Isabel's eyes widen, her lips parting like she wants to say something, but then she closes it and turns to Gray.
"Not exactly..." he says.
"What happened then?"
Gray hesitates. "It's complicated."
"No, it isn't," Zak says. At Gray's warning glance, he crosses his arms over his chest. "What? She should know." Then, turning to me, he says, "Derek's a traitor. Ran off with some dumb-ass human."
"Really?"
"Yeah." Isabel says. "We've been looking for him for the last few months, but so far we haven't had any luck."
"I don't understand. He left, because he wanted to be with a human?" At Isabel's nod, I say, "So...why are you trying to find him? I mean, if a were’ chooses to be with a human, the pack banishes them, right? That’s what James said.”
“Maybe in James’ pack,” Gray says. “But in Silver Ridge Nikolay takes desertion a lot more seriously.”
“Nikolay wouldn’t let Derek leave? Why not?”
"Because," Veronika says, scorn darkening her eyes, “he betrayed us. He chose a human over his pack. That's unforgivable."
"So what will Nikolay do if he finds Derek and the human he left with?” I ask, dread pooling in my gut.
Zak’s lips pull into a semblance of a smile. "When I find him, that little prick will get a traitor's death, just like Mikhail."
"You're going to kill him? For leaving the pack?" I look from face to face, sure I'm hearing him wrong. They wouldn't kill one of their pack members for leaving, would they?
Veronika looks at me like I'm an idiot. "He can't just run off and abandon his pack. There are laws. He betrayed his pack, his family."
"He was your friend. Your pack brother. If he wants out of the pack, why can't you just let him go?"
Her face puckers in frustration. "You can't just choose to leave. Once you join a pack, you're in it for life. Sometimes a were' will request a transfer to a different pack, but those are rarely granted, and only at the discretion of your Alpha. Derek didn't request a transfer. He ran away. He betrayed his pack. He deserves to die."
"This is insane! Gray, tell me this is a joke."
"If Derek is found, he'll be executed," Gray answers.
I stare at him, mouth agape. How could he say that? How could he be so cold?
"You would let Nikolay kill your friend because he doesn't want to be in your pack?"
Something flickers in his eyes, some strong memory. "Nobody 'let's' Nikolay do anything. He's Alpha. His word is law." Gray pauses for a moment, as if deciding whether to say something or not. Then he meets my eyes. "And Nikolay wouldn't be the one to kill him. I would."
"You? Why you?"
"I'm the Alpha's son." His normally fresh scent sours, guilt pouring off him.
"Have you done it before? Killed people? Killed your packmates?"
He nods, face grim.
I recoil, bumping into Isabel.
"Don't you dare make him feel guilty for that," Isabel growls from behind me. I spin to face her, heart pounding when I see her eyes narrowed dangerously. Her light blue eyes turn gold, revealing her wolf is close to the surface.
Even though I know I'm more dominant than her, I'm keenly aware that I have less experience. If it comes down to a fight, I’m not sure which one of us will win. A frisson of fear runs through me, but then my wolf stirs, chasing away the fear. If she wants a fight, I'll be ready.
The thought gives me little comfort.
"Do you think he likes hurting his pack brothers? Killing them? Do you really think he'd do that if there was any other way? If so, then you don't know the first thing about him! Gray does what he does to keep everyone safe. You should be thanking him for it, not blaming him." With that, she stalks away, disappearing into the trees.
"Wow," Zak says, smirking. "Looks like someone's still hung up on you, Gray."
Zak laughs, and my gut churns.
Gray meets my eyes sq
uarely, his expression closed off. "Why don't we call it a night, head on back," he says quietly, without any of his usual bravado or arrogance. With one last glance at the smirking faces of Veronika and Zak, I nod and follow him back through the woods.
Gray and I walk side by side, but for once he makes no attempt to touch me, clearly keeping his distance. I expect him to be angry, or at least offended by my accusations, but all I sense in his scent is guilt and resignation.
When we get to the edge of the forest, he leans back against a tall oak tree, just looking at me. Away from the warmth of the fire, I shiver in the cold breeze. Gray automatically reaches out to wrap his arm around my shoulders, but stops himself midway. After a moment, he drops his arm back to his side and leans back against the tree again. It's the first time he's ever shown any hesitancy about touching me.
It's a shock to see him unsure of himself for once. His confidence, sometimes bordering on arrogance, is such a huge part of what shapes him, what makes him who he is. To see his confidence shaken because of a few thoughtless words from me is unsettling.
I've spent almost every waking hour with him this past month. Looking at him now, remembering his patience in training me, his strong loyalty to his pack, his persistent defense of me, I can't believe that he could have ever executed anybody, let alone his own pack brother. Especially for something as trivial as wanting to leave the pack. But then, I almost killed someone myself over something as ridiculous as an insult, so who am I to judge?
Even though I only met Gray a couple of months ago, I know him. I've seen his kindness, his honesty, his selflessness. He's not cruel. He's not a murderer.
"I'm sorry, Gray." I wrap my arms around myself to ward off the chilly December air. "Isabel is right. I shouldn't have jumped down your throat without hearing your side. I know you wouldn't have done anything like that without a good reason." I look up at him, silently waiting for his explanation.
Moonlight reflects in his silver eyes as he studies my face. He slips his leather jacket off and hands it to me. I slide my arms into the soft leather, still warm from his body heat.