by C. Larsen
I feel him stiffen beside me and almost wish I could take it back, but I don't. I remain silent, waiting for an answer. I need to know. I can't stand being in the dark any longer, smothered by lies.
After an eternity, he sighs, dropping his head into his hands. He speaks without looking at me. "We met a few months before...everything happened, right after we moved to town. We hit it off immediately."
He pauses, lifting his head and looking me in the eye. "Em, I loved your mother. I always have. But things between us... they weren't going well..."
I think back on all the arguments around that time, the fights and cold silences. No, things weren't going well between them.
"It's not an excuse, I know," he says, letting out a breath. "But when I was with Vikki, things just felt...right. I knew Elizabeth never loved me, not the way I did her. I thought it was enough, but after I met Vikki..."
"Did you love her?" The words scrape on their way out, but I force myself to ask them anyway. "Did you love Victoria?"
He hangs his head as if ashamed. "Yes." His voice is so faint that if it weren't for my new werewolf hearing I might not have heard him. "I was going to leave her... leave Elizabeth... Vikki told Richard when we got back that weekend, and I was going to tell Elizabeth but..." His voice cracks and he turns away hiding his face.
"But she died," I finish for him.
He shakes his head sharply. "No, she killed herself." He turns back to me, tears glistening in his eyes. "She must have known that I was going to leave, and she killed herself."
I gasp, my heart breaking. Is that what he's believed all these years? That mom killed herself because of him? Guilt pours off him in waves, the sour smell burning my nose.
All this time, he's thought it was his fault...
It all makes sense now. His constant business trips, his refusal to talk about her, even the way he avoided looking for so long after her death. The guilt has been eating him alive.
"Dad, you can't really think—I mean, mom didn't—" I fumble for the right thing to say. "Dad, it wasn't your fault...."
It sounds lame, even to my ears, but what else can I say? I can't tell him that she didn't commit suicide. I can't explain to him how she was murdered by the High Priestess of the local witch coven.
"I've made mistakes in my life," he says, eyes staring dully across the room. “And whatever reason your mom had for doing what she did, there's a good chance it was because of me. Because I betrayed her."
I open my mouth to protest, but he cuts me off. "I accept that. And I have to live with that, for the rest of my life."
"But—"
"Emerson, I know you want to think the best of everyone, and don't like to see anyone in pain, but I deserve this guilt. It's my cross to bear. And I just hope you don't hate me for what I did. You have no idea how badly I wish I could take it back."
Tears prick my eyes, but I blink them away. "I could never hate you."
He nods, and we sit in silence for a few moments before he rouses himself. "So, how was Madelyn's?" His tone is careful, as if he’s afraid of saying the wrong thing.
"Madelyn's was good. Different."
He makes a noncommittal noise and I remember that only moments ago he described it as a cult. "Are you back for good now?" he asks, making an effort to keep his voice level.
"Um... I'm not sure yet..." I hedge.
He nods like it's no big deal, but I can see the hurt behind his eyes.
"Oh, hey, there's someone I want to introduce you to," I say, changing the subject.
He looks at me quizzically, but turns when he hears Gray coming down the steps. I send up a silent thanks for sensitive werewolf hearing and stand, pasting a bright smile on my face.
"Dad, this is Gray. My boyfriend. Gray, this is my dad Jack."
Gray holds out his hand for my dad to shake, but he's too busy taking in Gray's massive size to realize at first. Then he starts, as if coming back to himself and warily shakes Gray's hand.
"Gray, is it?" he says, eyes narrowed.
"Yes, sir. Nice to meet you."
My dad doesn't respond. He turns his attention back to me. "Did you meet him in Ashwood Creek?" he asks suspiciously. After what he just told me about my mom's past, I can only guess what he's thinking about Gray.
"Um, yeah," I say, cheeks reddening.
He looks up at Gray with distinct dislike. "I hope you haven't been staying here while I've been out of town." If I weren't so mortified I would have laughed at the picture they make. My dad looks so small standing next to Gray, yet here he is, glaring up at Gray who's a full head taller, sounding for all the world like he's about to read him the riot act.
"Dad..." I groan. "Gray has a house in town, actually. Would you be nice?"
His jaw hardens, but he makes an effort to stop glaring. Gray, for his part, looks amused.
"Well, that's good, then. Wouldn't want to think anyone was taking advantage of you under my own roof when I'm gone."
"Daaad..." I don't think it's possible for my face to get any redder. "We have to go, we're late for school," I say, pulling Gray along behind me. "I'll see you later."
"Jack, you have a wonderful daughter," Gray says with a grin as I hustle him out the door.
Chapter 43
"Ugh," I groan when we climb into the Hummer. "I'm so sorry about that. I've never seen him act that way toward anyone before."
Gray laughs, shrugging. "Can you blame him? You show up out of the blue after two months, dragging me in tow. It's only natural for him to get a little territorial."
"It's more than that. He thinks everyone in Ashwood is a part of some sort of cult."
Gray grins. "I heard. You know, he's not that far off. Ashwood is a different sort of community."
"He's probably afraid Madelyn's trying to marry us off at eighteen like she did my mom."
Gray chuckles again and starts the car. "While you were downstairs, I was thinking..."
"About?"
“About the truce.” He purses his lips, eyes narrowing in thought. “I know you’re not thrilled with the idea of staying in Nikolay’s pack—"
"I never said that," I protest.
He gives me a look. "I don't blame you, you know. If I had a choice, I wouldn't want to be in his pack either. But joining James’ pack isn’t your only alternative.”
“I need a pack to keep me from going feral. You said so yourself back when I first changed.”
“What James said got me thinking... Maybe you don't need to be in a pack at all. You could join Madelyn's coven instead, if you wanted," he says, glancing up at me quickly before his gaze darts away. "And you could run with us on hunts to give your wolf an outlet. You wouldn't be under Nikolay's control, and James is right - accidents on hunts are a common occurrence. Having a healer on hand would be a huge plus for Nikolay. I'm sure between you and Madelyn you’d be able to get him to agree to it."
“I thought I had to be blood bound to an Alpha to stay sane?”
“Yeah…I was thinking of that too. It doesn’t need to be an Alpha, per se, just a wolf dominant enough to keep your own in check. I’m strong enough to keep your wolf under control. If you want, you could bond yourself to me…”
My heart turns over at the hesitant way he says this, as if afraid I’ll turn him down. I smile at him, touched by the offer.
“Gray, I’d be honored to bond myself to you. It’s certainly better than being bound to Nikolay.” My mouth twists on his name. "But that doesn't help us in terms of gaining a truce. James wants assurances that Night’s Hollow will stick to the truce. I think he assumes that if I’m in his pack then the coven will be too afraid to attack them. Plus, he wants my healing powers at his beck and call,” I say, grimacing.
"With an alliance with Night’s Hollow he can have his choice of healers from the coven. And if Silver Ridge and Haven Pack form an alliance, that should be good enough for James to feel secure that Night’s Hollow can't go back on their word without being annihilated. Wit
h the combined strength of Silver Ridge, Haven Pack, and the Ashwood Coven, Night’s Hollow would have to keep to the truce. Even Richard isn't stupid enough to think he can win a war against those numbers."
"But that's the problem."
"What is?"
"More than anything, Mirowski is concerned about the possibility of the pack going back on the truce and attacking them. Once the coven hears that they have not one, but two packs and a coven against them, I'm afraid they'll attack just to keep the pack from breaking their word first. He needs some sort of assurance that the pack can't attack them without being wiped out themselves."
"So give them that assurance." At my look, he says, "Isn't that why you were practicing your Soul Binder ability on me? So you could prove to the coven that you can protect them if the pack goes back on their word?"
"Well, yeah, but I'm not that great at it yet. There's no way I'd be able to fend off both packs if their working together. Even one pack is iffy…”
"Then why don't we work on strengthening it?"
"What?" I ask, taken aback. "You want me to practice it on you?"
He gives me a wolfy grin. "Why not? Could be interesting, having you in charge for a change."
I shake my head in disbelief. "You really aren't bothered by the fact that I can control you? Take away your free will? Turn you into a slave?"
The humor leaves his eyes, his expression turning serious. "Of course not." He reaches out to cup my face. "I trust you, luna. I know you'd never do anything to hurt me."
My breath catches. He really isn't afraid of me, of what I can do. I blink away the tears that suddenly spring to my eyes and lean forward, pressing my lips to his.
"Alright," I say, leaning back to look at him. "Let's do it."
Skipping school, we head out into the forest behind Gray's old Victorian house. Gray stands across a small clearing from me in his wolf form.
*So,* he asks. *How does this work?*
"Well, basically I try to give you commands and see if you respond.”
*Commands? Like sit, stay, roll over?*
I fight a laugh at his expression. "Kind of."
*Okay, then. What are you waiting for?*
"If you'd stop pestering me I could concentrate," I say, a hint of irritation leaking into my voice. It's more awkward than I thought it'd be, trying to take control of Gray's wolf while he's aware of it.
*No offense, Em, but I hardly think the pack is going to sit still and be quiet while you try to bind their souls...*
I growl in frustration. Of course he's right, but it doesn't make me any less annoyed. I try to block out his thoughts and focus on harnessing that power deep inside of me. Just for kicks, I think 'Sit!' at him. My mouth falls open when he actually does.
He cocks his head at me, brows furrowing. It takes me less than a second to realize that he didn't sit because I commanded it but because he's bored.
I snap my mouth closed and try again.
Lay down!
He continues to sit there, staring at me with a bored expression. No matter how many times I try, I can't seem to tap into that ability the way I did before.
Gray's jaws open widely in a yawn and he lowers himself to the ground, closing his eyes as if going to sleep. I don't get excited this time. I know his decision to lie down has nothing to do with my commands.
"Am I boring you?" I call over to him.
He cracks one eye open, ears swiveling in my direction. *Whatever gave you that idea?*
I narrow my eyes at him.
Shaking himself like a dog, he stands back up and attempts to stifle another yawn. *You said you were able to do it before, right? What did you do then?*
"Well, whenever I've done it in the past it was always during our mock battles. I don't know, maybe the adrenaline has something to do with it? Forcing me to act on instinct and not think so much?" I shrug.
*In that case—* He lunges at me, snapping his massive jaws just inches in front of my face.
Without thinking about it, I shout "Stop!"
He immediately freezes, crashing to the ground in front of me.
I gape at him as he climbs back to his feet, shaking his head as if coming out of a daze.
I felt it this time. I yelled stop, and I felt the power leave me. I saw the black tendrils of magic strike him and freeze him in place. A grin slowly spreads across my face.
*What was that?* Gray asks on a groan. *I've had sledge hammers hit me with less force.* He shakes his head again and sits down on the ground.
"I don't even want to know when you've had a sledge hammer taken to you," I say, shuddering. After witnessing the aftermath of one of his punishments, it’s only too easy for me to imagine Nikolay or Ivan coming at him with a hammer.
*So it worked, then?* he asks, a hint of excitement and pride in his voice. *You figured it out?*
"Yeah, it worked... I guess I was right about needing the adrenaline."
*That's great, Em. Good job! But you only had control over me for a moment. If I was actually trying to kill you, that wouldn’t have stopped me for long. Try it again. You need the bind to last longer.*
We continue practicing while the sun slowly makes its way across the sky. By the time the light fades, I'm able to take control for several minutes at a time. Not great. Certainly not good enough to hold off an entire pack—or two as the case may be—but with a little more practice it should be enough to convince Mirowski and the others that I can keep the pack in line if need be.
Our breaths form visible little clouds in front of our faces as we trudge back to Gray's house, the moon just peeking over the trees. His house isn't much warmer than the outside air, but at least it gets us out of the wind.
"Sorry, I haven't been in here yet since we got back," he says, fiddling with the thermostat. The heater kicks on almost instantly, pumping warm air out through the vents on the walls.
"Yeah, but it looks like you'll be spending plenty of nights here, now that my dad's back home." My mouth twists as I think about his comments earlier.
"I guess sleepovers are over then?" He smiles his cocky grin at me, taking a seat next to me in the kitchen.
"Looks like it. You may be pretty, but I doubt even you can sweet talk my dad into letting you spend the night."
"He let Caiden sleep over before," he says with a smile, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes.
"Yeah, well Caiden apparently wasn't from the evil cult in Ashwood Creek..." I mutter.
"True."
Gray starts rummaging through the depressingly empty cabinets, trying and failing to scrounge something up for us to eat when his cell begins ringing.
He glances at the number and grimaces. "Gray," he says by way of greeting.
I hear Nikolay's voice on the other end. We have a meeting tomorrow at noon with the Haven Pack. I expect you and Emerson there promptly.
The line disconnects.
Gray tosses the phone back on the counter and rolls his eyes at me. My stomach flutters.
"So... I guess this is happening. You really think this will work?"
"No worries, Em. We'll get them to come to an arrangement. I'm willing to bet Nikolay would do just about anything to get you back in Ashwood. He'll agree to this."
"Yeah... Maybe." Somehow, the thought doesn't bring me much comfort.
Chapter 44
When I get home that night, my dad's car is gone from the garage. Looks like it'll be another long night at the office for him. Despite the fatigue dragging me down after practicing all day, my mind is too full of worry about the meet tomorrow to allow me to sleep.
After tossing and turning for an hour, I finally give up and decide to give Arianna a call. She's the only one in the coven who knows what I'm capable of. Maybe she can reassure me that our plan will work.
"Hey Em," she answers. "Is everything alright? You weren't in school today."
"Yeah, everything's fine, I was training with Gray."
"Training?" she says, lowering her voice
. I hear a door close and some muffled sounds coming from the other end of the line, as if she's moving from one room to another. "You mean training? With your new ability?" She lowers her voice even more. "So, you finally told him? How'd that go?"
"Better than I thought it would," I admit. "What's going on over there? Why are you whispering?"
"My parents are out of town for the weekend." There's a smile in her voice.
"Oh? And that means you have to whisper?"
She giggles into the phone. "I just don't want to wake Ethan."
"Ethan's there? You minx. What would your momma say if she knew you were sneaking co-ed sleep overs while she's away?" I keep my tone light and teasing, concealing the knot of anxiety in my stomach. I know Arianna is in love with him, but after everything that's happened these last months, I can't say I understand what she sees in him.
"Like you and Gray aren't having your own sleepovers," she teases.
"Not since my dad came home and nearly caught us," I grumble. Panic swamps me again as I think about those frantic moments trying to scramble into my clothes as he pulled up. I can't imagine how humiliating it would have been if he had walked in on us.
Shocked silence comes from the other end of the line. "You and Gray? You guys have... I mean, not that I don't like him, it's just surprising..." She fumbles for words and I smile at her obvious discomfort.
"Yeah... Me and Gray." A grin spreads across my face just thinking about it. Then a thought occurs to me. "Ethan can't hear you right now, can he?" I'd hate for this to get back to Caiden after the hurt way he looked at me in the diner.
"No, don't worry. I'm downstairs right now. He's passed out in my bed. He can't hear anything. So? How was it? Come on, details!"
"It was..." Words fail me. “It was incredible."
She giggles at my awestruck tone. "Was he better than Sebastian?"
"Sebastian? No, I mean, he and I never..." I feel myself blush and roll my eyes at myself. There's nothing for me to be embarrassed about. "Sebastian and I never had sex," I clarify. "Gray was my first." I force the words out and wait for her reaction.
Rather than the laughter I expect, she just sounds surprised. "Wow. Em, this is huge. So, do you love him?"