by C. Larsen
"But we just got here," Gray says, hard eyes on Caiden. "What about the peppermint pancakes?"
I give Gray a look and he cocks an eyebrow at me.
Caiden remains silent as I turn for the door, praying Gray follows without argument.
Once outside, Gray turns to me. The sun is just setting, casting long shadows around us. Gray gives me a look, clearly demanding an explanation.
I shiver in the cold air, wrapping my arms around myself. Biting his tongue, he nods his head towards the car.
He's silent the entire way back to my house, jaw tight. We don't speak until we're in my living room. I can smell his anger and frustration, but he waits for me to begin.
I bite my lip. “I’m sorry about your peppermint pancakes..."
He watches me, waiting.
"I had no idea Caiden worked there. If I did, I never would have gone there."
"Why does it matter if he works there or not?"
I blink, unsure how to answer.
"Do you not want him to know that we're together? Embarrassed about what he might think when he found out you were dating a werewolf?"
"What? No, of course not!"
"Really? Then why did you run out?
I hadn't yet told Gray about my talk with Caiden earlier that day. I tell him now, watching his face become more and more closed off. When I get to the part about him nearly kissing me, a growl rumbles in his chest. By the time I'm finished, he looks ready to run back to the restaurant and tear Caiden apart.
"So, you never told him you were with me?"
"It didn't exactly come up. I didn't see the point in rubbing it in his face that I'm dating someone else. And I didn't exactly feel like sitting there eating pancakes and listening to Caiden think about what a slut I am."
"Why do you care what Caiden thinks? Does his opinion really mean that much to you? I don't understand how you could have ever wanted to be with him. He's always down on you, making you feel bad about yourself. Always acting like what you are doing or thinking or feeling is wrong."
"It wasn't like that. Not all the time," I amend. "Caiden helped me. He was there for me when my powers were out of control. He trained me, protected me. Helped me.”
"He trained you like I’ve trained you? And, what? You fell for him like you fell for me? Or has it always been him? Still hoping you two will work it out and finally get together?"
"No! It wasn't the same at all. Yes, Caiden helped me, and, yes, I had feelings for him at the time, but not like I do for you!"
Gray snorts and turns away, staring out the window.
"Gray," I say, placing a hand on his shoulder. "The way I feel about you... You're the strongest person I know. After everything you've been through, with your parents, the pack, the things they've made you do, what they've done to you... You've been through a lot of shit, Gray, but..." I pause, struggling for words. Something in my tone must register with him, because he turns around to face me.
"But after everything you've been through, you don't let it crush you. You fight it. You don't let your guilt and regret define you, or destroy you. Instead, it shapes you, makes you stronger." I look up into his silver eyes. "You make me stronger, solnyshko. You believe in me," I feel my cheeks heat up at how corny that sounds. "You don't let me doubt myself, or make me feel like who or what I am is wrong. With you, I can be myself. I don't need to pretend or play games, or wish I was different somehow. You love me for me."
His hand comes up to cup my face, the anger fading from his scent.
"You're always there for me, Gray, whenever I need you. But you let me make my own decisions. You don't try to make them for me. Like last night. I know you weren't happy that I chose to help Sebastian, or came back to town to help sort out this mess with the coven and packs, but you didn't try to bully me or force me to do what you think is right. You trust me to make my own decisions.
“Don't be jealous about the feelings I had for Caiden, because what I feel for you... The two don't even compare. I love you, Gray. And I want to be with you."
The look in his eyes makes me catch my breath. "I love you too, lyubimaya." His lips brush softly against mine. I open to him, reveling in his taste, his tongue penetrating my mouth. He lifts me up, my legs wrapping around his waist, hands gripping his neck and shoulders. I barely notice him climbing the stairs until my back hits the soft surface of my bed.
His scent drives me wild. My heart hammers in my chest, lightning shooting through my veins. His large body covers mine, pressing me down into the mattress. My lips leave his, moving to his neck, tongue and teeth running up along the strong column of his throat.
A husky rumble rises from deep in his chest, and my wolf urges me to bite harder, to mark him, to make him ours...
I find the sensitive spot between his neck and shoulders, breathing in his woodsy, musky scent. My tongue flicks out, tasting his skin, and I give into my wolf, closing my teeth on him and biting, hard.
I taste blood and hear him gasp, a deep groan breaking free. Then he's on me, kissing me, the taste of him on my tongue, his scent surrounding me, making me dizzy. His wolf surges full force, reaching for me, needing to mark me in return.
My sweater disappears, then his shirt as I yank it up over his head. Warm flesh and smooth skin meets mine and we both let out a moan. But it's not enough. I need to be closer. I fumble with his belt and he freezes, every muscle locking tight. I can see the strain in his face, the force of will it takes him to pull back.
His hands cover mine and he meets my eyes. "Are you sure?" His voice is husky, eyes flickering from silver to gold. He wants me, I can feel it in every fiber. He wants me. Desperately. But he's still taking the time to check that I'm sure about this.
My chest flutters. I stare up at him and know, without a shadow of a doubt, I want this.
In answer, I tangle my hands in his hair and pull his mouth back down to mine. "Yes," I pant between kisses. "I want this, Gray. I want you."
He groans, releasing all restraint. Anxiety blooms in the pit of my stomach, not because I'm not sure about this, but because I've heard it hurts the first time. I brace myself, waiting for the pain, but Gray just continues caressing me, kissing his way along my neck, down to my chest, and back again. There's no rush in his movements.
He takes his time, caressing me slowly, sensually, completely absorbed. We explore each other's bodies with ours hands, mouths, tongues, savoring each moment.
When we finally come together, we're both panting, trembling with need. If there's any pain, I don't feel it. Just pleasure, pure and exquisite. Just love.
Chapter 42
Weak sunlight filters into the room around the curtains. I stretch, smiling as sore muscles remind me of last night. Behind me, Gray pulls me tighter against him, the stubble on his jaw scratching the sensitive skin on the back of my neck in the most appealing way. Warmth and happiness fill my chest, and I climb out of bed. Gray grumbles as I slip from his grasp and duck into the bathroom.
I glance at my reflection, hardly recognizing the girl staring back at me from the mirror. My dark hair hangs wildly about my shoulders, sticking up here and there. Images of the way Gray had grabbed fistfuls of it last night flash before my eyes and I can't suppress the grin that spreads across my face. I begin pulling a brush through my hair, trying to tame the wild waves. I look...happy. Different from the me I was only a few short months ago. My body has changed too, become stronger, harder. Soft curves giving way to lean, toned muscle.
I hear the bed creak in the next room as Gray shifts in it. I finish with my hair and hurry to brush my teeth. When I enter the room again, Gray has his head propped on one arm, staring at me with what can only be described as a hungry look in his eyes.
I look down at myself, remembering I'm not wearing any clothes, but for once, I'm not embarrassed by it.
"Come here," he says, silver eyes blazing.
With a cocky grin plastered on my face, I saunter over to him, watching the way his gaze travels
down my body. In a move too quick for me to avoid, he swipes one arm out and grabs me. I topple onto the bed with a squeal. He rolls me until I'm pinned beneath him, my arms stretched up over my head. I revel in the strength of him, his hard-muscled body stretched out over mine.
I expected to feel embarrassed, or at least a little shy after last night, but I don't. I can't keep a grin off my face. I feel lighter than I have in years.
He releases one of my wrists and caresses my face from my temple to my jaw. "How are you feeling this morning, luna?"
My gaze travels along his face, tracing his square jaw, his soft lips.
"Ravenous."
His eyes heat up, his lips curling up into a sexy smirk. "I guess we should get you breakfast then, huh?" he teases.
"I didn't say I was hungry for food."
His chest rumbles, eyes not leaving mine. "Greedy little pup, aren't you?" He tsks. "Just can't get enough of me."
I grin. "I guess we could eat breakfast first, if you prefer..." I tease, wriggling as if to move out from under him.
"Oh, no you don't," he growls, pinning my hands above my head again. "I finally got you. I'm not letting you get away now."
A laugh escapes me, quickly turning to a moan as he leans down and captures my mouth. He rolls us again so I'm straddling him from above. I laugh again, but cut it off short when he freezes, a look of panic overtaking him.
"How long did you say your dad was out of town for?" he asks.
"I'm not sure, why?"
"Because I'm pretty sure that's his car coming down the street..."
I freeze, listening intently, before shooting off the bed. "Shit!" I scramble to find my clothes strewn all over the room, tossing Gray his as I find them.
"My dad cannot catch me like this!" I fumble with the clasp on my bra, panic making me clumsy. The motor for the garage door kicks on and I curse some more.
There’s a chuckle behind me, then Gray brushes my hands away and hooks the clasp with practiced ease.
"Quick, put something on!" I hiss at him. He's still standing there in his boxers, a smirk on his face.
"Don't worry, luna. I'll get dressed and slip out before he ever knows I'm here."
I frown. "Slip out? You're leaving?" My chest pulls tight at the thought.
He studies my expression for a moment. "Not if you don't want me to."
"I don't," I say firmly. "Just... give me a few minutes to talk to him first."
Suddenly, the realization that I'm going to see my dad after all these months hits me and I'm overcome with terror. I left so long ago, stormed out with barely a goodbye. I said so many horrible things to him that day... I have no idea how he'll react to seeing me again.
I’ve only spoken to him a handful of times since storming out of the house. I haven't even told him yet that I'm home. Or for how long...
If the deal with the coven goes south, will I be leaving him again? What will I say then?
I jump at the sound of my dad's car door slamming shut.
Gray's large hands rest on my shoulders, momentarily distracting me.
"It'll be fine, Em." He gives my shoulders a squeeze. "I'm sure he missed you. Whatever was said between you before doesn't matter. He loves you."
It's amazing that someone I’ve only known for a few short months can read me so well. He always knows what to say to make me feel better in situations like this.
I brush my lips against his, giving him a soft, sweet kiss. "Thank you. I'll see you in a bit?"
"I'll be here."
I pull my shirt on, glancing once in the mirror before slipping out the door. I've been so busy dealing with the pack and the coven and trying to find some way to stop war from breaking out that I haven't had much time to dwell on what I would say to my dad when I saw him.
"Emerson?" My dad looks shocked when he sees me on the stairs.
"Yeah, it's me," I say, walking down and giving him an uncomfortable smile.
Before I can get another word out, he pulls me into a hard hug. "Oh my God, Emerson. I've missed you so much."
I hug him back, hiding my surprise at this uncharacteristic display of affection.
"Are you okay? What are you doing back? Not that I'm not thrilled," he rushes to reassure me, words tumbling over themselves. "When did you get here? Why didn't you call? I would have canceled my trip if I knew..." He continues to babble, one question after another, not giving me any time to answer. I've never seen my dad so overcome with emotion except for when my mom died, but even then he was more prone to lapse into deep silences than babble incoherently like this.
As I watch him, the emotion welling up in his eyes, I'm reminded of a conversation I had with Gray months ago.
Blood has nothing to do with love or family, he once said. He was right. Your family is what you make it. Family is who you let into your life, who stands by you and looks out for you no matter what. Just because I'm not his biologically doesn't mean he loves me any less, nor I him. He is my family, regardless of blood or past lies or mistakes. He always will be.
"I'm sorry, dad," I say, interrupting him. "I'm so sorry I left the way I did. I love you. You are my family, regardless of blood or DNA; none of those matter. You raised me, took care of me. You are my father. Blood has nothing to do with it."
He blinks away a few tears and clears his throat. "I've never thought of you as anything other than my daughter. It never mattered to me who fathered you. You are my daughter. You always will be."
He pulls me in for another hug, and I feel him tremble slightly. When we pull away, we're both blinking our eyes a little more rapidly. He clears his throat, as if searching for something to say.
"How did it happen?" I ask him. Even though I've just said that it doesn't matter, I can’t help being curious.
"Your mom and I knew each other since we were children." He studies my face, then motions for me to sit on the couch. "If you want, I can tell you about it."
I nod, surprised he's willing to talk about it. He's always been so close-mouthed about mom ever since she died.
"When I first met your mother, we were in grade school. We became friends. Close friends. I got the impression that her childhood was very different from other kids I knew. Her parents were controlling, never allowing her to go to school dances or hang out with other kids outside of school. She hated it. She always talked about how, when she was older, she would run away. Leave and never come back. She made me promise that when the time came, I would help her."
He rubs one hand over his blond head, sighing. "Like I said, we were young. And I loved her. I loved Elizabeth from the first moment I laid eyes on her. But she didn't love me. She cared for me. I was her best friend. Her only friend outside of that strange cult Madelyn kept her confined to. But that was enough for me.
"We stayed friends, even after I went off to college. She was a couple of years behind me in school. We wrote each other, talked on the phone when we could. She told me about a boy from Ashwood Creek she was seeing. Roman. She loved him. She loved him the way I’ve always loved her. It broke my heart to hear her talk about him, how they were hoping to get married. She was barely seventeen, and they were already talking about marriage! It seemed crazy to me, but she said everyone in her community married that young. I was devastated, but at least she was happy."
Tears spring to my eyes. I blink them away, hoping he doesn’t notice.
Roman. She loved him, but was forced to run from him. I wonder where he is now. Did he go feral like so many in the pack believe? Could he still be alive somewhere, still searching for Elizabeth, never knowing that she died years ago? The thought is too depressing to dwell on. I force my attention back to the story.
"Then one night, she just showed up outside my dorm room. She was tired and dirty, had nothing with her but the clothes on her back. I couldn't believe she walked and hitched rides all the way to my campus. She could have been killed." He shakes his head, remembering.
"She told me she was in trouble and
she needed my help. It turns out she finally got up the nerve to run away. I asked her about Roman, why he wasn't with her. She started crying, shaking. The community she lived in denied the match. They were going to force her to marry another man there, one she cared nothing about."
He pauses, looking me straight in the eye. "Then she told me about you. Her and Roman weren't allowed to be together, and if anyone in the community found out that he had gotten her pregnant, she said they would kill him. Might try to take you away from her, too."
I sit in shock, silently absorbing this, trying to fit it in with the story Madelyn told me, but the pieces don’t add up. Why would they take me from her? Unless, like Margie said, the pack would have tried to mold me into a weapon for their own purposes.
"I still loved her," he continues, staring off, lost in his own thoughts. "I knew she didn't feel that way about me. It was always Roman for her. But she cared about me, and that was enough. Besides, there was you." He turns fully to face me. "Even before you were born, I loved you. You may not have been of my blood, but you were my daughter all the same. You ARE my daughter. You always will be." He wraps me in his arms, holding me tight.
As I breathe in his comforting scent, a mixture of expensive cologne and laundry detergent, I remember all the times he’s been there for me, loving me, caring for me. All those popcorn and movie nights, all the trips to the zoo back before my mom died. As I hug him back, I know that he's right.
It doesn't matter whether he's my biological father or not; he raised me, loved me, took care of me. As far as I'm concerned, he's my dad. Caring, love, support, that's what makes a family. Blood has nothing to do with it.
We sit in companionable silence for a few moments while I try to gather my courage to ask the questions I've been dreading. Finally, I let out a breath and take the plunge.
"Dad?" I hesitate. "What—a...what exactly happened between you and Victoria?"