Bah, Humbug! (A Romantic Comedy Christmas Novella)

by Heather Horrocks

  “Ah, why not? If I don’t agree, you’ll just find something else to blackmail me with.” He was amazed at what he was doing for this woman. And actually, shock of shocks, enjoying it.

  “And remember that you still have to buy gifts for your family.”

  He was still shaking his head in disbelief twenty minutes later as he handed the clerk his VISA card and she swiped it through the reader. Five-hundred-fifty-six dollars and twenty-nine cents worth of Christmas decorations.

  Suddenly, the unreality of it all hit him. He couldn’t believe he had just spent money on Christmas decorations.

  He looked at Lexi. He’d bought them for her. What was he thinking?

  She smiled up at him. “See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?”

  He shook his head in mock dismay. “It was horrible.”

  “It gets better,” she said. “Now we’ll go put them up in your yard.”

  He took a deep breath. “That means--“

  ”Exactly,” she said in a low, conspiratorial voice. “This year, you’re going to Christmas your own yard.”

  * * *

  “We’d like a booth in the back,” Kyle said.

  The waiter led the way past booths of people who occasionally glanced their way and then looked puzzled, as if they thought they had seen them before. Lexi wondered how long before they were recognized.

  Lexi slipped into a booth and Kyle sat across from her. They both ordered hot chocolate. And then, because no one could see them, they both slipped off their sunglasses.

  Kyle smiled. “I read that Norma Jean didn’t even need sunglasses--she turned Marilyn on and off, becoming invisible when she wanted.”

  “Not that we’re nearly as famous as Monroe, but it can still be hard to have a quiet conversation in public.”

  They shared small talk for the few minutes it took the waiter to return with their hot cocoa. This time he looked at Lexi with one eyebrow raised, and then at Kyle. His eyes widened. “Are you...?”

  Lexi smiled and put her finger in front of her lips. “We don’t want anyone to know.”

  “Wow. Will you autograph my book? It’s in my backpack.”

  “Sure.” As the waiter left, Kyle shrugged at Lexi.

  Lexi picked up her mug of Stephen’s hot cocoa and glanced at Kyle, across the café table from her. “Gotta work on turning it off, I guess. You see that I succeeded just fine.”

  He laughed. “I’ll work on it.”

  She set down her cup, feeling warmer already. It was nice to be with someone who wasn’t impressed with her television show credentials. Someone who just enjoyed being in her company.

  Kyle took a sip of his cocoa. “Listen, I’ve been thinking.”

  “I am so impressed.”

  “I know. Hard to imagine, isn’t it?” His smiled faded into something more serious. “After all the work you’re doing for this party, I really would like to invite you and your children to join us on Christmas morning to open gifts. If you don’t have anything already planned, that is.”

  When he put his hand on hers, Lexi felt a warm shock. What was happening to her? She didn’t want to have anything in her life change, yet she could feel change in the air, in her children, in the hand holding hers. She didn’t pull her hand away.

  She didn’t have family. She didn’t have many friends close by. It would be okay to enjoy this camaraderie for a few moments, wouldn’t it? After all, she enjoyed his company. He was turning out to be a good friend. And she needed friends.

  “What do you say?” he coaxed. “Christmas morning?”

  The thought of having a good friend warmed her heart. “I’d like that very much.”

  * * *

  Lexi pointed to a spot by the driveway, and the men delivering the large decorations placed it where she indicated.

  One of the men even saluted.

  “Thanks for your help.” She fished in her pocket for a tip.

  “Thanks.” The younger man flashed her an interested look. He was attractive enough, but she wasn’t interested in getting involved romantically with anyone.

  The other man called to the younger one. “Come on, Eric. Let’s leave Mr. and Mrs. Anderson to do their decorating.”

  The younger man smiled at her once more and the two men drove off, their company van slipping and sliding on the ice-covered streets.

  She wondered if Kyle had heard he was now Mr. Anderson. She blew out a breath that turned to visible steam.

  “Look, Mom’s a fire-breathing dragon.” Steven raced around her in his new snow attire. Moving from California, they’d had to buy all new warm clothes.

  “Actually, I’m more like an ice-breathing dragon.”

  Kyle came up beside her. “Being cold serves you right for getting me to spend so much money, Mrs. Anderson.”

  The twinkle in his eyes told her that he had heard. And he was laughing as if he didn’t mind the thought.

  “I like freezing,” she insisted.

  “Sure you do.” He laughed again. “Okay, what’s next, Ms. Slavedriver Decorator?”

  “Run these lights across the roof line.”

  “So I’m to risk life and limb next, huh? All right. If that’ll make you happy.” He carried the ladder, set it up and checked for stability, climbed up and reached out his hand. “Well, aren’t you at least going to hand them up to me?”

  “You really haven’t done this for a long time, have you?”

  “How about never. I wasn’t kidding about my family having heart attacks.”

  “Well, then it’s a very good thing I came along to rescue you and your family from your unlit Christmas past.”

  A man wandered over from two houses down. He nodded at Lexi; she’d met him when he and his wife had come to her impromptu dinner.

  He looked up at Kyle and deadpanned, “So, how’s it going?”

  Kyle looked down from the ladder. “Hi, George.”

  George shook his head. “What’s gotten into you?”

  “Oh, just got bit by the Christmas spirit bug.”

  George unboxed a string of lights and handed it up. “How long you suppose this’ll last?”

  “I’m not sure,” Kyle answered. “I’ve never had it happen before.”

  George shook his head again. “Well, maybe if you take two aspirin and lie down, the feeling will pass.”

  “Hey,” Lexi protested. “No undermining here.”

  “Ah,” George said. “Our own Alexis Anderson. I am impressed with your powers or persuasion. I heard you had supernatural powers before, and now I’m positive of it. I never thought I’d see the day when my good neighbor here would allow even one Christmas light on his lawn. And now you’ve succeeded where we’ve all failed. How ever did you do it?”

  She grinned. “I had to blackmail him.”

  “Well, keep it up. It’s nice.” George shook her hand. “See you in church tomorrow?”

  Alexis nodded.

  Kyle said, “Wouldn’t miss your Sunday School class, George. I get some of my best sleep in there.”

  “Ah, it’s a sad thing when a grown man doesn’t know any of the answers and has to seek his solace in sleep.”

  As George left, another neighbor meandered over. By the time Kyle climbed down from the ladder, Lexi had met or been re-introduced to at least ten neighbors. She wasn’t surprised at the surprise these people felt at what he was doing, but she was amazed at the spirit of good will they all had for him, even though he’d resisted their decorations for years. He seemed to inspire good will.

  Look at what he’d done for her and her kids.

  She was sure glad she was just helping him decorate and she didn’t have to worry about his charisma. She was just his decorator and blackmailer. Much simpler that way.

  A blonde woman, her body stuffed into pink stretch ski pants and a bright pink form-fitting sweater, wandered over. “Hi, Kyle. Good to see you out and about. Got your latest book done yet?” The woman’s voice
was almost a caress. No, it definitely was a caress. Silky, warm, sensual. Lexi rolled her eyes.

  He looked down from the ladder. “Still working on it.”

  “I don’t suppose you’d give me an early edition?”

  Kyle laughed. “Now, Cecile, you know I can’t do that. My publisher would be very displeased with me. And I try never to displease my publisher.”

  The woman reached up to place her hand on Kyle’s arm and laughed along with him. A pang of jealousy bit through Lexi. Where had that come from? He wasn’t hers, not in any sense of the word. So where had that strong feeling of possessiveness come from?

  She turned back to the job at hand, trying to ignore the woman’s sensual voice behind her, and growing more and more uptight.

  That neighbor had every right to be here. After all, Lexi was just a neighbor, too. Even as she tried to convince herself, Lexi knew she was in big trouble.

  She moved over to Trista. “Quick. Tell me to chill out.”

  “Chill out.” Trista moved a reindeer into place, and said, ice in her voice. “What’s that woman doing here?”

  “Well, she’s a neighbor, just like we are. She has every right to be here.”

  “She’s making me really mad. She’s trying to get him to date her.”

  “Well, I suppose he dates all the time.”

  Trista’s eyes flashed. “If he’s going to date anyone, it ought to be you.”

  “Me? I’m just a neighbor.”

  Steven nodded his head. “Yeah. It ought to be you.”

  She hadn’t even known her son was listening.

  “I’m going to get rid of her,” Steven said with a determined look.

  “Now, Steven, you behave.”

  He smiled up angelically at his mother. “Now, Mom, I will. I’m going to behave just like a boy.”

  And he raced around the yard making loud noises, in circles around Kyle and the intruder.

  Lexi rolled her eyes.

  Trista kept a look out. It was only a few minutes later when she smiled. “She’s leaving.”

  As just a decorator and a blackmailer, Lexi shouldn’t feel quite so relieved at that news.

  Chapter Eight

  TWO DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS

  The kids raced into Kyle’s kitchen and Steven called out, “Someone’s here.”

  “It’s a fancy car,” Trista said with a grimace. “A big green ugly one.”

  “Be sure and point that out to the owners,” Lexi said.

  “Mom. I’m not going to tell them,” Trista answered in her you’re-so-stupid voice.

  “Thank goodness for that.” Lexi wiped her floury hands on her apron. “Okay. I guess that means we’re on.”

  Untying her apron and laying it on the counter, she surveyed Kyle’s kitchen. There was enough food here to feed twenty people. She’d start by welcoming the newcomers with cookies. Kyle’s house and yard looked fantastic now. He had spent a good part of the day yesterday helping her and, though he kept saying how worried he was about getting his book out on deadline, he had worked for hours beside her. It had been a wonderful day.

  And this morning he’d found a seat in the row behind hers in church. He’d shown her where George’s Sunday School class met, introducing her to people and, when class started, sitting beside her. And, despite what he’d said, he didn’t sleep at all. And, despite what George had said, Kyle knew quite a few answers.

  Kyle had told her his married brother would arrive today with his family, with his other brother and father coming later. They’d all be here for dinner at six. And she planned to have a feast ready for them. “Trista, grab that platter of cookies, will you?”

  Very carefully, her daughter picked it up.

  Taking a deep breath, Lexi smiled. She was more worried about these people liking what she’d done than she was with her television audience. “Okay.”

  Steven looked worried. “What if they don’t like gingerbread cookies and chocolate chip cookies?”

  “Everybody likes cookies,” Lexi said, hoping she was right.

  Nervously, she peeked out the window. What Trista thought of as an ugly green car was a large Mercedes, now parked in Kyle’s driveway, beside the newly installed sleigh and reindeer. Her eyes moved to the previously mutilated and beautifully rebuilt snowman who had introduced her to Kyle Miller, the famous author. She couldn’t resist a smile when she thought about Kyle. That first impression had been a killer--a snowman killer, to be exact.

  She couldn’t believe how nervous she was. This was just a good deed she was doing, in exchange for Kyle making an appearance at her son’s birthday party. Helping a lost man and his family find the Christmas spirit again.

  If she kept that in mind, she hoped she wouldn’t be nervous.

  So far, it wasn’t working.

  When a knock sounded on the door, she wiped her free hand on her slacks.

  “Mom, chill out,” Trista whispered.

  “Okay.” Lexi pulled the door open, and a handsome man who looked remarkably like Kyle stood there, holding what looked like a package of food. A pretty, petite, dark-haired woman, also holding food, and two children about the same ages as Trista and Steven stood beside him.

  “You must be Kyle’s brother.”

  His eyes lit up. “Guilty. Keefe Miller.” He stuck out his free hand and lifted his eyebrow in question.

  She could feel herself blushing at what he was obviously thinking. Pull yourself together, girl. “I live next door and I’m helping your brother with the party. I baked some cookies to welcome you and your family for Christmas.” She placed the platter on the entryway table. “I’m Lexi Anderson. These are my children, Trista and Steven.”

  She looked up at the sprig of mistletoe Kyle had apparently added after she’d left.

  Keefe followed her gaze. “Not too subtle, is he?” He stepped inside. “Why does that name sound so familiar?”

  “My mom does the Alexis Anderson show,” Trista offered.

  The woman raised an eyebrow in surprise. “You’re Alexis Anderson? That’s great.”

  Keefe laughed. “Then I guess we won’t be needing this food. We thought he was joking. Ms. Anderson, this is my wife, Alyssa. And my children, Justin and Jill.”

  Lexi motioned to her children. “Trista and Steven have a movie ready to play in the next room. A Christmas Story, I think. You kids can go in there if you’d like.”

  Trista, the perfect little hostess, helped put away the coats and boots that the kids shed, and then led them to the movie room. Lexi took the adults’ coats.

  Lexi shut the door and motioned for them to come in. “Kyle went out for some last minute shopping. He’ll be back any minute.”

  Keefe raised an eyebrow. “Shopping? Kyle? Are you sure you haven’t turned him into a Stepford brother?”

  “Hey, Dad, come see this,” one of Keefe’s kids called out.

  “I’ll be back, ladies.”

  Alyssa turned slowly in the entryway, touching the holly entwined around the mirror, shaking her head in disbelief at the miniature wooden sleigh and reindeer on the edge of the living room carpet, going closer to get a good look at Lexi’s homemade centerpiece nestled on the fancy cherry wood dining room table. “I’m stunned by what Kyle has done to his place. And I’m so excited to meet you.” She stopped. “Wait a minute. Did you somehow arrange for all this decorating to go on?”

  Lexi laughed as she led the way into the family room and sank into one of the fluffy overstuffed chairs. “I did.”

  Alyssa sat on the couch. “No wonder. I couldn’t figure out what came over him. He never has family over. And he never decorates. None of them do. Keefe resisted it the first few years we were married, but he’s getting better.” She leaned forward conspiratorially. “Their mother died on Christmas Eve.”

  “I heard. It’s very sad.”

  “How well do you, um...” Alyssa leaned back. “...know Kyle?”

  “Actually,
I just moved into the house next door last week. The first night I built a snowman, which Kyle tore apart when he realized the murder weapon in his book could be hidden inside.”

  Alyssa laughed. “He over-focuses when he’s on a deadline. Tell me how you ever convinced him to do all this? I mean, reindeers and sleighs on the lawn? Lights over his entire roof? Elves?”

  “I think I may have blackmailed him.”

  “Whatever it takes. And I’m glad you’re living next door. I’m already seeing improvements in Kyle’s attitude. Keep up the good work.”

  Keefe entered the room. “Has Alyssa been telling you how we Miller boys are bad boys?”

  It was Lexi’s turn to laugh. “No. Are you?”

  “Actually, they don’t mind being called bad boys. But they hate being called handsome warriors.”

  Keefe growled in mock anger.

  “See what I mean?” Alyssa laughed again. “Has Kyle told you this story?”

  “No.” Lexi shook her head. “Please share it with me.”

  The front door opened and Kyle entered the room. “Hi, family.”

  “You got home just in time.” Keefe groaned. “Alyssa’s out of control again.”

  “Is Alyssa sharing her fruitcake cookies?”

  His brother shook his head. “Worse.”

  Kyle sat on the arm of Lexi’s chair, a move so intimate that it threw her. “You’ve all met my beautiful neighbor, I take it.”

  “I love what you’ve done to the place, Kyle,” Alyssa said and winked at Lexi.

  “I had help,” Kyle said.

  “Really? I never would have guessed.” Alyssa smiled. “And you can’t distract me from my story, Kyle. But nice try.”

  Kyle sighed. “Okay. Which story are you spilling tonight?”

  Alyssa laughed. “About the handsome warriors.”

  Kyle groaned.

  “Didn’t I warn you?” his brother said. “Come on, let’s grab some eggnog.”

  Both men rose and, shaking their heads, left.

  Totally intrigued, Lexi said, “I can hardly wait.”

  “Gabriella--that was their mother--was Italian, a beautiful dark-haired beauty, who fell for their father, Kelly Miller, this big Irish guy. He’ll be here any minute and you’ll see for yourself. Anyway, Gabriella absolutely fell in love with Irish names. Kelly stands for “warrior” and she gave each of her three sons the middle name of Kelly, after their father. And each of their first names--Keefe, Kenneth and Kyle--all mean a variation of handsome. She had a houseful of handsome warriors.” Alyssa shrugged. “I think it’s cute.”