Be What Love Is

by Malouff, Ellie

  Reid is mercurial like no one I’ve ever met before. It’s hard to believe that the man who held me against his chest last night when I was so frightened is the same snide and greedy prick that walked away from me earlier. He’s absolutely maddening. Sure he has manners and is ridiculously handsome, but what does that matter if he can turn into a Grade-A Asshole in a heartbeat.

  The only perspective I have on Reid is what my grandfather left for me in his final letter. I pull it out of my pocket and read it once again, trying to glean what my grandfather saw in him.

  Dear Cara,

  If you’re reading this, then it obviously means that I’ve passed away. I hope you’re doing well and that you remember all the good times we had together. I’ve thought of you every day since you left and I’ve held you in my heart.

  Since you are receiving this letter at the reading of the will, I’m assuming you’ve met Reid, Anna’s nephew. You are both the beneficiaries of our estate. He is a good man and very special to us. He’s incredibly bright, and he will help you make the right financial decisions for your future. I also believe you will help him see the intrinsic value to what you’ve both inherited. You are now in this together, my darling girl. I have no doubt that you two will connect and do the right thing for each other. I love you, my little ballerina.

  Sincerely,

  Your Loving Grandfather

  I fold the letter, less carefully than I usually do and shove it back in my pocket. According to my grandfather, Reid is supposed to help me make wise financial decisions. Well, I’d rather be poor for the rest of my life than be like him for a single day. And my grandfather’s idea that I can bring out Reid’s sentimental side? Fat chance of that. It’s a total joke. He doesn’t treasure anything except cold hard cash and high-end labels.

  I’ve been out here for a couple of hours, drafting my application and I’m a little nervous about the WiFi connection this far away, so I head back toward the house to click Submit. As I cross the driveway, I hear the sound of car tires gently pressing on the gravel. A very nice sports car eases its way around me. The driver, who looks like a cross between James Bond and Superman, makes a friendly hand motion. I wave back, even though I don’t know him. I didn’t know we were expecting visitors. Then again, I don’t know much about anything around here.

  Reid

  Handle the McHenrys. I checkmark the reminder on my phone and go for my drink. A scotch, neat. The burn doesn’t hurt anymore.

  Even though the McHenrys are walking away with a handsome severance, including moving services, a flat in town, and an all expenses paid holiday to Portugal for a much deserved holiday, it was a terribly tough moment for the couple. They knew it was coming, of course, after all, we’re selling the house, but that didn’t matter much at the moment. Mrs. McHenry cried, while Mr. McHenry nodded once, stepped over to me and shook my hand.

  It’s been quite a day. Cara and I are off to a terrible start. Not only is it going to take ages to go through this monstrosity but it’s going to be tense at every turn. I haven’t had a simple, carefree moment with the woman. Christ, it’s either fire or ice with her. Holding her last night felt good. Too good. It wasn’t only the sensation of her soft body against my skin I liked, although that was especially exhilarating, it was soothing her and protecting her from whatever frightened her. It made the hollowness less noticeable.

  I could barely sleep after that. Between obsessing over my feelings and arousing fantasies of what it would have been like to slip the shirt off her and press my skin against hers, I couldn’t get her out of my mind.

  But all of that was forgotten when she went toe-to-toe with me about Anna. I don’t remember the last time I was ever so livid with someone. Now she’s outside, God knows where, and I’m left to take care of business. I don’t mind. That’s how I prefer it, actually. I won’t be distracted by her, fight with her, or get caught in lascivious thoughts. Well, maybe that last one is unavoidable.

  My phone chimes. Calendar reminder: 19:00, Evan Dunning, Real Estate Consultation.

  I swipe the reminder and head toward the side door. Evan is as punctual as he is vain. No doubt he’ll show up in the Aston Martin tonight. He’s been that way since we were roommates at Cambridge.

  I pull the door open at the exact moment Evan is pushing it in. Cara is with him, her arm entwined with his. When she sees me, her eyes grow wide as she clutches onto him tighter. Adrenaline courses through me as I stare at his hand on her arm.

  “Reid,” Evan says, bringing my attention back.

  “Evan.”

  Cara gently removes her arm from his and puts her hands behind her back, allowing us to shake hands.

  “I see you’ve met Miss Montgomery.”

  “Yes, Cara was about to show me around,” he says and winks at her.

  My eyebrows lift as I study them. “Oh really?” I land on her and try to smile cordially. I’m not sure how it’s coming off. She makes a funny face and turns toward Evan. Is she impressed with his facade? The finely tailored suit, pearly white veneers, hundred quid haircut, and James Bond sports car are constructed to do just that.

  My hands involuntarily turn to fists at my sides. Loosen up, Lewis.

  “Umm…I think I might let Reid take you around. I mean, I don’t know nearly as much about the house as he does or the McHenrys for that matter.”

  My eyes dart to where their cars used to be parked. She doesn’t know they’re gone yet and I absolutely dread telling her. She isn’t going to understand. Another fight is imminent.

  She goes on. “Plus, I need to make some phone calls back to the States.”

  Evan lets out an exaggerated sigh, and I roll my eyes. “Well, your lovely face would have surely increased the value of Canterwood Manor in my eyes, but I’ll try to stay objective. It was a pleasure to meet you,” he says and takes her hand into his to kiss it.

  My teeth clench as blood rushes to my face. She looks up at me, and I try my best to appear unfazed. I shouldn't be fazed. After all, it was only a few hours ago that she crossed the line about Anna. I shouldn’t care about Evan flirting with Cara. I shouldn’t care about Cara at all. Maybe it’s just a matter of reminding myself again and again. I should add it to my reminders app. Do not be fazed by Cara Montgomery.

  “It was nice to meet you too,” she says to Evan.

  He’s still holding her hand. The cad.

  “I hope to see you at the C.I.C. gala this weekend,” he says and my nostrils flare.

  She shakes her head. “The what?”

  Evan raises a curious eyebrow at me. I give one sharp shake of my head and answer her question. “The Children's Immunization Charity is honoring Trevor and Anna’s memory at their annual gala.”

  “And Reid is going to speak on their behalf,” Evan adds.

  Perfect, bloody perfect.

  She frowns. “Oh.”

  “You should come so I can ask you to dance,” Evan says, and I find myself glaring at him.

  “Okay,” she replies to my surprise and smiles at him.

  This is spinning out of my control. I don’t like it. Trying to regain some of it, I blurt out through gritted teeth, “It’s sold out.” It’s technically true, but I know there’s a big loophole. Would Evan go as far as to use it?

  “Oh. Well, you can be my plus-one,” he proposes. The bastard used it. He makes direct eye contact with her, a play he’s perfected over the years. He could sell the crown jewels to the Queen. “What do you say?”

  “I’d love to be your plus-one,” she replies and lays it on thick. Is she doing that to push my buttons?

  “Brilliant!”

  I grab onto Evan’s arm and drag him into the house. I can’t handle another second of this ridiculous moment. I shut the door behind us and take off toward the kitchen.

  Evan follows and starts right up. “My oh my, Lewis, no wonder you haven’t returned to London. That is one fit female.”

  I shake my head, unable to come up with a proper response.r />
  “Truly, from the baps to the bum, she’s a real piece,” he says and bites on his knuckle dramatically.

  We end up at the kitchen island, and I stare at Evan until he takes out a leather folio filled with comps and paperwork.

  “Come the fuck on, you’re not trying to get your end away with that one?”

  I clear my throat and press forward. “So what’s the bottom line? I’m estimating something around the sale price of the Suttcliffe estate.”

  He laughs and shakes his head at me. “You never fail to amuse me. Fair game then, mate.”

  I refuse to acknowledge his comment, and I refuse to acknowledge the tightness in my chest. I don’t have time for any of this.

  I give him a stern look, and his laughter dies down. We finally get to the business at hand, and after a short tour and a lengthy strategy discussion, we develop a plan and price point. It is my absolute intention to maximize as much profit as possible since I have to split it all with Cara.

  Cara

  3…2…1…Submit!

  I click the button and close my eyes. I’ve done it. Now, I can only wish and hope that I stand out to the internship selection committee. Excitement flutters around in my belly, and I have to share the news, so I set my laptop down in the foyer and go back outside to call Julie. She answers on the second ring.

  “I’ve submitted my application.”

  “You did? I’m so proud of you,” she replies with so much warmth it makes me want to cry.

  “Yep. I’ve bit the bullet. Now we’ll see if anything happens.”

  “You’re brilliant, and I’m sure they’ll want you.”

  “Thanks. How was your flight home?”

  Julie sighs into the phone. “Not as fun without you, but I got to watch like four movies and eat risotto, so that was good. I know that it wasn’t supposed to be a fun trip, but it was nice to see where you’re really from and I’m glad I could be there for you.”

  “I’m glad you came with me. I truly don’t think I could have handled it on my own. I’m still not sure I can.”

  “Why? How are things going there?”

  I check if I’m alone and I most definitely am. So much so that it’s a little strange. Mr. McHenry can usually be found walking around the grounds, tending to things. Maybe he’s having dinner with Mrs. McHenry.

  “Things are going only okay. I’m not sure I’m going to make it out of this without going to jail for assault. Reid is driving me up the wall.”

  “Oh dear, what is it now?”

  “He’s just so…” I search for the right words to describe him.

  She giggles. “Waiting, baby girl.”

  “Maddening.”

  “How so?”

  “He just…” I am once again lost for words.

  “No wonder you can’t stand him,” Julie jokes.

  “Shut up,” I shoot back. “Oh, but hey, I met someone new. My God, you would absolutely melt if you saw this guy.”

  “Now we’re talking, what’s the deal?”

  “His name is Evan. He’s a real estate agent and friends with Reid, not that I’m holding that against him.”

  “What does he look like?”

  “I kid you not, Superman in an expensive Italian suit.”

  “Jesus,” she whispers.

  “Yeah, and even better he asked me to be his date to this charity event where they’re honoring my grandfather and Anna.”

  “I’m beginning to hate your life.”

  “Well don’t hate it too much. Reid basically tried his hardest to prevent me from going.”

  “Why would he do that?”

  “Because he probably hates me or I embarrass him somehow.”

  Julie laughs. “He doesn’t hate you. Not at all.”

  “You don’t even know. You should have seen the look on his face when Evan asked me to be his date. I’m sure he’s trying to talk him out of it as we speak.”

  “Yeah, he’s probably trying to talk him out of it, all right, because he wants to go with you.”

  “You couldn’t be more wrong. So, what should I wear to this thing? The dress I wore to the funeral?”

  “God, no. You really need to retire that thing. It should probably be burned. Between funerals and fraternity date parties, that dress has seen enough. You should go shopping, Miss Moneybags.”

  “Yeah, I’ll have to ask Mrs. McHenry to take me to town.”

  “Make sure you get something totally elegant but also really sexy. That will surely drive him crazy,” she advises.

  “Evan?”

  “Both of them.”

  “Julie, Reid has a girlfriend.”

  “Who? That Victoria woman?”

  “Yes.”

  “Are you sure about that? I didn’t quite get that vibe from them.”

  “I did.”

  “You don’t see straight around him, so I’d make sure about that if. . .“

  “If what?”

  “If you’re disregarding him for that reason.”

  “I’m not regarding him, because of a lot of reasons. Like more than I can count,” I tell her and remember how he got in my face about Anna this morning.

  “Hey, your mom came by and I covered for you. I told her that you went out of town, but kept it vague. I can’t believe you haven’t told her yet.”

  “Shit.”

  “Yeah. So get on that, will you?”

  “I’ll try. It’s going to be so ugly though.”

  “No doubt.”

  We talk a little while longer, and then I rush to hang up when Reid and Evan come back outside.

  “I’ll draw up the contract,” Evan says, a little less smarmy and a little more professional than he was when he first showed up.

  “Great, thanks,” Reid replies.

  I join them over by his car to say goodbye.

  “Miss Montgomery,” he says and does a little bow. It’s Austen-esque and really cheesy. I give him an A for effort, though. “May I have your number so we can make arrangements for the gala?”

  “No need,” Reid jumps in before I answer. My jaw drops as I glare at him. The words cock block nearly slip out of my mouth. He covers quickly, “I already hired a car for the event. Cara can ride with me, that way you don’t have to come all the way out here.”

  “Always thinking, this one,” Evan says and shows off his flawless smile. “I’ll see you there, darling,” he coos and kisses me gently on the cheek. I make eye contact with Reid, who’s standing behind him. His eyes narrow and his lips purse together.

  “See you there,” I reply and pull away from him.

  Side-by-side, Reid and I silently watch Evan drive away. It’s so quiet. It’s been quiet all night. A bad feeling washes over me. Something isn’t right and hasn’t been since I walked back from the carriage house. I take a look around. Reid’s sedan is parked near the fountain, but no other cars.

  This isn’t right.

  I turn toward him, hoping he will have an answer to my uneasy feeling. “Reid, where are Mr. and Mrs. McHenry?”

  He pauses for a moment, puts his hands in his pockets and looks down at his feet.

  “Did they go to town?” I ask, but I know better. He doesn’t say anything, and a new wave of rage is generating in my core. “Answer me!”

  His chin lifts as he finds the courage to look at me. “Their services are no longer necessary,” he finally answers.

  “You fired them?”

  “Come on, Cara. It’s not like that, and you know it. It was time. Things are winding down here.”

  “That’s not true, there’s still so much to do. The McHenrys could have helped us,” I argue.

  “Not as much as they would cost us. It was time to cut them loose,” he argues back.

  “God!” I exclaim and throw my hands above my head as I start pacing in circles. “Everything is about money for you.”

  “Somebody has to care about the finances here.”

  “Why didn’t you consult me on this? You n
ever consult me.”

  “Because—”

  “Because, why?” I demand to know as I keep pacing in front of him.

  “Because you wouldn’t sign off. You wouldn’t like it. You only think with your heart, not your head. It had to be done.”

  “God!” I exclaim again and throw my hands back into the air in a repeat performance. He just doesn’t get it.

  He takes hold of my arm and pulls me toward him. “Stop stomping around, just listen. I had to do it. I know what’s good for us…financially.”

  Tears spring to my eyes when I think of the married couple who called this place home for so many years and whom I consider family. “How could you? How could you do that to them?”

  He swallows hard at my question. “I did the right thing. I gave them a generous severance. I lined up a moving company to pack and deliver their things. I even—”

  “Money, money, money! That’s not the point, Reid. For them, it was about this place, not the money or the job.”

  “I’m sorry, Cara. It had to be done. This place won’t be ours much longer. The sooner, the better and now they can move on, just like us.”

  My feelings cannot be contained anymore. Tears slip down my cheeks, and I wipe them away. He’s still holding onto my arm and reaches up to hold my other arm too. This man has already seen so much raw emotion come from me and yet he’s genuinely displeased. It’s hard to tell if he’s sympathizing or annoyed.

  His eyes don’t reveal an answer. They’re speaking to me, but in a language I hardly understand. He lifts one hand up to my head and gently brushes hair back from my face. My heart that just seconds before was dull and broken, now beats faster than I care to admit. I pull out of his grasp and turn away.

  “Cara,” Reid calls for me as I run toward the house, but I don’t look back, and I don’t speak another word.

  Chapter Seven