Love Me Like You Won't Let Go

by Toppen, Melissa

  “Bye.” I throw up a wave as he ducks into the driver’s seat, the engine rumbling to life almost instantly.

  He meets my gaze through the window and nods once before shifting the car into gear and quickly driving away.

  I realize I haven’t moved a single inch when he stops at the stop sign a few feet from where I am before turning left, disappearing around the corner. I give myself a physical and mental shake, trying to snap myself out of the haze I seem to enter anytime Asher is around.

  Heading back toward the shop, I can’t help but think about Mary. On one hand, I’m glad Asher has someone he can count on. On the other, I can’t help but feel a little betrayed. Mary is supposed to be my friend. And while I know how immature that sounds, I can’t stop myself from thinking it.

  It’s something I stew over for the next few hours, well into the evening. I don’t know why. I shouldn’t care that Mary and Asher are friends. I should be happy that they are. Only I’m not happy. In fact, I’m the exact opposite of happy. To the point that by the time I close the shop down just after seven in the evening, I’m down right angry about it with no real logical explanation as to why.

  “You’re jealous.” The little voice in my head points out for the hundredth time today, as if I don’t already know this much. The minute he said he asked Mary to go house hunting with him my first thought was, “why didn’t he ask me.”

  Climbing into my blue Jetta, I toss my purse onto the passenger seat before fishing out my cell phone. Pulling up Asher’s number, without really thinking it through, I hit the call button and press the device to my ear.

  It only rings twice before his voicemail picks up. My heart instantly sinks.

  “Get it together,” I say to myself, not sure what’s gotten into me today or why I feel so all over the place.

  Scrolling further down my contact list, I click on Tyler’s name, equally frustrated when the call goes to voicemail after a couple rings.

  Dropping my forehead against the steering wheel, I let out a frustrated groan before finally deciding I know exactly who I need to talk to.

  Sitting upright, I tap on Allie’s name, not surprised when she answers on the first ring.

  “Hey, B,” she slurs slightly and I instantly know she’s been drinking.

  “Hey, are you drunk?” I immediately call her out.

  “Only a little.” She giggles.

  “Where are you?”

  “I’m at Hilary’s apartment. You should come over. We’ve taken over the community pool and have turned it into our own private bar and float.” She laughs.

  “Pretty sure you’re not allowed to do that.”

  “Pretty sure we don’t care,” she shoots back. “Come over.”

  “Who all is there?”

  “Just me and Hil, Jules and Matt. And then some guy I don’t know.” There is rustling over the speaker before she yells, “Hey, what’s your name again?” A pause. “And Briggs,” she adds. “But I’m pretty sure that’s not his real name.

  “Where’s Dean?”

  “Don’t know. Don’t care.”

  “Uh oh. I don’t like the sound of that.”

  “Whatever. He’s an ass.”

  “Okay, I’m coming over,” I interject, sensing something is off and needing something besides Asher to focus on.

  “Sweeeet,” she draws out. “Don’t forget your bathing suit. You’re going to need it.”

  “I’ll be there in twenty,” I say, knowing that should give me plenty of time to drop by the house and change. I only live ten minutes from here and Hillary’s complex is only two streets over from mine.

  “I’ll see you then,” she says entirely too loudly before disconnecting the call.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Blakely

  When I arrive at the pool, there’s at least five more people there than what Allison had originally told me were in attendance. I’m guessing either they arrived after we got off the phone, or she didn’t feel as though they were important enough to mention. Either way, I head straight in her direction, spotting her in the corner of the pool area as I approach. She’s laid back in a lounge chair with her big sunglasses pulled down over her face, even though it’s nearly eight o’clock and what’s left of the sun is hidden beneath a slew of clouds in the sky.

  “There she is!” she announces excitedly when she sees me approach.

  “Hey Blakely,” Hilary calls from her spot on top of a large inflatable flamingo that’s floating in the center of the pool.

  “Hey.” I throw her a small wave before taking the seat next to Allie. Instead of lying back, I keep my legs over the side and my body turned toward my friend. “How’s it going?” I ask, reaching out to pat her bare leg.

  “It’s going great.” She holds up her half empty glass. “He,” she points to one of the guys in the pool. “Hey, what’s your name again?”

  “Briggs.” He laughs, clearly having answered this question more than once.

  “Shit, right. Briggs makes the best drinks ever. You should totally have him make you one.”

  “Let me taste.” I take the drink from her hand and throw back a big gulp. The sweet drink slides down my throat easily, but I don’t miss the massive vodka kick that hits me seconds later. “Whoa.” I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. “That is strong.”

  “I know. Isn’t it amazing?” She slides her sunglasses down onto her nose and sits up. “Hey Briggs.” She smiles, clearly proud of herself for getting his name right this time. “We need two more,” she tells him, pointing to her glass.

  “Coming right up.” He nods, hopping out of the pool moments later. I watch as he pops open a cooler in the corner and pulls out three different bottles.

  I’m determined to watch him make them to be sure he doesn’t slip anything into them, but movement by the gate catches my eye and I look to the left just in time to see Mary step into the pool area, Asher following close behind.

  “Mary!” Allison holds her hands up and screams across the pool, either not noticing Asher or not caring enough to say anything.

  Mary smiles and waves before closing the distance between us, Asher fast on her heels.

  “I didn’t know you were going to be here,” she tells me, leaning down to give Allie a quick hug.

  “I was worried about this one.” I hitch my finger in Allison’s direction, ignoring Asher’s gaze which I feel burning its way into my skin. “What are you two doing here?” I finally chance a look at Asher, my stomach bottoming out the instant I do.

  He’s dressed in light blue board shorts, a fitted white shirt, and a backward baseball cap. I swear I feel the need to wipe around the edges of my mouth out of fear that I might be drooling. I blink once slowly and then a second time before I finally seem to find my bearings.

  “I was helping Asher look at houses. We’d just finished up with the last one when Allie called. We stopped, changed, and headed straight over.”

  “Yeah, he said you were helping him. How was it? Did you find anything good?” I turn my attention back to him, proud of how easily I handled the transition without giving away how much seeing them here together has thrown me. It’s one thing to think about them spending time together, it’s quite another to have it thrown right in my face.

  I’m not necessarily saying anything is going on. I know Mary and I honestly can’t see her doing anything remotely close to what I’ve spent all day fearing she was doing. I’m too much in my head. So much so that I’m starting to question the intentions of one of my very best friends. Seems like Asher showing back up is affecting more than just one relationship in my life.

  “It was really good. I don’t think I could have done it without Mary.” He grins in her direction and I swear fire bubbles in my chest. “She asked so many questions I didn’t even think to ask.”

  “That’s awesome.” I force a smile, turning my attention to Briggs when he slides up next to Asher and extends me and Allison each a drink. “Thank you.” I smile che
ekily up at him, noticing for the first time how good looking he is. Not Asher good looking, but his shoulder length blonde hair and wash board abs are certainly easy on the eyes.

  “Anytime, darling.” He winks, turning back toward the pool.

  “What are you guys drinking?” Mary sits down on the end of Allie’s chair and reaches for her glass.

  “No idea, but whatever it is, it tastes good,” I say, taking a big gulp from my blue plastic cup.

  “Give me that.” Asher snatches the drink out of my hand, forcing me to scoot over when he slides down next to me. Taking a tentative sip, he cringes.

  “Good, isn’t it?” I ask Mary, ignoring Asher’s reaction.

  “It is,” she agrees, licking her lips as she hands Allison back her cup.

  “Good? It’s practically straight vodka,” Asher disagrees.

  “Yeah, that’s how we like it.” Allison giggles, finishing off her original glass before taking a large drink of her new one. “Okay, who’s ready to swim?” She pushes her drink back at Mary and quickly stands. “B?”

  “Maybe after this drink.”

  “Fine. Mary?”

  “In a minute. I want to talk to Blakely for a sec.”

  “You guys suck.” She gives us both an evil glare before her gaze goes to Asher. “I suppose you have some bullshit excuse too?”

  “Hell no. It’s hot out here. I’ll get in with you.” He smiles at her reaction, quickly climbing to his feet. He kicks his shoes off and slides them under my chair before pulling off his shirt. I don’t mean to look, but I can’t help myself. My eyes lock onto each inch of flesh as it’s exposed.

  Asher has always had a nice body. But nice is not how I would describe it anymore. He used to be lean with a small amount of muscle definition, but now he’s sporting rock hard abs and a chest I seriously have to resist the urge to reach out and touch. And don’t even get me started on his shoulders and arms. I could tell through his clothing that he was broader and more defined than he used to be, but I was not expecting him to look like he just stepped out of a freaking GQ magazine.

  When my eyes finally make it back to his face, he’s wearing a knowing smile. Heat creeps up my neck and spreads across my face. I quickly look away, knowing if I don’t I might spontaneously combust at any moment.

  He chuckles softly before tossing his shirt in my direction. Because I’m not looking directly at him, I don’t have enough time to react before the thin material hits me in the face, engulfing me in his scent. I’m momentarily stunned, my senses so overwhelmed I can’t form one coherent thought.

  I pull his shirt off my head and toss it down on the chair next to me, only then remembering Mary, whose gaze is locked on me.

  “He’s such a punk,” I joke, feeling the need to say something.

  “Yes, he is.” She smiles.

  “You wanted to talk to me?” I remind her, obviously curious.

  “Yeah. I just wanted to make sure you were okay with this.” Her gaze goes to Asher before making its way back to me.

  “Okay with what?” Panic rises in my chest and for a moment I begin to imagine the worst.

  “My being friends with Asher. I hope it’s not too weird for you.”

  “Of course not.” I try to mask my relief by taking a drink.

  “Okay, good. Because you know if you tell me to stay away from him I will. I just feel bad for him.”

  “You’re allowed to be friends with anyone you want. Even Asher,” I tell her, reaching over to squeeze her hand. “But I have to ask...”

  “We’re just friends,” she interjects, answering my question before I even ask it. “I would never go there. That’s like the number one rule of girl code.”

  I let out a fast breath.

  “Don’t get me wrong, Asher is obviously gorgeous and he’s also very charming. But, B, he’s so in love with you I swear he can’t see a woman standing a foot in front of him. When we were looking at houses today he kept asking what I thought you would think. Even with you getting married in a couple weeks, he still hasn’t given up.”

  “He wanted to know what I would think?” I ask, surprised by this news.

  “Every house.” She nods. “I know y’all are trying to be friends, and I think that’s great, but be careful, B. You two are walking on a very thin rope. That became very apparent to me today.”

  “I told him I’d go to the beach with him on Sunday,” I admit.

  “Are you sure that’s such a good idea?”

  “No.” I let out a frustrated laugh. “But I also can’t stop myself either. I can’t help it. I want to be near him.”

  “And Tyler?”

  “I don’t know,” I admit, tears stinging the backs of my eyes. “When I’m with him it feels right. But when I’m not, I don’t know. I find myself questioning if it really feels right or if it just feels safe.”

  “Sometimes safe is the right choice.”

  “Or is it the easy way out?” I question, my gaze going back to Mary.

  “Hard to say, I guess. Every situation is different.”

  “What would you do?” I ask.

  “I’m not going to answer that.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I can’t tell you what I’d do. I can tell you what I think I’d do, but I can’t have you basing life altering decisions on a hypothetical situation. I’m not in your position, B. I don’t have one man that loves me let alone two.”

  “Mary...”

  “It’s okay. I haven’t met the right guy and I’m okay with that. I’m only twenty-three. My Mr. Right will come along eventually. Besides, this isn’t about me. It’s about you. And you, my dear friend,” she reaches over and pats my arm, “you have one hell of a decision to make and I don’t envy you in the least.”

  “My head says Tyler.”

  “And your heart?”

  “I’m not really sure what it’s saying.”

  “Are you sure that’s it or do you just not want to hear what it’s saying?”

  “Maybe a little bit of both,” I admit.

  “You’ll figure it out eventually. Something will happen that will force you to see things more clearly and when you do, you’ll know.”

  “I hope so.” I blow out a breath. “Because right now I feel so mixed up inside I’m not sure I know which way is up and which way is down.”

  “Have you tried talking to Asher about this? Or even Tyler? Maybe that would help. Maybe if you’re honest with yourself and with them about how you’re feeling, maybe you can find some clarity.”

  “I want to talk to Tyler. I’ve even tried. But every time I open my mouth the words won’t come out. I love him, Mary. And I’m terrified of pushing him away or losing him because I can’t get my shit together. And then Asher, I don’t want to hurt him either. I don’t want to tell him how I’m feeling because I don’t want to give him false hope. I can’t promise him a future that I’ve already promised to someone else.”

  “So then what are you going to do?”

  “I don’t know.” I drop my face into my hands. “I just don’t know.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Asher

  I can’t take my eyes off of Blakely. I can tell by her body language that whatever she and Mary are talking about is heavy. I have a pretty good feeling, considering the way her eyes keep darting this way, that it has something to do with me.

  When Mary suggested we stop by after Allison called her, I had no idea Blakely would be here. I hoped like hell she would be, but I wasn’t expecting it. I had to bite back the urge to ask Mary if she would be at least twenty times on the way over. In fact, I’ve made it a point to talk about Blakely as little as possible. Not because I haven’t wanted to. Hell, she’s all I think about, but because Mary has been really fucking nice to me and I don’t want her to think the only reason I’m hanging out with her is to get information on B. Because it’s not. I have found over the last couple of weeks that I genuinely like Mary as a person and not because she�
�s Blakely’s friend.

  “You just gonna stand there staring at Blakely all night or are you going to come float with me?” Allison says to my right, pulling my attention to where she’s laying belly down across a big floating turtle.

  “I’m not staring.” I grab the handle of the float and hoist myself up onto the turtle next to Allison, somehow managing to not flip us over in the process, although I come very close.

  “Yeah, sure you’re not.” She snorts, rolling her eyes. “You’re about as subtle as she is.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I play coy.

  “I’m just saying, you two are ridiculous.”

  “I’m going to try not to take that as an insult.” I nudge her in the arm with my elbow as I adjust myself on the float.

  “It’s not. I mean, not really.” She smiles, clearly intoxicated. “I just don’t get you two. You’ve always had this undeniable connection. Even when we were kids we could all see it. But then you left,” she says unapologetically. “And it killed her when you did. None of us understood how you could do that to her. To Blakely. To the girl that your world seemed to begin and end with.”

  “That hasn’t changed,” I interject.

  “And yet you still left?”

  “It’s hard to explain,” I start, but she cuts me off as if remembering her earlier point.

  “Not only did you leave, but then you came back. And the minute you walked back into town it was like everything she had built in your absence crumbled away and now all she can see is you. She has an incredible fiancé, a man who loves her in a way I only wish someone loved me. I hope you realize what your being here is doing to her. What she has at stake. Because so help me god, Asher, as much as I like you, if you hurt her again I will fucking murder you.”

  Even though her expression says she means every word, it doesn’t stop a silly smile from spreading across her mouth.

  “You know, it’s really hard to be scared of you when you’re smiling like that,” I point out.

  “I blame what’s his face.” She gestures off somewhere in the vicinity of the man who I saw bring her and Blakely drinks not long ago. “Those drinks are crazy strong.” She abruptly shifts and slides off of the float into the water, completely submerging herself for a good ten seconds before popping back up directly in front of me. She wipes the water from her face before her gaze comes back to mine. “But I still mean what I said, Asher.” She wags a finger at me.