by D. K Lake
I send Em a quick message to let her know I arrived in Nebraska safely. Knowing Em, she's probably forgotten I was coming here this weekend, which is another reason to check in with her in case she thinks I’ve been kidnapped. I mean, it happens.
Me: I'm in Nebraska visiting my mom if you were wondering where I am.
I flush the toilet and sit on the lid, not in any rush to leave in case the signal dips.
Em: Oh. I forgot. x
Right.
Me: How's Mitchel?
Em: He checked out.
Me: What?
Nothing.
I stare at my phone, but she doesn't respond. Or maybe she didn't get my message. The damn signal is dipping again. I leave the bathroom and return to the table and find my sister Kelsey has arrived, along with her fiancé Colt and their daughter Blue. This should be fun.
Their pet dog is tied up to the table by her leash and she's licking Ned's shoe. I think her name is Fuzzy or something like that. No, wait, it's Fonzo. No, that doesn't sound right. F something? Oh, Fizzy! Yep, that's it. Short for Fizzgig. Named after that creature on The Dark Crystal. My sister was obsessed with that movie when she was little.
I watch Colt as he picks up Blue and playfully spins her around.
Yeah...that's not his daughter. That kid is one hundred percent Mitchel's. How has Mom not figured this out already? Blue has the same eyes as Mitchel, and she has his dark, wavy hair. She's the spitting image of him. I don't know how I didn't see it before.
I pull out my seat and sit back down, smiling over at my little niece. Blue is the cutest kid I know, and I'm not just saying that because she's my niece. She's like a doll, with her beautiful dark curls, striking blue eyes, pouty red lips, a splash of freckles, and at fourteen-months old, she’s already running around like a whippet causing everyone to chase after her.
I glance back at my sister wondering if she knows about Mitchel's mom. Did anyone tell her? Does she know Mitchel has been in the hospital? Are they even speaking to each other anymore? The last time I was in Nebraska, I caught them in the supermarket eating each other's faces. Did she ever tell Colt Mitchel was in town? Probably not. So, I doubt she ever told him about the kiss. Colt is too nice for my sister. I like the guy more than Mitchel, but he can be a bit gullible sometimes, and he's a little too infatuated with my sister to notice anything is wrong.
I check my phone and see a message from Em.
Em: He discharged himself from the hospital and left town.
Who did what? I scroll up and try to remember what we were talking about. Mitchel discharged himself from the hospital and left town? Where the hell did he go?
My eyes dart back to my sister. Does she know where Mitchel is? Looking at her again, she doesn't look very worried. I think if she knew Mitchel had overdosed and been in the hospital, she wouldn't be sitting here looking this happy. Smiling over at her fiancé as he walks Blue around the garden. Not unless she's that good of an actress.
She turns to me and smiles my way and I can tell she's about to engage in conversation. Or at least try. I don't have anything to say to her. And I don't want to put my foot in it and blurt out the wrong thing. The less she knows the better. Mitchel's not even here, but just knowing he’s a mess right now will freak her out, and I don't want to be the one that upsets the apple cart.
I chew on my lip, contemplating if I should tell her or not.
I haven't seen or spoken to her since the whole supermarket fiasco. I mean, what would I even say to her. Hey, how's it going? Are you still cheating on Colt with Mitchel? Ugh.
Can't say that.
"Hey. I haven't seen you for ages." Kelsey says with a smile, brushing her long white hair over her shoulder.
"I've been busy at college." I mumble, looking back at my phone.
"How is it?" she asks, and I shrug in response.
I don't want to talk about college. Maverick made me hate college.
"So, are you down for the weekend?" she persists.
Obviously. Why is she trying to make chit-chat? We have nothing in common. She's busy with her daughter, cheating on Colt and lying to everyone, and I'm just trying to get through college without quitting.
"I'm traveling back on Monday." I tell her.
At least, that's the plan. I'm only here for two nights, but a two-night stay is long enough with Mom. I don't even know why I put myself through this. I can't stand my mom and yet, I still come home to keep the peace. I should learn to stand up to the woman and tell her no.
"Do you have plans for the whole weekend? We could do something before you leave?" Kelsey suggests.
I catch her eyes and notice how genuine they are. She wants to hang out with me. Or maybe I'm misreading it and she wants to know if I told Mom about catching her in the supermarket with Mitchel. I'm pretty sure if I had told Mom about Kelsey cheating on Colt we wouldn't be sitting here today. Mom wouldn't even be speaking to her.
I sip my Coke, taking a moment to think. I catch her eyes again and find her watching me with a smile on her lips.
Shit.
She's trying here.
I love my sister, I do. I just don't like the bad decisions she makes. She's always been drawn to trouble like a frigging magnet. And Mitchel is her biggest pull.
"I'd like that," I finally answer, feeling slightly guilty.
I should tell her about Mitchel. She'd want to know.
No, he's trouble. She needs to stay away from him.
I shrink back in my chair and bite my tongue before I say something stupid and wreck her life. If she knew what had happened with Mitchel, she'd leave here and travel back to Radley, I just know it. She'd pack a bag, abandon her fiancé, and just drive. She'd go back to Mitchel in a heartbeat, that's how I know she doesn't know about him or his mom. She wouldn't be sitting here if she did. It's best if she doesn't know. They're obviously not in contact anymore. I'm sure if they were, he would have phoned her up in his drunken state last night and told her everything.
Wait a minute, if he's left Radley, where the hell is he going?
The conversation switches to Kelsey's wedding plans and I zone out and message Em back to try and get more information out of her. I only have one bar of signal though.
Me: What do you mean he left town? Where did he go?
A few minutes later my phone dings.
Em: Dunno. We drove past him and he was on his way out of town.
Me: Where do you think he was going?
Em: No idea. Mars?
Mars? So helpful, Em.
I reluctantly message Dario.
The last time I saw him I had told him we could hang out next week. Whatever hang out means. Even I don't know anymore. I need to stay away from him, but I don't know if I'm strong enough. I miss Maverick like crazy and Rio helped to fill that void last night. Life is lonely in the dorms and having Dario come over and surprise me, well, it made it that little bit better. All right, it was amazing. Chinese food, Netflix, and hot sex. What normal person would turn that down?
Me: Hey. Sorry I didn’t call. No signal. What's happening with Mitchel? x
I delete the kiss and then change my mind and put it back, and then take it off again before sending it.
Dario: He discharged himself and took off. x
Kiss. He added a kiss.
Focus Paige.
Me: Where did he go?
Dario: There's only one place he's going if he's heading out of town. xx
Two kisses.
Me: ???
I have a bad feeling about this. I look over at my sister as she chats to Mom about setting a date for the wedding. If Mitchel shows up here, he's going to fuck it all up for her. While I wait for Dario to message back, I find myself changing his name in my contacts.
My phone dings.
Rio: He's a mess and he's not thinking straight. One guess where he's heading. x
Shit.
Rio: How's Nebraska? xx
Me: The same as usual. Smells of cows ever
ywhere. And no signal.
He sends me a laughing Emoji.
Me: We're at dinner with Kelsey and Colt.
Rio: Shit. Have you told her about Mitchel?
No kisses?
Me: No.
Rio: I couldn't stop him. He gave me the slip at the hospital when he sent me to get coffee. Fucker.
Me: As long as he's not going to overdose again.
Rio: No, he won't if he's driving.
Me: Do you think he's on his way to Nebraska?
Rio: If I could bet on it, I'd be a very rich man.
Me: Colt is here this weekend. He can't just turn up on her doorstep!
Rio: This is Mitchel. He does whatever the fuck he wants. If he wants to see Kelsey, then no one will be able to stop him.
Double shit. My eyes find my sister again and I hear them talking about a November wedding. If Mitchel crashes into their lives, there won't be a wedding. At least the last time he had the common sense to listen to me and came over when Colt was away. Does that make it my fault that Kelsey cheated on Colt? I'm the one that suggested Mitchel come over here when Colt was away racing. Gawd, I helped Mitchel last time, I'm just as much to blame. Is that what is going on? Kelsey is having an on-and-off affair with her crazy ex. I can’t deal with this shit. I need a drink, and I don't think Coke is going to cut it.
Chapter 6
The food arrives and the waitress slides a plate of salad onto the table in front of me.
Wait a minute. I didn't order this.
I didn't even order. They must have taken the order when I was in the bathroom. Thanks for asking me what I wanted, Mom. Is this a subtle hint that I need to go on a diet? I'm the size of a stick insect already. I look over at my mom's plate and see chicken and pasta, with a side salad. Not fair. I just get the salad. Where's the rest? I douse the salad in ranch dressing and chomp on it like a frigging guinea pig. I'm starving because I missed breakfast and lunch, and this is all I get. I am so ordering the biggest dessert on the menu as payback.
My phone dings and Mom gives me this look. I can tell she’s getting annoyed with all the messages. I open the message and keep the phone on my lap.
Rio: I've never seen Mitchel this fucked up before. I hate to say it, but the only person that will be able to get him through this is your sister. x
Me: I know. I just wish it wasn't her. He's not good for her.
I send the message and think how ironic it is. My sister is in love with a mentally, unstable drug addict and I'm in love with a drug dealer. How did this happen? Sure, Rio isn't an addict and has his head screwed on right, but he's still no good for me.
My phone beeps again and I quickly silence the thing. I don't even look in Mom's direction. I know she'll be giving me the evil eye.
Rio: I miss you xx
More kisses.
I smile, my fingers already texting back I miss you too before I realize what I'm doing. I shut off my phone. I want to be alone to think. Rio confuses me. My head hurts I'm so confused. I want something I can't have. I want him. And I want Maverick back, I just won't admit it. I'm in love with two very different men. I can't be with either of them for obvious reasons, but I still want them both.
It's the worst dilemma. It's the same one I have every week when I go to the bakery and can't decide if I want one cupcake or two. But I always leave with three. One for now, one for later, and one for my bestie.
Ugh.
I'm comparing my love life to cake. This is tragic.
Colt brushes past me with Blue in his arms and slides her into the highchair at the end. He then sits on the opposite side to her and feeds her, all the while Kelsey just sits there pushing food around her plate not eating anything. Did she lose more weight? My sister and I aren't alike. She's got the curves and the looks, with her slightly bigger boobs, pretty blue eyes, and her natural mousy brown hair is dyed icy white. I'm slightly taller by a few inches, and my hair is still the same color it always has been, dark brunette, plain and boring. I don't dare do anything else to it in case Mom tells me off. God, I'm nineteen and I'm still doing as I'm told. I didn't get the curves like Kelsey. I’m more of a stick insect. I never really think about what I eat. I never put any weight on, and I guess I shouldn't complain, I'm not exactly a troll. I do hate having to wear glasses though, whereas Kelsey's eyesight is perfect, of course. Just like this perfect life she’s created for herself…although, I'm starting to think it's all a lie. She's cheating on Colt and lying to everyone about who Blue's father is. I feel sorry for Colt. Does he have any idea that Blue isn't his?
"Paige is at college and Kelsey is getting married. I wonder what next year will bring. Exciting times." Mom says and I'm back in the conversation, smiling at Mom to let her think I'm present, so I better engage.
"Are you two planning to have children together?" I blurt, not thinking.
Shit. I just put my foot in it.
My sister is staring at me with wide eyes as though she just shit herself. And when my eyes shift to Colt, I see him fidgeting, looking awkward.
Does he know about Blue? He's acting as though he does.
What the hell? Is everyone keeping secrets now?
"They already have Blue, silly." Mom says, shaking her head at me as though I'm stupid.
I meant are they planning to have their own child together. Or is Colt going to borrow Mitchel's child until she graduates school?
Okay, I can't say that.
"I meant any more." I quickly add before the silence gets weird.
Kelsey picks up her drink and stares at Blue, lost in thought. Colt doesn't say anything and stares off across the garden, pretending he never heard the question.
Huh.
He knows about Blue.
"I think one is enough for now. I think you two getting married should be the next step." Mom continues the conversation. I stick to eating my food and decide not to talk anymore in case I say something else stupid and ruin dinner.
We say goodbye to Kelsey and Colt, and I give Blue a big hug before they go. Mom wants to stay for one last drink before we leave, so I have to listen to all the exciting plans she has for Kelsey's wedding which is now happening this November.
We make it home just before ten o'clock and I say goodnight and excuse myself to my bedroom. I lay on my bed staring at my phone screen, waiting for the signal to come back in case Dario has messaged me. Or in case I want to send him a goodnight text. I'm not sure, but either way, it doesn't matter. I'm in the dead zone now. No signal. Just silence.
I get ready for bed and put my earbuds in and decide to sleep in the bed tonight, and even after my long nap all afternoon, I fall asleep pretty quickly and find Maverick waiting for me in my dreams.
There's no escape. I can't hide from him, not even in my dreams.
I don't know how much longer I can do this. I miss him and I shouldn't. Moving on is hard when all I want to do is go back again.
Chapter 7
I stir awake on Saturday morning intending to go back to sleep, but then I remember I agreed to hang out with Kelsey today. No doubt Mitchel is going to come up in the conversation. Do I tell her about his mom? Do I tell her he overdosed? What if he's already in Prairie?
So many questions.
I check my messages but there's nothing. No signal. No texts. No voicemails.
This sucks.
I can't even text Rio and ask him if he's heard from Mitchel. Would Mitchel really drive all night to see my sister? Probably.
I climb out of bed and force myself into the shower. Even the shower reminds me of Maverick. This is exactly why I used the bathroom down the hallway the last time I was here. I end up crying and eventually climb out with a blotchy face. I stand in front of the mirror and grip the sink.
Pull yourself together, Paige. Maverick ruined everything. Everything! You need to forget about him. You need to move on.
I go through the motions of getting dressed and take longer than necessary to dry and flat iron my hair, waiting for m
y blotchy skin to return to normal before I go downstairs. I apply a small amount of makeup and a touch of concealer under my eyes. The house feels cool today. Or maybe it's me. I open my duffel and can't remember if I packed a cardigan or anything. I have spares in my closet, but Mom uses a different kind of washing powder that makes my skin itch. I feel something soft at the bottom and pull it out.
How did this get in here?
Maverick's red hoodie.
I remember he left it at mine and he never came back for it after the incident. I didn't know what to do with it. I wanted to burn it at first, then I came to my senses and decided to leave it outside his dorm room for him, but then I couldn't bring myself to part with the stupid thing and packed it away in here.
I lift the fabric to my nose and breathe in his scent.
It even smells like him after three months of being packed in a duffel bag inside my closet. How is that possible? Feeling sad, I pull the thing over my head and flip up the hood.
This is so not helping my state of mind, but I can't bring myself to take it off again. I jog downstairs for a quick breakfast and one of the maids insists on feeding me, so I wait in the living room and scroll through the TV channels and find myself watching Adventure Time - Maverick's favorite cartoon.
The maid brings me over a tray with buttered toast and jam, orange juice, and a bowl of fruit. I thank her and nibble on my breakfast, taking my time.
"Is that your lunch?" Mom asks, appearing behind the couch.
"Uh...no, it's my breakfast."
"It's nearly one o'clock." Mom reminds me, I just shrug. "Are you and Kelsey still planning to go out?"
"That was the plan," I say, popping another grape into my mouth.
"What is that tatty old thing you're wearing?" She eyes the red hoodie.
"It's Emily's." I lie.
"Okay, well, I need to pop over to the country club this afternoon."
"Okay?" I say, watching her from the corner of my eye.
She hovers near the couch and goes to leave but then changes her mind and turns to me.
"Could you keep an eye on Blue when they arrive? Kelsey just lets her run around like a wild creature wherever she wants, and the last time they were here she knocked over an awfully expensive vase in the hallway. It now has a crack that needs to be repaired."