Unrestricted

by K. A. Berg

  I drag my sorry ass into the locker room after the game and punch my locker. Fuck, I got my ass kicked today, and it’s all because my head’s not in the game. It wasn’t as bad as my exceptionally shitty game last month, but it was bad enough—two fumbles and one interception that was almost run back for a touchdown. Thank God he stepped out of bounds right before the pylon. Saved my ass. Coach is lecturing us about how we all need to be present, and I can tell all of his frustration is directed at me. He’s going on about it being football and “on any given Sunday,” things could change in a heartbeat. As if I need a reminder we aren’t guaranteed anything…

  I’ve got a lot of shit to fix, and I need to fix it fast. It’s the only way I’ll be able to get my head on straight. It’s probably best to start with my mother. She’ll most likely be the easiest—or maybe Alex, but I’ve already semi-fixed things with him. So, Ma it is.

  I’m not sure if Ma came out to the game tonight, but I hope she did. I don’t think she’s catty enough to not show up just because she’s mad at me. Either way, the game’s long over when I pull into my parents’ driveway and make my way up the stoop. Ma must have been expecting me to show up at some point tonight because the porch light is on. She opens the door just as I get up there.

  “Hey, Ma,” I greet her apprehensively. I’m not really sure what to expect. I’ve never been on the outs with her before, and have no idea which way things could go. I stand at the door, waiting for an invitation to enter, not entirely sure if I’m even welcome. Well, I know I’m probably welcome. My parents would never turn their backs on me completely, but after my last encounter with Ma, I’m not assuming anything.

  “Hi, honey.” She sighs sadly, stepping out of the way to allow me in. “Have you eaten?” With Ma, an offer of food is as good as any invitation.

  “Not yet,” I say, feeling a little confused. I haven’t spoken with my parents since last weekend, and I’d been expecting animosity if anything, not sadness.

  “Come on. I’ll fix you a plate,” she says, turning toward the kitchen.

  “I’m sorry, Ma,” I lament, following her into the house. Disappointing Ma has been one of the lowest points in my life, and I want her to understand that.

  “I know, honey. I’m sorry too.” She turns away from the kitchen counter to look at me with a weak smile on her face and tears in her eyes.

  I pull her into a hug and lean back, resting my butt on the counter. “You have nothing to be sorry for. You were right, as usual,” I reassure her, giving her a bit more of a squeeze. She shouldn’t be upset about what she said. It was the truth.

  “I was angry, and I should’ve given myself time to calm down before I acted. I’m always telling you kids to think before you speak and be careful what you say. I should’ve practiced what I preach. I definitely could’ve handled the situation a little better.” She pushes away from me and turns to wipe a rogue tear from her cheek. “I’m your mother, Tanner. I should’ve never spoken to you like that. While I strongly disagree with what you did, I still shouldn’t have reacted the way I did.” she says, trying to collect herself.

  I think I hear my heart crack. Ma shouldn’t be carrying around this crap.

  “Ma, don’t cry, please. I needed to hear it, and you were the best person to deliver it. Without your extra push, who knows how much longer it would have taken for me to pull my head out of my ass?” I tell her, wrapping my arms around her tiny frame again. Her body shakes from the tears she tries to hide in my chest. I rub her arms up and down, reassuring her again there’s nothing she needs to be crying over.

  I smile at her and reach over to grab her a tissue from the box on the counter. “Ma, seriously, thank you. You gave me the last push I needed to realize I’m a total dipshit.”

  “I’m not just crying because of that. I’m worried for you. This is serious. What if she never lets you see the baby? Even if you win a custody battle, you’re still going to miss so much. I’m going to miss so much. You need to fix this.” She sighs, wiping her eyes.

  “I went to see Ashley this week.”

  “You did?” she asks, picking her head up and looking me in the eye for the first time since I got here.

  “I did. See, I told you... you gave me the kick in the ass I needed.”

  “How did it go?” she asks, wiping away at her eyes for any moisture she might have missed.

  “As well as could be expected—she told me to beat it. But I told her I wasn’t going to give up that easy,” I say, watching Ma head over to the counter to fix me a plate of leftover lasagna—her Sunday special.

  “Good for you. She needs to see you’re serious now. You really messed up. What’s your plan?” she asks, heading to the table with a plate piled high with food.

  “Not a damn clue, any suggestions?” I shove a forkful of deliciousness into my mouth. Mmm … Ma’s lasagna is always so damn good.

  A sad look crosses her face as she takes the chair next to me. “You’re going to have to prove you’re serious about this and in it for the long run. She isn’t going to trust you again easily, sweetie.”

  “I know. She even tried to give me back the car I bought her.”

  “Damn. She is definitely a woman scorned.” Ma chuckles. “I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t be laughing, but she must be seriously pissed at you to give back a BMW. Sorry to say so, but you’re definitely going to have to think of something big.”

  No kidding. I wonder what Ma would say if she’d seen how Ashley looked at me. A dentist about to do a root canal has probably gotten a warmer reception than me.

  Now that things are square with Ma, I need to make sure everything’s okay with Alex. Since we’re on decent terms, he’ll only require a phone call.

  “Dickhead,” he greets me when he answers the phone—seems to be his favorite nickname lately.

  “How long are you going to keep that up? It’s getting pretty old.” I roll my eyes even though he can’t see me.

  He laughs. “That will probably be the last time. I heard you made a visit to see Ashley.”

  “Yeah, I think it’s more than safe to say she hates me, dude. I think she’d like seeing me strung up by my balls—or at least that’s what I feel like her dirty looks were telling me.” I sigh and flop down in the middle of my bed, which seems empty nowadays.

  “Told you, man. You fucked this one up good.” He laughs. The motherfucker actually laughed at me.

  “It’s not funny, asshole,” I snap as I reach to grab a pillow from the top of the bed.

  “It is when you’re the one who gets to say, ‘I told you so.’” He laughs again, harder this time.

  “Yeah, yeah. You told me so. Listen, I need to know if we’re good. I’m trying to fix things with everyone one by one so my head isn’t one giant clusterfuck.” I close my eyes, and my head begins to throb. I definitely feel a migraine coming on.

  “We were always good. I just needed you to see how wrong you were. Every time you went into your little bubble, it pissed me the hell off,” he says, easing one more worry from my mind.

  After setteling things with Ma and Alex, Ashley is the only one left. I have no clue what to do. I’ve texted her at least a dozen times, trying to get her to agree to at least meet with me. I offer up dinner and lunch—hell, even coffee. Each time I’m met with a go to hell or a fuck off. Pregnancy has definitely made her feistier. My head is filled with thoughts of Ashley, once again, as I hop in the shower.

  Am I fucked up for being happy about her sudden change in demeanor? Ashley has always been easygoing and hesitant to speak her mind. Now, she has no qualms about speaking it whatsoever. It makes me want her even more. Despite the fact the girl won’t give me the time of fucking day, I can’t stop thinking about her spread out before me with all that fire in her eyes.

  My shower turns steamy, the hot water pounding my back as I stand there, thinking about fucking Ashley. My hand wraps around my cock of its own volition. The contact makes me hiss. The roughness of my hand is
nowhere as arousing as the warmth and sweetness of Ashley’s. I picture her in front of me, on her knees, begging me to fuck her. Her pleading in my mind turns me on even more.

  “I want you, Tanner.”

  “Fuck me, Tanner.”

  “I need you, Tanner.”

  I stroke myself harder, faster, squeezing my engorged head with every pass. Fantasy Ashley leans forward and licks my cock from root to tip, “Fuck my mouth, Tanner.” Her words, even if only in my mind, send me over the edge. I fuck my own hand mercilessly as I picture each spurt of cum landing on another part of Ashley’s body, marking her, claiming her as mine again. The relief of my orgasm only lasts a moment as the tension creeps back in.

  It’s as though I’ve gone back to the very beginning, before we were together. I’m stuck picturing all the ways I want to fuck her while rubbing one out in the shower. It’s pure torture, and it’s draining me slowly. At this point, everyone has noticed something’s off with me. The fact I’ve been a complete asshole hasn’t helped, but I honestly don’t know what to do or where to go from here. I wish I had someone other than Alex and my parents to help me navigate my way through this mess. It sucks to realize you’ve fallen in love with a woman who absolutely hates you.

  Chapter Seven

  Quinn

  “Where are we going?” I ask Alex when I realize we’re in the middle of a suburban neighborhood—nothing but tree-lined streets of enormous houses. I have no idea where we are. “I thought we were going to dinner.”

  “We are. I just need to check on the swelling in one of the guy’s knees before we go.” A devious smile takes over his face as he reaches over the center console of the car to place his hand on my thigh.

  “Oh, okay. You could have mentioned that, you know.” I smile back at him as I run my finger under the cuff of his jacket to get to the spot on the back of his wrist that drives him crazy. Seeing his smile reminds me how much of an easygoing guy he really is. Everything with Alex is fun and laid-back. I’d never thought I’d end up having a repeat guy, but with Alex, it’s effortless. I’ve grown to like it, but I’d never admit it out loud. Being with him breaks all my rules, but the sex is so spectacular it’s definitely worth it—at least it will be until he turns out to be like every other shithead out there, lying and selfish.

  We pull into the driveway of a beautiful mansion, bigger than most of the ones I’ve seen. But then again, the guy who lives here is a professional football player, so I don’t know why I’d expect to see anything less than a towering monstrosity like this one.

  Alex hops out and walks around to get my door. “Come on,” he says, opening it.

  “What? Why do you need me to come in? I’ll wait here. It’s fine,” I tell him but immediately second-guess the decision. “Unless you’re going to be a while. Is this going to take a long time?” I definitely don’t want to be sitting in the car for an hour.

  “Whether it takes five minutes or three hours, you aren’t staying in the car. That would be very rude of me, don’t you think?” He offers his hand to help me out of the car. There’s a weird expression on his face I can’t decipher. It could be annoyance at me for wanting to wait in the car… or maybe nervousness about introducing me to the person inside. We don’t do things like meeting friends and family, which makes me wonder why he’s hell-bent on me coming in.

  I grab my purse from the floor of the car and take his hand apprehensively, following him through the garage to a door. My mind is going a mile a minute trying to figure out what in the world Alex is up to with this ‘meet the player’ game.

  He punches in a security code on a keypad before opening the door. “Hello,” he yells as we enter.

  There’s no answer. We walk farther into the house, stopping in a massive black-and-white marble-filled kitchen. Everything is quiet, and it seems as though no one is home. I follow Alex to the other side of the house, and he stops in front of a doorway hung with heavy blue floor-length curtains.

  “Before we head in here, I need you to keep an open mind. Can you do that?” he asks, a very serious undercurrent in his tone.

  Things seem to have just taken a hard turn into weird. “What the hell is this, Alex? The velvet curtains to your sex dungeon?” I ask, taking a step back.

  “No, you dirty-minded little diva. It’s a screening room. I have a feeling this is where he is.” He laughs as he wraps his arm around my shoulders, but he quickly turns serious again. “I’m serious, Quinn, can you keep an open mind until I explain things a little better?”

  “Sure, I guess,” I say, clutching the straps of the purse slung over my shoulder. “But I have to say you’re freaking me out.”

  “That’s what I’m afraid of—you freaking out.” He pulls back a curtain and ushers me inside.

  The room is dark and very theater-like, except there are couches instead of chairs and a huge flat screen hangs on the wall. I look around, trying to figure out why Alex brought me here and why I need to keep an open mind. Then I spot the answer.

  “Why would you bring me here? To his house?” I demand, doing my best to keep my voice low, and not draw Tanner’s attention to me. I don’t know why Alex has brought me along, but I want no part of this meeting. I don’t want to talk to him, so I turn to head back into the hallway.

  He stands in the entrance, blocking my escape. “Because he needs your help, and I’m asking you to do this for me… for Ashley… for the baby,” he says in a tired voice, his hands folded as though he’s begging. All that’s missing is the pout and a pretty, pretty please.

  “What the hell are you talking about?” Now I understand all the weird shit back at the car. He was nervous about me kicking his ass for bringing me to Tanner’s house.

  “Things are pretty pathetic over here. He’s a mess, and before you get all defensive, I thought he deserved what he’s been getting in the beginning too. What he did to Ashley was fucked up but look at him.” He sighs, throwing his thumb over his shoulder drawing my attention toward Tanner. “He hasn’t even noticed we’re standing here arguing, and I know as much as he’s trying to focus on the game film he’s watching, his mind is busy trying to figure out how to win back Ashley. He’s a freaking train wreck, and I need him to see a little light at the end of the tunnel. I thought maybe if you talk to him and see he’s really trying to make things better, then you might help me help them.”

  He can’t be serious.

  “You think I’m going to help you by going behind my best friend’s back and selling her out to him?”

  “Please?” he asks, but he isn’t Alex. Tanner has finally acknowledged us. He must have overheard our argument. “Please, Quinn. I need to fix this.”

  I take in his face, and even in the dimly lit room, I can tell things have been wearing on him. He doesn’t look very much like the superstar I met back in September. His face is thinner. His eyes are bloodshot, and he’s sporting some serious bags under them. There’s no happiness radiating from him anymore. He looks like a man who’s had his world ripped away from him. It’s sad, but he’s done it to himself. I’ve seen Ashley look worse over the last month and a half, but the difference is she didn’t ask for it.

  I take a step back and put my hands on my hips. “Tell me why I should care you want to fix this, Tanner. Why? So your conscience can feel clean and you can focus on football?” I ask in my most irritated tone. I’m irritated with Alex for bringing me here and with Tanner for being an asshole and now wanting my help.

  “Because I love her, Quinn,” he says, looking me directly in the eye. There’s no hint of bullshit reflecting back at me, and the realization knocks me for a complete fucking loop.

  “Fuck! Did you just finally say it out loud?” Alex asks, looking shocked. “Took you damn long enough…”

  “You have a funny way of showing love, Tanner. If you treat all the people you love the way you’ve treated Ashley, remind me to never get close enough to you for you to love me,” I say sarcastically.

  “Excuse
me,” Alex says, smacking my ass.

  “Shut up,” I tell him. “I’m trying to make a point here.”

  “You think I don’t know how bad this sounds?” Tanner asks, his hands burying themselves in his hair. Everything about him radiates frustration. “I do. I made a mistake. Hasn’t something from your past ever made you question everything and react badly? When she said she was pregnant, it felt like I was right back in a place I swore I’d never end up again. It didn’t matter to me it was Ashley. I couldn’t see that. I spent the entire drive back to your place that day worried to death about her. She was so sick, and I just wanted to make her feel better. Then she didn’t even want my help because she didn’t want me to get sick. I knew she was different and I was sunk even then. I knew I was falling in love with her…” He sighs, sounding defeated. “Then she dropped one of my worst fears in my lap. I know I was wrong, and I’m trying to make it better. I don’t want to only be able to see my child every other weekend and holidays. Are the three of us supposed to suffer forever because I had a temporary lapse in judgment?” His voice is the saddest, most pathetic one I’ve ever heard a grown man use before.

  He’s playing to my weaknesses too, whether he knows it or not. I know what it’s like to have one person ruin the way you look at things— to have your judgment clouded by one stupid asshole. And he just said the three of us. He’s including the baby—a baby who means the world to Ashley and a baby who I’m looking forward to meeting. Their baby shouldn’t have to grow up without a father, especially if he has one who wants nothing more than to be a part of his life.