All We Were (Ex-Factor Duet Book 1)

by Elisabeth Grace

  Jimmy

  “Make yourself at home. I’m just gonna run and change,” I tell Adelaide as I head down the hall.

  I invited her back here once we wrapped on set. Not for me exactly, but because Tripp is supposed to drop by tonight and I think he and Adelaide might get along.

  Lilah wasn’t in the living room or out on the deck when I came in, and she’s not in the bedrooms either. I’m relieved she isn’t home, because I have no idea how she’d react to Adelaide being here and she and Tripp can’t be civil. Still, I can’t help worrying about where she is and what she’s doing. I do my best to put it out of my mind while I change. I texted Tripp before we left set, so he should be here soon.

  Adelaide is on the couch in the living room.

  I pour her a glass of wine in the kitchen. “So tell me, Adelaide, how come you don’t have someone in your life?”

  She joins me, sitting on a stool across from me at the island. “Why are any of us single in this town?” She shrugs and sips her wine. “This job is demanding and it’s hard to find someone who will put up with your schedule. Dating in LA is a cesspool. Most men are more interested in getting into my pants than my heart.”

  I pull the chicken from the fridge and rinse it. Thankfully, my back is to her, I’m not sure what to say to that since it’s true. “Maybe you’ll like my buddy Tripp when he gets here. He’s a good guy.”

  “Maybe. Why are you single?” she asks, then seems to think better of her question. “Are you single? Or is Lilah your…”

  “Me and Lilah are complicated.”

  She presses her lips together and gives a big nod. It comes off a bit skeptical, so I feel the need to explain.

  “We’ve known each other since we were kids. Been through a lot together.”

  “So you’re what? Friends with benefits?”

  I place the chicken on a large cutting board and pull the meat tenderizer from the drawer in the island. “I don’t think there’s a word for what we are. We’re sort of like two planets orbiting the sun. Sometimes we’re close to each other, and other times we’re on opposite sides of the universe.”

  I grab some plastic wrap and cover the meat, so the juices won’t splatter all over us while I beat it. I bang the tenderizer on the meat, relieving some of my frustration about the topic of Lilah and what we are to one another. Adelaide seems content to watch me, and I grow uncomfortable under her gaze, as though she senses more than she should. When I finish, I place the tenderizer in the dishwasher and toss the plastic wrap in the garbage.

  “Well, I think she’s foolish if she doesn’t see how good she has it with you.” She smiles and sips her wine again. A smile tips the corners of her mouth over her wine glass.

  She does see too much.

  “Trust me, I’m no angel.” I give her a friendly wink and move the chicken to a plate before I head to the sink to wash my hands.

  Thankfully, Tripp joins us then, walking right in as usual.

  “Hey, man.” I give him a nod.

  “What’s up? And who is this lovely lady?” he asks, knowing full well who Adelaide is.

  “Adelaide, this is my friend Tripp.” I motion between them with my hand.

  “Good to meet you,” he says, taking her hand.

  “Same here.” She smiles and gives him the once-over.

  “Well, you two get to know each other. I’m going to warm up the barbeque. Be right back.”

  I listen to them chitchat as I walk across the living area and out the sliding doors onto the deck overlooking the ocean. After lighting the barbeque, I look inside the house to judge how it’s going. Tripp and Adelaide are engaged in a conversation, and my mind fills with the thought of what it would be like if Lilah and I ever did something so normal as have a night in with another couple. You know, were Lilah and I are officially a couple ourselves. My hope that that will ever happen is vanishing every day.

  No matter how much I push, she won’t budge and give us a real chance. Sure, sleeping with her is great. But I want her to clean up her shit, move on from the past, and really be with me. As a couple.

  But I learned early in life that you can want something, but you might never get it.

  A couple of hours later, I’ve cleaned up from dinner. Adelaide and Tripp are getting along well enough, but I’m not sure there’s enough spark for a love connection.

  I’m enjoying myself too. I’m on my fifth drink, lying to myself that it’s not because Lilah hasn’t shown her face. I texted her an hour ago, and so far, I’ve heard nothing back.

  Tripp hasn’t mentioned Lilah at all tonight, which is a blessing, but we’ve all had a few and the conversation won’t go as nicely as it would if I were sober.

  “Where’s Lilah tonight?” he finally asks, as though he can hear my thoughts.

  I shrug and lean farther back into my lounger.

  “What, is your GPS tracker not working?” he teases.

  “Fuck off.” I guzzle a fair amount of whiskey. I moved on to the hard stuff after my first beer.

  “Did James tell you that he’s Lilah’s official babysitter?”

  I roll my eyes but say nothing. He’s half drunk, and there’s nothing he likes more than to bust my balls.

  Adelaide giggles. “He mentioned that he and Lilah are ‘complicated.’” She puts air quotes around the word complicated.

  “Yeah, that’s one word for it. He’s more of a glutton for punishment, if you ask me,” Tripp says with a laugh.

  “Not sure if you noticed, bro, but no one did ask you.” I finish off my drink.

  “Not like you’d listen anyway.” He turns his attention to Adelaide, whose gaze is ping-ponging between the two of us. “Do you know how many times I’ve tried to tell him to ditch the bitch? She’s been dragging him down since I’ve known him, and he just keeps going back for more.”

  Adelaide’s worried gaze bounces over to me.

  “He could be getting any girl he wants—hell, probably you—but instead he’s trying to set me up with you, and he keeps going back to that drug addict, waste of skin—”

  “That’s enough.” I pin him with a stare and rise up from the lounger. “I’m going to get us all another drink, and when I come back I don’t want to hear her name from your mouth again, got it?”

  I’ve reached my limit and Tripp must know it because he puts his hands up in a placating gesture. “Whatever you say, man.”

  I walk across the deck, my empty glass clutched tightly in my fingers. He needs to let it go. There’s no way he could possibly understand the history Lilah and I share, even if he knew all of it. You have to live it to understand it. I pour myself another drink and grab a few shot glasses of tequila. After I’ve placed them all on a tray, along with a lime and some salt, I click the button on my phone on the island to see if Lilah texted back.

  Nothing, but there are a few missed calls from my agent, Keane. I wonder what that’s about. It’s not ideal to call him back while half in the bag, but if there’re problems on set or something has come up with the The Regulator shoot, I need to know.

  “Hey, James, how are you?” he asks. The sound of clinking dishware and the murmur of a room full of people fill the background.

  “Good, the shoot went well today. How are you?”

  “Same old.” I hear shuffling and he says, “Excuse me for a second,” to someone before the background noise dies off. “Listen, normally I wouldn’t bother you with something like this, but it seemed kinda strange, so I thought it was worth mentioning.”

  The hair on the back of my neck stands up.

  “Some woman named Darla keeps calling my office, looking for you. My secretary thought it was some crazed fan at first, because she called a few times a week for a month straight, but the thing is, this last time she called, she said she was your mother.”

  The earth drops out from under me like when you go down the first big hill on a roller coaster. Except there’s no exhilaration that follows. My stomach pitches, and I grip th
e counter to remain upright.

  “James, you still there?” Keane asks.

  “Yeah, sorry, bad connection.”

  “Anyway, yeah, she says she’s your mom, which I told my admin isn’t possible because your mother passed away, but this woman insists that she wants to talk to you.”

  My mouth is drier than a desert. “Did she say what she wants?”

  “Nah, just insisted that she was your mother over and over again and demanded to speak to you.”

  “Do you have her number?” I ask, regaining my composure. I have no choice but to handle this before it scatters out of control.

  “Well… yeah, I’m sure my secretary probably wrote it down.”

  “Send it to me. I’ll take care of it.” My voice is devoid of any emotion.

  “Are you sure? I can take care of it if you want. Should I call the cops to see if we can get a restraining order?”

  “I said I’d take care of it,” I snipe.

  “Okay, man, I’ll send it over when I’m back in the office tomorrow.”

  “Thanks.” I lift a shot of tequila from the tray and tip my head back, downing it in one swallow, without the lime.

  “You sure you don’t need me to do anything?” Keane offers.

  “Nah, I’ll take care of it.”

  “All right. I’ll get it to you tomorrow.”

  I hang up and put the phone back on the counter.

  The only question in my mind is the most obvious one. What the hell does she want?

  Chapter Thirteen

  Lilah

  I stumble up the stairs to Jimmy’s front door. It’s dark, and I’m hoping Jimmy’s asleep already.

  A few voices float out from the other side of the house. Shit. Using my key, I open the front door and look at the empty living room. I spot him and a couple people out on the deck. Adelaide and Tripp. My two least favorite people.

  “Ah, the prodigal daughter returns,” Tripp says when I open the sliding glass door, and he laughs, almost falling off the lounger, which spurs him to laugh harder.

  Tripp’s obviously drunk. My gaze darts to Jimmy. He’s slumped back in a lounger, staring at me with half-lidded eyes.

  “Hey, what are you guys doing?” I walk toward an empty lounger in their little semi-circle, doing my best not to stumble.

  “Same thing you’ve been doing,” Jimmy says.

  I plop down on the seat and lean back. “Hey,” I say to Adelaide and give her a nod.

  What the hell is she doing here?

  “Hi,” she says with a little wave.

  “Where have you been?” Jimmy asks in an accusing tone.

  I whip my head in his direction. “I had some things to do.”

  He smirks.

  “How did it go on set today?” I ask to steer this conversation anywhere but on me.

  “It went well. I think we nailed a couple of the takes,” Adelaide offers.

  “I’ll bet. Rolling around in the sand with Jimmy must be really hard.”

  Adelaide stiffens.

  “Relax, Lilah.” Jimmy brings his drink to his lips, but dribbles fall onto his T-shirt.

  “How much of that have you had?” I ask.

  “You’re going to ask him that?” Tripp scoffs.

  “Piss off.” I open my purse and pull out a set of rolling papers, a baggie of weed, and roll a joint.

  They all remain quiet. Have they been like this all night, or is it just my company that makes everyone a mute?

  Once I roll and light the joint, I take a couple tugs off it and hold it out to offer to the others. Jimmy reaches for it first. After he takes a couple of pulls, he passes it to Tripp. When he’s done, he offers it to Adelaide, who waves it away.

  “What’s wrong, princess? Does it offend your sensibilities?” I ask, laughing.

  “Chill out, Lilah,” Jimmy says.

  “What crawled up your ass?” I ask, because something is definitely up with him tonight.

  “Nothing, you just don’t have to be such a bitch.”

  “I’m sorry, did I hurt your girlfriend’s feelings?” I use the voice of a child.

  “Whatever. Do what you want. You will anyway.” He lifts his drink to his lips and finishes it.

  Pissed off, I bolt up off the lounger and storm into the house. I’d rather hang out with myself in my room than these lame asses. I stash the recreational substances I picked up off Derek today and flop back onto the mattress. What is Jimmy’s problem? Has he finally tired of me? Found someone more redeemable in Adelaide?

  That thought both frightens and elates me in equal parts. I’ll never have the courage to push him away on my own.

  I don’t know how long I lie there, drifting between emotions, before the sound of my door smacking open startles me. When I whip into an upright position, Jimmy stands in the door frame, hands clenched into tight fists, breathing heavily. The expression on his face is a mixture of desperation, regret, and anger.

  “What are you doing?” I whisper.

  “Why do you do that?” He steps into the room.

  I stand from the bed. “Do what?”

  He shakes his head and steps toward me. There’re only a few inches between us now, and my skin tingles at the thought of touching his.

  “You always do that,” he says.

  “Always do what?”

  He stares at me.

  “Forget it. I’m not doing this with you. I’m tired. I’m going to bed.” I turn to climb back into bed, but his arms wrap around me from behind, pinning mine to my sides.

  “Jimmy, what are you doing?” I struggle to free myself from his hold, to no avail.

  He dips his head to my neck and inhales. “Do you know you always smell the same? Whether you’re sober or drunk, high or pissed off, happy or sad? It’s one of the few constants about you. I always feel better after I smell you.”

  He sounds sad and more hopeless than I’ve ever heard him. What the hell happened to make him feel this way?

  I stop struggling and lean into him. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”

  He shakes his head. “I just need you right now. I need to feel you all around me. I need to lose myself in you.”

  He eases his grip a bit, and I turn in his arms. Our gazes lock, and I’m not prepared for the emotions swirling in his vision. He hasn’t looked so torn apart since we were back in Virginia. My heart clenches at the pain in his eyes, and I brush his dark hair away from his forehead.

  “Whatever you need,” I whisper.

  His shoulders sag.

  My hands move to the hem of his shirt and I lift it over his head until he stands shirtless in front of me. I pepper kisses over his hard pecs, and his hand sinks into the hair at the back of my head. His eyes fall closed.

  Ever so slowly, I drop to my knees in front of him, then I undo his belt and pull down his jeans and boxer briefs.

  He stands in front of me in all his glory, looking every bit the man he is. Anyone can see that Jimmy is beautiful on the outside, but not everyone knows how brightly his soul shines within.

  I grip his hard cock at the base and jerk my hand up and down a few times to the sound of his quick gasps.

  “I want to look at you,” he says, brushing a hand over my head and gazing down at me.

  “I’m right here.”

  “I want to see all of you.” He reaches for my free hand and pulls me to my feet.

  He does nothing at first, cupping my face and leaning in so our foreheads touch. My eyes drift closed, and I savor the feeling of the connection we share. There’s no one else in the world who will ever know the true me.

  Jimmy pulls away and undresses me with a note of desperation to his movements. When I’m completely naked in front of him, he wraps a hand around the back of my neck and tugs me forward, resting his chin on my head. I wrap my arms around him, my cheek pressed to his hard chest.

  “You know what you mean to me, right?”

  I can feel the vibration of his voice in his
chest against my cheek. “I know.” I squeeze my arms tighter around him.

  “You know I’d do anything to protect you.”

  I pull back to see his face and nod slowly. He’s already proven that to me. “I know.”

  “You need to know that no matter what, I’ll take care of you and protect you.” His voice is fierce, and his eyes burn with emotion.

  “You’re starting to scare me. Why are you saying all this?”

  Seeing him like this is unsettling. Jimmy is my rock. He’s always been my rock. Even if that’s not fair to him, that’s the way it’s always been.

  “No one is going to come between us.” He leans in and claims my lips in a fierce kiss.

  I moan when our tongues touch, and he draws me into him again, our naked chests meeting. His hand is at the side of my head, directing me which way he wants me, and in a couple of minutes, we end up on the bed. Jimmy poises himself at my entrance and stops, meeting my gaze with a questioning look.

  I know what he’s asking.

  “It’s fine,” I say, holding up my pinkie finger.

  He loops his pinkie around mine.

  When his hand is placed back beside my head, he slowly pushes into me.

  It feels different. Like when we were younger and all of our feelings for one another took over our minds and controlled our hands as we slowly explored our sexuality. Except this time, there’s the bad with the good.

  All the doubt and disappointment I’ve brought him.

  The anguish and the fear I’ve caused us over the years.

  Every time I’ve torn him apart and pieced him back together.

  The times he’s saved me.

  It’s suffocating, and I can’t get enough air to fill my lungs. I grip him tighter, afraid one of us will disappear and I’ll miss out on this moment.

  His eyes stay trained on mine as he rocks in and out of me, whispering words of endearment. Words I know as his truth, but not mine. For this brief moment, I push away my self-deprecating nature and let him speak from his heart.

  “You’re everything to me.” He grinds his hips and my eyes roll to the back of my head. “That will never change. No matter what happens, believe that. My past.” He kisses my forehead. “My present.” He kisses the tip of my nose. “And my future.” Jimmy steals my mouth in a rapturous kiss that hits me all the way down to my soul.