All We Were (Ex-Factor Duet Book 1)

by Elisabeth Grace

  A warm awareness spreads through my chest, and I smile. His hands snake around my waist, and he slowly raises my zipper the rest of the way.

  “I’d really prefer to stay here all night and strip you out of this beautiful dress, but we should get going. Are you ready?”

  I nod, unable to speak past the nerves racking my body.

  “Limo is here, so I’ll meet you in the foyer in a minute.”

  “Okay, I’ll grab my clutch.”

  Jimmy insists on supporting me in my sobriety by not drinking himself. I hate that he needs to do that, but I hate it more that I’m probably not ready to be around him while he casually drinks. One day hopefully, but not today.

  Snagging my purse off the dresser, I steel myself for the onslaught of questions I’ll face tonight. I hope that for once in my life, I don’t crumble under the pressure.

  “Ready?”

  I nod. “As I’ll ever be.”

  Jimmy knocks on the tinted glass, and the driver opens the door to let us out. Jimmy steps out first, turning to extend his hand to me. With my hand safely in his, I step onto the red carpet. The press is snapping pictures and calling our names on one side of the blocked area, fans screaming behind them. On the other side is the large wall of fabric advertising the movie.

  Just pretend you’re on a shoot. Play the role.

  I put on my best smile and hook my arm through Jimmy’s waiting one.

  Fans scream his name as we step up the carpet. The sea of red is already sprinkled with a few other celebrities I recognize. Jimmy waves with his best movie star smile.

  God, he was made for this role.

  One of the handlers approaches and asks us to stop for some pictures, first with us as a couple, then each of us on our own. This part I can do. It’s second nature. It might have been a bit since I’ve been on a modeling shoot, but I’ve still got it.

  After we’ve smiled for a few rounds of photos, the reporters call us over. Jimmy wraps my hand in his, and we step toward the pack of wolves. The first few keep it short and sweet, asking questions about Jimmy’s movie and the one we’re here to see tonight. I smile at his side, my eyes fixed on Jimmy.

  I should have known it wouldn’t stay that way.

  Once we reach the reporter from Celebrity Hot Shots and she’s finishes asking the usual questions, she glances at me. “Lilah’s overdose and recent stint in rehab has been much publicized. How’s she doing today?”

  Jimmy’s smile wanes, but as he stares at me, his smile returns. He looks back at the reporter. “Well, she’s standing right here. Why don’t you ask her yourself?”

  “Of course,” the mini pit bull says with a fake smile and moves the mic in front of me.

  Jimmy squeezes my hand.

  “I’m taking it one day at a time and I’m focused on my sobriety right now. Things are going well.” I smile, hoping to give the impression that she didn’t unnerve me.

  “That’s good to hear. And since you’re here together and holding hands, can we assume that you two are, in fact, a couple?”

  She shifts the mic back over to Jimmy and I stare at him. Why, I don’t know. We discussed this and how we’ll handle the question, but maybe he’ll change his mind now that he realizes he’ll be answering questions about my sobriety and overdose until the press forgets.

  “I can confirm,” he says. “We are together, and I am madly, irrevocably in love with this woman beside me.”

  He brings our joined hands to his mouth and kisses my hand. Tears prick my eyes and I look at him as though he’s my prince, which he is.

  He gives me a chaste kiss on the lips. “Lilah is working so hard to gain her sobriety, like millions of other Americans whom I’m sure can relate to her struggle. Watching the strength she has, has been nothing short of awe-inspiring.”

  The reporter flounders for how to respond before thanking us and sending us off.

  Jimmy squeezes my hand again as we walk away. We share a relieved a smile, both happy that the announcement is out there. After years of dodging the question and never giving into the are-they-or-aren’t-they chatter, our relationship is public and official.

  Though it’s scary and my heart is beating out of my chest, when I stare at Jimmy, there’s relief and excitement for our future too.

  The movie has ended and we’re out in the large Art Deco lobby of the theater at the after party. Luckily, I haven’t had any run-ins with any more members of the press, and most people who approach us are more interested in talking with Hollywood’s up-and-coming hot new star than me. I smile, nod, and laugh in all the appropriate places.

  Everyone around us sips on alcohol—wine, champagne, beer, hard liquor.

  Calder Fox and his wife, Francesca, approach us. Jimmy greets them and introduces me. They’re both a big deal in this city and fell for each other on the set of a movie they were working on a few years ago. One that ultimately won Calder an Oscar. He’s had his fair share of trouble and was front page news after a car crash left his friend dead and him in rehab.

  After the three of them chat about studio stuff, Calder turns to me. “So, how are you doing?” The concern in his eyes and the sincerity in his voice reveal he’s looking for more than a surface answer.

  I shrug, glancing at a waiter who walks by with a bunch of half-empty wine glasses on his tray. “Hanging in there.”

  “It gets easier.” Calder takes Francesca’s hand. “I hated these things when I first got sober, but I’ve gotten used to attending them without a drink in my hand. I just don’t stay as long as I used to.”

  The four of us chuckle. It’s somewhat comforting that I’m not the only one sober here tonight.

  “My time away was good for me. Something had to give.” I shrug.

  Jimmy wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me into his side. “Lilah’s been working really hard. I’m proud of her.”

  Calder smiles, and I’m reminded of exactly why he’s a movie star. It’s hard to look away. Just like Jimmy. “That’s great. Keep working the program. If you ever need someone to talk to who understands, I’m only a phone call away.”

  “Thanks, that’s really nice of you.”

  “I mean it. In fact, give me your phone right now. I’m going to program my number in, so you have it.” He holds his hand out between us.

  “Better just do it. He’s not going to quit badgering you until you do,” Francesca says and rolls her eyes.

  “Okay then.” I pull my phone from my purse, seeing that my agent has called again.

  I’ve been avoiding Mina because she wants to discuss some type of game plan for my future, but the truth is, I’m not sure I want to model anymore. I have too many bad memories attached to that work, too many triggers waiting to drag me back down. I clear the notification, open my phone to my contacts, and pass it over to Calder.

  He adds himself and hands it back. “There you go, and don’t hesitate to use it. I mean it. Day or night.”

  I give him a grateful smile. “Thank you.”

  Truth is, it would be nice to have someone to talk to who understands the pressures of this town and how they make it harder to navigate sobriety. Maybe he’s willing to be my sponsor.

  “Well, we’d better work the room before we leave. You know how it is,” Calder says.

  Jimmy chuckles. “I do. Good to see you guys again. Have a good one.”

  They smile and disappear through the cluster of bodies surrounding us.

  Jimmy turns to me, wrapping both arms around my waist. I raise my hands to circle his neck, my evening purse dangling from one hand.

  “How are you doing?” he asks, concern lacing his face and voice.

  “Pretty good. But I think I’d like to go soon if that’s okay.”

  He nods, his forehead creasing. “We can go right now if you’re finding it too hard.”

  “It’s not that. Well, not entirely.” I rise to my tiptoes so I can whisper in his ear, “You look so good in this three-piece suit that I want you
all to myself.”

  He growls, and I draw back to meet his eyes. “I’ve been undressing you all night. This dress looks killer on you. I can’t decide if I want to fuck you while you’re still wearing it or strip it off your body and have you just keep the heels on.”

  Desire flutters low in my belly, and I suck in my bottom lip. His dark eyes turn molten with promises of the things to come when we get home.

  I open my mouth to speak, but the sound of his name has me snapping my mouth shut.

  “James!”

  We turn to see Adelaide making her way over, smiling as though she didn’t interrupt an intimate moment. Great timing.

  She looks beautiful as always. Her long dark hair hangs past her shoulders in soft waves, and she’s wearing a cream-colored gown that hugs her small curves.

  “Hey, stranger,” she says leaning in to air kiss his cheeks. Once they’re apart, she turns her attention to me. “Hi, Lilah. How are you doing?”

  The condescending way she asks smarts me a bit, but I can play the game. I put on a smile. “I’m doing well, thanks. How about you?”

  She ignores my question. “How’s sobriety going? Rehab did you good?”

  Jimmy takes my hand. An action Adelaide notices since I don’t miss the way the corners of her mouth tense a bit.

  Hmm. Jimmy might look at her as a friend, but I’d bet my last dollar that little Miss Adelaide wants more than friendship. Too bad, sister—he’s mine.

  “Rehab did put some things in perspective for me, yes.” I give Jimmy a loving glance and hold his gaze. “I know what’s important, and I’m going to do everything in my power not to lose it again.”

  He kisses my cheek.

  “Oh… that’s great.” She falters but recovers quickly, turning her attention back to Jimmy. “Rumor mill says that you might be getting an offer for Truman’s new movie. Any truth to that?”

  “Sorry to interrupt, but I’m going to visit the ladies’ room. I’ll leave you two to talk, then we can head home and finish what we started?”

  Jimmy’s eyes flare with heat, leaving no room for Adelaide to wonder what that might be. “Can’t wait.” He kisses my lips and lets my hand go.

  “It was good to see you again, Adelaide.”

  I smile, and she gives me an insincere smile back.

  “Yes, good to see you.”

  I spin on my heel and weave through the crowd to the women’s restroom on the other end of the lobby. I’m more than halfway there when someone grabs my upper arm, pulling me to a halt.

  “Lilah.” It’s Bernie Butler, head of the studio for the The Regulator movie Jimmy is in.

  “Mr. Butler, hi, how are you?” I retract my arm from his grasp.

  I’ve only met the man a few times in passing, and every time, he gave me the creeps. As a user, I’ve hung out in some less-than-stellar places and met some nasty people. No one unsettles me the way he does.

  “Please, call me Bernie.” He smiles, and his pockmarked cheeks rise, making him look as though he’s squinting.

  “Okay.”

  “I saw you here with James.” He allows his statement to hang there.

  “Yes, we’re here together.” I want to brush him off and bolt, but this man holds a lot of power in the entertainment industry and therefore a lot of power over Jimmy and the trajectory of his career, so I force myself to smile and be polite.

  “I hope you’re not going to cause any more trouble for him? He has a big movie coming out next year.”

  I squeeze my purse. “I promise I’m not. I spent ninety days in rehab and I’m sober now. Doing better.”

  “Good, glad to hear it.” He squeezes my shoulder. My eyes follow his grubby hand on my skin before looking back at his bloated face. “I wanted to catch up with you anyway and set up a meeting at my office.”

  I blanch. “About what exactly?”

  After I glance at his hand again, he drops it from my shoulder. “There’s some issues that have landed on my desk.”

  “And I can help?”

  “It pertains to James. The two of you being so close, you’re probably the best person to help me.” The ice in his glass clinks as he circles it, motioning to the crowd.

  “What is it?” My heart hammers in my throat. No way he knows, but I’d rather clear it here than have a meeting.

  He shrugs. “Nothing we want to discuss with so many ears around.”

  I step back and look through the crowd. “Let me get James and we can—”

  “Maybe you’re not understanding the severity here.” He touches my arm again and I turn around.

  Our gazes lock, and there’s an undercurrent of something I can’t decipher in his eyes.

  “Well, I’ll tell James and we can schedule a meeting.”

  “No James,” he says abruptly.

  I pull my head back.

  “Trust me, Lilah, we don’t need to add more weight to James’s plate. The movie is enough and with all the magazines and gossip circles after you overdosed, I think he’s got enough going on. This is your opportunity to help him out for once.”

  I inhale a breath. His jab hit its mark. He’s clearly not going to accept no as an answer, and I don’t want to cause any more problems for Jimmy than I already have. “Sure, okay, let’s set something up.”

  “Great.” He smiles like a wolf who knows he’s caught his prey before actually catching it. “I’ll have my secretary call and set something up.” He lifts his glass to me and nods before taking a sip.

  The urge to rip the glass from his hand and down the remaining contents is fierce, but I push away the impulse.

  “I’ll see you soon then.” Without waiting for a response, I spin on my heel and head toward the bathroom.

  The itchy feeling on my skin intensifies with each step. I’m almost lost to it before I remember what Jimmy said. When I reach the restroom and enter my stall, I lock it, lean back against the cool metal door, and exhale, picturing the reason for my suffering right now. I can see me, healthy and happy, in the future, married to Jimmy, with a child or two running around in the grass. All of us laughing with full hearts.

  That’s why I’m doing this. That’s why I will not numb myself. I want that.

  I keep breathing, and after a few minutes, the tension eases until I no longer want to peel out of my skin.

  When I step out of the bathroom, Jimmy’s waiting for me, his hands in his pockets and a look of concern directed my way. He gives me a head-to-toe sweep with his eyes, assessing me.

  “Everything okay?” he asks, pushing off the wall.

  “Yeah. I had a moment there, but I got through it.”

  He cups my face. “That’s my girl.”

  I kiss him, holding on to his wrists. This is why I’m doing this.

  “You ready for me to take you home and ravage you?” He winks.

  “More than ready.”

  With my hand in his, he leads me through the crowd.

  It wasn’t a perfect night, but the most important part is that I got through it.

  Another step in the right direction toward my new life.

  Chapter Thirty-nine

  JImmy

  I’m close to signing a contract for another movie. If I do, it’ll be my first eight-figure deal. All the buzz around The Regulator has worked in my favor, and I’m more in demand than ever.

  I jog up the steps and enter my front door, eager to tell Lilah. The house is dark and quiet. I walk to the living room, and the excitement bubbling in me bursts.

  She sits in a chair with her back to me. The TV isn’t on, and for a moment, I think she might be asleep. But she shifts and pulls a blanket up to her shoulders. I must be imagining the grim atmosphere in the house.

  “I’ve got good news,” My feet eat up the final few steps around the chair, and I come to a halt, soaking her in. “What’s wrong?”

  I drop to my knees in front of her chair. Her damp hair lays over her shoulders, and she’s fresh-faced and makeup-free while weari
ng her sleep cami and shorts. I wouldn’t think much of it except for the red tint around her eyes and her desolate expression.

  She bites her bottom lip and tears pool in her eyes.

  “Lilah, what happened? What’s going on?” Taking her hands, I bring them to my lips and kiss her knuckles as my insides clench.

  I’d mentally prepared myself for her to fall off the wagon—or I’d thought I had.

  “Just a rough day, that’s all.” Her voice is scratchy, as though she’s barely used it today.

  “Did you…”

  She shakes her head vehemently. “No, I’m still sober.” Her eyes squeeze shut. “But I want to use so badly right now.”

  I wrap my arms around her, squeezing her tightly, letting her know I’m here. I can’t fight her internal battle for her, but I’m here and willing to do whatever I can to get her past this momentary rough patch.

  “What can I do?” I murmur into her hair.

  “Nothing.” She pulls away. “Tell me your great news.” She rubs her eyes and gives me a pleading look, obviously wanting to forget whatever demon she’s fighting.

  Although my enthusiasm has waned, I figure it will distract Lilah. “I’m close to signing on to another movie. And if things go as planned, this will be my first eight-figure deal.”

  Her smile grows. Though she’s clearly happy for me, there’s still a glimmer of sadness in her eyes. “That’s amazing. All your hard work, all the sacrifices are paying off. I’m so happy for you.”

  “For us, Lilah. Be happy for us,” I say, because for me, it’s not I, it’s we.

  “I am.” She places her hand on my cheek and kisses me softly, tenderly as she opens her mouth for my tongue to slide in. She closes the kiss sooner than I’d like. “Will you make love to me?”

  I pull back and meet her gaze. A depth of emotions swim in her eyes—love, pain, remorse, shame, and most importantly, hope.

  “Always.”

  I drag her forward on the chair until she slips off and onto my lap, straddling me. Cupping her face, I meet her lips with a kiss fueled by desire and desperation.

  Lilah needs to savor my love for her right now.