“That sounds like there’s a ‘but’ coming,” I said.
She snorted. “He contacted me last week.”
I blinked.
“Why?” I asked.
“He said he’d reinstate my inheritance if he could see Asa,” she said. “I told him to go take a flying leap off the closest building, because he wouldn’t be able to see Asa ever. Over my dead body.”
Her words made me shiver.
Over her ‘dead body’ made me slightly ill.
Just thinking about her no longer being on this Earth, even if she didn’t talk to me at all, made my heart hammer inside of my chest.
“Why does he want to see Asa?” I asked.
She snorted. “He’s probably running for office. I heard through the grapevine that he retired this year and that was why he’d decided to be done with his career. He’d always wanted to run for office. He has to be important. That’s his life’s goal. To be something. First it was the son of a prime minister. Then it was the distinguished soldier. The Army general. The five star. Now it’s as a public official, I’m sure.”
“Meaning, he can’t have anyone thinking that he has an estranged family?” I guessed.
“One and the same,” she said. “Dillan doesn’t know any of this, so please don’t tell her.”
“I won’t.” I paused. “But why keep this from her?”
She fiddled with her bracelet and hesitated before saying, “I just don’t want her to know. I’ve already had to rely on her for years when it came to her talking to our father. Did you know that she shared her inheritance with me? She funded my business? She helped me go to school. God, she’s done so much when it comes to my life. I’m honestly tired of having to lean on her for support. I feel like a leech. Not to mention… I just don’t want to involve her in it anymore. I don’t want her to worry. It’s time for her to focus on her, not on me.”
She wasn’t a leech.
When you did what was best for your kid, that didn’t make you anything but a mama bear. Willing to do anything and everything, use anyone, to get what was best for your child, was everything that a mother should be.
I lay there in silence for so long that I thought she was asleep. My mind working a thousand miles an hour. Thinking of possibilities. Things that we could do to circumvent what her father would throw our way. And yes, I was thinking our way, not just hers.
Because I was stupid.
I was a stupid motherfucker, and I was going about this all the wrong damn way.
What Delanie said about Dillan was right. But kind of opposite when it came to me. I needed to stop living for my brother. I needed to stop thinking about what would be best for the group, and instead focus on me.
And what I wanted to focus on was Delanie.
I wanted Delanie. Sitting here fighting it seemed stupid, mostly because we both wanted each other. It wasn’t like we were young and dumb anymore. We were adults. We needed to stop living for everyone else and find out what would work best for us.
I knew without a shadow of a doubt that Delanie was best for me.
That week that we’d snuck around with each other? It’d been the best of my life.
“Why did you fight so hard for Booth and Dillan, but you won’t fight for something that we could have?” Delanie whispered.
It was then I realized she thought I was asleep. She was whispering because she didn’t want me to hear.
But I did hear, and I realized very quickly that I might very well have broken what we had before we even really had it.
***
The next morning, I could tell she was nervous. And by nervous, I meant she was practically about to crawl right out the door if I gave her enough time to do so.
“You okay?” I asked curiously.
I knew that she wasn’t.
Also, I knew that she wouldn’t tell me whether she was okay or not.
I was glad that I’d come with her. Especially with how ill she looked right now.
Originally, it’d been because she didn’t like driving a trailer full of dogs through high-traffic areas. But at the last minute, the governor’s secretary had called to tell her that they would no longer be allowing the dogs on-site, and to have videos instead.
And when she’d said that she didn’t need me anymore, I’d been practical and told her that there really was no reason to drive two vehicles all the way down there. Which she’d reluctantly agreed with.
“So tell me more about why the governor is calling you to meet with him,” I said, trying to break through the ice fucking wall that Delanie had erected between us.
Hell, at this point, I could tell that not only was there a wall, but she was busy building a moat as well.
“Umm,” she hesitated. “I actually don’t know. I’m going because I was called. The woman who was responsible for the phone call said that she was Governor Bryan’s secretary and that he would like to meet with me to discuss my program, funding, and a few other things.”
That morning I’d woken up, used the facilities, brushed my teeth, and had been out the door to work out before she’d even had a chance to wake up.
I’d gotten back to her still in bed and had taken a shower.
When I’d gotten out, I’d found her awake and on the terrace that overlooked Austin, drinking a cup of coffee that she must’ve made using the in-room coffeemaker.
After getting dressed, I’d made my own, all the while formulating a plan in my head for how this needed to go.
I’d decided to talk to her. To get her to possibly reconsider her writing me off.
Because I knew that she’d done it. When I’d walked out earlier, thinking that I would talk to her and feel her out, maybe discuss us, she’d been like a completely different person.
There were no more smiles. No more coy glances.
Nope. She stared out the window the entire way to where we were going and never once acknowledged me.
“So do you have breaks between your meetings?” I asked, after telling her what I had planned. “Do you want to try to meet for lunch?”
She shook her head. “No. I’ll just try to catch something in between meetings.”
I pulled over to the side of the building she would be going into, and when she went to bail out of the truck, I reached for her hand, stilling her progress.
“Wait,” I said softly.
She blinked and looked up.
“I heard what you said last night when you thought I was sleeping,” I murmured.
Her eyes widened slightly, and she shrugged. “It’s okay, Bourne. I know.”
“You know what?” I asked.
“I know that you don’t feel that way about me.”
That’s when I laughed in her face, which I was sure didn’t help her anger any.
But the thought of me not liking her? Of not having any feelings for her? That was laughable.
The problem was that I felt too much for her.
At least, that was what I thought before.
Now? Well, now I realized that my thoughts about her before were a bit foolish.
Maybe I was giving my importance too much weight.
Would anyone really even care that Delanie and I were together?
Because I honestly didn’t think so.
She tried to yank her hand out of my grip, but I tightened it slightly to keep her from leaving.
“No.” I suddenly sobered. “I do.”
“You do what?” she asked.
“I do have feelings for you,” I said. “A lot of feelings. Feelings that I feel… or felt like… that I shouldn’t have. But I’m done being a dumbass. I’m done. Do you understand?”
She blinked. “No.”
“I’m done acting like what I feel for you isn’t the reason that I’m happy that my sister has a house right next to you,” I said. “I’m done acting like you don’t matter. I’m done stopping by on the pretense that I want to see
Asa. I love the kid to death, but you’re the reason I make so many trips out there. I want to see you just as much as I want to see him.”
She blinked, startled.
“I’m in love with you,” I told her bluntly. “Have been for a while. I was just too stubborn to allow myself to admit it.”
Her mouth parted as she blinked owlishly at me. “That’s… that’s insane, Bourne. You don’t love me.”
“I’m pretty sure I do,” I told her. “Because the thought of you pulling away? Of you treating me like you did for the drive over here and in the shower last night for the rest of my life literally makes my heart ache. I want to give us a try.”
She looked over at me, her eyes wide and slightly disbelieving.
“I’m still sleeping, aren’t I?” she said. “I’m having a nightmare.”
I burst out laughing again. “I told you I want to give us a try, and you think you’re having a nightmare?”
She shrugged, eyes serious. “I’m sure it’ll end with either you or me dying. Like, I’ll say yes. We’ll become blissfully happy, and then something will happen. You’ll die. I’ll die. And then one of us will forever be alone while we think about what once had been.”
“I can’t promise that this will all work out with a nice perfect bow at the end. But I can say that I’m totally invested. I’m done playing around. I’m done acting like you don’t matter to me. I’m… I’m in. I’m all in,” I told her.
She swallowed hard, as if she was afraid to believe that what I said was true.
“We’ll talk about this more when you’re done,” I murmured, letting her hand go.
She reached for the door handle of the truck, and I called her name.
She turned back, and during her confusion, I leaned forward and planted a kiss directly on her mouth.
She pulled back, her face a mask of shock.
“What’s your favorite color, Delanie?” I rasped.
She licked her lips and got out of the truck. She was about to slam the truck’s door closed when she twisted back, met my eyes, and said, “Purple.”
Chapter 6
Do not pet the peeves.
-Coffee Cup
Delanie
I’d never been to a tattoo parlor before.
It wasn’t what I expected.
My day had consisted of a few meetings that had kept me busy from eight-thirty this morning to right after four in the afternoon.
When Bourne hadn’t answered my phone call, I assumed that he was still getting his tattoo.
And I was right.
As I walked into the large room where the receptionist had directed me, I was surprised to see Bourne laid out on his front, appearing to be sound asleep.
“Do you want to color it in?” the tattooist asked. “The eyes? They’d look badass red.”
“Ummm,” Bourne murmured. “No. I only do black and gray.”
“Like are we talking about the iris? Or the entire eye?” I asked softly.
Bourne’s eyes, that hadn’t opened when the tattooed bald guy talked to him, snapped open like something dangerous had just walked into the room.
And maybe I was that—dangerous.
At least in his eyes.
“The iris, I think,” the tattooist said. “This her?”
“Yeah, this is her,” Bourne murmured. “How’d you know?”
The tattooed man looked up, raked his eyes up and down the length of my body, scanning from my toes to the top of my head, then went back to his work.
“I can see what you mean,” he said, acting as if I wasn’t standing there at all.
He hadn’t even acknowledged me.
Pig.
I gritted my teeth and crossed my arms over my chest.
I’d had a long day. A long day made even longer by the words that Bourne had spilled this morning as I was getting out of his truck.
Last night, I’d resigned myself to never having anything with Bourne again.
Then this morning, he’d hit me with all of that baggage as I was set to meet with the freakin’ governor.
So yeah, needless to say, I’d had a long day. A long day made even longer by the fact that the governor wasn’t as cool as I’d expected him to be.
And now that I was having to deal with the tattoo artist’s condescending looks? I wasn’t very happy.
I needed a cookie. Stat.
“I think you got the wrong impression,” Bourne murmured. “I told him that you were mad at me. He’s saying he understands that you’re mad.”
I thawed a bit.
He turned back to the tattoo artist. “Purple. I’d like purple irises.”
My heart melted. Right then and there. In a puddle of goo.
My phone rang, and I smiled as I picked it up.
“Hey, sis,” I said softly.
“It’s me,” Booth said. “I just wanted to talk to you about Asa’s doctor appointment today.”
My heart dropped to around my knees as I listened to him explain a few things.
“So he either has the Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome or migraines,” I murmured. “I have migraines, Booth. But Asa never ever complains about having headaches.”
“He did today,” Booth muttered. “That’s exactly what I said. And the doctor asked him a few questions about how he was feeling. Asa admitted that sometimes his head hurts while he’s in class. Quiet makes it feel better. So the doctor wants us to see a specialist for pediatric migraines in Dallas. I’ve made an appointment for him.”
I licked my lips, feeling suddenly very insignificant. “I’m sorry, Booth. I really had no idea.”
“Me neither,” he admitted. “I think that Asa understands now that he needs to be telling us this kind of stuff, though. He knows that it’s important.”
I wiped my hand over my forehead, still feeling like a total failure.
“When’s the Dallas appointment?” I asked.
“Next Thursday at eleven. I think we should go together,” he admitted. “If we leave that morning, we can make it there and back by the end of the day.”
“Sounds good,” I murmured. “Is he feeling bad right now?”
“No,” Booth admitted. “He’s actually eating his weight in buffalo wings.”
I snickered. “He so got that from me.”
“Yeah.” Booth chuckled. “That’s all you.” He paused. “Listen, Delanie. I just want you to know that you’re doing a good job as a mother. I have had him just as much as you lately, and I didn’t catch it either. I’m sorry that I made you think that this was somehow your fault.”
I smiled. “Thanks, Booth.”
We hung up, and instead of going back into the tattoo room, I decided to visit the cookie place next door.
I’d never needed something sweet more in my life.
Wandering next door, I opened the beautiful pink door and walked inside, instantly having the smell of cookies assault my nose.
I groaned and looked around, loving the pink fifties-style diner chairs and tables. Half of a fifties-style pink Cadillac served as a counter where there was a very darling looking young woman standing behind it with a smile on her face.
“Hi!” she chirped, her face welcoming. “Can I get you anything?”
I looked at the display cases and rubbed my hands together in anticipation. “I don’t even know where to start.”
She grinned, smile widening impossibly farther. “I actually have a sample pack. You choose five different types of cookies, and I give you small samples of each. They’re actually the cookies that I break getting off the pan. I wondered what in the world to do with them. I mean, just because they’re broken doesn’t mean that they aren’t still good. Then I realized that I can just sell them in chunks and pieces as a sampler. They’re honestly my best seller because some people just like you come in here and have no idea what they want.”
My eyes widened at her lengthy response.
An
d then I thought, Wow! That’s genius!
I’d have to remember to tell my sister all about this place. She should sell a variety pack as well.
“I’ll take the sampler for now, then,” I said. “Do you have chocolate milk?”
She pointed to the display case that was built into the Cadillac’s door. “There should be some right in the door.”
She was right. Using the actual door as the cooler’s display door, the window to see inside—how the hell I’d missed that, I didn’t know—presented a plethora of drinks, ranging from Cokes all the way to chocolate milk itself.
“Yessss,” I hissed as I grabbed one and set it on the counter. “Now, I do want to get one actual cookie right now. Do you have any hot, straight out of the oven?”
The woman smiled. “I do.”
So that was how Bourne found me.
I was gorging myself on cookies and chocolate milk, and licking my fingers clean of sugar and chocolate, when he came in.
He looked all around the building until his eyes settled on me in the corner.
He grinned when he saw the large platter of cookie remains in front of me.
“You got the sampler?” he teased.
I nodded my head. “I did.”
“Which one was your favorite?” he asked, hands in his pockets and eyes on me.
I licked my fingers clean, and his eyes flared.
My grin kicked up the corner of my mouth as soon as I pulled my fingers out.
“Probably the chocolate chip,” I admitted. “But that was the only one that she had hot. So… I’m not sure if I can say that it was the real winner here. Maybe if some of the others were hot, too, they might’ve won.”
He walked up to the counter and wrapped three in a pink napkin for, whom I assumed, was Asa. He shoved them into his pocket, then came back with one on a tiny pink plate. A macadamia nut one.
“You like macadamia nuts?” I asked in surprise.
He nodded. “They’re my favorite.”
Interesting. I never would’ve envisioned him as a fancy kind of guy.
I would’ve thought chocolate chip or sugar.
Plain and simple.
I was beginning to see that Bourne was neither plain nor simple.
He was complex and exciting.
I swallowed hard and finished the last cookie remnant on my plate—a snickerdoodle.
Join the Club (SWAT Generation 2.0 Book 7) Page 9