by Lilah Rivers
Timothy put a hand on his arm, and he tried to calm down, but he was still upset at her. He didn’t know what to expect from Annie, who was always so quiet and timid. But, instead of looking away as she was prone to do, he could see the fire of fury in her eyes for once.
“Maybe it’s not me who is having trouble accepting all of this nonsense. Maybe you’re the one who doesn’t know his place in the family, who doesn’t understand that he is still under the authority of his mother and father. It must be such a privilege to be a son and think that you have the freedom to share your opinion,” she said, the words biting.
“Me? Freedom to share my opinion? I am nothing but a good, obedient son. I don’t need your accusations,” he said.
The air was thick with their livid replies, and Jethro ignored Timothy’s attempts to calm him just as he saw Annie ignoring Rachel. He could feel that there was going to be an explosion; he just wasn’t sure whether it would be from Annie or himself.
“It is strange how obedient you think you are when all I have ever seen from you is the belief that you are under no one’s authority at all. It’s as though you believe yourself completely unrestrained,” Annie said.
“You know what? I don’t need to argue about all of this with you,” he said. “It hardly matters anyway. I’m not worried. All I have to do is wait for you to do what you do best and bail on the wedding.”
With that, Annie looked like she had been slapped. She paused, said nothing, and stood with hurt in her eyes.
Jethro wasn’t sure why these words, more than any of the others, seemed to crush her so deeply. But whatever it was, he had managed to do a good deal of harm and, were he not so angry, he would have been filled with regret.
Annie cleared her throat and looked away, finally.
“Well, we should be going,” she said.
With that, she turned away, and Rachel followed behind.
Timothy put his hand on Jethro’s shoulder again.
“That was not the sort of exchange I would have expected from someone who wants to preach the Word of God,” Timothy said.
Jethro agreed. He had been awful. It seemed like Annie brought out everything in him that he didn’t want to be.
More than ever, he prayed to get out of this.
Chapter 5
Annie wished that Rachel would stop trying to keep up with her pace and would just leave her alone in her misery, but it appeared that she would not be so lucky as that.
Instead, Annie had to deal with the series of questions and concerns coming from her friend.
“Annie, just wait. I know you’re upset but wait for me,” Rachel insisted.
“I need to go home,” Annie said, barely turning toward her. She was still trying to hide the tears in her eyes, but she let her anger do the work of drying them up. It was easy to let go of her sadness when she had a fire that could burn instead.
“Why are you so upset? Yes, he was rude, and it was a mean thing to say. I know that he should have been nicer, but you don’t have to worry about it. Honestly, whatever his behavior, it doesn’t matter. What happened with Bartholomew is in the past, and he will realize that eventually,” Rachel said, trying to encourage her.
With that, Annie finally stopped in her tracks and turned to Rachel, relieved that there was no one around to see their exchange. For a moment, she thought that she would start screaming, but Annie had never been one to lose her temper, and she had already been furious enough for one day. Taking a deep breath, Annie prepared herself for the steady and metered words that she knew would come.
“You don’t know everything, Rachel. You don’t know what all happened with Bartholomew, and you should not pretend as you do,” Annie said.
“I—okay. I guess maybe there are things that I don’t know, but you have never mentioned any of them,” Rachel said.
“You need to understand that there is a lot at stake for me with this. I don’t have a choice. My parents have already arranged for me to marry Jethro Mills, and there is nothing at all that I can do about it,” Annie said.
“I know, but you will be okay. He will love you eventually, Annie. You’re such a wonderful woman, how could he not fall in love with you?” Rachel asked, as though it were that simple.
Annie shook her head. She wished that she could live in Rachel’s mind for a moment, that she could have the strange sense of calm that Rachel had, despite the fact that this was a horrible situation to be in.
“You have no idea, Rachel,” she said, wishing that she could scream and shout about everything that she had gone through since ending her engagement to Bartholomew Jones.
“If you don’t want to marry Jethro Mills, then don’t,” Rachel said.
“Of course I don’t want to marry him. I don’t love him either, not any more than he loves me. But I want to make my parents happy, Rachel. They have arranged this, and they want it to happen, and I can’t deny them now,” Annie said.
“So you are marrying someone you don’t like all for the sake of your parents?” Rachel asked.
“Isn’t that what most women do? We don’t have much choice in the matter,” Annie said.
“But why would you let yourself be married to him? They can find you someone else that you like better. Or someone who has bigger and better dreams,” Rachel said.
“First of all, I may not be pleased with how he is acting or how he is treating me, but what greater honor is there than marrying a preacher? Getting to be by the side of the man who brings the Word of the Lord to the people in the town? That is something that I would be thrilled to do, Rachel. So, when it comes to having dreams, I can’t fault him,” Annie conceded.
“Okay, but what about everything else? I’m just not sure what you want me to say, Annie,” Rachel confessed.
“I know. And you don’t have to say anything. I am stuck marrying someone that I used to admire but now don’t like. And even if it were so simple as just refusing him, I don’t have the luxury of doing something like that. Not after what happened with Bartholomew,” Annie said.
Rachel frowned, coming to a slow understanding of that. Annie hoped that she was finally beginning to grasp that this was not a situation in which Annie could have her say. She had already seen the end of one engagement, and by ending another, her whole life would surely be affected.
“You’re worried about your reputation. If you refuse another man, you don’t think anyone will ever trust you,” Rachel said.
“Exactly. I mean, with Bartholomew, it was so close to our wedding. And now? Our parents have already arranged everything. We didn’t have a chance to court so that one of us would have the freedom to refuse. It was an immediate betrothal,” Annie said.
“I wish that your mother and father had given you a chance to have a say,” Rachel said.
“That’s the problem, though. If I hadn’t known that he would be so vehemently against the idea, I would have accepted. I noticed him a long time ago, Rachel. That’s what makes this all the more painful. I noticed him a long time ago, and I would have been happy to be matched with a future reverend,” Annie said.
She sighed and felt herself calming down even more now. She was embarrassed at having been so easily swayed, even if aware of the plan her parents had come up with. She should have known better, but she would have been so excited.
It would have been painfully more disappointing when she was then rejected.
“I just never expected that he would want to refuse me with such earnest,” she added.
Rachel stood by without words. But her presence went from a nuisance to a comfort in a flash, and Annie was, once more, relieved to have her there.
“I know that you are upset. And maybe there are some things that I don’t know about. But I’m also really confused. I don’t know if you love Jethro or hate him,” Rachel said.
“I don’t feel that strongly in either direction. I just hate knowing that I was always intrigued by him, that I had to ignore being interested in him because I
was engaged to someone else. Now, here I am, with the chance at marrying Jethro, and all I feel is hurt and angry,” Annie said.
“I can understand that. I’m sorry, Annie. I wish I had something to say, some way to help you through this,” Rachel said.
“There isn’t anything that anyone can say. I’m stuck, and so is he,” Annie replied, looking at the ground and accepting that she had ended up in this place through no fault of her own.
Things would be so much easier if she could just tell everyone everything she had been through. Maybe Jethro would feel sorry for her, but not in a pitying way. Maybe he would understand.
Or maybe she would just have to be brave and push through. Either way, she was bound by an engagement, and yelling cutting remarks at her future husband was probably not the way that she was going to win him over.
“I don’t know what I was thinking about that whole conversation earlier. I don’t know why I thought that I could let myself be so angry. I shouldn’t have spoken to him like that,” Annie said.
“No, you shouldn’t have. But I am sure that he will understand eventually. He shouldn’t have been so cruel to you either,” Rachel said.
“He doesn’t know me well enough not to be,” she said.
“Still, you are such a kind, God-fearing woman. He shouldn’t speak to you that way. It’s clear that he doesn’t know you very well. Trust me; if he knew you better, he would have been kinder to you. I can’t imagine anyone being so cruel once they know your heart,” Rachel said.
“My heart isn’t all that impressive. More than anything, it’s just wounded lately,” Annie remarked.
“Well, there will be a season of peace eventually. We all go through struggles,” Rachel said.
She made it all sound so simple. In some ways, Rachel was right. Everyone went through difficult seasons, and everyone faced tough times. But she was also missing out on the fact that Annie’s most difficult days were through no fault of her own, yet she had been blamed at every turn.
Then again, Rachel didn’t know that.
Annie just nodded, and she walked at a more reasonable pace, letting Rachel go with her. She tried to calm herself, to be at peace with all that was happening.
“Are you feeling better?” Rachel asked hesitantly.
“I’m just tired. I think I need to spend some time in prayer. Honestly, my heart just can’t take much more of this right now. Anyway, it’s nothing to worry about,” Annie said.
But she could still sense Rachel’s uncertainty beside her.
“Well, I’m going to head home. Let me know if you need anything,” Rachel finally said.
“Certainly. Have a good evening,” Annie replied, setting out on her own toward home.
When she reached her home, Annie greeted her mother and father with as much enthusiasm and grace as she could, trying not to be angry with them despite all that had happened.
“Did you have a nice day in town?” her mother asked. Her mother had been unusually soft towards her in the past couple of days.
“Yes,” Annie lied. “Rachel and I got everything that we need. Papa, where did you leave your clothes?”
“Over there, on the chair,” he said.
Annie gathered them and took them to her room, along with the sewing supplies that she needed to mend them. But before she got to work, she gave herself a moment to say a prayer.
Dear Lord,
You are good and wonderful, the giver of all that I have. You are righteous and just, ensuring that I live a life that is according to your will.
As I struggle through the decisions that are being made for me right now, help me to trust you, to know that you will ensure that everything comes together for your plans and purposes.
It is difficult to imagine that I will actually marry Jethro Mills, and I won’t be upset if you take that away. I don’t want to be married to someone who cannot love me. I don’t want to be the wife of a man who doesn’t think I am a good woman.
But, if you do want us to be together, I will honor your will. I only ask that you would help me to be a good wife and to prove to him that I am worthy of being married to a man like him. Help me to show him who I really am and what that means for our future.
Thank you, Lord, for listening to me, for searching me, and knowing me.
Amen.
Annie let out her deep breath and got to work on her father’s shirts.
Even if things weren’t going the way that she would have hoped, she could still trust in the Lord. He was still kind, still good, and still merciful.
If Annie needed anything, it was mercy.
Chapter 6
Jethro always enjoyed arriving at church and being around others who were eager to hear the preaching and teaching of the Word. Although he had been in a terrible frame of mind lately, it didn’t change the fact that he was going to now have an opportunity to sit and glean from the wisdom of Scriptures.
His father went to the pulpit, opened his Bible, and cleared his throat.
“Good morning, everyone. I hope that you all are well and that you had a splendid week,” he began.
“This morning, we are going to read from Genesis chapter one, which says, ‘So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
“And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.’”
“So, in this passage—which we all know so well—we can see that God created man and woman to be a help to one another,” he said.
Jethro felt a churning in his gut. He hadn’t known that his father was going to preach on marriage this week. Was it intentionally done? Was he trying to urge Jethro towards this union that he had arranged?
“And, we are reminded in Ecclesiastes that, ‘Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.’ And we can remain confident that when God created man and woman in his image, he did so with it in mind that the two are better together because they will be a help to the Lord,” he said.
At that moment, Jethro noticed that his father was eyeing him as subtly as possible, ensuring that Jethro was paying attention. It was frustrating, and he hoped that nobody else had noticed, but Jethro didn’t want to look upset. He couldn’t bear it if anyone knew he was unwillingly matched.
But amid his foul mood, Jethro did look to the right and saw Annie Blake, sitting there with a piece of paper and her little, well-worn Bible. She was listening intently, even taking notes of different verses that his father was reading and looking as though she truly wanted to engage with the sermon. She was taking it all very seriously.
Jethro was somewhat moved by that, but he didn’t know how to place the feeling. It wasn’t something that he could accept, but he was glad to know that she was taking this seriously.
Annie obviously wanted to be a dutiful wife, and that was an encouragement, even if Jethro didn’t want to be with her. He was glad to see her devotion; it was admirable.
But Jethro could not figure Annie out, and it was frustrating to him.
He tried to focus on the words that his father was preaching, on each prayer and verse that came throughout the message.