by Lilah Rivers
“And we can see that in the creation of Adam and Eve, God is a God of community. He is a God who desires to see the union of relationship between his people,” he said.
But hadn’t Annie already had a chance to have that union? If she wanted to be a wife so badly, why did she end her former engagement? Why would she just up and leave Bartholomew for no reason at all?
It didn’t make sense. Why would she behave as though she cared so much for marriage and then betray the very commitment like that? It made no sense, and it only caused him to wonder all the more about her honesty and devotedness.
Jethro looked over at her again, still eagerly taking those notes. Did she have no other ambition apart from being a wife? Surely there was something else that she hoped for in her life, something else that she longed to become.
He didn’t want to marry someone who was spending all of her time waiting around for whatever man happened to come along next in her life.
“And we also know that when a couple comes together to be married, we are seeing two imperfect people joining together. There is nothing that promises us a trouble-free marriage because the man and his wife are both their own complex creations. And yet, the Lord can redeem those struggles, those differences, and turn it into a beautiful match,” his father said, looking at him again.
Jethro felt his father’s eyes boring straight into his soul, and he didn’t like it. His father never did this. Why was he doing it now? Why was he making the whole service a direct attack against him?
Maybe he was taking it too personally, but he felt pretty confident that his father was doing this with great intention, and he didn’t like it.
But more than that, Jethro was beginning to feel a conviction in his heart. He had not been the sort of man that he would like to be known has. He had been rude to Annie and had given her a pretty terrible impression of him. Even if he didn’t understand her and didn’t want to be with someone so confused, he was ashamed that it had affected his own character.
His father brought the sermon to a close, and Jethro decided that he should at least go and talk to her. His father would probably interpret it as a sudden excitement about the marriage and their union, but he hoped that his father would understand that this meant nothing of the sort.
This was nothing but his own attempt to feel better about how things had happened between himself and Annie. This was Jethro’s way of making sure that she understood that he wasn’t as rude as he had come across.
“What did you think of the message?” his mother asked him as they stood from the pew.
“It was … pretty obvious,” he said, unable to keep from laughing.
She grinned in acknowledgment.
“But, although it doesn’t change how I feel about the arrangement, I do need to speak with Annie about something. Please give me a moment and tell Father that I will come whenever I am able,” he said.
“All right, you go spend some time with Miss Blake,” she said, sounding very much as though she expected more than Jethro had planned.
He went outside and found her standing with Rachel. Jethro cleared his throat, and they both turned to him.
“Pardon me. May I speak with you, Miss Blake?” Jethro asked.
Annie looked cautious, but Rachel was clearly unimpressed with his coming over and gave him a glare that Jethro wouldn’t have expected. It was obvious that Annie had a very loyal friend at her side.
“Yes, you may,” Annie finally said, looking at Rachel, who pursed her lips before walking away.
“Thank you for giving me a moment,” Jethro said.
“Of course,” she replied.
“I wanted to talk to you about our interaction the other day, as well as all of our impending marriage,” he said, barely making eye contact with Annie.
“I see. And, tell me, what is it that you are inspired to say regarding those two subjects?” she asked, with coldness in her voice.
“I am sorry for my rude comment the other day. It was uncalled for, and I shouldn’t like you to think I am the sort of man who tries to be cruel to people,” Jethro said.
In many ways, just as he apologized, there was a voice screaming in the back of his mind, telling him that he had been justified. After all, hadn’t it been Annie’s fault that she was still not married and that she had broken Bartholomew’s heart? Why was he apologizing to her when he still had these concerns?
“Oh?” she asked as if reading his thoughts and not entirely believing him.
“Yes. I was very rude. There was no reason that I should have spoken to you that way, and I really am sorry for hurting you,” Jethro said.
“And you think that you were wrong for what you said? Or, rather, do you think that the accusation was incorrect?” she asked him, searchingly.
Jethro was trapped. Annie suspected that he was only apologizing to make himself feel better, and she was right. Jethro hadn’t done anything to be kinder to her; he had only done it because he didn’t like feeling guilty for having been rude.
“Well … I mean …” he spluttered.
Annie shook her head and then shrugged.
“Don’t worry about it. People have made assumptions about me, and I can’t change it,” she said.
As she turned away from him to go, Jethro nearly put his hand out to stop her. Instead, he pulled back and decided just to ask.
“What do you mean by that?” he asked her.
Annie looked at him and then away.
“It doesn’t matter,” she said, obviously not wanting to talk anymore.
With that, she departed from him, and Jethro was left entirely bewildered, watching her go. He could have chased after her, but he decided that he should not press her. Whatever it was that left Annie wanting her privacy, he imagined that she was too ashamed to address what had happened with Bartholomew in the past.
But he couldn’t help watching her as she went away, the way the sun made the deep reds of her hair shine against what could have tricked anyone into thinking it was a dull brown in poor lighting.
Finally, Jethro returned to the parish house and found his mother and father sitting down to lunch. He joined them without so much as a word until his father prayed over the meal.
“Did you speak with Miss Blake?” his father asked.
“Yes,” he replied.
“And? Are the two of you starting to get along better?” he asked.
Jethro looked up at him, trying to put on a positive appearance, even if it went against everything that he was feeling inside.
“Sure,” he said.
“That’s very good. I was worried that you had scared her off. She’s a good young woman, you know,” his father said.
“She seems like it,” he replied, although Jethro knew that the tone in his voice betrayed him.
“Why are you not more excited about marrying such a terrific young woman?” his father asked, eyeing him with concern.
“I’m sorry, Father. I just don’t know how to trust someone like her. After what she did to Bartholomew Jones, how can I trust her?” Jethro asked.
His father nodded slowly and leaned back in his chair, bringing his fingertips together in thought.
“I see. You are worried that she is going to betray you and abandon you shortly before your wedding, is that it?” he asked.
“Well … yes …” he replied.
“You have no reason to worry about that, Jethro. I mean it, you know. She really is a good woman, and I think you will find that she has grown since then. Whatever it was that led her to do that, shouldn’t you give her a chance to prove that there is more to her than that one decision?” his father asked.
“But what about discernment?” Jethro asked.
“Is it discernment that is stopping you, or is it fear?” his father challenged him in reply.
Jethro could say nothing to that. His father had him pegged, backed into a corner.
“Yes, all right. I see what you mean,” he said.
�
�Good. Then we are settled. You and Miss Blake will continue in your engagement, and you will take your time getting to know her and learning what she is really like. How does that sound?” he asked.
Jethro inhaled a deep breath, trying not to get dizzy from the whirlwind.
“That sounds perfect.”
Chapter 7
On Tuesday evening, Annie and Rachel, along with their families, headed into town for a picnic at the church. It promised to be a wonderful time of food and fellowship, a chance to build the community.
Annie was looking forward to it, but she also knew that it would mean seeing Jethro.
“Don’t worry. I will stay by your side for as long as you need me,” Rachel promised.
“Thanks, I appreciate that. But it’s really not necessary. I have to get to know him eventually. My mother and father really want to see me trying. I don’t want to disappoint them,” Annie confessed.
“Do you think that they would feel that way if they saw how he treats you?” Rachel asked.
“They think he just needs time to come around. Remember, my parents are also concerned about the fact that I turned Bartholomew down. They think that I don’t have many options and that it would be foolish of me not to make something of this marriage with Jethro Mills,” Annie said.
“Okay, I understand. I just wish that they would listen to your concerns,” Rachel said.
Annie wished the same but wasn’t counting on it. Her mother and father had given no signs that they intended to hear her out regarding the marriage to Jethro. Her father was so excited for his daughter to marry the son of a preacher that he was bragging to all of his friends.
Her mother gave her sympathetic looks now and then, but mostly just wanted Annie to try harder to show Jethro that she was a good girl.
She understood that they couldn’t know what she was going through, but Annie was still bitter, wishing that they would just have mercy on her and not force her into this position of having to marry someone who so obviously didn’t like her.
But when they arrived at the church, and Annie caught Jethro’s eye from afar, she was surprised to see him come straight over to talk to her. She hoped that, maybe, this meant he was starting to come around.
“Good evening, Miss Blake,” he greeted.
“And to you,” she replied.
“Miss Frampton, how are you?” he then asked Rachel as if suddenly aware of her presence.
“I’m doing just fine, thank you,” Rachel replied, inching closer to Annie in a protective manner.
“Very well. I was wondering if I might have a word?” he asked, in the same manner that he had asked previously when he had tried to speak with her.
Annie looked at Rachel and nodded, causing Rachel to raise an eyebrow, to which Annie gave one final nod. With that, Rachel walked away.
“It amazes me how few words are truly required for a conversation,” Jethro commented with a laugh.
“It’s easy to communicate with someone when you give yourself the chance to really get to know them,” she replied.
Annie was not subtle in what she said or how she said it. She was perfectly content to let Jethro know that she believed he should give her a chance and get to know her before writing her off the way that he had been doing.
“Would you like to walk around?” he asked.
She nodded, feeling shy again.
“Listen,” he said, as they began their walk. “I know that it wasn’t your choice to marry me any more than it was mine to marry you,” he said.
“Well, I don’t think that was ever a secret for either of us,” Annie said, trying to defend her honor rather than admit that she would have wanted to marry him.
“Yes, exactly. So, because of that, I realize that you may want out of this marriage,” he continued.
Annie said nothing, curious what more he was going to say on the matter.
Jethro looked at her, still choosing his words carefully, but apparently deciding to proceed.
“So, having said that, I just wanted to say that if you wish to back out, it is best that you do it now,” he told her.
Although deeply offended, Annie hid her emotion from Jethro, trying to appear calm and mild-mannered as she often was prone to.
“You want me to call off the wedding,” she said.
“Oh, I didn’t say that. I mean, I was just saying that if it’s what you want, I would be grateful if you do it sooner rather than later,” he told her.
“Why don’t you call it off?” she asked him, thinking it a fairly reasonable question as he was so determined to find a way out of the marriage.
“There are many reasons that I can’t call it off. But I am not you. You know that your mother and father wouldn’t be angry at you if you chose to end the engagement. If you want this to proceed, then we will do that. But if you don’t want to get married, I just want you to make the decision now,” he said.
“You think that because I have ended an engagement before, my mother and father will be flippant about this one? Or do you think that I just don’t want to marry at all?” she asked, feeling the tension rise between them.
Jethro looked nervous, as though he finally realized the cruelty of the suggestion.
Annie instantly returned her face to a calm demeanor. She would not let this get the best of her. She realized that Jethro was, in a selfish way, trying to be helpful. He really thought that she had ended things with Bartholomew out of a desire never to marry. For some reason, he believed that she was the one young woman in the whole town who would rather have remained alone for the rest of her life than to be committed in matrimony.
“Actually,” she began to explain, “I want very much to be married. But I would prefer to be married to someone who feels that they can care for me in return. I have long wanted to marry, but I never wanted to marry a man who was so firm in his dislike of me,” she said.
Jethro was silent, and it gave Annie a great deal of satisfaction. She was relieved that he was finally coming to realize the rudeness of his behavior, as opposed to simply apologizing for it when he had very little concept of how much he had hurt her.
Understanding that Jethro knew nothing of her former situation, Annie still found that she expected him to treat her with a good bit more dignity than he had been thus far. She might have thought that he would speak kindly to her, as his future wife, regardless of his feelings.
“Well … I’m sorry,” he said, ever with the apology.
“Yes, I know you are. You have apologized to me many times. But what you ought to be saying is whether or not you are willing to marry me,” she began.
“You see, as I told you, I want to be married. I would like to join someone on the journey of life and have a family together. But if you are unwilling to be my husband, it is your duty to be the one to make that decision and refuse me. I would appreciate it if you do not try to convince me to be the one to do it,” Annie said, standing tall and straight.
She wanted to be firm, but polite and felt that she had succeeded in doing just that.
Of course, if Jethro really did call it off, Annie would have been completely humiliated. She couldn’t bear the thought of it, of having everyone see her like that. She could not be the woman who refused one man needlessly and was rejected by another. Nevertheless, she had to make sure that Jethro knew it was his decision to make, and she would not be the one responsible for it.