A Pure Love to Mend Their Trust

by Lilah Rivers

  “Of course. And you live quite near as well,” she observed, as though trying to continue the conversation that had very little substance to it.

  Jethro rushed through several thoughts, searching for even one of them to have any validity for their time standing there. But nothing really seemed important to talk about. He could hardly ask her then and there what she did to Bartholomew to break him so badly.

  It would have been a relief if he could. Any opportunity that he might have to learn the truth from her would be nice. But that seemed impossible.

  As Jethro smiled, uncomfortably, at Annie, he wondered what their future would look like. Was it always going to be like this? Him unable to trust her?

  Or would she surprise him like his father seemed to believe? Would she turn out to be a genuinely kind woman?

  Jethro couldn’t figure her out yet. He wanted to, but it was frightening to think that he could see something worthy in her and then have his heart broken as she did to her last betrothed.

  “Well, anyway, I’m glad that you found all you needed,” he said.

  “Of course. I hope that you can find everything that you need for your mother,” she said, trying to be polite.

  Jethro really was impressed by her patience with him. He had been so uneasy any time he was around her, and there was no reason that she should be this gracious and polite. He was constantly torn between wondering if he had made a mistake and being certain that he hadn’t.

  “So, anyway, I suppose I ought to be going,” Annie said.

  “Right, of course. I shouldn’t keep you,” Jethro said.

  “Please tell your mother and father that I said hello,” she said.

  “Oh, yes, and do tell yours the same from me,” Jethro replied.

  “I will,” she said, before turning away entirely and walking straight down the main street in town.

  Jethro let out a deep breath. He had been acting so unlike himself. He felt an earnest conviction about it, but there was simply too much fear in his heart to let him have any hope.

  As Jethro found each item that his mother had told him to get, he thought about Annie’s laugh when he suggested that she must like fish. It was a lovely laugh, lilting and carefree, despite her timidity.

  She was clearly someone who did things for others and did so happily. She obviously cared a great deal about trying to help others and making them feel as though they were important to her. Why else would she learn to cook foods that she didn’t want to eat, herself?

  It was a small thing, but it was still something. His father had been right that Jethro couldn’t refuse to love Annie if he didn’t at least give her a chance by getting to know her.

  The whole notion of it all was nearly unbearable, and Jethro wished that he could set this marriage aside. He wished that he could choose his own lovely bride.

  But that was never going to happen. He would have to find a way to get to know Annie.

  Chapter 12

  Annie’s mother and father had gone to visit a friend, and she offered to make dinner for them when they returned. She was bustling about the kitchen when there was a knock on the front door.

  She set down the ladle that she had been holding and headed to the entryway to answer.

  But nothing had prepared her for the face that was there before her.

  “Bartholomew?” she asked, breathless.

  “Annie, my dear Annie, how are you?” he asked.

  Annie was overwhelmed by her shock. It was bad enough that she had to see him once or twice a month at church or in town, but he had never been audacious enough to come and speak with her in those moments.

  The shock that she felt quickly turned to anger. She was furious that he would dare to come to her home.

  “What are you doing here? Get away from my home!” she yelled, taking an uncharacteristically aggressive step forward.

  Bartholomew stepped back and put his hands up as if in surrender.

  “Oh, dear, I didn’t expect this. I’m sorry, Annie. I just wanted to know if we could speak?” he asked.

  “No. No, we can never speak. I have no desire to ever speak with you about anything at all. Now, please go,” she said firmly.

  “Annie, I made a mistake,” Bartholomew said.

  Annie froze and then scoffed.

  “A mistake?” she repeated. “You made a mistake?”

  “Yes. What I did was terrible. It was wrong. And now I hear that you are meant to be getting married. Oh, Annie, I can hardly bear it. I can’t handle the thought of you being wed to another man when I really do love you so much,” he said.

  Annie stared at him in disbelief. She could hardly fathom that Bartholomew had actually come to her home and was trying to convince her to end her engagement so that she could be with him.

  Was he mad? What made him think that she would ever do such a thing?

  “Bartholomew, what are you even talking about?” she asked.

  “I’m talking about love, Annie. I’m talking about the fact that I made an error in judgment, that I was selfish, and I destroyed everything that we wanted,” he said.

  “That we wanted? I never wanted any of this. I didn’t choose to be betrothed to you. I didn’t choose anything like that. It was a decision that had been made for me. I never had a say,” Annie told him.

  Seeing Bartholomew Jones on her doorstep had been maddening enough, but to suggest that she, in any way, actually wanted this marriage that he had betrayed? That was perfectly ridiculous.

  “Surely, a small part of you must have wanted this. Think about it, Annie. You and I? We were perfect for one another,” Bartholomew said.

  “What madness makes you believe that? I never wanted to be your wife, Bartholomew. I never made any such claim. Anyway, forget that. What matters now is ensuring that I never have to marry you and that you learn to respect the women with whom you have contact in the future,” Annie said, crossing her arms and straightening her back.

  “What makes you think that I don’t have any respect? You know that I think you’re lovely. I would never do anything to hurt you,” Bartholomew said.

  “You already have,” Annie retorted with incredulous horror.

  “Well … yes, but I would not do it again,” he said.

  Annie shook her head and took a deep breath to calm herself. She was utterly shocked by Bartholomew’s brash behavior.

  “I’m sorry, Annie. It’s just that after I heard that you were going to be married, I couldn’t bear the thought. I don’t know why you are so determined to break my heart like this. I know that I made a mistake, but I’m sorry. I would take it all back if I could, but I’m not able to do that,” he said.

  “And I have not seen any form of true repentance in you, Bartholomew Jones. Even if I forgive you—which I want to do for my own sake, more than yours—there is no reason for me to believe that you will not simply turn around and do the same thing all over again,” she said.

  “I will win you back, Annie. I am going to prove to you that I have changed. I promise you,” he said.

  Annie could not believe him, no matter how he might try to convince her. The whole idea of his sudden appearance and the nonsense that Bartholomew was spouting was more than she could reasonably handle. It felt as though he had anticipated she would simply wait around for him all along.

  Was she not worth more than that? Why was it that men continuously believed that she should simply live life on their terms and whether or not they wanted to be with her?

  “Bartholomew, I am going to tell you one more time. You need to leave. I don’t want to see you here at my door ever again,” Annie said, warning him.

  Bartholomew looked sad, but he nodded and started to walk away.

  “You haven’t seen the last of me, Annie,” he mumbled, pouting.

  As he walked off into the distance, Annie held her breath. It wasn’t until she threw herself back inside and closed the door that she finally let it out. With it, the tears immediately began to
flow.

  Annie fell to her knees, sobbing. Fury ran through her veins, every bit as hot as the betrayal that was still so fresh to her.

  She had never loved Bartholomew, but she had trusted him. That, in itself, had been enough. Trusting him, only to have that trust thrown in her face to be mocked, that was the biggest regret she held in her heart.

  Annie could hardly believe that he was going to try and win her back. Then again, maybe that was exactly the sort of thing that he would do. A man with no integrity could do whatever he wanted. Without any consistency expected of him, he could twist and turn however he wanted, thinking it would get him just the right thing.

  It was a terrible way to live. And it was not the behavior that Annie wanted in a husband.

  If Jethro cared about Annie, she would have been happy. It would have meant that Bartholomew was an outlier, someone who was unusually vile. But having this awful treatment from Jethro made her wonder if all men were this bad.

  She could understand Jethro’s difficulties. After all, he didn’t know the full story of what happened with Bartholomew, and there was no reason or him to think well of her. Maybe Rachel was right. Maybe she just needed to tell Jethro the truth.

  If Jethro could be kinder to her, she really would like him; there was no doubt about that. Every time she had heard him speaking at church, Annie had been impressed by Jethro. He had a beautiful understanding of Scripture, deeper than most men with whom she came into contact.

  It was just so unfortunate that he didn’t behave with more humility.

  Annie tried to rest in the knowledge that they still had time to get to know one another, and the future was a pretty vast thing. With all of her hopes and dreams, Annie imagined that it was just a matter of time before Jethro would finally come around and start treating her better. But, until that happened, she would be living in wonder, curious as to whether he would ever give her a chance.

  Annie wiped her eyes, wishing that she could forget the tears, forget the visit from Bartholomew, and forget that she was supposed to marry someone who didn’t like her.

  She tried to think about her options, but she still felt stuck. She couldn’t break off the engagement, even if she had wanted to. Jethro would have had all the more reason not to trust her. She would be proving everyone right, and Annie would never find another engagement again.

  But if she told him about Bartholomew and her cousin, there was a whole other drama that might unfold. Jethro could think it a bad reflection on her family, that they must be loose. Or, he could think that it meant Annie was somehow undesirable, that she had fallen short of Bartholomew’s expectations somehow.

  Either way, she would find herself lost all the more. There was no option, really. Annie would just have to continue waiting, hoping that something better would come out of all of this.

  By the time she had finished cooking dinner, her emotions had begun to settle. It was not as though she suddenly had peace, but rather that she was resigned to her fate, and there was nothing that could be done to stop it from happening.

  Her mother and father arrived home just in time to sit down at the table, and her father prayed over the meal.

  “Dear Lord, we thank you for the glorious day that you have given us, and we ask that you would keep our hearts set on you. Bless this food and give us grace for today and hope for tomorrow. Amen,” he prayed.

  “Amen,” Annie echoed.

  “Annie, how was your afternoon?” he then asked her.

  “Bartholomew came around,” she said, as calmly as she could.

  Her mother and father froze, looking at her with wide-eyed horror.

  “What do you mean? What was he doing?” her mother asked in shock.

  “He came to beg me not to marry Jethro Mills. He said that it was a mistake, and he would win me back,” Annie told them, still remaining calm and peaceful, scooping the vegetables onto her plate.

  “Annie, dear, you know that you cannot go back. You have made a new commitment. It would be a tragic and dishonorable thing to now refuse the man to whom you have just become engaged in order to stay with the man you were previously betrothed to,” her mother explained, slowly and cautiously.

  Annie was disappointed. She hadn’t thought that her mother would respond this way. She had been foolish enough to think that this might be a chance to explain to her parents what had actually happened.

  “Anyway, Annie, dear, let us not speak of it any longer. It was a mistake. We don’t need to think about all of that anymore,” her father said.

  “What was a mistake?” Annie asked.

  “The … the whole ordeal. The matter of Bartholomew Jones and the ending of the engagement,” he said.

  “I don’t regret it for a moment, Father. Just because you don’t know everything hardly means that I was the one at fault,” Annie said, the bitterness creeping into her voice.

  Her mother and father both looked surprised by her statement.

  “What are you talking about? You mean that he was the one to refuse you? Did he let you make the decision publicly in order to save your reputation?” her father asked.

  Annie said nothing for a moment, so deep was her offense.

  “What would make you question my reputation? You think it needed saving? Father …” she trailed off.

  “No! I did not mean to question the reason for his ending the engagement, only that I wondered if he did not wish for anyone to make assumptions,” he said.

  “Certainly, Father. Of course. Yes, he broke off the engagement. Why wouldn’t he? After all, there is clearly no reason that any man in this town would actually want to marry me, and none of them intend to. Now, have we finished our discussion? I am tired,” Annie said, getting up and rushing from the table.

  She had had enough of this, and the last thing she needed was to have to try and explain to her mother and father. They didn’t want to hear it. They were too disappointed that she had failed so far in getting a husband.

  Whatever she was going to do next, Annie realized that she was on her own.

  Chapter 13

  Jethro had been dreading this. Another meeting with Annie. Another drudging interaction wherein his mother and father expected him to be nice and talk to her about the wedding and make plans for the future.

  He didn’t know how any of that was reasonably going to happen. How could he get himself to plan for the future when he just wanted to get through the present?

  “Hello, there, Miss Annie,” Jethro greeted, halfheartedly.

  “Hello, Mr. Mills. How are you?” she asked.

  “I’m very well, thanks,” he replied, pasting a false smile on his face. Her suddenly downturned lips told him that she wasn’t fooled by any of it. Annie understood that he was just trying to be nice when he really didn’t have a care to be.

  “Well, now, should we take a little turn?” he offered.

  Annie nodded, not saying another word. Their mother and fathers were nearby, off to the side to give them privacy that was still under their supervision. Jethro led her on the path through the park, and they were quiet for a while before he managed to come up with something to say.

  “So, what is your favorite book of the Bible?” he asked, remembering what his father had said about her piety.